Flesh of my flesh,
Soul of my soul,
Part of my very being;
I had an instant deep and fierce love when I first saw you.
My heart was yours, and I knew I would give my very life to protect you.
And yet, here I sit, with the suffocating pain and darkness of knowing I was unable to protect you from death.
So now I find that just as deep and intense as my love for you, is the deep and intense pain of my grief in living without you. And yet I know that somehow, I must.
How? How God? How do I go on with a piece of my very being gone from this earth?
And as I ask and seek for this help, God in His tender love, compassion and faithfulness reminds me that I don’t have to live without you.
You are forever in my heart and my thoughts, and forever a part of my very being; that our separation is only temporary. You have just moved on to our eternal home before me and have unpacked and settled in, waiting for me and the rest of us to join you.
This isn’t a final good-by. It is an “I’ll see you later.” When I have the thoughts that I would give anything to see you again, to hug you or hear you laugh, I realize that I will! Maybe not as soon as I want to, but it will happen!
And so I will wait. I will wait with hope, expectancy and even excitement to see you again. Every day I am here on this earth means I am one day closer to that desperate need I have as a mother, to love on you.
And while I wait, I will choose to live my life in a way that is full; full of love, full of peace and contentment, full of laughter. And yet I know it will also still be full of pain and longing. For I have now learned that all of these things can live inside of me together.
So on this day of honoring bereaved mothers, let me say I am honored. I am honored and blessed to be your mom, and I imagine and dream of our reunion someday, filled with love and joy that goes beyond words to describe it.
But until then, I will have good days and bad days. I will have days filled with happiness, and days filled with pain. And all of those days I will continue to miss you with every fiber of my being.
To download a sheet on Ten Ways to Honor the Life of Your Child click here. (You will be taken to a page to become a member of GPS Hope, giving you free access to our library, with a growing list of helpful items for bereaved parents.)
Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl to bring hope, light and life to bereaved parents. If you would like more information about Laura as an author or speaker (or to contact her) click here.