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Giving Yourself a Gift While Grieving During the Christmas Season

For many of us who have lost a child, the Christmas season can be outright brutal. Finding the right gift to give others may not be on your radar right now, much less giving any gifts to yourself. However, those who have been on this journey for a while know how important it is find helpful ways to get through this painful time of year.

In this short blog, I am going to share a couple of ways you can do this.

First, be up front, and let close family and friends know this is still very painful. You can do this by giving them something to read, written by someone else on this journey, to explain why this is normal. (Click here to see the page for this purpose on the GPS Hope website that you can pass along to someone using the share buttons.)

While you are at it, ask everyone to come to the family event prepared with a special memory of your child to share. Just a note: funny is good, as laughter brings a measure of healing. Remind your family that the holiday gatherings are a precious time to spend time with each other and to talk about and share memories with those who couldn’t make it. Death puts your child in the category of someone who could not make it. You may find you hear stories you never knew, and this may even give you something to look forward to instead of dreading being with others.

The other suggestion I want to make is to buy a special notebook and write to your child over the holidays. Describe holiday scenes to them, share with him or her the events you attend, and yes, let them know how much you miss them. There will probably be lots of tears, but tears are cleansing. Even through the pain it will bring a measure of healing, even if it does not feel like it right now.

You can also find ways to join others and remember your children together. Many support groups and cemeteries have special candlelight services in the month of December for this purpose. It helps to know others are also carrying the heavy burden of missing their children or other loved ones.

You can also join me live on Sunday evenings as I light a candle on my advent wreath and share what this season means to us as bereaved parents. (To find out more click here.)

This was taken from my recent podcast episode Five Gifts to Give Yourself while Grieving During the Holidays, which you can find here on YouTube, here on the GPS Hope website or find the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

 

If you would like a PDF that you can give to others called “Eight Things to Avoid Saying to a Grieving Parent” click here. It will take you to our library where you can give yourself a password to access over twenty downloadable helpful items for pareavors.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

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188: Five Gifts to Give Yourself while Grieving During the Holidays

With the Christmas season in full swing, it can make missing our child brutal. Finding the right gift to give others may not be on your radar right now, much less giving any gifts to yourself. However, those who have been on this journey for a while know how important it is find helpful ways to get through this painful time of year.

In this episode, Laura helps us to be okay with giving gifts to ourselves, with a few suggestions on how to possibly make this time of year a tiny bit more bearable.

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:What 

Help GPS Hope continue to provide support and resources in 2023 with a financial gift here.

Sponsor a podcast episode in honor of your child.

Add your child’s name in a heart decal to travel the nation on the Hope Mobile.

Request What Grieving Parents Want You to Know by Anne Moss Rogers here.

Join Dave and Laura on a cruise! Click here to find out more.

Click here to find out more about the live reading and lighting of candles during advent based on Laura’s book Hope for the Future:An Advent Journey for Bereaved Parents.

Find out more about joining Laura on her health journey and having her as a health coach.

 

Birthdays:

Angie Mata was born on December 4 and is forever 36.

 

Fill out the short form with the needed information to have your child’s birthday shared with our listeners.

The special song “I Remember Well“, which was written by Laura for our children’s birthdays, can be heard on your favorite music app. To hear samples of Laura’s other songs, click here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

Would you like to have Laura come and speak to your group? Contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

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187: How to Survive the Christmas Season

Last week Laura was talking with Lynda Cheldelin Fell about ten tips to help bereaved parents get through the end-of-the-year holiday season. They only got through eight of the ten. (You will want to listen to episode 186 first to catch up, plus it is full of things that are good to know, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and even physically.)

In today’s episode, Laura and Lynda finish their conversation, and then Laura brings on another mom from Canada, Melanie Delorme, to share some more thoughts about surviving the holidays.

Lynda Cheldelin Fell is a founding partner of the International Grief Institute and international bestselling author of over 35 books including the award winning Grief Diaries series. Linda has a background in trauma, grief, and holds a national certification in critical incident stress management. She has earned six national literary awards and five national advocacy award nominations for her work.

 

Melanie Delorme was a content English teacher, wife, mother, sister, and friend. Then, without warning, she gained the title of bereaved parent when her eight-year-old son, Garrett, was accidentally killed in a hunting accident in 2008. Her road to healing brought her to write her first book, After The Flowers Die: A Handbook of Heartache, Hope and Healing After Losing a Child. Melanie is currently living on a ranch in Saskatchewan, Canada with her husband, Gerry, and their two children, Morgan and Justin.

 

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Join the discussion! Leave a question or comment on today’s talk here.

To connect with Lynda: LyndaFell.com  or internationalgriefinstitute.com

To connect with Melanie Delorme: Website –  melaniedelorme.com

Find out more about The Grief Cruise.

Go to the GPS Hope store to order When Tragedy Strikes and get My Grief Journey for FREE (through November 30).

 

Click here to become a monthly partner, giving hope to other parents, or to give a special gift to keep this podcast going, along with providing  other needed resources to bereaved parents.

(GPS Hope is a 501c3 nonprofit and runs on the financial support of those who believe in passing along the hope they have received to others.)

 

Birthdays:

Chase Hairston was born on November 28 and is forever 32.

Joseph Nicodemus Amaha was born on November 28 and is forever 29.

Liam “Trip” Nugent was born on November 29 and is forever 21.

Raelyne Ten Bruggencate was born on November 29 and is forever 1.

Ginny Rettig was born on November 30 and is forever 21.

Andreas Claren was born on December 1 and is forever 30.

Jesus Ortega was born on December 2 and is forever 20.

Drew Jaggars was born on December 2 and is forever 19.

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

 

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186: Grief and Coping with the Holidays

As we come into the end-of-the-year holiday season, it can help to hear from others who are further down the road and can offer some encouragement and guidance. Lynda Cheldelin Fell is one of those pareavors.

Lynda has ten tips to share with us as we go through the emotional kaleidoscope of missing our child during a time of year that is full of festivities and “joy”.

 

Lynda Cheldelin Fell is a founding partner of the International Grief Institute and international bestselling author of over 35 books including the award winning Grief Diaries series. Linda has a background in trauma, grief, and holds a national certification in critical incident stress management. She has earned six national literary awards and five national advocacy award nominations for her work.

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Join the discussion! Leave a question or comment on today’s talk here.

To connect with Lynda: LyndaFell.com  or internationalgriefinstitute.com

Go to the GPS Hope store to order When Tragedy Strikes and get My Grief Journey for FREE (through November 30).

Click here to find out more about joining Laura live on Sunday evenings for advent, and about the book Hope for the Future: An Advent Journey for Bereaved Parents.

Choose GPS Hope as your charity of choice on Smile Amazon here.

 

Click here to become a monthly partner, giving hope to other parents, or to give a special gift to keep this podcast going, along with providing  other needed resources to bereaved parents.

(GPS Hope is a 501c3 nonprofit and runs on the financial support of those who believe in passing along the hope they have received to others.)

 

Birthdays:

Austin Lotterman was born on November 20 and is forever 8 ½.

Benjamin Krawiec was born on November 21 and is forever 32.

Logan Singer was born on November 21 and is forever 17.

Jacinda Avina was born on November 22 and is forever 18.

Jacob LeTourneau was born on November 22 and is forever 21.

Skylar Spencer was born on November 23 and is forever 24.

Melissa Sulikowski Hill was born on November 23 and is forever 38.

Josie Floyd was born on November 24 and is forever 25.

Austin Delgado was born on November 26 and is forever 21.

Tyler Green was born on November 26 and is forever 27.

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

 

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Strength and Stability After Child Loss

After the death of our child our world has been completely shattered and we desperately need strength and stability. In our heads, we know that comes from God, but in our hearts many of His promises can now seem very distant.

Isaiah 61:3 is a familiar verse to many of us, which tells us that God will give a crown of beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. But did you know there is more to the verse?

It goes on to say, “… that they will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.” (ESV)

I broke this verse down into four parts on a recent episode of the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast, on how I see this applying to us as pareavors.

  1. Being called oaks
  2. Of righteousness
  3. Being planted by the Lord
  4. God being glorified (and our struggles with that within child loss)

I am just going to share my thoughts on one of those here, which is the first one; how we will be called oaks of righteousness. Some versions simply say trees, but it is not just any tree. So, why an oak tree? Let’s look at some of its characteristics.

  • It starts with such a small beginning, a tiny acorn, but it grows to become one of the largest and strongest trees.
  • The growth of an oak tree is very gradual. It can be so slow that you don’t notice it year-to-year. Then suddenly you realize how big it has gotten and how much it has grown.
  • Oak trees go through seasons. In the spring they bud with new growth; in the summer they are full of green leaves; autumn causes the leaves to change color, eventually falling to the ground and leaving a dead-looking tree through the winter.
  • It endures storms, great winds, ice and snow. It also absorbs the sun and the rain. All of this is needed to bring an oak tree to its place of full maturity.

This is an amazing picture of us. We truly can go from our place of deep grief, despondency, despair, hopelessness, and even feeling like we have died ourselves, to being like a fully mature tree, producing fruit.

It starts out so small, and that little acorn has to be buried in the ground. Breaking out of the shell and popping to the surface takes so long that we think it has died. We think we have died along with our child, and they just forgot to bury us. Plus, it can take so long to feel joy and meaning again that it confirms the darkness of our thoughts that we will never get back out into light and life again.

The growth can be so slow that we don’t think anything is even happening.

Even though there is no apparent life in us, we are just dormant for our season of deep grief.

You and I eventually become stronger through the storms, as we continue to soak up any nourishment provided. In that place of maturity, an oak tree buds and blossoms, producing fruit, and so will we, even becoming a place where others can come to for shelter.

Here is something interesting about oak trees that I did not share in the podcast episode. You can find oak trees around the globe growing in all kinds of different soil types, rainfall levels, temperatures, and elevations.

That tells me that no matter the situation of our child’s death (including losing more than one child or your only child, through murder, drug overdose or suicide, a long illness, or completely unexpected) we can get to a place of growing and flourishing again. We can still have a life of meaning and purpose, not in spite of our child’s death, but because of his or her life.

As I said, I shared some personal insights on all four parts of this section of scripture. If you would like to know the rest, listen to episode 184 of the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on the GPS Hope website, or find it on your favorite listening app. You can also listen on the GPS Hope YouTube channel here.

If you would like to hear what I shared about the beginning of Isaiah 61:3 just click the links below.

180: Can We Ever Have Beauty Again After Child Loss (with Lin Findlay)

182: God Does Not Say He Will Give Us Joy for Our Grief

183: The Heavy Weight of Grief After Child Loss (with Angelique Marketon)

 

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

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