This website or its third-party tools use cookies which are necessary to its functioning and required to improve your experience. By clicking the consent button, you agree to allow the site to use, collect and/or store cookies.
I accept

GPS Hope

  • HOME
  • ABOUT
    • About GPS Hope
    • Meet Dave & Laura
    • Our Becca
    • AUTHOR Laura Diehl
      • About the Author
      • Laura’s Books
    • SPEAKER Laura Diehl
    • Contact Us
    • MEDIA
      • In the Media
      • PRESS KITS
  • PODCAST / BLOGS
    • PODCAST
    • Weekly VLOG (YouTube Channel)
    • Expressions of Hope Blog
    • Friends of GPS Hope Blog
    • Archives
      • Gems from the Crown
      • Kidz Korner
  • RESOURCES
    • My Profile
    • BOOKS
    • COURSES
    • HOPE For Your HEALTH
    • Laura’s Music CD
    • Free Content Library
    • FACEBOOK
    • Wall of Rememberance
  • SUPPORT GROUPS
    • ARIZONA, Sierra Vista
    • FLORIDA, Deltona (H.U.G.S.)
    • MINNESOTA, Worthington
    • OHIO, Columbus
    • OHIO, Newark
    • OREGON, Grants Pass
    • SOUTH CAROLINA, Columbia
    • TEXAS, Livingston
    • WASHINGTON, Olympia
    • WISCONSIN, Janesville
  • EVENTS
    • Calendar
    • CRUISE Feb. 2026
    • RETREATS
      • OCT 2025 Long Island NY
  • DONATE
    • DONATE NOW
    • Sponsor Memorial Heart Decal
    • Sponsor a Podcast Episode
    • Our Sponsors
  • STORE

September 20, 2020 by Erica Mitchell Leave a Comment

Child Loss, PTSD and God

My mom sent me a text Sunday that she was thinking of me and praying for me. We had been at their house the day before. She said, “Hope everything is all right. I see the sadness in your eyes.”

We were at a friend’s house and I had to go to the bathroom and sob for a moment.

I never really noticed what she was talking about until I looked back the day before at some pictures I took after doing my “fall look.” It was an eye opener for me, and I thought, “Wow! The eyes really are the gateway to the soul.”

PTSD is real. Trauma is real. Loss is real.

My daughter Zoey’s 1st birthday is coming up and I have NOT been okay.

Grief is such an important subject. For a lot of people, it is a lifelong journey. I think it may even be safe to say that it is a lifetime process.

For some reason, I noticed that when someone either loses a baby during pregnancy (like we lost Sheldon) or has a baby in the NICU (like when our little Zoey was born), not much is said. Maybe I noticed because they both happened to me, and I was more vocal.

I also noticed that when I was more vocal, others became more vocal. This opened a safe space for conversation and relatability to take place, which is a beautiful thing for anyone who has experienced loss or disappointment of any kind.

The Battle of Our Thoughts

During those times, I battled with a few of these thoughts:

“I don’t want the attention.”

“This is embarrassing that I’m upset; others have been through worse.”

“I don’t want to cause others pain.”

“I shouldn’t feel this way.”

The list goes on.

Zoey’s first birthday is Monday, and I have been feeling similar feelings like the day we found out Sheldon was no longer with us.

On that day, these feelings started even before the ultrasound appointment though, so we didn’t know that our baby was with Jesus at that point.

We had a gender reveal party planned the same day as the ultrasound. I know it’s horrible, but I didn’t buy ANY decorations. I didn’t buy ANY food for the party. I didn’t even clean my house. This is very unlike me. It was as if I knew he was already gone and there was nothing to celebrate.

Those feelings of not wanting to do anything for the gender reveal party are the same feelings I’m having for Zoey’s first birthday. Why? Why would I feel this way? She is alive and well! She is worth being celebrated! So why do I feel this way??

It wasn’t until I began to tell these things to my husband and best friend that I recognized the PTSD and trauma that I had faced almost a year ago. Let me be crystal clear. I am so thankful. I cry all the time because of how thankful I am. So, hear my heart.

We Need to Feel Our Pain and Grief

The redemption and miracles do not replace the feelings of loss, PTSD and trauma. These feelings are very real and when they come, we cannot give in to shame, call our feelings stupid, say we need to just be grateful for XYZ, or to just “get over it.” We need to feel them and process them with Jesus and with our safe people.

You see, Jesus knew I needed to read the story of Lazarus hours before we found out Sheldon was with Him, because He knew the impact that story would have in my life even now. That was a massive miracle in and of itself.

August 7th, 2018, the day of our ultrasound, where nothing was cleaned, decorated or prepped for a gender reveal party, the Lord nudged me to crawl into His lap in our chair and open the Word. He said, “Come be with Me.” And as I did, I flipped through the Word and read about His connection with His disciples. I ended on the story of Lazarus, and I fell asleep. And the Lord is reminding me today that Jesus knew His friend Lazarus was going to be raised from the dead, yet He still wept. He felt the grief and sadness of those around Him and He, too, was sad.

So, He felt, and He cried. He is always the perfect example.

God knows what we need before we know.

He prepares our hearts and reveals His perfect ways through whispers like, “I have a plan. Trust Me.” He reveals His goodness through onesies that say, “tiny miracle.” He redeemed SO MUCH from August 9th, 2018 when I had to give birth to a baby who would never take a breath on this earth.

On September 14, 2019, the nurse who had been with us through every step of Sheldon’s delivery was the same nurse who was in the room during Zoey’s emergency c-section.   My doctor was not on call. She was not even in the hospital, and I so desperately wanted to text her. I had her number from after losing Sheldon, but I knew that would be a breach of something, so I decided that the Lord knew. He knew which doctor was going to be here, and I trusted Him.

As they were about to do the surgery, I had tears of relief as I heard my doctor’s voice! She came in just for me. Was that a coincidence? I don’t believe in them. I believe Jesus cares about what we care about. He is delighted when we put our trust in Him. He also is delighted when we trust Him with our feelings…good or bad.

We Need to Process Our Pain and Grief

The redemption and miracles were not meant to cover the feelings of loss, disappointment, PTSD and trauma. They are meant to carry us through them. Process your feelings with Jesus. Process them with your spouse, and/or a safe friend. This is vital to your spiritual growth. No more feeling bad for feeling! Jesus felt it all for us. Your feelings matter.

When we process and feel these hard, sometimes scary things, there is beauty and new perspective that Jesus brings.

I wanted to exclusively breastfeed and I wanted to deliver our miracle girl naturally. These were 2 BIG DESIRES that I laid at His feet. I remember driving and speaking these things out loud to Him.  I remember saying, “Lord you know what is best for me. You know what is best for her. So, I lay these wants at your feet. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”

I didn’t get to deliver her naturally. It wasn’t peaceful. It was chaotic. It was traumatic. It was anything but what I had pictured for our redemption testimony. I think we can get so caught up in how we want things to look, that when things don’t look that way, we begin to doubt His promises. Even when there are miracles wrapped around it all, we can lose sight.

I didn’t get to exclusively breastfeed. I’d been pumping from day one. I surrendered those things to Him. Little did I know that those precious desires were my burnt offering to Him, and it hurts! It is so painful to not have things happen the way we want them to.

If we aren’t real with these feelings for the fear of not seeming grateful or being selfish, etc., it may hinder us from experiencing His true joy over us. So, feel my friends. I release you from any expectation you may have of yourself or that others may have of you.

Your Feelings and Your Pain Matter to God

Your feelings matter to the Creator of heaven and earth. And when your feelings haven’t caught up to the truth yet, trust Him. I believe one day they will. Because the truth is, God is good. And He is not only good, He is good to me.

Say that with me. “God you are good to me.” Say it. Sing it. Write it on your mirror. Your feelings will eventually line up with the truth!

I have a memory of breastfeeding Zoey when we first brought her home and she took in three ounces. That was the first and last time she took in that much from exclusively me, and I will treasure and be thankful for that memory forever.

This is my prayer, that I hope at some point you can pray for yourself as well.

Jesus, let the feelings of disappointment, pain and sadness be processed through, so I can experience your goodness, faithfulness and joy. Create in me a heart of thankfulness. And when my feelings don’t line up with what is true, I will trust you enough to process them through until all that’s left is thankfulness, because You are good!

It doesn’t mean I won’t grieve for Sheldon the rest of my time here on earth, but it does mean I don’t have to stay trapped in the trauma of his loss. I will see him again, and for that, I am especially grateful!

Erica Mitchell is a daughter of the King. She loves being a wife of 9 years to Justin and the mother to 3 sons: Shylo 8, Shay 6, Sheldon (growing up in heaven) and rainbow baby girl Zoey. She believes worship is a lifestyle and loves to create with lyrics, music, and makeup. She has a calling and anointing in her words and voice to encourage and bring freedom to others in their personal relationship with Jesus. Her faith and heavenly perspective are contagious and overflows into all areas of her life.

 

If you are struggling, we would like to send you a printable PDF of 30 Ways to Give Yourself Comfort and Take Care of Yourself. This will also allow you to join over 1,000 other bereaved parents who are receiving a Weekly Word of Hope (which you can unsubscribe from any time).

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

 

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: birthday after loss, child loss, Christian grief journey, emotional healing through faith, faith through loss, grief and trauma, healing from trauma, hope after child loss, infant loss, Jesus and grief, motherhood and grief, NICU experience, pregnancy loss, processing grief, PTSD in mothers

January 20, 2019 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

How Your Thoughts Affect Your Grief

Don’t let the enemy take the greatest pain and darkness you have ever faced and turn it into a lie that God doesn’t love you, or that He has turned His back on you.

When God created us, He did an amazing thing. One of the ways He made us in His image is by allowing us to think our own thoughts. He does not control our thoughts, even though He could.

He even allows us to think He is the evil one.

I remember times when my kids blamed me for something and were angry with me when I wasn’t the one who caused the pain, or my decision was based on something I could see that they could not.

It’s the same way with God. He allows us to have our own thoughts, even if we believe a lie about Him. That is how much He loves us. He doesn’t force us to trust Him or love Him. He lets it come from our own choice and our own thoughts.

The truth is, the only powers great enough to keep me from living out my kingdom inheritance here on earth are lies and deception. It isn’t the death of my daughter, or any other tragedy I have experienced in my life.

And in case you aren’t aware, believing a lie is just as powerful as believing the truth.

Whether we believe it or not, the truth is that we are secure in God and His blood covenant through Jesus. Even if we falter through life, even if we are angry with Him, He remains holding our hand, walking with us. (In fact, I believe there are many times in my life He has just plain carried me when I was too wounded to walk.)

The best way I know to get out of the enemy’s sticky web is to still your soul, quiet your own thoughts, and ask God to give you His thoughts. You need to be transformed—totally changed—by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2). Allow God’s thoughts to speak softly to you in the depths of your being to set you free from the turmoil. Sit quietly in His presence, letting His thoughts reprogram your thinking.

What you focus on is what you will grow. So, if you continue to focus on the pain and loss, it will grow until it is ready to consume you and overtake you. But if instead you think about, focus on, and give thanks for what or who you still have, that is what will begin to grow, and eventually it will bring you out of that deep dark place.

And you may not believe it right now, but you can actually get to the place where you celebrate your child’s life, instead of being stuck in the pain of his or her death.

Another way to help change your thoughts is through gratitude. I know we can feel like we have nothing to be thankful for, but once again, that is not the truth. Gratitude is powerful, and it has worked for countless other grieving parents. You can experience for yourself that when we make the choice to flip the switch and find things to be thankful for, we will start to see a change happening in our lives and feel the pain of loss lighten.

The Bible tells us that we are to take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). One reason this is so important is because our thoughts become our words, and words are extremely powerful. We see that all through Scripture.

For something to be released, we have to decree it; we have to declare it. We don’t have to feel it, but somehow, we have to push through to get ourselves to speak the truth of what God says. We can’t just wish this pain wouldn’t be so intense. We can’t keep saying we will never get better or will never be able to live without our child here with us. We need to speak God’s Words and truth into the circumstance and into our pain, no matter how much our feelings are the opposite.

Remember, believing a lie is just as powerful as believing the truth. And speaking out those beliefs will make our thoughts even more solid – either the lies, or the truth.

I heard God speak to me about the way I was thinking, well over a year after I lost Becca, as seen in the journal entry below.

1/16/13: Let’s go back to perspective. You have been stuck on how difficult your life has been. I want you to spend some time meditating on the good, on the blessings, on the wonderful and joyful things. Let’s “reprogram” you and your thought process!

The last thing I will share that has helped me personally, was to realize God isn’t just “out there” somewhere. He is actually inside me. Because I have invited Jesus to be Lord of my life, the Spirit of God dwells in me, which also means the Seed of Hope is in me. I don’t have to wait for God to come to me from somewhere out there. I can quiet myself and listen to His still small voice from inside of me, speaking peace, bringing comfort. Whatever I need, He is already inside me to meet that need, including what I need to water that seed of hope to make it grow.

The amazing thing is that He is also sitting on His throne at the exact same time. And I can come boldly to that throne of our gracious God to receive His mercy and find His help which I so desperately need, over and over again (Hebrews 4:16).

To get through the suffocating darkness be able to live again, we cannot lean on our own understanding. In all our ways we have to acknowledge the truth that God is always good, whether we agree with His decisions or not. (To read a previous article How Can I Still Believe God is Good After the Death of My Child? click here.)

Just because I have thoughts or feelings about something, no matter how strong, does not mean they are necessarily based on the truth. I pray that you will seek for the truth in your thoughts, because the truth sets us free from being chained to the darkness of our grief.

The five most popular Expressions of Hope Blogs written in 2018 were made into an eBook (which includes the one mentioned above, How Can I Still Believe God is Good After the Death of My Child?). We would be happy to send you a free copy if you will let us know where to send it.

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl. Laura is a national keynote speaker and also a workshop speaker for both The Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA national conferences. Laura has also been a guest on Open to Hope several times, and has hosted her own conferences, a virtual conference and many webinars. If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event, click here.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: 2 Corinthians 10:5 grief, Becca's story, child loss healing, Christian grief support, God's love in grief, GPS Hope, grief and spiritual growth, grief and truth, grief journal, how to find hope again, Jesus and grief, lies in grief, loss of a child, reclaiming hope after loss, renewing your mind, taking thoughts captive, truth sets us free

Get Laura’s Newest Award Winning Book!

Click Image for More Information!


Get Your Copy of This Award-winning Book Now!

Click Image for More Information!

Get Laura’s Music CD

Click Image for More Details.

Get Your Copy Now!

Click Image for More Information!

Get your Copy Now!

Click Image for More Information!

What is a Pareavor?

Click to find out.

Get Your Copy Now!

Click Image for More Information!

Recent Posts

  • The Struggles with Thanksgiving and Child Loss
  • Do You Need a Change Right Now? (By Lynn Frank)
  • Our Dark Thoughts in Grief
  • Our Many Triggers and Tears After Child Loss



LIKE US ON FACEBOOK

GPS Hope Page (for bereaved parents)

Events & Itinerary

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

BROWSEOUR STORE

Contact Us

guidestar

GPS Hope is a 501c3 not-profit Christian Ministry

Privacy Policy

2024 Illumination Award Medalist
Reflections of Hope

Available NOW!