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197: Learning How to Live Again After Child Loss (with Clint Hatton)

What do you do when you help your child fulfill their dream at a young age, only to have that dream be what ends your child’s life as a teenager?

That is exactly what happened to Laura’s guest, Clint Hatton. His son, Gabriel, had a dream as a young boy to become a pilot. Clint and his wife got behind their son and helped him realize that dream. Gabriel got his pilot license even before getting his driver’s license, only to have his life end, shortly before his 18th birthday when his plane crashed.

Clint and his family decided they needed to carry on Gabriel’s memory by living life the same way Gabriel did – big, bold and brave. Listen in, as Clint shares how they chose (and continue to choose) to live life to the fullest instead of staying stuck in the darkness of death and devastating loss.

Clint Hatton is an author, motivational speaker, personal development and leadership coach, and the founder of BigBoldBrave in McKinney, Texas. He has been coaching individuals and organizations for over twenty years with a proven track record of helping people live up to their full potential while building healthier marriages, relationships, and teams.

Clint recently published his first book, Big Bold Brave: How to Live Courageously in a Risky World. It was inspired by the way his oldest son lived his life. Gabriel achieved his goal of becoming a licensed pilot at the age of 17. He died in a tragic plane crash while living his dream just shy of his 18th birthday. His legacy is carried on by the Hatton family.

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

To connect with Clint: bigboldbrave.us

See Clint’s wife’s beautiful artwork: artbyamarillys.com

Click here to recieve a Weekly Word of Hope delivered straight to you each Wednesday.

See Dave and Laura’s itinerary here.

Find out more about the GPS Hope & Healing retreats or register to attend.

Join Laura and Dave on The Grief Cruise in October. Click here for information.

Join the discussion! Leave a question or comment on today’s talk here.

 

Birthdays:

Ava Shaw was born on February 4 and is forever 20.

Brenton Smith was born on February 10 and is forever 24.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

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Trusting God When It Doesn’t Make Sense

I recently had Linda Dillow as a guest on the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast. Linda and her husband, Jody, served eighteen years on the mission field, with most of them being behind the iron curtain during Communism, working with leaders of the underground church. Linda faced many dark and frightening circumstances during that time.

They now live in Colorado. During the height of the COVID pandemic, she found herself fighting a different set of dark and frightening circumstances, as she had two daughters battling cancer on opposite ends of the country. Because of rare genetics, one will have this cancer monster hanging over her for the rest of her life, and the other only lived for a few months after being diagnosed.

Linda has had to go back to what the Lord has taught her over the years, digging even deeper into what it means to trust God when something so painful as the death of our child does not make sense.

How Often Have You Studied the Book of Habakkuk?

Habakkuk is a small, often overlooked book in the Bible, but it is one we can turn to when faced with painful circumstances that do not make sense. Linda has turned to it many times over the years, but especially during this time of painful turmoil.

We first find Habakkuk crying out to God to deliver the nation of Israel from their wandering away from Him which had led them to a place of violence, depravity and injustice. The book opens with him crying out, “How long, Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen?”  (Sound familiar?)

God’s answer of deliverance made no sense in the natural mind, because it was to send the most brutal nation in the world at the time, to take over and rule the nation of Israel, even removing them from the Promised Land God had led them to, taking them as slaves into Babylon.

God’s “cure” certainly looked much worse than the disease. Because Habakkuk knew the character of God, God’s solution baffled him. But instead of getting angry at God and demanding answers to his whys, he waited. He waited to see how God would answer him.

Not only that, but Habakkuk did something amazing. He said he would also wait to see how he would answer when God corrected him! (Habakkuk 2:1)

What???

As I already stated, Habakkuk knew God’s character, which meant he also knew that he was looking at God’s solution through his own eyes of humanity when it didn’t make any sense. Why would God make it worse, instead of better? He wanted to see what God saw. Habakkuk was asking to see the end results instead of the immediate pain and suffering they were going to have to go through that made no sense whatsoever, as the answer to his prayers.

The Question “Why?”

Let me say this again in a different way, because it is crucial for us to understand what is happening here.

Habakkuk did not ask God “why” because he thought God was wrong and was demanding that God explain Himself. He asked why because he knew that he was wrong in not trusting what God was doing and wanted God to correct him. Instead of being angry and blaming God for making things worse, he invited God into his thoughts by saying, “I don’t understand what You are doing, but I know that You are right and faithful in all things. Please speak to me and correct me so that my thoughts line up with your thoughts, even in the horrible pain of what you are allowing in my life.”

Habakkuk wasn’t looking for answers, he was looking for peace. Answers don’t give us peace. Placing the painful mess in God’s all-knowing, loving hands and choosing to trust Him to walk with us through the darkness will.

The short three-chapter book ends with Habakkuk surrendering to God’s plan, even when it brings more pain, is a way to bring about the end result of freedom and being back in a trusting relationship with a loving and faithful God.

It doesn’t feel that way in the pain, though, does it? It seems like God is anything but loving and faithful!

Even Jesus felt that way when hanging on the cross. In His pain and suffocating darkness, He cried out, “Father, why have you left me and turned your back on me?”

It comes down to making a choice. Are we going to choose that God is wrong, and I can no longer trust Him? Or are we going to choose to realize that there is no way I can understand the greatness of God because I cannot see the final outcome, and even though I don’t understand why He has allowed the death of my child to happen, knowing how much pain and darkness I would be in, I am going to continue to trust in His character and His love for me and my child.

Final thought…

The book of Habakkuk ends with him making this declaration (Habakkuk 3:17-18 NIV):

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

Here is verse 18 in several different versions.

  • I will rejoice in the Lord. I will rejoice in the God of my deliverance. (CEB)
  • even then, I will be happy with the Lord. I will truly find joy in God, who saves me. (GW)
  • yet I will have joy in the Lord. I will be glad in the God Who saves me. (NLV)
  • Then I will stillrejoice in the Eternal! I will rejoice in the God who saves me! (VOICE)

…And my personal favorite…

  • Counting on God’s Rule to prevail, I take heart and gain strength. (MSG)

As you read it again below, fill in the blanks with your own words Maybe even write it out as your own declaration as a reminder that you are choosing to trust Him when you cannot see the outcome.

Though the _________________________ and there are no ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­_____________________________,
though the _____________________________ fails and the _______________________________
though there are no __________________________ and no _____________________________

yet I will ____________________ in the Lord, I will ________________________ in God ____________________.

If you are not at a point where you can do something like this, it’s okay. It can take two or three years before we can begin to see any hope that something like this is even possible. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you get there, and then give yourself lots of grace during the process. It can be a long journey, and it is not one you have to walk alone.  We can walk it together.

 

 

Part of this blog was taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast, Episode 195: Trusting God When It Doesn’t Make Sense. This was part one of Laura’s talk with Linda Dillow. The second half can be found here: Episode 196: A Declaration of Hope After Child Loss.

As shared above, you do not have to walk this journey alone. If you would like to be part of the GPS Hope community, the best place to start is by asking to receive Laura’s Weekly Word of Hope. You will also receive information on other resources provided by GPS Hope and can unsubscribe at any time.

 

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

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196: A Declaration of Hope After Child Loss (with Linda Dillow)

This is a continuation of Laura’s talk with Linda Dillow. If you did not hear Episode 195: Trusting God When It Doesn’t Make Sense, we strongly urge you to listen to that one first, as it will share Linda’s unusual story and it is a springboard to what you will hear from Laura and Linda in this episode.

Last week led up to how and why Linda came up with her Declaration of Hope. Today we will hear Linda read that declaration to us. She will also share how God is using it, not just in her own life, but literally around the world, including our Christian sisters in Ukraine who are in the midst of losing their husbands and children while watching their country being torn apart by a brutal war, as they are under attack by Russia.

There is a lot of depth, wisdom and hope in this episode. Please be sure to share it with others who may need to hear this heart-to-heart discussion as well.

Linda is the author of several bestselling books, including Calm My Anxious Heart, Satisfy My Thirsty Soul, What’s it Like to be Married to Me? And the co-author of Intimate Issues, Passion Pursuit, Surprised by the Healer and others.

Linda and her husband, Jody ministered in the former East European Communist countries and in Asia for eighteen years training the leadership of the church. They have five grown children (one in heaven) and ten amazing grandchildren. Linda loves to encourage women to hope in God and trust in His faithfulness!

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Email your personal Declaration of Hope to Laura: laura@gpshope.org 

 

Books mentioned by Linda: (Note: These are affiliate links, which means a small portion of your purchase price will go to GPS Hope.)

Dark Clouds Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament by Vroegop

Sacred Sorrow by Michael Card

The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer

Check out Linda’s book Calm My Anxious Heart

 

Songs Linda mentioned (on YouTube):

New Wine By Hillsong

A Thousand Hallelujahs

 

GPS Hope store for Hold On Pain Eases shirts

Find out more about the GPS Hope & Healing retreats or register to attend.

Join Laura and Dave on The Grief Cruise in October. Click here for information.

Join the discussion! Leave a question or comment on today’s talk here.

 

Birthdays:

Celeste France was born on January 29 and is forever 17.

Bryce Thurman was born on January 30 and is forever 22.

Robert Schafer DeVries was born on February 4 and is forever 35.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

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195: Trusting God When It Doesn’t Make Sense (with Linda Dillow)

Linda Dillow was a missionary for 18 years in Eastern Europe, including Russia when it was under communism. She has seen a lot and learned to trust God through many hardships. But nothing has caused her to fight darkness, despair, and hopelessness as much as the death of one of her two daughters, who were both battling cancer at the same time during the COVID pandemic.

Linda has had to go back to what the Lord has taught her over the years, digging even deeper into what it means to trust God when something so painful as the death of our child does not make sense.

This episode is the beginning of Laura’s conversation with Linda. The second half will continue next week, with Linda sharing about her Declaration of Hope made after her daughter left this earth.

Linda is the author of several bestselling books, including Calm My Anxious Heart, Satisfy My Thirsty Soul, What’s it Like to be Married to Me? And the co-author of Intimate Issues, Passion Pursuit, Surprised by the Healer and others.

Linda and her husband, Jody ministered in the former East European Communist countries and in Asia for eighteen years training the leadership of the church. They have five grown children (one in heaven) and ten amazing grandchildren. Linda loves to encourage women to hope in God and trust in His faithfulness!

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Check out Linda’s book Calm My Anxious Heart (Note: This is an affiliate link. A small portion of your purchase price will go to GPS Hope.)

Find out more about the GPS Hope & Healing retreats or register to attend.

Email Laura if you would like to use the scholarship being provided by another pareavor to be able to attend the Florida retreat. laura@gpshope.org

Join Laura and Dave on The Grief Cruise in October. Click here for information.

Join the discussion! Leave a question or comment on today’s talk here.

 

Click here to become a monthly partner, giving hope to other parents, or to give a special gift to keep this podcast going, along with providing  other needed resources to bereaved parents.

(GPS Hope is a 501c3 nonprofit and runs on the financial support of those who believe in passing along the hope they have received to others.)

 

Birthdays:

Richie Rudkin was born on January 27 and is forever 27.

Zachary Kidd was born on January 27 and is forever 26.

Robert Scott Lelle was born on January 28 and is forever 26.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

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Why We Will Never Get Over It

A point of frustration for many bereaved parents after child loss is feeling like we are being judged for still missing our children.

There are some people around us who think we should be “moving on” or be “over it” by now, as if the death of our child is like a bad cold. Yes, the death of our child was an event, a moment in time. But that moment has disfigured us for the rest of our lives.

Having one’s child die is more than something bad that happened a few weeks ago, or months ago, or even years ago. The death of our child is a continual occurrence. Every morning when we wake up, at some point the realization hits us that our child is no longer here and will not be part of our day. It can feel like they died all over again.

Every event can feel like another death of our child.

  • Getting rid of a car that our child rode in can be agonizing because we will no longer have that car which attaches us to those memories.
  • There are meals we can no longer make (or eat) because it is too painful to be reminded that our child is not there to share their favorite food with us.
  • Seeing a pair of shoes displayed in a store can send us bolting to the car in tears, realizing that we will never again buy our child another pair for a sport they were in or for special occasions.
  • Hearing a certain song come on the radio can force us to the side of the road, unable to drive because we can’t see through our tears, even after we quickly turned it off.
  • Any and every event we attend (or are even invited to) is a reminder of who is missing. It can feel brutal seeing others who are our child’s age hitting life’s milestones that we will never get to experience with our child.

The death of one’s child is considered by most professionals to be one of the most (if not the most) traumatic event a person can deal with in life. Many parents also deal with PTSD, based on the circumstances of their child’s death.

I don’t think anyone can deny that it is a traumatic experience to walk behind your child’s casket and bury them, or to bring your child home as ashes in an urn. And for those parents who found their child’s body, or many other possible scenarios, they can also have PTSD.

Most of us are not stuck in our grief because we refuse to move on with our lives without our child. We are “stuck” because of being surrounded by constant reminders of our child who should be here as part of our everyday lives, but instead there is silence and a constant emptiness.

We do eventually learn to cope, but we don’t “get over it.”

If someone has an amputation, first they must heal, both physically and emotionally, from having that body part cut off; and the emotional healing takes much longer than the physical.

Then they must learn how to function and do everything differently with that part of them missing. Even when that happens, they are reminded multiple times a day that a body part has been cut off, because of how they are forced to live differently, in a way that helps them adapt to the loss.

Some days it is easy, some days it is a struggle to stay positive, and other days it hits them full force (almost like it just took place), no matter how long ago the amputation happened.

How do I know this? Our daughter, Becca, had her left leg amputated at only three years old because of cancer, so we had a front row seat to an amputee living day-to-day life.

As a bereaved parent, we have had our child amputated from us, and everything that an amputee must go through, we do as well. However, the emotional pain is multiplied and much more intense losing an entire person who is part of you, than losing something that is physically part of you, like a leg or an arm.

Several years ago, when I was working on one of my books, I was accused by someone that I was writing it as a way to continue dragging up the past instead of going forward. Wow!  First, I was writing the book to give hope to others who found themselves in the same suffocating pit that I had been thrown into, letting them know we can find our way out. Secondly, it was not dragging up the past; it was helping me learn how to cope with living in the present and in the future without my daughter.

Studies have shown that for those who have lost a child, anything under five years is considered fresh grief. So, I am not surprised when a bereaved parent does not believe they will ever have a life worth living again. I know I didn’t believe it.

However, we do eventually get stronger as we learn how to carry the grief in a way that does not feel like a heavy darkness every minute of the day. We will never get over our loss as if it never happened. That is impossible. But we can and will get over to the other side of the darkness, able to live a life of meaning and purpose again. This is not in spite of our child’s death, but because of his or her life.

 

This blog was taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 194, which has more shared on this topic. You can listen here on YouTube. To listen directly on the GPS Hope website click here or find the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

NOTE: Some of this was taken from Laura’s book Come Grieve Through Our Eyes: How to Give Comfort and Support to Bereaved Parents. To find out more about this book, along with Laura’s other books click here.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

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