Death was not God’s idea when He created the world. God only gives life. God is the one who gave life to your child and mine. And He did not make them die.
Even though God did not create death, He knew it would be part of life, and made sure that He still had the final say, because when we die, it is not a final goodbye. It is only a transition from our earthly realm into His spiritual realm.
I know; death feels so final. When my daughter, Becca, died, I was thrown into such a horrific place of darkness. I knew where she was, and I publicly proclaimed it boldly at her funeral. But that didn’t keep me from the darkness and fog that took over my life for many, many months, even stretching into at least two years.
One thing that helped me, that I wish I had grasped sooner, is that this is only a temporary separation. I knew that in my head, but for some reason my heart had a much harder time accepting that as a truth I could hold onto, to pull me out of my darkness. All I could see is that she isn’t with me now, and how unfair and painful that was to me, to her dad, her siblings and grandparents. All I could think about was what she would miss, and what we would miss not having her here with us.
In fact, looking back on it, I was almost consumed with the thoughts of what I had lost from this earth, to the point of almost having panic attacks when thinking about being here for one year, five years, ten years without Becca. There were times I could barely breathe from the pain of it.
But God in His graciousness stepped in over and over again, as I laid my pain at His feet, groaning and sobbing to Him for help.
One of the things the Holy Spirit spoke to me 
was that I am not getting further away from Becca. Every day I am here on this earth brings me closer to her, as I get closer to my own transition. That made a huge difference in how I was able to start seeing things through His eyes of love instead of my own eyes of loss.
One of my favorite scriptures for many years, even before Becca died, has been Romans 8:18. It reads, “I believe that the present suffering is nothing compared to the coming glory that is going to be revealed to us.” (CEB)
That verse is now life to me like never before. Those of us who know the pain and suffering of grieving the death of our child, a pain that is beyond any words, have something to look forward to for sure! If the glory to come is so fantastic that it cannot even be compared to the depth of our suffering, then I say bring it on!
Another translation says, “This is how I work it out. The sufferings we go through in the present time are not worth putting in the scale alongside the glory that is going to be unveiled for us.” (NTE) I love how it says we have to work it out, because that is exactly what has to happen.
And that whole thing about how the glory we will experience will far outweigh our greatest pain and suffering here on this earth… I don’t know about you, but to me, it is pretty mind-boggling to think our children are already experiencing it and know what that glory is like.
But in the meantime, we are left with holding onto Him as He carries us through the darkness, allowing Him to breathe life back into us.
It may seem impossible, as most of us on this road ahead of you believed as well, but you really can have a life of hope and light, and even a life with purpose and meaning again. It looks different, but it’s kind of like learning to live with an amputation. A part of our very being has been cut off from us, and it takes a long time to heal and learn how to live with that piece of us missing.
But allowing the truth to seep deep in our hearts that this is only temporary, and what is to come is so much better that this will all be forgotten, will help tremendously.
I can’t talk about the separation from our children not being permanent without also bringing in 2 Corinthians 4:18. “We don’t focus our attention on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but the unseen realm is eternal.” (TPT)
The VOICE translation says we “focus on the things we cannot see, which live on and on.” That is exciting to me; to think that our children are already in the place where nothing harmful or hurtful can ever touch them again, including our own death.
Have you ever thought about that? We have taken the pain for them. They will never have to experience the pain and grief of our death when it is our turn to transfer into the heavenly realm! I know as a parent, I am always thankful when I can carry a burden so that my children don’t have to carry it. And this is the ultimate burden we can carry for them. They will never have to go through the painful grief of our death.
I love how the Message Bible says it.
So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.
What we are going through now will seem 
like nothing, once we join our children in heaven and partake in the glory they are now part of.
Jesus said in Matthew 6:21 that your heart will always be where your treasure is. We have an extremely valuable treasure in heaven, so it makes sense that our heart will be there until we can see and touch that treasure once again.
We are ALL eternal beings. Our children are not gone forever. We are just separated temporarily. They are living on and on in a place we will eventually be also. Praise God, He made a way that our separation is only temporary.
We have put together a list of Thirty-Six Scriptures of Hope that can be printed out to read and meditate on. If you would like to have this sent directly to you, just let us know below.
Expressions of Hope is written by author, 
speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.
Laura is a national keynote speaker and has also been a workshop speaker for events such as The Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA national conferences, along with being a guest on radio shows, podcasts and other media channels such as webinars with Open to Hope.
If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.
GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.
- If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
- If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
- Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel.
The truth is, the only powers great enough to keep me from living out my kingdom inheritance here on earth are lies and deception. It isn’t the death of my daughter, or any other tragedy I have experienced in my life.
you can actually get to the place where you celebrate your child’s life, instead of being stuck in the pain of his or her death.
Remember, believing a lie is just as powerful as believing the truth. And speaking out those beliefs will make our thoughts even more solid – either the lies, or the truth.
sitting on His throne at the exact same time. And I can come boldly to that throne of our gracious God to receive His mercy and find His help which I so desperately need, over and over again (Hebrews 4:16).
of the siblings who had all five of them present at his wedding. The other three will be missing their sister, both at the event itself, and in the family wedding photos. Bittersweet…
As I sit here at my desk, I am surrounded by memories and thoughts of Becca. It always amazes me how some days memories can make me smile, and other days they bring tears.
hope, does it? At least not to those who have never faced a deep loss like ours. But if you are anything like me, this was a relief when I found out it is not only okay to be like this, but NORMAL!
And if none of these suggestions seem like they will make you want to be there, guess what? It’s okay!
word new doesn’t have to fill our hearts with dread and sadness. But that doesn’t mean we don’t struggle going into a new year. And as we go along, some years can be harder than others, for no apparent reason.
The other side of that is not understanding why people get freaked out when we talk about our child. As a parent, just because our child isn’t around us, doesn’t mean we don’t talk about them. It is the same for those of us whose child has died. Our children have just traveled to a place further away than most children who might take a trip. And they won’t be returning to us here; we will be going to meet them some day. But they still exist, they are still deeply loved, and they will remain in our hearts and minds until we are with them again.
makes everything look so dead (depending on where we live), and it can really affect our mood. However, it is just a season, and new life always returns, no matter how harsh or how long the winter has been.
A new year can bring new hope, new light, new life and new possibilities.
the processional across town to the cemetery. There we saw another one of those moments that jumped out of the fog. Seeing our three sons carrying their big sister’s coffin to the gravesite…there are no words to describe it other than this is just wrong!
Grieving is not a sign of weakness, it is a way for us to heal.
I think often as men we want to get past difficult things quickly and then “get on with life,” at least to one degree or another. But for the mothers, I believe in many cases, if not most, it will take months and even years, to “get on with life” the way we imagine they should.
can be the most horrific thing to go through. It takes time to heal. It takes time to learn how to function without our child. But even though a part of us has died with them, we can live life again.
