If you have recently lost your child from this earth, we know there is just no way to put into words the swirling emotions, the suffocating darkness and the crushing pain.
Our guess is that people were so wonderfully supportive for the first few days and even a few weeks. But at some point, everyone else’s life has gone back to normal, and you just want to scream at them, because your life is still at a screeching halt.
We get it.
If you have faced a deep loss before, grieving the death of your child may seem so much worse, and you think you are going crazy.
If you have never lost someone close before, you probably realize you have no grid for your grief, but you must be going crazy.
Either way, you may have times where you 
find you are literally forgetting to breathe, and have to remind yourself to take a breath. Your body is out of whack; your mind is full and empty at the same time. Your sleep is off. Often times you can’t stop crying, and it might even seem like everything around you looks gray and colorless. You can forget things, even as simple as how to peel an orange or find yourself panicking because you suddenly forgot how to get home from the store you have shopped at for ten years. You don’t know how you can go on living, and probably don’t want to, which makes no sense to your mind if you are happily married or have other children still here. You are barely in survival mode, and don’t think it is possible to get out of the darkness, much less to a place of wanting to live without your child, and impossible to have a life with purpose and meaning ever again.
Let me assure you, all of this is normal. Once again, those of us who have traveled this road ahead of you have felt all of that ourselves.
People who have not faced the loss of a child may tell you that you need to move on, that you need to get past it, or that you need to find a way to have closure. These are all people who don’t want to see you in so much pain, and they mean well, but to say it bluntly, they don’t know what they’re talking about.
- Your child will always be a part of you, so you won’t be “moving on.”
- Only having the precious memories of your child instead of your child makes it impossible to “get past it.”
- Having your future taken from you in the love and legacy of your child means there will not be “closure.”
HOWEVER….
It is possible to have hope in 
the midst of your intense pain.
It is possible to have light break through the darkness.
It is possible to laugh and have joy in your life in a new way.
It is possible to live a life of meaning and purpose again.
Not only is it possible, but it is probable, if you stay connected with bereaved parents who are living in that place.
Here at Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope), you will find this is a safe place for all of your emotions, all of your questions, your anger, and everything else that comes with grieving the death of your child. We are not just here for you, but we are here to walk with you, for as long as it takes for you to come out the other side with all of those things listed above that we ourselves have found.
And this will not be in spite of the loss of your child, but in honor of the life of your child.
It will probably take longer than you want it to. That’s okay. You have had an amputation. A part of your very being has been cut off. Give yourself lots and lots of grace and allow yourself lots and lots of time (even if those around you don’t). You can eventually learn to live with that piece of you missing, but there will be constant reminders and new situations causing you to stumble for the rest of your life. (Some of us call them grief attacks.)
Sometimes you will be forced to give in to your limitations of grief. Sometimes you will learn how to work around it. And yes, there will be times you will be able to soar above it. There is no right or wrong way. It is whatever way works for you at that moment in time.
But for now, just rest, knowing that you are surrounded by bereaved parents who have been right where you are, and that you have our hearts, our love and our prayers.
We also want you to know:
- You must go through this; there is no way around it.
- There is no timetable.
- There are no “grief stages” you have to work your way through.
- Moving forward does not mean you are leaving your child behind.
- Anything under five years for the death of one’s child is considered fresh grief.
- The death of one’s child is considered a trauma, and what you are feeling and thinking is normal.
- You will survive.
- You are not alone!
We understand, and will walk with you, 
to help you find your way out of the darkness and into a place of light and a life with meaning and purpose once again, BECAUSE of your child’s life, not in spite of their death. It won’t be easy, but hang on to the hope that it can be done.
Please be sure to visit our Wall of Remembrance, and have your child added!
GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.
• If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
• If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
• Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel.
I was unaware of this the first three years after my daughter died. It happens on the first Sunday in May each year, the week before Mother’s Day, as a special day to have our child, and our never-ending grief, acknowledged.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want this to be a temporary movement. Yes, it would be wonderful if Mother’s Day was handled differently by most of the people around us. But it is also wonderful to have a special day set aside for all of us mothers who have a child no longer here with us; a day set aside to share our child with family and friends, to make sure he or she is never forgotten by others.
to acknowledge the death of her child, it would make her upset with them for bringing up her child and her painful loss. The fact is, the exact opposite is true.
will give each of you precious moms who have had to live through the death of your child, a beautiful day of sacred joy within the grief of remembering your precious child this Sunday, on International Bereaved Mother’s Day.
Barbara’s hair started turning white, which she attributes to her daughter’s illness and death. She was only 28 when her daughter died. Barbara Bush was known for that white hair, but it came at a high price. We change when our child dies, not just emotionally, but it takes a toll on us physically.
W. Bush) was instrumental in “saving her life” after Robin’s death. At seven years old, he wouldn’t go out and play with his friends, insisting his mom was lonely and needed him. Most of us who are blessed to have other children have the same testimony – our other children are what kept us barely going.
research before being buried. All of us want to know that the life of our child mattered and somehow affects other lives for the better. Some of us are able to connect in some way to a cause, based on how our child died. Others put scholarship funds in place, write books or start organizations. We give gifts or have something permanently placed in a public venue in our child’s name. We are determined that our child’s life and legacy will somehow live on.
we are taken from this earth and join our child. But each day we are here brings us one day closer. And each day here is an opportunity to live in a way that honors the life of our precious child.
I find it very sad when people walk away from God because He didn’t give them the answer they wanted to a prayer. God is not a vending machine where we put in the prayer, push a button, and the solution we want drops out for us.
have a choice to say yes or no. When we ask God for something, He has the choice to say yes or no. Did I want Him to say yes and allow Becca to stay here on this earth? Of course I did, with every fiber of my being! As a matter of fact, I believed He was actually going to heal her heart, either through a miracle or through a heart transplant. I was totally blindsided when she died—even though she was very sick.
good. However, decisions made based on emotions are quite often wrong. I encourage you to make the difficult choice to trust Him, not based on whether or not you get what you want, but based on the fact that if you cannot see His goodness in your situation yet, it means He isn’t done working on your behalf.
question becomes: Are you going to make it based on anger, resentment or frustration? Or are you going to move beyond that, believing He knows how to make right decisions for everyone involved, and that He was not willing to compromise in the moment, but held fast because He sees what we cannot see, and knows what we do not know?
always be with us. Even if I’m not emotionally feeling the pain at the moment, it is still there. It’s almost like a physical chronic pain. There are times you are so used to having the pain that you don’t even realize you’re feeling it.
under the swirling waters, call out “Lord, save me!” just like Peter did in Matthew 14. Whenever I did that, somehow Jesus always reached through the storm and pulled me up out of the drowning sea of emotions, into His secure arms, where I would feel like He was holding me. He knew how weak and helpless I was, and He never tired of meeting me in my place of need.
I have now learned that peace and pain can both reside in us at the same time. Whether I am consciously feeling the pain or not, an underlying peace seems to travel side-by-side with my pain. It is definitely the peace of God that goes beyond any understanding, and I am so thankful that He offers it to us and gives it freely.
darkness. And don’t feel guilty about taking as much time as you need to be intimate with the One who loves you like crazy and wants to get you out of the suffocating pit and onto the path of living again. Spend intimate time with Him. Lots of it.
