This website or its third-party tools use cookies which are necessary to its functioning and required to improve your experience. By clicking the consent button, you agree to allow the site to use, collect and/or store cookies.
I accept

GPS Hope

  • HOME
  • ABOUT
    • About GPS Hope
    • Meet Dave & Laura
    • Our Becca
    • AUTHOR Laura Diehl
      • About the Author
      • Laura’s Books
    • SPEAKER Laura Diehl
    • Contact Us
    • MEDIA
      • In the Media
      • PRESS KITS
  • PODCAST / BLOGS
    • PODCAST
    • Weekly VLOG (YouTube Channel)
    • Expressions of Hope Blog
    • Friends of GPS Hope Blog
    • Archives
      • Gems from the Crown
      • Kidz Korner
  • RESOURCES
    • My Profile
    • BOOKS
    • COURSES
    • HOPE For Your HEALTH
    • Laura’s Music CD
    • Free Content Library
    • FACEBOOK
    • Wall of Rememberance
  • SUPPORT GROUPS
    • ARIZONA, Sierra Vista
    • FLORIDA, Deltona (H.U.G.S.)
    • MINNESOTA, Worthington
    • OHIO, Columbus
    • OHIO, Newark
    • OREGON, Grants Pass
    • SOUTH CAROLINA, Columbia
    • TEXAS, Livingston
    • WASHINGTON, Olympia
    • WISCONSIN, Janesville
  • EVENTS
    • Calendar
    • CRUISE Feb. 2026
    • RETREATS
      • OCT 2025 Long Island NY
      • FEB 2026 Florida
  • DONATE
    • DONATE NOW
    • Sponsor Memorial Heart Decal
    • Sponsor a Podcast Episode
    • Our Sponsors
  • STORE

June 30, 2023 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

I Don’t Want to Be Here Without My Child

 

If you are like I was when my daughter, Becca, died, I did not want to be here anymore. I even wrote in my journal, two months after she died:

So kill me, God! Do it now, please!

I didn’t think I could take the horrific pain and suffocating darkness anymore.

Day after day I wanted something to happen to me that would take me out of this world. I wasn’t suicidal, but I sure did not want to be here anymore! I could not imagine living the rest of my life in so much pain, without my daughter here by my side.

I hear and see quite often that other freshly grieving parents feel the same way I did. We aren’t usually suicidal; we just don’t want to live anymore. A part of our very being has been cut off from us and the pain is too great to continue living.

For most of my adult life, I wanted to live to be 100, like a few of my relatives. (There is longevity and good health on both sides of my family, so there is a fairly good chance of it.) But after Becca died, I took that off the table and decided the sooner I was out of here, the better!

But in God’s totally amazing love and grace, He did not answer that plea and allowed me to continue here on this earth. Yes, you read that right.

Let me say it again, just a bit differently. It is His deep love and eternal grace that keeps us here, when all we want to do is be done and go to our eternal home to be with our child.

It took several years, but I can honestly say how thankful I am that God did not answer my plea for death to take me. Why? Well, there are all kinds of reasons I have now, but truthfully, one of the main reasons is that I wouldn’t be here to encourage you!

Along with thousands of other pareavors before me, I made the transition of not wanting to be here, to being okay with it, and finally getting to where I actually want to stick around here for a few more years.

Most of us know in our heads that we have other people to live for. But it takes a while for our hearts to get past the horrendous pain, to be able to comprehend it in a way that becomes a lifeline for us.

To help get you there, pull out a piece of paper and write down at least five people who still want you and need you in their lives. (Don’t tell yourself no one needs you or would even miss you. That is the enemy feeding you lies!).  Is it a spouse? Someone at your place of fellowship or a special Bible Study? A parent? A coworker or neighbor? Other children or grandchildren?

What are some things you know that are in their future that it might be kind of nice to be there to see, or be part of? Write those things down next to their names.

Put that in a place where you will see it once in a while, and even continue to add to it as you think of people or events. Eventually, you will realize you no longer need the paper.

I understand you may have the thought, “My child should be part of these things, too! Why would I want to be there without him or her?”

Unfortunately, you cannot change that, and I know it hurts! But you can get to the place where the gladness of still being here with those you love will sometimes outweigh the pain of knowing your child is missing these earthly events, because you know that he or she is part of the glorious heavenly ones.

So, if you are like I was for many years, not wanting to be here anymore, just know that you are not the only one! And know that there is hope to get beyond it. If I can, you can, too.  You can have hope that it won’t always be like this. That is, unless you continue to choose to remain in the blackness of deep grief here on earth – which I hope you don’t because that is an even a more miserable place to be.

It will probably take longer than you think it should or want it to, and there can be many “setbacks,” but I can tell you, it is worth the fight. It is worth it to keep going; it is worth learning how to live a good life again here on earth until you are greeted by your child with a huge hug and the words, “You did great. I am so proud of you. Welcome home, Dad!”  or “Welcome home, Mom!”

For I am about to do something new.  See, I have already
begun!  Do you not see it?  I will make a pathway through
the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
Isaiah 43:19 (NLT)

 

There is much more to this topic, which Laura shares on the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast. Click here to listen, or find the podcast on your favorite app and look for episode 217: I Don’t Want to Be Here Anymore Without My Child.

This blog and the podcast mentioned above were taken from Laura’s book Reflections of Hope: Daily Readings for Bereaved Parents. To find out more, click here.

Would you like to receive a Weekly Word of Hope written and sent by Laura? Let her know below. Your email address is safe with GPS Hope.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on our private Facebook page or our public Facebook page. 
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: Bible verses for grief, Christian book for bereaved parents, daily grief encouragement, finding purpose after child loss, GPS Hope resources, grief and faith, grief devotional for parents, grieving parents daily reading, healing after loss of a child, help for grieving moms, hope after child loss, I don’t want to be here anymore, Laura Diehl, not wanting to live after child dies, Reflections of Hope book, spiritual support for bereaved parents

June 27, 2023 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

217: I Don’t Want to Be Here Without My Child

When our child dies, we may have many reasons to “stick around” but none of them seem to matter. We cannot imagine being here for any length of time without our child here with us. Most of us are not suicidal, we just don’t want to be here anymore and would be fine with something happening that would take us out of here to go be with our child.

Laura has experienced this same thing, when her daughter, Becca, died and talks about what it was like both then and now, almost twelve years later.

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Sign up to recieve the Weekly Word of Hope here.

Click here to find out about the last available opening for the GPS Hope & Healing retreat in Virginia.

Click here for information about the annual BP USA gathering.

Contact the office to let us know you would like us to come to your area: office@gpshope.org

Find out about Laura’s newly released book Reflections of Hope: Daily Readings for Bereaved Parents.

 

Birthdays:

Hunter Josiah Whitney was born on June 25 and is forever 18.

Courtney Kolb was born on June 26 and is forever 23.

Lukas Christofferson was born on June 28 and is forever 19.

Dominic Cardenas was born on June 28 and is forever 24.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

 

June 23, 2023 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

What Do You Call Someone Who Has Lost a Child?

After our daughter, Becca, died, I knew there was no word that could even come close to describing my pain. At the same time, I wondered why there is not a word for those of us who are still here after the death of our child. Someone who has lost their parents is an orphan. My son-in-law became a widower, and of course, a woman whose husband has died is called a widow.

This started to really bother me.

I did a search to see if I could find something. Nothing came up at the time. Since then, there is a word I have seen around here and there, which I talk about on the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast (episode 216 where this specific blog came from).

When we hear the word widow or orphan about someone, we know what type of life-changing loss they have experienced. But when telling someone about our loss, it is along the line of, “Her child died.” There is no word that identifies the devastating, horrific, heart shattering traumatic loss in our lives.

When we lose a child, it changes our identity, even if we still have other children still here with us. It especially changes our identity if you have lost your only child, or all your children.

Even though all our journeys are different, when you meet someone who has lost a child, there is an instant connection. It doesn’t matter what different beliefs we might have politically, spiritually, or otherwise. There is something that pulls our hearts together because you are someone who can relate to me in a way very few others can. You know what it is like to experience this loss that is like no other loss.

I think it is important to have a word that validates the fact that parents who have lost a child through death have a weight that is extremely heavy…heavier than most will experience in this life. Not as a label to give us permission to wallow in our deep sorrow, but one that draws us together to be able to strengthen and encourage each other within our life-long club membership that none of us wanted.

So, just who are we after the death of our child? Is there a word that unites us? A word that at least implies the depth of our pain?

I believe there is, and it is the word pareavor.

“Reave” comes from the word bereave. According to Merriam-Webster the meaning/definition of the actual word “reave” is: to plunder or rob, to deprive one of, to seize, to carry or tear away.

I think those are some pretty good descriptions of how we felt when our child died.

So, if we take away the “be” in bereave and replace it with a “pa” (because “pa” comes from the word parent: a person who is a father or mother; a person who has a child (Merriam-Webster)), we get pareave.

Then when you add an “or”  at the end (indicating a person who does something (Wiktionary)) you get the word pareavor.

The word pareavor sounds like a pretty good description of what happens when our child dies, no matter the age of the child. We are parents who have been deprived of our children who were seized and torn away from us through death. We are pareavors.

Who am I? I am a teacher, an author, a podcaster host, a singer/songwriter, full time RVer; I am a wife, a daughter, a mom, a grandma, an aunt, a niece, a friend, a cousin, a cat-lover, and… I am a pareavor. A parent who was violently robbed of my daughter’s life – a parent bereaved of my child.

Let me say that I am sorry you have a reason to even consider this as an option in your life as a description of who you are now as well.

No matter what words we use, either to try and describe what it is like or to specifically identify ourselves as someone who has faced the devastation of child loss, we are still all in this together.

We are pareavors – parents who are bereaved of our child. They may have been ripped away from us here on earth, which causes tremendous pain, but thankfully, it is not a permanent separation.

This was taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast, episode 216. To listen to more than what was shared in this blog, click here, or find the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

 

Would you like to receive a Weekly Word of Hope written and sent by Laura? Let her know below. Your email address is safe with GPS Hope.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on our private Facebook page or our public Facebook page. 
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: bereaved parent term, bereavement definition, child loss grief, child loss support, Christian grief support, expressions of hope, GPS Hope, grief and identity, grief identity, grief podcast for parents, grief terminology, grieving father term, grieving mother term, grieving parents, grieving parents sharing hope, Laura Diehl, pareavor, parent after child death, parent grief community, what is a pareavor

June 20, 2023 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

216: What Do You Call Someone Who Has Lost a Child?

In this episode, Laura talks about something most parents who have lost a child think about. “I am not the same person I used to be. I will never be that person again. Who am I now? Why do we have a word for someone who has lost a spouse, or someone who has lost both parents, but there isn’t a word for me… someone who has lost a child?”

Of course, we all know the suffocating darkness we find ourselves hurled into cannot be described in words, no matter how hard we try. But is there at least a word that identifies us and draws us together to be able to strengthen and encourage each other?

Find out in today’s episode.

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

GPS Hope Private Facebook page (be sure to answer both questions)

GPS Hope public Facebook page

What is a pareavor?

GPS Hope webstore

Birthdays:

Alyssa Tyner was born on June 19 and is forever 2 ½.

Kari-Lee Venning (Birrell) was born on June 19 and is forever 25.

Alan Proctor was born on June 22 and is forever 27.

Gregory Moore was born on June 23 and is forever 29.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

 

June 13, 2023 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

215: It Hurts When They Don’t Understand (continued with Melanie DeSimone)

Today’s episode is a continuation of Laura’s conversation with Melanie DeSimone on the topic of when people around us try to help, but end up hurting us.

In today’s chat, the two talk about:

  • being in the “range” of normal grief of child loss within the first three to five years
  • when we are made to feel shame by others (who have never lost a child) by not being back to doing things in our lives after a certain period of time
  • how to deal with pressure from those who are trying to get us to pick up where we left off before our child died – especially in the area of church ministry

Click here to listen to the first half of Laura and Melanie’s talk.

 

Melanie DeSimone has lived on a small homestead for twenty-five years, nestled in rural Bibb County, Alabama. Along with her husband, Hector, she raised four children, along with dozens of various farm animals. Since her son, Dominic, ran ahead to Heaven in 2014, she has spent a great deal of her time and energy writing about their family’s grief journey and ministering to the bereaved parent community through her blog, thelifeididntchoose.com, and in person through speaking. In her spare time, Melanie loves hugging and playing with her two grandsons, sewing small one-of-a-kind handcrafts, and reading lots of books from many different points of view.

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Melanie: website  or on Facebook

To ask us to bring the Hope Mobile and do an event near you email us at office@gpshope.org

REMEMBER TO SAVE THE DATES OF AUGUST 1-3, 2024 TO JOIN US FOR THE SPECIAL CONFERENCE AND CELEBRATION EVENT FOR THE 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF GPS HOPE!

Click here to find out more about the Bereaved Parents USA gathering where Laura will be speaking July 21-23.

Click here to become a monthly partner, giving hope to other parents, or to give a special gift to keep this podcast going, along with providing  other needed resources to bereaved parents.

(GPS Hope is a 501c3 nonprofit and runs on the financial support of those who believe in passing along the hope they have received to others.)

 

Birthdays:

Avery Gingerich arrived on June 14th. He bloomed on earth to blossom in heaven.

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 18
  • 19
  • 20
  • 21
  • 22
  • …
  • 102
  • Next Page »

Get Laura’s Newest Award Winning Book!

Click Image for More Information!


Get Your Copy of This Award-winning Book Now!

Click Image for More Information!

Get Laura’s Music CD

Click Image for More Details.

Get Your Copy Now!

Click Image for More Information!

Get your Copy Now!

Click Image for More Information!

What is a Pareavor?

Click to find out.

Get Your Copy Now!

Click Image for More Information!

Recent Posts

  • Finding Meaning and Purpose After the Death of a Child By Laura Diehl with Kim Harms
  • Is God Punishing Me for My Past? A Word for Grieving Parents Struggling with Guilt
  • When Dads Grieve: A Conversation on Faith, Family, and Holding On
  • Can I Trust God Leading Me?



LIKE US ON FACEBOOK

GPS Hope Page (for bereaved parents)

Events & Itinerary

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

BROWSEOUR STORE

Contact Us

guidestar

GPS Hope is a 501c3 not-profit Christian Ministry

Privacy Policy

2024 Illumination Award Medalist
Reflections of Hope

Available NOW!