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April 5, 2020 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

Five Lessons About Grief from Climbing a Mountain

A few weeks ago, the Hope Mobile (our 38-foot motor home that we live in full-time) was parked at a campground in a beautiful valley, surrounded by small mountains. As I would go walking in the mornings, a few of those times I found myself following a trail that took me up one of those mountains.

One morning I realized how my climb up the mountain paralleled several things in my grief journey after my oldest daughter, Becca, died. Here are five of those things.

  1. It’s a lot of work climbing up those mountains. And when you get to the top, it’s wonderful, but you don’t get to stay there. You must work your way back down.

The earlier we are in our grief journey, the harder the climb is and the less time we stay at the top. We find ourselves almost immediately tumbling back down the mountainside, back into the valley. With anything in life, mountaintop experiences are great, even exhilarating. But we don’t get to stay there. It is in the valley where most maturing happens and life-lessons are learned, including how much we need to depend on God to be our guide though this life.

  1. What kept me moving forward and continuing to go up the mountain was not being able to see the full path in front of me. I freely admit I would not have kept going if I could have seen the full path all the way to the top. I kept thinking, “I’ll just go up to that point where it curves, and I’ll probably be at the top.” And when I would turn that corner, there would be more path and I would think again, “Okay, let me get to that point up there,” and I would get there and find more path.

It’s a good thing we can’t see the full path of our lives ahead of time. We can only take a little bit at a time. But that doesn’t mean every corner we turn is bad, it is just unknown what lies ahead. If we keep going, based on what we can see, and not worry about what we can’t see, we will eventually make it all the way.

  1. The last mountain I climbed was taking longer than I thought it would. I was getting quite tired and I started hoping I would meet up with the path I was on the day before, which would be a quicker way back down. As I kept going forward, looking for that other path, I eventually found myself at the very top of this new mountain. As I looked to my right, I was shocked to see that waaaayyyy down below me was the top of the mountain where I had stood the day before. I had no idea that I was climbing that much higher!

As we keep walking on this journey, one step at a time (sometimes one breath at a time) we will one day suddenly discover that we are doing better than we ever thought we could or would. At the time though, it feels like we can’t go on and things will never get better.

  1. Quite often I was paying so much attention to the path and my steps, that I was missing the view, so sometimes I would stop and look out, to enjoy what was around me.

Quite often we are so consumed by our grief (and rightly so, especially those first few weeks and months) that we don’t see what is going on around us. There are good things all around us; things we can still be thankful for. Sometimes we need to force ourselves to put our grief on pause to look for those things.

  1. I also used those times of looking around at the view to get rested before continuing.

Grief is a lot of hard work! It can take everything we have just to be in survival mode. It’s okay to rest when you are weary, when triggers hit hard, and you don’t have any energy to do even the simplest things like take a shower or put a frozen pizza in the oven.

And if you are someone who has faced the death of your child, it is one of the worst traumas a person can go through on this earth. (You will find that experts support this, saying we are going through what is called “traumatic grief” and that five years and less is considered fresh grief for a parent who has lost a child.) You have been through a trauma and can possibly even be dealing with PTSD.

Rest is not only okay, it is what you need, in every area, physically, emotionally, and yes, even spiritually in some ways.

There is one last comparison I would like to share with you, which might possibly be the most important one.

I can show you lots of pictures I took while climbing these mountains. I can tell you some of the things God was speaking to me, but it was my personal climb. Even if you had been with me, we would have seen things through our own eyes and our own thoughts.

In other words, we can be on the same path together, and yet we will be on our own personal separate climb. I would only be able to do so much to pull you into what I was seeing and how I was feeling. I could point something out to you, but you would be seeing it through your own lens of life. You would be having your own experience. It would be with me, and yet separate from me. Some of our climb would be the same experience, and some of it would be very different.

We are each on our own grief journey. Even if you are like me and have lost a child from this earth, there is no way I know how you feel. I know how I felt after my daughter died. I know the suffocating darkness I experienced. I know how I would forget to breath and have to consciously tell myself to take a breath. I know how I wanted to stop hurting so bad and how the darkness lasted for so much longer than I thought it should.

I know how I didn’t want to live, which didn’t make sense because I knew in my head I had so much still to live for. (I had a loving husband, four other children and two grandchildren at the time – one of those being the 9-year-old daughter of my daughter who had died).  None of that mattered. My heart wanted to be with my daughter who was now gone from this earth, and I knew I couldn’t stay here if the rest of my life was going to be this painful. (I wasn’t suicidal, I just didn’t want to live any more and begged God to take me out of here!)

You see, we each have many of the same grief experiences, but it is all though our own personal journey of our personal relationship with the one who died. I know how I felt, but that doesn’t mean I know how you feel, even if you lost a daughter the same way I lost my daughter, through heart damage caused by chemotherapy.

I want to encourage you to keep climbing. If you started and found yourself back down in the valley, go again after you are rested. And even though we each have our own experience, please know that if you are a bereaved parent, we are here at GPS Hope (Grieving Parents Sharing Hope), walking with you every step of the way.

 

For those who would like some helpful ideas on how to take care of yourself on this grief journey, we would like to send you a free resource. To have Thirty Ways to Bring Yourself Comfort and Take Care of Yourself delivered directly to your inbox, just submit your name and email address below.

Note: This will connect you with GPS Hope, including joining over 1,000 bereaved parents who receive a Weekly Word of Hope email on our journey together. If you want to stop receiving it at any time, just hit the unsubscribe button at the bottom of any email.

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

 

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: bereaved parents, child loss grief, child loss support, emotional healing after child loss, five lessons grief journey, GPS Hope, GPS Hope blog, grief and healing, grief journey, healing after child loss, lessons from grief, mountain climbing and grief, personal grief experience, personal grief journey, resilience in grief, rest in grief, surviving child loss, trauma after child loss

March 31, 2020 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

50: The Rainbow Baby in the Bible

Did you realize that King Solomon was a rainbow baby?

The scriptures that surround this situation can be confusing, and even hurtful, especially to those who have lost an infant. Podcast host (and ordained minister), Laura Diehl, spends most of the time on this episode doing her best to untangle these verses, giving listeners new eyes to see and know that God cares, and that He always has a plan for our lives and the lives our of children, no matter how long or short their lives were here on earth.

This episode is part of the series Parents in the Bible Who Lost a Child.

Links

GPS Hope YouTube Channel

Website: gpshope.org

Email Laura Diehl: laura@gpshope.org

Birthdays:

Jonda Steinkamp was born on April 2nd and is forever 5 months old.

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

March 24, 2020 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

49: The First Death in the Bible was a Son Who Was Murdered (with Angela Alexander)

In this new series, we will be looking at parents in the Bible who had a child die.

I don’t know about you, but there are so many things in the Bible that I see through new eyes after my daughter Becca died, and one of those areas is reading about the parents who lost a child and are recorded in God’s Word.

I find it pretty amazing that the first death in the Bible is one of the worst things that could ever happen to a person… not just the death of one’s child, but a son murdering his brother!

Angela Alexander is a bereaved parent and she has also gone through the horrible experience of her brother murdering her sister.  Back in 2017, I did an interview session with Angela for our Virtual Summit (an online conference I put together of 19 sessions with over 20 different speakers on all kinds of topics for bereaved parents).

Part of this episode is an edited version of that conversation, when she shares about that murder and how it affected her family, especially her father. Her story is one of healing and redemption, which leads the way for many of us who struggle, especially if our child was murdered.

April 1, 2000, while Angela was in Japan on military duty her family in California was involved in a fatal car crash. Sadly her two eight-year-old sons Murice and Roger passed instantly at the scene. One of the many miracles is God allowed both to write and leave behind incredible good-bye letters. Since then Angela has retired from the Air Force Reserve. Now she’s an Author and Inspirational Speaker of her amazing testimony titled, Miracles in Action Turning Pain into Power and Grief into Peace.

 

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.) 
Links mentioned:

How to contact Angela Alexander: Angela@MiraclesInAction.com

Miracles in Action

2017 Virtual Summit

 

Birthdays:

Waylyn McRae was born on March 25th and is forever 17.

Michael Young was born on March 26th and is forever 22.

Dakota Crandall was born on March 27th and is forever 25.

Tommy Simmons was born on March 29th and is forever 59.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

March 17, 2020 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

48: Does God Contradict Himself? (With Dave Diehl)

As I was doing some studying in the Word, looking at some of the parents in the Bible who had lost a child, I came across a scripture that just seemed to go totally against what I believe about God, and even what I have shared with others about God’s goodness, and how He doesn’t cause death.

I told Dave what I had just read and decided to put the podcast microphone between us to record our discussion and thoughts on this subject.

Warning: If your loss if fresh, or if your loss is an infant, there may be some triggers in here, because it is based on 2 Samuel 12:13-15 that says God struck King David’s child with an illness to cause him to die. This is something that goes against what we know about God being a loving Father and other scriptures, which can cause lots of pain and confusion in the death of our own child.

However, I felt it was important to share this conversation with our listeners, to let you know that I still grapple with things myself, and there are plenty of times that I just don’t have the answers I wish I had.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t trust God, which in itself also seems contradictory, doesn’t it?

The take-aways I hope you will find in this episode are:

  • God is too big to be understood with our small, finite brains. If we could figure Him out, then He wouldn’t be big enough to be God.
  • God IS love itself, which means it is impossible for Him to be or do evil. So, if I struggle in seeing Him that way, it means there is something about Him I don’t understand yet or am not seeing through His eyes.
  • As a believer in Christ we are under the blood covenant of Jesus, which means all of your sins have been paid for. Your child did not die because of a past sin!
  • God doesn’t promise that we are immune from the pain and suffering of this world, but He promises to be with us through those times, being everything we need, if we let Him.
  • This is not our home. Nothing here is permanent. When it is our time to leave this earth and arrive in our eternal home, we will either understand the whys, or we just won’t care anymore because of how wonderful it all is.

Dave and I are not Biblical scholars and don’t have the theological answers to why it seems God contradicts Himself, but we do know that peace comes when we choose to trust Him, in spite of what doesn’t make sense from our limited view and painful circumstances.

We have chosen to stay in relationship with Him because we don’t know of any other way to make it through our time here on earth.

Dave Diehl is retired from a career of over thirty years in IT. He is the cofounder of GPS Hope, doing all of the unseen things like technical support, planning the itinerary, and driving the Hope Mobile. Dave wrote a chapter in Laura’s book When Tragedy Strikes, and ministers directly to grieving fathers around the nation at the GPS Hope & Healing conferences and retreats.

 

Links referred to in this podcast episode:

 

Birthdays:

 

Kyle Moroney was born on March 20 and is forever 23.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

March 10, 2020 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

Episode 47: Getting Started Raising Funds for Your Cause (with Mary Valloni)

Sometimes we know what we want to do to help our child leave a legacy, but we don’t know how to get started with raising money to support that cause.

Professional fund raiser, Mary Valloni, and host, Laura Diehl, continue their talk from last week, and Mary shares some thoughts and encouragement in this area.

Two things discussed are:

  • It’s important to have clarity so you don’t push people away who are confused by your cause.
  • How it can help to have a “why” that goes even beyond leaving your child a legacy.

Mary Valloni is an author and a fundraising coach, consultant and speaker. She is known for her track record of successfully teaching individuals and nonprofit organizations how to dramatically improve their finances. She has raised millions of dollars for organizations like the American Cancer Society, the ALS Association, and Special Olympics. Her award-winning book, Fundraising Freedom, has effectively shifted the way individuals and organizations look at fundraising and finances, allowing them the freedom to focus on what really matters. Mary lives in St. Louis, Missouri with her husband and their two Dalmatians.

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.) 
Links referred to in this podcast episode:

To connect, visit MaryValloni.com
To start learning how to raise funds with more freedom, listen to her podcast at fundraisingfreedompodcast.com.

When Tragedy Strikes Hope & Healing Course

“In Loving Memory” heart on the Hope Mobile

Ways to support GPS Hope in honor of your child

You can also contact us directly at office@gpshope.org

 

Birthdays:

Steven Kowalewski was born on March 11 and is forever 28.

Amy Rebecca Wetmore was born on March 13 and is forever 30.

Andrew Woulard was born on March 15 and is forever 23.

Jeffrey Macedo was born on March 15 and is forever 18.

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

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Recent Posts

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