As much as we might want to, we can’t make our adult child bow to the King and live in the fullness of His Kingdom.
In Part 1 and Part 2, I gave the first five of the seven ways we can help our adult children when we find ourselves in this situation. If you missed them, you will want to go back and read them both before reading the final blog of this series.
I have sometimes pictured my children standing on the edge of a cliff. They are very close to jumping off, trying to decide if they want to be totally separated from my beliefs concerning God and church. So I know what I do, or don’t do, is very critical.
Let’s take just a minute to look at this, especially the issue of going to church. Like it or not, it does not say anywhere in the Bible you must go to church to be saved. I know it says we are not to forsake the fellowship, and I know we need to be in fellowship with other believers. But the Western culture church is not a Biblical mandate: going to a specific building at a set time each week, worshiping God being led from a platform of musicians, sitting for another 30-60 minutes facing that same 
platform while someone preaches a message at us, and then dismissing and going home or out to lunch. Send me an email when you see that formula in the Bible, much less attaching the label of “church” on it in the scriptures.
God Himself is what needs to be relevant to our lives, more than the modern day “church” is. And I believe that is where some of the problem lies in the young adults across our nation. They spent up to 4 years in a youth group with lots of great bands and pizza parties, which had almost nothing to do with how God is relevant in their lives, or how He would be when they were sent out into life on their own.
They are part of a reality generation. They don’t want to watch things happen; they want to be right in the middle of what is happening. They are tired of going to a building, being told that is church. They want to go out into the world and BE the church.
The scary part is our children were not taught how to BE the church while being raised in the church. So when they go out into the world, they are easily swayed by the ways of the world, and we have the painful view of watching them flounder.
With all that being said, let’s look at the last two of the seven ways we can help them from the distance many of us are forced to be in.
With all that being said, let’s look at the last two of the seven ways we can help them from the distance many of us are forced to be in.
6. Claim the promises in the scriptures over them
• I have a much worn book that helped me do this effectively over the 
years as my children grew up called The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian. I have recently purchased her book The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children. I highly recommend getting yourself a copy!
• My most recent event of having my “baby” move out from home and in with a group of friends who don’t have a relationship with the Lord has me working through all seven of these things, so I am writing this to myself just as much as anyone else. A scripture God has me praying over him is one of his own favorites growing up. “Greater is Jesus in him, than the one who is in the world trying to entice and deceive him!” (1 John 4:4).
• Another thing I have done with all of my kids is to take the meaning of their first and middle name, and ask the Holy Spirit to lead me to a scripture that encompasses the meaning of those names. I pray each of my children’s scripture over them frequently. (Several years ago I even made each one of them a plaque with their first and middle names, the meanings of those names, and their scripture which hangs under their yearly school picture – now all of their senior pictures – in our family room.)
7. Take yourself off the hook!
Many years ago I was walking around my subdivision, feeling sorry for myself at being one of the world’s worst moms. God interrupted my pity party with, “Did your parents make any mistakes with you?” I had to say yes to that. “And didn’t I use those things to make you strong and be an overcomer?” Well, yes, I suppose that was true. “Don’t you think I can and will use your mistakes for something good in the lives of your kids in the same way I did for you?” I had to repent for my lack of faith in who God is in their lives, and for putting so much pressure on myself to be a perfect parent, and blaming myself when my kids make bad choices.
In case you haven’t thought of this before: The only “parent” Adam and Eve had was a Perfect Father, and they disobeyed (Eve from deception and Adam from choosing to bend under peer pressure). They went their own way, messing up their lives from the plan God had for them. So if a Perfect Father has children who make bad choices, I don’t need to be burdened under false guilt for their choices, no matter how much I have prayed and modeled how awesome walking in God’s destiny is.
Here is one of the times I will be totally transparent and say, even though I say those things, it is still something I struggle with way more than I want to admit. And guess who my greatest encouragers seem to be? My own kids! Here is part of a text I received from one of them, just within the last month.
“Mom I love you, and you are far from a failure, you have one beautiful daughter who has finished the race and gone to heaven (that’s 1 for 1 so far) and the rest are still running and in their process. To be a failure there has to be a definitive end. The rest of us are still going and learning, far from the end. So, you’re undefeated and still going in my mind. I know it’s hard, but try to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You show us the way to God’s heart, and there have been things you can’t control so continue with your heart after God and working on you. We do see it, and God’s doing the rest. I love you my triumphant victorious mother!”
Needless to say, that text is locked in so I can’t accidently delete it!
God is faithful, not only to us, but to our children! He has an even deeper love for them than we do, and He has a perfect plan, including things we can’t see. Let’s be determined to REST in the love He has for them, and thank Him that the same grace and mercy He extends to us, is the same grace and mercy He extends to our children. God is a victorious King, yesterday, today, and forever!
In the Crown of Glory Ministries library you can find 31 Scriptural promises written out for you to claim and pray over your adult children. (One for each day of the month.)
I would love to hear from you. Leave the first name of a child you would like lifted up in prayer. I will come into agreement with you, and hold each and every one up to the King on the Throne in prayer.
Have you ever been in a building that has more than one flight of stairs? When you go up the first flight, you can either walk out onto the first floor, or you can keep going up another set of stairs to get to the second floor. It’s kind of like going from the basement of a house to the main floor. But then there is another set of steps that will take you all the way upstairs.
with something you are drinking?) You are filled with God, but He wants to bubble out of you to everyone around you with His power and His love and goodness.
desire for those connections in the name of Jesus!
juice does not have to be refrigerated) and matzo crackers in my prayer room. Reminding myself and the enemy that I am in an unbreakable covenant through the body and blood of Jesus is another powerful weapon.
figure!) as I was worshiping the Lord from deep within my heart, I saw my son in his boat, which had already gone quite a bit away from me, but this time I saw Jesus in the boat with him waving at me. Wow! What a wonderful reminder and reassurance that no matter what happens, no matter where my son is, Jesus is right there with him!
Many of them still pray and talk to God about things that are going on in their lives and ask Him questions. But they don’t want us to know that, because they don’t want to have to try to explain how they can pray and yet still be living the lifestyle they have chosen.
matter what. But too often our children don’t know that. Our child’s perception of the truth is more important than the truth itself, when it comes to our love for them. It is important for us to find ways that show love to them in a way they can receive it. That can be a challenge for sure, especially if they are at a point where they always want to pick a fight.
As my children reached adulthood, I could no longer bring discipline into their lives. That season of my life was over for them. When that time came, I found it very easy to turn the corner and become very critical and judgmental, trying to guilt them into what I thought they should or should not be doing. This was never successful and always pushed them away from me, which never failed to cause a chain reaction of ugliness, usually coming from both of us.
Remember, you are not forgiving them because what they did (or didn’t do) was okay. You are choosing to forgive for your own sake; your own freedom and healing. Make the conscious decision to refuse to remain connected to that person, allowing him or her to continue dragging you around in your darkness and pain. Release their hold on you as you choose forgiveness.
