Unexpected, unforeseen, without warning, that day altered my life forever. At age 36, my daughter and only child died. Some people predicted I would not survive. I wasn’t sure myself. I would not have thought it possible. And yet, somehow, from somewhere inside me, arose a strength I had no idea I possessed, and I rose from the ashes like a phoenix. How? What’s my secret? How can a mother not only survive, but thrive, after the unimaginable happens? Four things are absolutely crucial.
1.Hold onto Hope
Some days, less than a smidgeon of 
hope is all I have to hold on to, yet I cling to it like a drowning person to a life raft. I clench my hands around hope like a climber hanging by a thread on the side of a mountain; I hope for good. I hope for a future that’s not as dismal as my fears project. Jeremiah 29:11 promises that my future will be good, and I hold God to His Word. I mix faith with words and speak of good, not evil. I project hope into the future.
2. Trust
I choose to be confident in the goodness and faithfulness of God. What happened wasn’t God’s fault. It wasn’t because God failed. If I want to blame someone or something, I turn my anger on the devil. He’s the one who brings disease, destruction, and death, not God. God is the One who comforts me, strengthens me, helps me–daily, hourly, even minute-by-minute. He keeps me putting one foot in front of the other. He is faithful and trustworthy to be my light in the darkness, my peace in the storm, and my comfort in deep sorrow.
3. Expect Good
In spite of what happened, I expect good. 
I lean into Romans 8:28 until it’s absorbed into my soul like healing ointment absorbed into a wound. I expect God to turn tragedy into triumph, no matter how horrible I feel or how bleak everything appears. I expect good from the goodness of God’s heart.
4. Be Thankful
I am thankful for how God has proven faithful amid this great loss. I’m thankful for all the daily miracles of His grace and blessings. I’m thankful for 
His tenderness and compassion, for giving me songs in the night, for the tears He sheds side-by-side with me, and for glimpses of the substantial reality of heaven and its glory. As I begin to give thanks, my eyes are opened to see that His blessings are more numerous than the sands on the seashore. But, I can walk blindly right past His blessings without noticing them, if I’m not cultivating a thankful heart.
The ability to rise from the ashes of devastating loss is not innately within me. I didn’t pull strength or hope out of a hat. I seriously would not have survived apart from God’s grace and through cooperating with God in these four significant ways–expecting good, holding on to hope, trusting, and being thankful. Otherwise, I would absolutely crumble under the weight of sorrow. But, God is greater than tragedy. He is greater than loss and greater than sorrow. His greatness lives within me and causes me to triumph.
Sara Nelson is a hobby writer, former teacher, coffee-drinker, nature-lover, optimist, encourager, and smile-bringer, and part of the GPS Hope family. She is also a big fan of My Grief Journey Coloring Book and Journal. Here is something that was recently posted in our My Grief Journey private page.
It can make me cringe and feel sick to my stomach when I think about the possibility of people forgetting Becca. I don’t care so much if they remember me, but I want them to know who my children are when I am gone. I am guessing you are the same way.
to live in a way that honors the life of our child. Our grief is real. The suffocating darkness takes over, and we have no choice. But at some point (often two or three years down the road) we see a glimmer of hope that we actually can have a full life beyond the death of our child. When we begin to realize that, we have a choice to make. Am I going to live out my life in a way of hopelessness and despair that honors the death of my child, or am I going to find a way to rise above this darkness and live my life in a way that honors the life of my child?
can go to remember your son or daughter; a place that will help you reflect on memories of their life, as opposed to being in a cemetery (or staring at their ashes in an urn) which tends to cause more painful thoughts of their death.
Someday, all of us who are alive right now will be long gone, and eventually, no one will be left who knew us. But there are things we can do to make sure our children will be thought of and remembered by many, extending beyond our own lives when we leave this earth to join them.
Some may look at this picture of a frog and see a frog. But, for me, this picture has a whole other meaning!
I just knew something was wrong! But she was bullheaded, and insisted that she didn’t need to see a doctor. Then, here we are waiting to see if she had cancer. I really, honestly couldn’t believe that we were at this point…cancer is such a scary word!
me through this! I fully rely on Him!” And she truly meant it! She went through some of the hardest times she’s ever been through once she began chemo. She struggled with much pain and sickness! But each time I would ask her how she was doing, she would always remind me that God was walking with her and she would get through this! Her faith in Him was amazing, and so encouraging! She was able to witness to many people during this time. God used her in ways she never dreamed of before, through this ugly word called cancer.
be. Life happens, and sometimes the things in life that happen are very hard! We keep thinking there is NO way that we will ever get through it. But, my faith today tells me that as long as I have God in my life, I can get through anything. He will always be there with me to walk me through the darkest of times. He will never leave nor forsake me. Even when we don’t feel Him, He is still there, watching over us!
or her faith in God has been shaken, should have a safe place to share their hurts, doubts and anger without judgment or being shunned by other Christians.
God into a magic genie and get whatever we want from Him. Prayer is communicating with Him, both talking and listening. Prayer is laying things before Him, and allowing Him to be God, trusting that He can see what we cannot see, and that He knows what we do not know. Prayer opens doors. It opens the doors of our hearts. No matter what happens, we need to communicate to our Father, and continue to have conversations with Him.
That leaves the last one – people. The adage that we are stronger together than by ourselves is very true in this situation. If you haven’t yet, I encourage you to join forces with those who not only share these beliefs, but are acting on making them a reality. When we do, each of us becomes part of something that is bigger than any one of us can ever be by ourselves.
or a dream; it is a movement. A movement that one day, our culture will acknowledge that grief is not something we “get over” like a bad cold.
our knees, we don’t have much of a choice. Our body just kind of seems to take over as a response to the intense grief. Some of us find ourselves eating unhealthy “comfort foods” constantly. Others discover they don’t eat anything at all for a couple of days. Some of us can’t seem to stay awake and all we can do is sleep. Others want desperately to sleep, but even with sleep aids it often still seems to allude them.
we start making the choice. “Do I want to stay a victim and let that become my identity? Or do I want to figure out how to climb out of this pit of darkness and back into a place of hope and light and life?”
We don’t get to choose how our body reacts to a shocking tragedy. But what we can and need to do is look to God for how to not abuse our bodies during this time, and ask Him what we can do to help our bodies come back into alignment with being healthy. He knows what we need, each day, each moment. And then be sure to follow through with the nudges of the Holy Spirit.
or climbing out of the pit of darkness and despair? I urge you to start making your way out with baby steps by taking back your health. And keep going, because it is worth the climb!
