If you are here, you may be wondering if finding peace after the loss of a child is even possible. You may feel like the weight of your grief is too heavy, too suffocating, too final. I understand that feeling, because I didn’t even know this kind of suffocating darkness existed until I was living it, after the death of my daughter, Becca.
And yet, being almost fifteen years on this unwanted journey, I want to gently tell you something that may feel hard to believe right now: peace is still possible.
Not because the pain disappears. Not because the loss becomes easier. But because God meets us right in the middle of what feels unbearable and begins to do something deep within us.
When loss feels overwhelming
In a recent podcast conversation with Angela Alexander, we heard a story filled with layer upon layer of loss: losing a sister through murder (by their brother), walking through an immense trauma incident with her husband, and then the unimaginable loss of two young sons in a tragic accident. The kind of losses that changes everything in a single moment.
Something that stood out so strongly was that even in the midst of devastation, there was an awareness that God was present.
Sometimes we think peace will come when our circumstances change. But often, finding peace after the loss of a child begins when we recognize that God has not left us, even here.
Even in the hospital room.
Even in the silence.
Even in the questions that don’t have answers.
Seeking God in the middle of the pain
One of the most powerful reminders shared was this: seek God first.
Not after you feel better. Not once the tears stop. Not when things start to make sense. Right now.
That might look like whispering, “God, I don’t understand.”
It might look like sitting in silence because you don’t have words.
It might even look like telling Him that you’re angry.
Seeking God doesn’t require polished prayers. It requires honesty.
Finding peace after the loss of a child often begins with simply turning toward Him, even when everything in you feels shattered.
The power of your thoughts and words
Grief has a way of turning our thoughts inward in painful ways. We begin to question ourselves, blame ourselves, and speak things over our lives that deepen the darkness.
But your words matter. The quiet things you say to yourself matter.
Angela gave us a powerful reminder that we can either speak life or reinforce the pain. That doesn’t mean pretending everything is okay. It means gently choosing to remind yourself of truth:
God is still with me.
I am not alone.
This did not blindside Him.
Even small shifts in what we say to ourselves can begin to open space for healing.
Searching for miracles in the midst of grief
This may be one of the hardest things to hear, especially early in grief. But there is a choice that we are faced with over time: we can search for our misery, or we can begin to search for moments of God’s presence.
That doesn’t mean ignoring the pain. It means allowing ourselves to also see where God is moving.
Sometimes the miracle is not what we begged God for. Sometimes it is the strength to get out of bed. Sometimes it is a moment of comfort that we cannot explain.
And sometimes, the miracle is what God begins to do inside of us by bringing us to a place we never thought we could reach.
This is part of finding peace after the loss of a child; being able to recognize that even in this place of intense pain, God is still at work.
The necessity of forgiveness
Forgiveness is not easy. In fact, it may feel impossible.
There can be so many places where forgiveness is needed:
- The person responsible (directly or indirectly)
- People who say and do hurtful things
- Your child for leaving you
- Yourself
- Even God
And yet, holding onto unforgiveness can quietly deepen our pain. It can affect our bodies, our thoughts, and our ability to move forward.
Forgiveness is not about saying that what happened was okay. It is about releasing what is weighing you down. It is a process that takes time. And sometimes it starts with simply being willing to begin.
Caring for your body in grief
Grief affects every part of us, spirit, soul, and body.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is something very simple:
- Step outside for fresh air
- Take a short walk
- Move your body, even with tears streaming down your face
Angela shared with us that she had times of walking on a treadmill, crying, listening to worship music. That is something I can very much relate to, as well as many others I know.
You don’t have to feel strong to move forward in small ways. Sometimes your body leads, and your heart slowly follows.
You don’t have to do this alone
One of the most important parts of finding peace after the loss of a child is connection. Not with people who try to fix you or with those who say they understand when they don’t. But with others who truly know this pain.
There is something powerful about being able to say your child’s name out loud to those who understand how important that is. About not having to explain the depth of your grief and being seen, right where you are on this journey.
Whether it’s a small group, a trusted friend, or writing your thoughts in a journal, your story matters. Giving it a voice is part of healing.
A gentle reminder about eternity
There was a beautiful perspective that Angela shared that can be hard to hold onto, but deeply comforting: our children are not gone like the way it feels. They are with Jesus. They are whole and free from the pain and limitations of this world. They are filled with joy in ways we cannot fully comprehend.
One day when I was struggling with the thought of getting further and further away from Becca, the Holy Spirt graciously spoke to my heart. “Laura, you are not getting further away from her. Every day you are getting closer to being with her again.” That shift in perspective has made a huge difference in being able to have peace within the pain.
Finding peace after the loss of a child does not mean forgetting him or her. It means learning to live with both grief and hope. It means holding onto the reality that this separation is not forever.
It can come slowly and gently
If you are in the early days, or even years into this journey, and peace still feels far away, you are not doing this wrong. There is no timeline or perfect way to grieve. But there is a faithful God who walks with you through every step.
And little by little, in ways you may not even notice at first, He will begin to soften the sharp edges of the pain and make room for something new. This is not instead of your grief but running alongside it.
And one day, you may begin to realize that even here in this painful loss… peace has found its way in.
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 342. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
To connect with Angela Alexander: miraclesinaction.com
Click here to get The Bible’s Grieving Parents
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AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.
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