This is a topic that no one seems to talk about after the trauma of the death of one’s child, and yet for those of us who are married, it is another area that is greatly affected. How do I know? Because I have received several emails over the past few years asking me what I have to offer for help in this area.
Sadly, I have not had anything, until now. I recently had guest, Linda Dillow, back on the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast. This may sound strange, but Linda is highly qualified on the topic of God’s view of sexual intimacy. After studying it out for herself, God led her to write a book, which led to more books and doing over eighty conferences on this topic.
A couple of years ago, her daughter passed away, which now also (unfortunately) qualifies her to talk about this topic within the deep grief of losing a child. Knowing this, I asked her to come on and talk to us about sexual intimacy after child loss.
Linda shared there are six reasons why God gives us the gift of sexual intimacy.
- To create life
- A defense against temptation
- Intimate (yada) oneness
- For knowledge (knowing and loving each other in our vulnerability)
- For pleasure (Yes, God gave us body parts for the purpose of pleasure.)
The sixth one is for the purpose of comfort. 
We see this specifically when David and Bathsheba lost their infant son. The Bible tells us that David went in to comfort Bathsheba his wife. He lay down with her and they had sexual relations (2 Samuel 12:24).
Have you heard of En Gedi? It is an oasis in the scorching desert over in Israel. It is a place surrounded by beautiful palm trees, with caves and fresh springs that turn into waterfalls landing in refreshing pools of water. David hid there when King Saul was trying to hunt him down to kill him so he couldn’t become the new king (1 Samuel 23 and 24).
It is also mentioned in the Song of Solomon, which is an intimate peek into the lives of a pair of married lovers. In chapter one, verse fourteen, the woman is speaking about her husband, saying, “My beloved is like a cluster of henna flowers in the desert gardens of En Gedi.”
Most couples struggle greatly with their sex life after the death of their child, even to the point of wanting nothing to do with sex for multiple reasons (especially us moms), but that is because we fail to realize or understand God’s purposes for this special act of intimacy.
Isn’t it amazing to know that one reason God gave us the gift of sexual intimacy is so we can comfort each other? It is like having our own personal En Gedi in our scorching and dry wilderness of grief!
This is just a very sparse writing, taken from my talk with Linda on this subject. There is so much more to this topic that it is split into two very full podcast episodes. If you would like to hear our full discussion, or find out more about Linda Dollow, click the links below.
Episode 201: God’s Gift of Sexual Intimacy
Episode 202: Sexual Intimacy after Child Loss
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Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents
Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.
If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.
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