GPS Hope

by Leave a Comment

The Gift of the Holy Spirit Within Child Loss

 

As believers in Christ, we are familiar with who Jesus is and what He did for us. We hear a lot about who God is as well. But how much do we know about the third part of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit? Why do we need the Holy Spirit, and how can He help us in our grief?

Let’s look at when Jesus talks about the Holy Spirit in the book of John, chapters fifteen and sixteen. “It’s to your advantage that I go away, for if I don’t go away the Divine Encourager will not be released to you. But after I depart, I will send him to you”, John 16:7 (TPT). I love hearing that the Holy Spirit is our Divine Encourager, don’t you? (If King James is the version you are most familiar with, it calls the Holy Spirit our Helper.)

Let me share that same verse from the Amplified translation, because it lists out even more things that the Holy Spirit is for us.

But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you.

We often hear the Holy Spirit called our Comforter and Helper, which means He is all those things in the verse we just read.

  • Advocate – He is your representative, defending you against the accuser.
  • Intercessor – He is before the throne, adding his prayers to yours for help.
  • Counselor – He will help you make good and right decisions in the fogginess of grief.
  • Strengthener – He will give you His inner strength when you have none of your own.
  • Standby – He is standing by, immediately ready to help whenever you call out to Him.

In John 15:26, Jesus also says that the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth and will lead us into truth. Did you know there is one truth that even Jesus had a hard time believing at one point?

Shortly after making that statement, Jesus told His disciples they would be scattered, each one going their own way, leaving Jesus alone. He also stated to them: But I am never really alone, because the Father is with me (John 16:32 ERV). Several hours later Jesus was arrested, badly beaten, and hung on a cross to serve the judgment of a death sentence.

While hanging on that cross, Jesus cried out in complete agony and despair, quoting from King David in Psalm 22:1,  My God! Why have you forsaken me? (Why have you turned your back on me? Where did you go? Why aren’t you here with me?)

But the truth is, God never left Him. The Father never turned His back on His Son. He was WITH Jesus as He hung on that cross, covered in the most hideous sins we can think of, along with all the little sins ever done by me, by you, and every person ever to live on this earth. The Holy Spirit was still dwelling inside Jesus because it is not sin that causes God to separate Himself from us.

How can I say that? For one thing, we see in scripture that God still came down to the garden of Eden to fellowship with His creation of mankind, knowing that Adam and Eve had sinned. Also, in the book of Job, we read that Satan was at God’s throne. That goes against the thought that God’s holiness keeps Him from being able to be around sin.

Here is another thing to think about. If God is so holy that He cannot be around sin or even look at us as sinners, how was Jesus able to come to earth to live as one of us, as God in the flesh dwelling among us? How is the Holy Spirit able to come to us as sinners, allowing us to see our need for the Father’s love to set us free from the chains of sin?

So, if God’s holiness does not keep God away from being around sin and evil (like many of us have been taught), what was it that separated Adam and Eve from God? It was their guilt and their shame! Not their sin.

It is our guilt and shame that causes us to pull away from Him. But things were so dark for Jesus as He hung there, that God’s light could not break through, causing Jesus to feel alone in that suffocating darkness, even though God had not left Him.

It may be so dark that you cannot see God, hear God, or feel God’s presence. Jesus knows what that is like! You have not been betrayed, forsaken, or left alone any more than He was. God is right there with you in the horrific darkness because God’s incredible gift of His very Spirit lives inside you.

Let’s go back to the end of John 16:7 which says, The Holy Spirit cannot come to help you until I leave. But after I am gone, I will send the Spirit to you (CEV). The Amplified version adds to be in close fellowship with you.

God gave us the grace of the Holy Spirit to live in us because He knew we would be challenged by His higher ways and overwhelmed by some of the circumstances of this world at times. But because of His Spirit dwelling in us, it is also possible to also be overwhelmed by His majesty, His fullness, His faithfulness, goodness and incredibly deep love for us!

Jesus knew there was joy ahead beyond the darkness and pain (Hebrews 1:2), even if He could not see it while He was in a place of suffocating darkness. There is joy ahead for you as well, but you must lean on His Spirit, living inside you, to find it.

But God now unveils these profound realities to us by the Spirit. Yes, he has  revealed to us his inmost heart and deepest mysteries through the Holy Spirit … His thoughts and secrets are only fully understood by his Spirit, the Spirit of God.

1 Corinthians 2:10-11 (TPT)

 

Would you like to receive a Weekly Word of Hope written and sent by Laura? Let her know below. Your email address is safe with GPS Hope.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

by Leave a Comment

Making Hard Choices Within Our Grief

When our child died, it was obviously not our choice!

Going through the darkness of grief is not our choice.

The pain that cannot be described is not our choice.

The way our brain is scrambled for so long and we can’t think straight is not our choice.

I could go on, but you know exactly what I am talking about.

Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts to getting off the path of this nightmarish journey we found ourselves thrown onto.

But I am not here to talk about the things we can’t control and the choices we cannot make. I want to talk about the choices we can make.

At the beginning, grief takes over EVERYTHING. But as the weeks and months go by, we find ourselves able to make small choices. We may choose to cook a somewhat decent meal instead of having fast food again or a bowl of cereal. We might choose to try and go out for coffee with a friend (in public). We might choose to pick up our Bible and try to read it (and sometimes put it right back down, for various reasons).

I want to help you move forward when you get to that point of being able to start making some choices, because some of those can be major, such as choosing to stay mad at God and blaming Him and refusing to allow Him to ease the pain in your heart that keeps you an angry, bitter person. (Ouch! Yes, I said it…)

Here is a key that may help you unlock some of those choices you need or want to make.

Instead of choosing to be against something, choose to be for something.

For instance, you can choose to be against facing another week because you can’t bear being away from your child for longer than you already have. Or you can choose to be for going through this next week because it gets you that much closer to being reunited with your child.

You can choose to be against spending time with a friend, because you feel guilty for doing something that might be kind of fun when your child can’t have any fun with his or her friends any more. Or you could choose to be for spending time with your friend, because you might get a chance to talk about your son or daughter with someone who will listen. Or because having an enjoyable evening might be like a needed medicine to your soul. Or because you can picture your child watching you enjoy yourself, and seeing you smile (and maybe even laugh), realizing it would make them happy instead of seeing you so horribly angry and miserable.

It can help even more to take just a minute and write down at least one thing (or a list of things) you are going to do your best to choose to do for something, instead of continuing to choose against something.

I did that recently, after being prompted by my friend Mary. One of the things I specifically wrote down in my list was, “I choose to be a size 10/12.” As Becca went through her severe illness and after she died, I allowed food to be a comfort and a distraction for me, gaining a good thirty pounds, becoming the heaviest I have ever been (including my five pregnancies). I have not been able to get it off for the last three to four years. Truthfully, I have not been motivated enough to want to stop eating sweets and other unhealthy foods enough to follow through. Until now. Since I wrote that down, I am ecstatic that I am down over ten pounds and still going!

Go ahead and write it out. I choose to _______________________.

And if you can’t think of how to flip it around to do it for a good reason, ask the Holy Spirit to show you one. (My motivation to choose to finally get serious about my unhealthy eating is being able to fit into the mother-of-the-bride gown I wore to Becca’s wedding for the red-carpet Author Academy Awards in which my book When Tragedy Strikes is a finalist.)

And with that, I choose to be for climbing into bed , tired but at a fairly decent hour (which means staying focused on working my way through today’s heavy schedule) instead of being against my day, feeling like it is out of control with too much going on (which means distracting myself from what I should be doing and climbing into bed exhausted because it is extremely late by the time I get everything done).

So, what are you going to be for, instead of against, that will help you move toward light and life? I would love to hear from you in the comments below.

We are coming up on the holiday season, when there are many events that are difficult to attend. If you would like a list of ideas on how to handle these events, just let us know and we would be happy to send it to you.

 

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl. Laura is a national keynote speaker and also a workshop speaker for both The Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA national conferences. Laura has also been a guest on Open to Hope several times, and has hosted her own conferences, a virtual conference and many webinars. If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event, click here.

by 2 Comments

How Can I Trust God Again?

Those of us who have lost a child can have major struggles with trusting God.

We may have prayed daily for God’s protection over our children, trusting that He will answer that prayer because of our unwavering faithfulness. We may have fasted and prayed for a sick child, fully believing we will see Jehovah Rapha, God our Healer, in action.

People around us may have told us something like, “Keep praying in faith. God is going to heal your child,” which brought encouragement at the time.

Or how about since that horrible day hearing something like, “Hang in there. God knows what He is doing, just trust Him.”

We often want to shout, “I DID trust God, and my child died!” 

First, let me say that you are allowed to question what God is doing in your life. Surprised? Abraham did, Jonah did, Elisha the prophet did, the twelve apostles did… get the picture?

We have prayed for protection or healing for our children, and that prayer was not answered.

When my daughter, Becca, was three and was diagnosed with cancer, I believed the more people I told that God was going to heal her, the more He was obligated to do so, based on how much faith I had. I was shocked when she had her tiny left leg amputated (due to cancer in the bone) and went through nine months of chemo.

My shattered faith sent me on a journey to discover what this faith stuff was all about. I learned over the years that faith isn’t getting the answer I want to the prayers I am praying. Faith is knowing Him intimately to the point that I trust Him with whatever answer He gives to my prayers.

I saw this in action seventeen years later. Becca had an extremely high-risk pregnancy (due to heart damage caused by the chemo) with a 50/50 chance of surviving the labor and delivery. As they were wheeling her away to start the process, I found myself crying in my husband, Dave’s, arms. I told him I didn’t understand why I was crying, because I knew in my heart I trusted God with both Becca and the child she was carrying.

He wisely answered, “Because we don’t know which direction we are going to have to trust Him for.”

God so very graciously spared Becca’s life at that time, and the life of our first grandchild (who is now 15 years old).

However, nine years later, too sick to even be put on the heart transplant list, our daughter’s heart gave out, and she left this earth on October 12, 2011 at age 29.

Yes, it sent me into a suffocating darkness I didn’t even know existed.

But trusting God and refusing to let go of Him in the midst of my pain, which was so deep I would sometimes forget to breathe, is what got me where I am today.

It reminds me of when Jesus asked his disciples if they were going to leave him like the rest of the crowd did, when He said something difficult that made no sense to them whatsoever. Peter’s response was, “Where else would we go? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:68).

One thing I have done to help build that trust in God through this, is to slowly shift my thinking to Becca’s gain instead of my loss. For instance, I don’t like it when other people tell me, “But she is healed now!” Duh! I know that, but that wasn’t what I meant when I was praying for her, and I still want her here with me! Telling me that doesn’t “fix me” or make me feel better.

But when I am by myself, and allowing the Holy Spirit to be my Comforter, I can start to receive that truth. She really is healed now, dancing with both legs, has no more trouble breathing and has a strong heart that will never give out again. She is done going through the painful trials and traumas of this world. She is safe. She is whole in body, soul and spirit. And I believe she is waiting for me with great anticipation. I can even thank God that my daughter is safe, and whole, and happy!

Am I totally healed and back to “normal?”  No way! That will never happen. But I am leaning on God in this painful journey, and it is not based on what I can see or know, but the exact opposite. It is based on what I cannot see and what I do not know, because that’s what trust is.

I can choose to believe there is no God or He would have saved my child. I can choose to believe that if there is a God, He isn’t good and He isn’t fair or He would have saved my child. Both of those options leave me feeling angry and empty. I have chosen the third option. There is a God, His thoughts and ways are so much higher than mine, He loves me with a perfect love, and even though I don’t understand why He has allowed this to happen, I still trust Him with my life both here on earth and for eternity. This option has brought me to a place of peace, rest, hope, and life again—even within the pain. (When Tragedy Strikes)

In other words, I have learned that choosing to continue to trust God here on earth with temporary painful things I don’t understand gives me so much more peace than choosing to remain angry and being determined He is not trustworthy.

Trusting God again doesn’t usually happen in just one decision, but in making the decision over and over again. It can be a process, and that is okay.

I encourage you to choose to make that decision as often as you need to, so that God can wrap you in His hope, His comfort, and yes, even His peace. Ask Him to help you shift your perspective to see things in a different way. Allow Him to give you the strength to trade the anger and blame, so you can receive the love of the Father that your child is now basking in. 

Think about it. Our children now know how trustworthy He is because they can see the full picture that we cannot see!

Yes, God has everything you and I need to help guide us out of the darkness of our suffocating grief. You can choose to trust Him in the midst of the pain. And I’ll bet your son or daughter would tell you the same thing.

Would you like a simple tool to help with anger? The award winning “My Grief Journey: A Coloring Book and Journal for Grieving Parents”  has two pages on that subject. If you would like to receive them, just submit your information below.


GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.

 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl. Laura is a national keynote speaker and also a workshop speaker for both The Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA national conferences. Laura has also been a guest on Open to Hope several times, and has hosted her own conferences, a virtual conference and many webinars. If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event, click here.

Recent Posts




LIKE US ON FACEBOOK

GPS Hope Page (for bereaved parents)

Events & Itinerary

BROWSEOUR STORE

guidestar