strength through grief Archives

Mary and Martha must have felt so betrayed by God.

They send for Jesus to come quickly when Lazarus was sick, but their brother died because Jesus stayed put for three days before heading to them! (You can find this in John 11.) “If you had come, he wouldn’t have died! Why didn’t you come and heal him???”

They knew Jesus could have healed their brother because they followed him. They watched Jesus do miracles constantly. In fact, according to John 21:25, He did so many miracles they couldn’t all be recorded – meaning there are hundreds of them we don’t even know about!

“It’s our turn! We need a miracle, now!” This time it wasn’t just some stranger reaching out to Jesus. Lazarus, Mary, and Martha were some of his closest friends. He often stopped at their house for a meal or to stay overnight.

But Jesus knew there was something greater to happen through the death of Lazarus than through a miraculous healing.

Yes, I am going there… just hear me out.

My Personal Revelation

One evening while talking to a group of pareavors online, I had the realization that I am doing what I do today because Becca didn’t receive the miraculous healing that she needed for her heart.

In other words, my daughter went through ten years of severe heart issues that included at least a dozen ambulance rides and three med flight helicopter rides the last eighteen months of her life. She survived a pregnancy and labor when the doctors gave her a 50/50 chance of survival because they just didn’t know what her heart was going to do. She lived through three open heart surgeries. (One was to put in a pump to run the left side of her heart, and another was to take it out after a bizarre incident that made the pump start shorting in and out, shocking her heart over and over.) She had a stroke that caused permanent damage, was brought back to life after 17 minutes from SCD (Sudden Cardiac Death), and survived being in the Trauma Life Center when all of her organs shut down from sepsis (blood poisoning).

This girl was a walking miracle, that started when she was only three years old, getting bone cancer, having her little left leg amputated, and going through nine months of chemo. She was the only survivor of the children who were in her hospital getting treatments at the same time. (The chemo is what caused the heart damage that plagued her those last ten years.)

And then on the evening of October 12,2011 her heart just randomly gave out and she died! As strange as it may sound, I was blindsided. So many people prayed and fasted for her, some of them since she was three. I really believed God was either going to miraculously heal her heart, or she was going to be able to get the needed heart transplant.

I don’t have to tell you how devastated I was and the darkness it put me in when she died. I held on to God with everything I had, like Jacob wrestling with the angel, telling Him I wasn’t going to let go until He miraculously turned it around for me to see some kind of a blessing on the other side of this. That seemed like a crazy thing to fight for, because how is it even remotely possible to have a blessing in my life as a result of something so horrific as my daughter’s death?????

But here I am. It’s hard to explain how fulfilled and blessed I feel, to be a light to thousands of grieving parents who find themselves in the same darkness I was once in, through the ministry of GPS Hope. Does it make me glad Becca died so I can be doing this? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I would trade it all instantly to have her back with me here on earth, but I can’t.

God didn’t betray you.

This might be impossible to believe right now, but He has something for you that goes beyond the death of your child. Just like Lazarus, Jesus knows something greater can happen through the death of your precious child, than through a miraculous healing or His hand of protection that we so desperately wanted for them. (And no, God didn’t kill your child to teach you a lesson! He just knows that the eternal fruit of their departure can outweigh the eternal fruit of them staying here.)

I know what you’re probably thinking. Maybe God did that for you, Laura, but I don’t see that happening for me! It’s okay if you can’t see it for yourself right now. I (and other parents who have been right where you are) will be your eyes to see it and your hope to believe it, until you have your own hope and your own eyes to see.

When my husband, Dave, and I were dating, God kept telling him to “wait” to propose. Dave did a study on the word wait and found out one meaning is “a carved work.”

In our darkness, we are waiting a long time because God is doing a carved work. He will even let us believe He has betrayed us and be angry with Him as He is at work in our darkness. He continues though, knowing that someday we will understand. And that “someday” may not be until we are reunited with our children.

Dare to tell God that you are going to wrestle with Him until you see something good in your life because of the earthly departure of your child. Fight for it. And realize sometimes that fighting is learning how to rest in Him while He is at work preparing your personal miracle, which is something only He can do in such a place of darkness and pain.

Are you struggling with you faith or your relationship with God after the death of your child? Many grieving parents do.

We would like to send you a video session, “Has Your Faith Been Shattered?” from our 2017 online conference. Just fill in your name and email address below, and hit the submit button. (You will also join over a thousand other parents receiving a Weekly Word of Hope, which you can unsubscribe from at any time.)

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
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If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

A butterfly coming out of the cocoon is a beautiful picture of how working our way out of bondage and darkness makes us so very strong.

As parents who have faced the death of our child, we are that butterfly in a cocoon. But many of us don’t even want to come out. And if we do, we often don’t believe coming out is possible, as we feel too weak to keep fighting. But fight, we must do. Some of the strongest, most caring people that I know are pareavors (bereaved parents) who have fought their way out of their cocoon of bondage and darkness.

They are also some of the most beautiful and loving souls I have ever met. Many of them have a deep passion for an unexpected purpose in life to help others. My friends, Dave and Dee, organize runs to bring awareness to heart failure and donate the proceeds to various community organizations. Anne goes into schools to talk about bullying, after her daughter died by suicide in a school bathroom. Kelly started professional training for medical staff on how to help parents in the hospital with infant loss at birth. The list could go on and on, including my becoming an author to help other grieving parents find hope, light and a fulfilled life again after the death of their child, and my husband and I starting an organization to do the same.

If you don’t know our story, it was actually a 26-year ordeal. But to simplify it in one sentence, our daughter, Becca, died at age 29 on October 12, 2011 from heart damage due to one of the chemo drugs she was given at age three (along with having her tiny left leg amputated at that time) as part of her treatment for cancer. (Click here to read the full story.)

The first two years after her death were a blur of suffocating darkness and confusion. (And the second year was worse than the first year, which seems to be pretty normal for those of us who have lost a child from this earth.)

The next couple of years I started doing a bit better, but the fifth year was another weepy one. That Christmas, my oldest son purchased some oysters to be opened live on Facebook, and the pearls inside were mine to keep as my Christmas present. It was so fascinating to watch them being opened and to see the gorgeous different colored pearl in each one. I ended up watching other people’s oysters being opened as well, and felt a drawing to watch more “oyster shucking” when I had the chance.

While waiting for my pearls to arrive in the mail one day, I found myself in tears thinking about how deeply touched I was to be able to have something tangible in my hands to remind me of the hope I have that God keeps His promises to take something so horrific, and somehow (as only He can) turn my shattered life into something of beauty that was still valuable and worth living!

Right then and there, I knew I wanted to find a way to give this same gift of this gorgeous symbol of the HOPE we have in Him into the hands of other pareavors.

I found myself writing something I wanted to give to those who decided to join me in having an oyster opened; letting them know the pearl inside is something we can look at, reminding us that even though it feels like it, we did not die along with our child.

Here is part of what I wrote.

You hold in your hand a priceless treasure. Yes, there is a monetary value placed on the pearl(s) you now possess. However, it is so much more…

…You have had something way beyond “an irritant” invade your life. You have had to face the death of your precious child. And now you have the opportunity to allow God to do a far greater miracle in you than He does in an oyster, which is to allow Him the time and tools needed to make something beautiful out of something so horrific.

Yes, it can happen. Not only can it happen, but it will happen, if you allow the One who sees what you cannot see, and knows what you do not know to be at work, deeply hidden in your heart and soul, where no one else has access. He wants to use this tragedy to make you highly valued; a rare and valuable gem, glowing with His love and glory unlike anyone else on earth.

It took almost a year and going down several paths, but my dream of being able to offer this for others is now happening. Once a month, we have an oyster opening live on our GPS Hope Facebook page for anyone who wants a gorgeous pearl as a symbol of who they can become, after a deep tragedy, including the death of their child.

YOU are a precious and rare gem. You may not feel like it right now, but as you continue on your journey, you will realize that yes, you are still valuable. And for those of you who are pareavors, it is because of the deep love you have for your child, that you can have hope as to your rare beauty and value because of that never-ending love.

For more information on the Pearls of Hope event, click here. Note: You don’t have to be a bereaved parent to get in on it. Anyone can purchase an oyster to be opened just for the fun of it, or as a gift for someone who would appreciate watching their own oyster being opened knowing the beautiful pearl inside is theirs, or because you want to be part of bringing finances to help GPS Hope be able to reach out to more grieving parents.

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl to bring hope, light and life to those struggling in darkness after a tragedy, especially bereaved parents. If you would like more information about Laura as an author or a speaker for your next event, click here.