When Freedom Feels Different
If you are reading this the day it comes out, it is the 4th of July; a time filled with fireworks, flags, cookouts, and celebration here in the United States. We call it Independence Day, celebrating our freedom as a nation.
But if you’re a grieving parent, freedom probably has a different meaning for you right now.
After the death of our child, we find ourselves bound in a way we never expected. Bound by sorrow… pain… guilt… feeling alone…so many questions, especially all the “why?” questions.
Sometimes it feels like we’re imprisoned in a life we no longer recognize — and don’t even want anymore.
When the world around us is having cookouts and celebrating freedom, it can feel so distant, painful and lonely. How can everyone else go on like this, when your heart is so very broken?
Fighting for a New Kind of Freedom
If you have been around for very long, you know how often I talk about how important it is to allow God to help us change our perspective in this journey of child loss that we never wanted to be on.
This can be one of those areas. Let me offer you a thought about our grief and freedom.
Just as our country had to fight for its freedom (and it didn’t happen overnight) we, too, are in a process of fighting for a new kind of freedom. Not freedom from the love we have for our child, because that will never happen, but:
- Freedom from the crushing weight of guilt, shame or regrets.
- Freedom to remember our child without the stabbing pain.
- Freedom from the lies that say we’ll never be okay again.
- Freedom to find hope and light in the darkness.
- Freedom to live… without the fear that moving forward means leaving our child behind.
You see, the fight for independence for us in 1776 was loud. Explosive. History-making.
But your fight for healing may be quiet. Inward. Hidden.
And still — it is brave.
It matters.
Your Version of Celebration
Maybe this 4th of July, your version of “celebration” looks like getting out of bed.
Or saying your child’s name out loud as you hold him or her in your heart.
Or giving yourself permission to skip the fireworks and sit in silence instead.
Or maybe just the opposite – sitting and watching the fireworks in wonder and awe, maybe even surrounded by family and friends.
And I want you to know — it all counts.
Freedom after loss doesn’t come quickly. It takes time. And like the fireworks lighting up a dark sky, hope can begin to flicker again — sometimes small and faint, but still there.
Grief and freedom can coexist, because over time, freedom can look like breathing again without guilt. Smiling again without apology. Living again, not in spite of your child’s death, but because of his or her life that life still matters, and so does yours.
A Declaration of Hope
July 4th is when we celebrate the day our nation’s founders signed the Declaration of Independence. It was a bold claim, taking a stand against something that seemed insurmountable.
For us as pareavors, it can feel just as bold to make your own declaration against something that feels next to impossible, such as…
I will not continue to hold on to the identity that my child died.
I will live in a way that continues to carry my child’s legacy.
I will trust God with my future, that somehow, He has a plan for me that is still good, with meaning and purpose.
My child’s life still matters, and so does mine.
What is a declaration you can make, right now? Something that is a stretch, and yet because you have seen others get to the other side of the suffocating darkness, you know it is possible, even if you may not think it is possible for you.
Pause for a moment to think about it. Ask God what He wants to help you with and make that declaration out loud. You may even want to write it down somewhere, to remind yourself of what you are determined to believe, to do, or to be, when you are further down the road on this unwanted journey.
If Independence Day is hard for you, no matter what country you live in, you’re not alone. And if your celebration here in the States looks nothing like red, white, and blue this year — that’s okay.
You still have freedom – the freedom to grieve… to remember… and to keep walking this road at your pace, in the way you need to.
Grief is not something you move on from, but something you learn to carry. And over time, you may begin to declare your own kind of independence — not from your child, but from the things that keep you from living again.
Jesus is the light you need. There are times in our life when we have the fireworks kind of light from Him. This is not one of those times. Even the smallest flicker can give us hope to keep going, one day, one hour, one minute, one breath at a time.
You may be thinking, I am not even seeing a flicker right now, but I believe that you are. I believe that reading this blog, is one of those flickers of light that can bring hope to make it through the next hour, the next day, the next week.
I pray and believe that you will discover more little flickers and sparks of light as we continue on this journey together.
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 303. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
Did you do anything special this 4th of July in honor of your child? Do you have a special memory of this holiday with your child? We would love to hear about it in the comments below.
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AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.
has been around the block in life. She has served as a Commissioned Officer in the United States Public Health Service, a dental school professor, a grief counselor, a death doula, a civil mediator, a clinical dentist with her late husband Jim in Farmington MN, a school board Chair, President of an international women’s organization, the first woman President of the Minnesota Dental Association, a National Spokesperson for the American Dental Association (21 years), an award-winning, best-selling author and international speaker on the topics of grief, conflict and legacy planning. She has also suffered many personal losses, including the deaths by suicide of her mother and son and the death by broken heart of her husband after their son’s death. Her most important role now is mother to her two surviving children and grandmother to 6 precious grandchildren.
