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November 25, 2018 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

The Holiday Season vs. Grief

The holiday season brings many emotions to the surface, doesn’t it? And if you have lost someone who was dear to you from this earth within the past year, it can easily evoke dark, painful emotions you may have never experienced before.

For those who have faced a deep loss, the holidays are a reminder of your missing loved one. Some don’t even want to acknowledge Thanksgiving Day or Christmas, as the pain of who is missing is greater than the joy of who is still here.

Only those who have experienced this can understand and agree with what I am saying. To those who are blessed to have not yet faced a tragic deep loss, this doesn’t make any sense, which can cause conflict among families, because each person will have a different way of grieving, based on their own personality and their personal relationship with the family member who is now gone.

Most of us try to “enjoy” the season for those around us who weren’t affected as deeply, don’t we? Especially if there are young children or grandchildren around. But it is difficult, because our hearts can be so heavy. Even within the joy of seeing their excitement, there is often an undercurrent of sadness that just won’t seem to go away.

I want to let you know that it is okay, even normal, to have this struggle. And I want to release you from feeling guilty about it. Give yourself grace, just like you would a friend if they were in the same situation.

You see, grief is not an event. Death is an event, but grief is a process. In fact, it is a life-long process.

Some people will parrot the saying, “Time heals all wounds.” I don’t agree. The wounds of having someone very dear to us leave this earth is one that will be with us until it is our turn to leave. BUT that doesn’t mean it will always hurt so deeply. Time will allow the pain to lessen, if we lean into it and allow ourselves to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, holding the hand of the One who can give us the strength we need.

I like to use the acronym for HOPE: Hold On Pain Eases

My oldest daughter, Becca, loved the holidays. She especially loved Christmas. She loved decorating. She loved shopping (including the Black Friday sales). She loved the Christmas music. She loved the family spending time together. She loved everything about it.

When Becca died on October 12, 2011, I don’t even remember that first holiday season. Everything was a painful blur.

I didn’t think it was even possible, but the second year was even more painful than the first. About the only thing I remember about that second holiday season was one of my sons giving me a Christmas gift of a beautiful heart ornament that was hand painted in Becca’s memory.

The following couple of years my heart still struggled to be part of the holiday season. I went through the motions for the sake of the family, especially my grandchildren.

One year, Becca’s collection of Snow Buddies made it to my house, and I agonized over whether I wanted to set out her favorite Christmas display in my home.

I did it.

I cried some pretty hefty tears while pulling them out and setting them up, but once they were all out and displayed, it felt like she wasn’t quite so far away anymore.

I didn’t think it would ever happen, but I realized I was actually making the shift from feeling like the holidays were a slap-in-the-face reminder of my daughter being gone, to wanting the reminders because they had become warm memories I longed to embrace.

There was something behind all of this, that made it even possible.

…HOPE…

  • I had hope that my life would not always be this desolate and painful.
  • I had hope that God had not reached His limit on being able to help me through this suffocating darkness
  • I had hope in God’s resurrection power; that He could and wanted to breathe life back into me, when I felt like I died after the death of my daughter.

 

As the hope I had took root and started to grow, other things began to grow as well.

And believe it or not, this time of year is one of the best times for that growth to happen for those of us who are grieving.

Why?

First, because being grateful opens the door to making a needed shift in our focus. There is no question Thanksgiving is a bittersweet time for anyone who has faced a deep loss. We can’t stop the unexpected grief waves that attack which can make our hearts feel shattered into a million pieces. But after we allow ourselves the needed time to lean into the grief, we can make the decision whether we are going to stay there and wallow in it or take steps to pull ourselves out of the grief pit.

In other words, at some point we get to choose if we are going to dwell on the bitter, or on the sweet. And one of the quickest ways to cross over from the bitter to the sweet is to start listing (literally on paper is best) the good things we have in our lives. It can be as simple as “being able to smell the turkey as it cooks” to something as deep as, “I had twenty-nine wonderful years with her that I will never lose.”

And when it comes to Christmas, the whole reason Jesus came to this earth as a baby was to become a man and die so that we could have Life. God the Father knows what it is like to have someone very close to Him die, as He watched the torturous murder of His Son. He did that as an exchange for us, so that we would not have to stay in our place of suffocating darkness and pain of grief.

Once again, I want to acknowledge that we are going to have many surprise grief attacks that we will need to allow ourselves to lean into fully, whatever that looks like for each of us in that moment. And the fresher the loss, the more of an undercurrent of pain and sadness we will have throughout the season. But we will get to a point (if not this year, then probably within the next year or two) where we can choose whether our main focus is going to be on death, or life.

Our loved one died, but they also lived. Jesus died, so He could bring life. Not just eternal life after we die, but a fulfilled life after a tragic and painful loss. It won’t look the same… we won’t be the same… but we can still have life after death, here on this earth.

So, go ahead and grieve your loss that hurts so deeply. It is okay and necessary to feel that. But also have hope within that grief and remember: Hold On Pain Eases.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you would like to give a “gift” to your departed loved one this year, you may want to consider sponsoring an “In Loving Memory” heart decal, to be placed on the Hope Mobile. We would be honored to take him or her with us as we travel around the nation, keeping your loved one’s memory alive. (And it would be a gift to GPS Hope as well, since 100% of the proceeds goes directly into helping us continue our full-time ministry.) CLICK HERE to see the heart decals and find out more. 

 

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • Subscribe  to Laura’s YouTube channel for grieving parents.

Filed Under: Friends of GPS Hope Tagged With: bereaved parents holiday, Christian grief support, faith and grief, GPS Hope blog, grief and Christmas, grief and hope, grieving during the holidays, holiday grief tips, holiday sadness after death, hope after loss, loss of a loved one, surviving Christmas after child loss

November 18, 2018 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

Hope and Help for the Upcoming Christmas Season

 

Advent is a time of waiting; waiting for the coming or arrival of something. This is the season when “advent” is waiting for the arrival of Christmas, when we celebrate the fact that Jesus was born as a baby and entered our world. For most, it is a time of joyful anticipation, mixed with frazzled busyness.

But for many of us who have faced the death of our child, it is a time of waiting for the season to just… be…over. There are so many painful reminders of who we are missing, and painful reminders of what will never be.

We are also waiting to be reunited with our child, and that can’t seem to come soon enough. I remember in that first year after Becca died, telling God to just kill me, so I could be done here. Even though I had four other children, I just couldn’t get past the pain of having Becca gone, to be able to enjoy and love the ones who were still here.

Most of us are not suicidal. We just don’t want to live any more. I believe God knew from the very beginning of time that we would struggle with feeling so hopeless in our grief, and He did something about it.

Even though the Christmas season is all about Jesus entering the world of the humans He created and becoming one of us, the purpose of His birth was to die, so that we could have life. Not just life after we leave this world, but abundant life here on this earth (John 10:10). And believe it or not, He still wants to make good on that gift, that promise, in your life, after the death of your child.

God tells us that He is near to the broken hearted (Psalm 34:18). I don’t think there is anyone more broken hearted than those of us who have lost a child.

But no matter how broken you are today, tomorrow always promises new hope.

Why is that?

Because it may have looked like Jesus came as a sweet little baby, and He did. But he also came as a mighty King! We know He didn’t come as an earthly king to overthrow an earthly government, but to overthrow Satan, the spiritual ruler of this world, and to nullify the eternal effects of the horrible things Satan puts in our individual lives while we are here on this earth.

Jesus is not a ruthless king, although we might think so after the death of our child. Yes, He came to right the wrongs, but not the way we often think. (Just like it wasn’t the way the disciples thought.) He didn’t come for a temporary earthly fix. He came to make things permanent, for all of eternity.

He is the Alpha and the Omega (Revelation 1:8) which means He is the beginning of all things and He is the end of all things. Not only does He have the final word, He IS the final Word!

I want you to think about this. Jesus, our King, has never lost a battle that He was brought into. His strategies will often be different than ours, and there may be times we don’t like the playing field we find ourselves on, but when we bring Him into our battle, He always has the final Word, and the final victory!

There is a song that has been around for many years that says, “Sometimes He calms the storm, but sometimes He calms His child.” Earthly kings might be able to control some physical things here and there, but only King Jesus can bring His Kingdom inside of us. For instance, He can bring peace to our shattered hearts. That is a much greater rule than any earthly king or kingdom!

The Gift of Peace

Jesus is also our shepherd.

John chapter ten talks about the thief (the enemy who is after the sheep) who comes to steal, kill, and destroy them. The enemy attacks the flock and scatters it.

But we have a good shepherd, Jesus, who will leave the ninety-nine sheep to go after the one sheep who has been attacked and is lost and wounded. That would be you and me.

Psalm 23 says, “The Lord ADONAI is my shepherd… He restores my inner person (my soul)” (CJB).

And the best part is that it doesn’t matter how far away you are from God in your anger or unforgiveness; God has peace for you. How do I know this? He tells us in Isaiah 57:19 and Ephesians 2:17 that there is peace to those both far and near.

How about another promise from the One who has the final word? Jeremiah 33:6 states, “I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace.” He will heal your wounded shattered heart. Maybe not as soon as we want, and not even a complete healing here on this earth, but He will do it!

Jesus is our shepherd, to guide us into a place of peace; a peace that doesn’t make any sense after the death of our child. But their death isn’t the end, it is not the final word.

Peace is being extended to us. Our part is to let go of what we are carrying that keeps us from accepting His gift of peace. It is an exchange. We give Him our fear, anger, doubts, bitterness and so on, and He gives us peace. Sounds like a pretty good deal on our end!

Most of us are familiar with the promise in the book of Revelation about God wiping all the tears. But did you know it is because He is our shepherd? It is found in chapter 7, verse 17 and says, “For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes,” (NIV).

Prayer: Jesus, thank you for having the final word in my child’s life and in my life. And thank you that one of those final words is peace for my life. Help me to let go of the things that are keeping me from accepting that gift of peace. Amen.

This was taken from the book Hope for the Future: An Advent Book for Bereaved Parents.

Every year, the four Sundays before Christmas, author Laura Diehl, has a live Facebook time with bereaved parents, lighting an advent candle and bringing a word of encouragement within the pain of not having our child during the holiday season.

If you would like to participate, head to the GPS Hope Facebook page at 8:30PM Central on those four Sunday evenings. And while you are there, be sure to “like” and “follow” the GPS Hope Facebook page so you will continue getting hope and encouragement as a bereaved parent.

 

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: Advent grief, child loss healing, Christian grief support, faith and loss, GPS Hope Advent, grieving parents at Christmas, holiday grief encouragement, hope after child loss, Isaiah 57:19, Jesus our shepherd, John 10:10 grief, peace after loss, Psalm 34:18, Revelation 7:17

November 14, 2018 by Laura Diehl 4 Comments

Stop Telling Me I Need to be Thankful

Yes, this is the time of year where “thankfulness” abounds. It is everywhere we turn, from store decorations to commercials to Facebook posts.

But what do we do, when thankfulness is the furthest thing from our minds, and definitely not in our hearts? Do we stay in our house and pull the curtains tight? Do we yell at the TV, telling people who can’t hear us to stop it? Do we stay off social media, so we don’t have to feel like we are gagging at how happy and thankful everyone else is?

Yes, we might do all of those things and much more.

I KNOW how hard it is to be thankful or grateful this time of year, especially when those around us who have never lost a child tells us that is what we should do, because it will make us feel better!!!

Unless you can bring my child back, don’t tell me what to do to make me feel better! Right?

It has been seven years since Becca died, and this is a holiday I still struggle with, but for a different reason than you might think. You see, the last memory of all of us together for this holiday was at Becca’s house.

My Last Thanksgiving with My Daughter

Becca was very ill with severe heart damage (needing a heart transplant) and wheelchair bound. But in her LOVE for hosting and entertaining (it was a God-given gift she was quite good at) she begged to have Thanksgiving at her house instead of the tradition of everyone coming to ours. There were several people who said it would just be too hard; that she couldn’t do it. I knew I would still be the one making most of the food, and preferred using my own kitchen, but something in me knew she really needed to do this. So, I rallied around her, and convinced everyone (including her husband who would also need to shoulder much of the load) to let Becca host the family.

If you know anything about Becca, she always went (what some would consider) way overboard in decorating and preparing when she hosted, which is what made her so good at it. She was also OCD, and everything had to be done to her idea of perfection. (Not always a good combination, I must say…) And what made it worse that particular Thanksgiving Day, was that the only place to fit all fourteen of us was in their basement. This meant that she had to be carried up and down the stairs, with her wheelchair following, to be put back in it. It was a lot of extra work for several of us, causing some frazzled nerves for sure.

But she did it and was SO happy that day as we sat down to eat! My tears are running down my face right now, thinking about it.

This is one of those very bittersweet memories for sure.

And it is my choice to either dwell on the bitter, or on the sweet. As you well know, thinking about the pain of the deep loss, keeps us sucked under the suffocating darkness of grief. BUT, if we force ourselves to dwell on the sweet, such as how super glad I am that I convinced the rest of the family to let Becca host us, on what became her last Thanksgiving here on earth with us, and the wonderful memories I have because of it, I find myself so very thankful. (Oops, there is that word…)

And there you have it. You get to make the choice. Not because others tell you that you should, but because you want your memories to not only give you pain, but to also bring a smile to your heart within that pain.

If this is your first or second year without your child during the holiday season, it might not be possible yet. And that’s okay. But just know that you can eventually become thankful for the memories and the times you had, instead of swallowed up in indescribable pain at not having your child with you. It is possible.

From my personal experience, and many others who are on the same road, we have learned that finding even the tiniest things to be thankful for can start to make a huge difference on this journey. But it isn’t because someone told you that is what you should do. It is because you are ready to make a shift out of the darkness, and realize that this is one of those steps toward the light.

Are you already dreading the Christmas season? I invite you to join me each Sunday live during the advent season, to walk through this difficult time of year together, acknowledging Emmanuel, God with us, within the painful earthly loss of our children. To find out more about it, click here.

 

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl. Laura is a national keynote speaker and also a workshop speaker for both The Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA national conferences. Laura has also been a guest on Open to Hope several times, and has hosted her own conferences, a virtual conference and many webinars. If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event, click here.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: bereaved parents, bittersweet memories, Christian grief support, coping with holidays in grief, finding thankfulness after loss, GPS Hope blog, gratitude in grief, grieving parents holiday, holiday grief, last Thanksgiving memory, Thanksgiving after child loss

November 11, 2018 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

Four Tips to Help Simplify Your Life

I have had so many family members moving in the last two months!

• Our middle son and his family were finally able to purchase a house and moved into it from their small apartment
• Our youngest son was able to move from staying in someone’s basement to having his own apartment with his fiancé and their little girl
• My sister and her family finally moved into a house they built to replace the one that burned to the ground shortly after our daughter, Becca, died
• We moved Dave’s mom, who has dementia, from her apartment into an assisted living facility after his dad’s death
• My oldest son bought our house and moved from the basement to the upstairs

Plus, we moved into our 38-foot motor home!

Can we be done moving for a while???

Um…as I ask that question, I have to laugh, since I have just moved into a home on wheels! …but just moving locations isn’t the same, right, since it all comes with us…?

Obviously, our move was the one that impacted me the most, having to go over every inch of space in our house, making a decision on literally EVERYTHING we owned after 34 years of marriage and family life with five children. With everything from pillows and blankets to wall hangings, from clothes to paper clips and glue, from each kitchen utensil to every piece of furniture, I had to ask myself is it:

1. Going with us in the Hope Mobile?
2. Being packed away in storage to still have, once we are done with this season of traveling (having no idea when that will be)?
3. Being given to one of the kids or grandkids?
4. Getting rid of it, either in our rummage sale or just trash it?

At the same time, Dave and I had to go through every item in his parent’s apartment, making the same kind of decisions. Does it go with her to her new place? Do we ask family members if they want it? Do we toss it? Do we hang on to it for her? Do we put it in our rummage sale?

Simple lives… that’s what most of us want, isn’t it?

But it seems to rarely happen, no matter how hard we try. One powerful thing I have learned is that if we can simplify and unclutter the “stuff” that is around us, it helps unclutter our minds as well, allowing us to move toward that simple life most of us long for.

In all of this moving, I received some insights, and had some “I wish I would have…” moments that I thought I would share with you, in hopes that it will help you simplify some things in life now, instead of when it is somewhat forced on you (or someone else for you) because of unforeseen circumstances.

1. DON’T PUT IT OFF. Is there an area you have been putting off for months (or even years) because it just seems too much to tackle? Maybe it’s your attic or a storage area in the basement. Maybe it is all the piles on your kitchen counters and table, or your bedroom closet that is stuffed so full that you don’t even know what is in there, or so many things piled in a dining room that is no longer usable.

It is much better to set your own deadline for yourself now, than to have one set for you that may leave you (or someone else you love) scrambling.

2. DON’T DO IT BY YOURSELF. Exchange the favor with a friend. Offer to help her tackle a big project if she comes and helps you with yours. Put a date on the calendar and stick to it. Make it fun with some rewards (like maybe bake something yummy you can sit down and snack on when you get to the half-way point, or take a break and get a pedicure) then go back and finish.

Having someone help not only makes it easier to whip through your project, but it gives a needed unbiased opinion on what needs to go out the door.

3. TAKE EVERYTHING OUT OF ITS PLACE (AND I MEAN EVERYTHING) AND PUT IT IN A PILE SOMEWHERE. This is one of the most helpful things I discovered. If absolutely everything was pulled out of kitchen cupboards and drawers and piled on the kitchen table, chairs and floor, (or everything taken out of the bedroom closet and dresser drawers and piled on the bed, or literally everything removed from the dining room that has become a storage room, etc.) I was forced to make a decision on whether or not each item would be kept and put back away or sent out the door to someone else who was looking for that item I never use.

Added bonus: You will also probably keep at that project until it is done, because you can’t function (cook, get dressed, etc.) until it is complete. Plus, once you get started, it feels so good to be getting rid of so much “stuff” that you want to have the satisfaction of seeing the end results of how neat and tidy it looks with so much less clutter.

4. ASK YOURSELF IF THAT ITEM IS STILL BEING USED BECAUSE IT STILL GIVES YOU JOY. I discovered how many things I was hanging on to that had a memory attached to it, or “what if I still need it or want it later?” If it hasn’t been used (or worn) in over a year, chances are pretty high it will continue to sit there for another year, and another, and another… you get the point. The more years something has sat without serving its purpose, the more reason that is to part with it.

If getting rid of items no longer used is a struggle for you, let me share something that may sound strange, but really seems to help. Tell that item thank you for serving its purpose in your life, and that you no longer need it. Yes, out loud. And yes, like I said, it sounds weird, but there is something that seems to break our attachment to an item if we release it from having a hold on us for whatever that reason is.

Doing that simple thing gives us permission and freedom to send those things that are taking up mental and physical space in our lives out the door with no hesitations or regrets.

And once you have an area tackled and under control, make sure you don’t allow things to pile up again! Instead of tossing something somewhere (thinking you will take care of it later) make the decision while that item is still in your hands whether to toss it, put it away, or place it in a box, knowing that box will be given away as soon as it gets filled.

Simplifying what is around us in our homes transfers into other areas in our lives. It not only relieves the clutter physically but begins to cause our minds to be less cluttered in our thoughts. And then we start looking for other ways to simplify our lives.

Doing these four things is not a guarantee to a simplified life. But they are a great way to start, to help you move in that direction.

And speaking of moving in a direction, by the time you read this, we will have done our final loading and pulled out to be on the road full-time in our house on wheels.

I don’t know if the outward circumstances of my life will become simpler, traveling in and living from a motor coach for our full-time ministry to grieving parents. We all know there are things in life that are out of our control. But I do know that I plan on controlling what I can, by not allowing clutter to surround me in this new season of my life.


Have you experienced a deep loss? We would be honored to have a heart placed in loving memory on the GPS Hope motor home with his or her name on it, to travel with us. Find out more by clicking here.

 

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • Subscribe  to Laura’s YouTube channel for grieving parents.

Filed Under: Friends of GPS Hope Tagged With: Christian grief journey, decluttering your life, downsizing tips, full-time RV life, GPS Hope blog, grief and minimalism, letting go of clutter, moving after grief, organizing after trauma, simplifying after loss, simplifying life after child loss

November 4, 2018 by Laura Diehl 4 Comments

Three Shifts in Perspective that Bring Hope in Our Grief

When our child dies, everything goes dark. We can’t think straight, we are numb, and it feels like we are in a nightmare and are trying to wake up.

As strange as it is, even in the numbness we can feel anger and intense emotional pain. All of this swirling inside of us goes on for months, and then even into years. That is normal for a parent who has lost a child, since experts have determined that:

  • most of us deal with what is considered fresh grief for up to five years
  • the death of a child falls under traumatic grief (we have suffered a trauma) and many parents also have PTSD depending on the circumstances of the death (finding his or her body, seeing it happen, etc.)

Our thoughts can get stuck in this place of darkness, and we wonder if we will ever be able to get out.

One of the things I discovered early in my grief journey after my daughter, Becca, died, was to ask God to help me shift my perspective. The way I saw everything was dark and painful, but I knew God saw things through different eyes, and I needed desperately to see what He saw.

Let me share three things with you that God showed me, helping make that shift in how I saw things. And before you read them, may I suggest that you pause and ask God to help you see these things with His eyes as well. And remember, this isn’t coming from someone who is trying to fix you by giving you Christian clichés and pat answers. This is coming from someone who has been right where you are.

  1. This life is not permanent. Thank you, God!!! This is only the blink of an eye, a dot on the line of eternity. Where we are going has none of this heartache, turmoil and separation.

God made a way so that we do not have to be permanently separated from those we love. Wow! That is pretty amazing when you stop   and think about it. And please do. Stop and think about it. This is not a permanent separation.

I remember confiding in a friend a year after Becca died that I felt guilty because I wanted to go to heaven to see Becca more than I did to see Jesus. Her answer? “But Laura, you have made a deposit!” I love that.

And when Jesus says, “Where your treasure is, your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21), I realized that since one of my greatest treasures is in heaven, my heart will be there as well. And that is okay.

  1. To live is Christ, to die is gain (Philippians 1:21). So, I have to ask, if that is true, what did Becca gain?

You and I have children hanging out in incredible glory and perfection; no sickness, no pain (physical or emotional), no hurtful rejections… I think you get the idea and could build on this list. When I take time to think about what my daughter has gained, I can start feeling happy for her, which eases my pain some.

And have you thought about how our children will be the first ones waiting to meet us when we arrive? I can actually get excited thinking about Becca showing me all around, knowing she couldn’t wait for me to get there and join her!

Honestly, when I spend time thinking about my deep loss, I cry and can hardly breath. When I think of her gain, and let my mind imagine what it is like for her, it moves me in the direction of peace.

Would I rather have Becca here with me? Absolutely, especially when I think about how much I miss her and all the things she is not, or will not, be part of as I continue living here on earth.  But since I have resigned myself to the fact that it isn’t going to happen, I have gotten to the point of enjoying picturing her in heaven, imagining the fun she is having, the people she is meeting and hanging out with, what her mansion might be like, etc.

  1. God IS always good. And good doesn’t mean I always get what I want. Good means that He sees what we cannot see, and knows what we don’t know, and sometimes allows natural consequences to take affect because of that.

And in His goodness, He made a way for death not to be final. Plus, He not only walks with us, He will carry us if needed, while offering everything we need as we travel through this very deep, very dark valley.

In other words, we need to see God as one who comes along beside us with deep sorrow and compassion, not as someone to blame who caused the death of our child. It is really helpful when we see God as the rescuer in our story, rather than the cause of our pain by something he did or didn’t do.

Asking God to make a shift in our perspective is so important. When I asked Him to do that for me, one of the biggest shifts God made for me that I so desperately needed was when I thought about getting further and further away from Becca. I could work myself up into hardly being able to breathe when I thought about moving into the new year without her, and then thinking about being three years, five years, ten or twenty years here without her. God spoke to my heart and told me that I wasn’t getting further away from her, but each year (and each day) I am getting closer to her!

Wow! Now I could appreciate that for sure! Every day I am here, every year that goes by, I am that much closer to seeing Becca and being with her again. Thank you, God for Your goodness in changing how I see it, and for making it possible.

What do you need to see differently? Maybe it’s every part of it and you don’t even know where to start. That’s okay. God knows. Just break through whatever is holding you back and ask Him.

 

Another thing that helps, is to find ways to honor your child to keep their memory alive so that others will know who he or she is. To receive a list of Ten Ways to Honor the Life of Your Child, just submit your name and email below. You will also begin to receive each Wednesday our Weekly Word of Hope. (No spamming, we promise!)

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.

 

  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: Christian grief support, coping with child loss, death is not final, eternal perspective on death, faith after child dies, God and child loss, grieving parent support, hope after child loss, loss of a child, perspective shift in grief, PTSD from child loss, seeing heaven differently, shift in grief perspective, spiritual comfort in grief, trauma and grief

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