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June 23, 2023 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

What Do You Call Someone Who Has Lost a Child?

After our daughter, Becca, died, I knew there was no word that could even come close to describing my pain. At the same time, I wondered why there is not a word for those of us who are still here after the death of our child. Someone who has lost their parents is an orphan. My son-in-law became a widower, and of course, a woman whose husband has died is called a widow.

This started to really bother me.

I did a search to see if I could find something. Nothing came up at the time. Since then, there is a word I have seen around here and there, which I talk about on the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast (episode 216 where this specific blog came from).

When we hear the word widow or orphan about someone, we know what type of life-changing loss they have experienced. But when telling someone about our loss, it is along the line of, “Her child died.” There is no word that identifies the devastating, horrific, heart shattering traumatic loss in our lives.

When we lose a child, it changes our identity, even if we still have other children still here with us. It especially changes our identity if you have lost your only child, or all your children.

Even though all our journeys are different, when you meet someone who has lost a child, there is an instant connection. It doesn’t matter what different beliefs we might have politically, spiritually, or otherwise. There is something that pulls our hearts together because you are someone who can relate to me in a way very few others can. You know what it is like to experience this loss that is like no other loss.

I think it is important to have a word that validates the fact that parents who have lost a child through death have a weight that is extremely heavy…heavier than most will experience in this life. Not as a label to give us permission to wallow in our deep sorrow, but one that draws us together to be able to strengthen and encourage each other within our life-long club membership that none of us wanted.

So, just who are we after the death of our child? Is there a word that unites us? A word that at least implies the depth of our pain?

I believe there is, and it is the word pareavor.

“Reave” comes from the word bereave. According to Merriam-Webster the meaning/definition of the actual word “reave” is: to plunder or rob, to deprive one of, to seize, to carry or tear away.

I think those are some pretty good descriptions of how we felt when our child died.

So, if we take away the “be” in bereave and replace it with a “pa” (because “pa” comes from the word parent: a person who is a father or mother; a person who has a child (Merriam-Webster)), we get pareave.

Then when you add an “or”  at the end (indicating a person who does something (Wiktionary)) you get the word pareavor.

The word pareavor sounds like a pretty good description of what happens when our child dies, no matter the age of the child. We are parents who have been deprived of our children who were seized and torn away from us through death. We are pareavors.

Who am I? I am a teacher, an author, a podcaster host, a singer/songwriter, full time RVer; I am a wife, a daughter, a mom, a grandma, an aunt, a niece, a friend, a cousin, a cat-lover, and… I am a pareavor. A parent who was violently robbed of my daughter’s life – a parent bereaved of my child.

Let me say that I am sorry you have a reason to even consider this as an option in your life as a description of who you are now as well.

No matter what words we use, either to try and describe what it is like or to specifically identify ourselves as someone who has faced the devastation of child loss, we are still all in this together.

We are pareavors – parents who are bereaved of our child. They may have been ripped away from us here on earth, which causes tremendous pain, but thankfully, it is not a permanent separation.

This was taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast, episode 216. To listen to more than what was shared in this blog, click here, or find the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

 

Would you like to receive a Weekly Word of Hope written and sent by Laura? Let her know below. Your email address is safe with GPS Hope.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on our private Facebook page or our public Facebook page. 
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: bereaved parent term, bereavement definition, child loss grief, child loss support, Christian grief support, expressions of hope, GPS Hope, grief and identity, grief identity, grief podcast for parents, grief terminology, grieving father term, grieving mother term, grieving parents, grieving parents sharing hope, Laura Diehl, pareavor, parent after child death, parent grief community, what is a pareavor

June 2, 2023 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

The Gift of the Holy Spirit Within Child Loss

 

As believers in Christ, we are familiar with who Jesus is and what He did for us. We hear a lot about who God is as well. But how much do we know about the third part of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit? Why do we need the Holy Spirit, and how can He help us in our grief?

Let’s look at when Jesus talks about the Holy Spirit in the book of John, chapters fifteen and sixteen. “It’s to your advantage that I go away, for if I don’t go away the Divine Encourager will not be released to you. But after I depart, I will send him to you”, John 16:7 (TPT). I love hearing that the Holy Spirit is our Divine Encourager, don’t you? (If King James is the version you are most familiar with, it calls the Holy Spirit our Helper.)

Let me share that same verse from the Amplified translation, because it lists out even more things that the Holy Spirit is for us.

But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you.

We often hear the Holy Spirit called our Comforter and Helper, which means He is all those things in the verse we just read.

  • Advocate – He is your representative, defending you against the accuser.
  • Intercessor – He is before the throne, adding his prayers to yours for help.
  • Counselor – He will help you make good and right decisions in the fogginess of grief.
  • Strengthener – He will give you His inner strength when you have none of your own.
  • Standby – He is standing by, immediately ready to help whenever you call out to Him.

In John 15:26, Jesus also says that the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth and will lead us into truth. Did you know there is one truth that even Jesus had a hard time believing at one point?

Shortly after making that statement, Jesus told His disciples they would be scattered, each one going their own way, leaving Jesus alone. He also stated to them: But I am never really alone, because the Father is with me (John 16:32 ERV). Several hours later Jesus was arrested, badly beaten, and hung on a cross to serve the judgment of a death sentence.

While hanging on that cross, Jesus cried out in complete agony and despair, quoting from King David in Psalm 22:1,  My God! Why have you forsaken me? (Why have you turned your back on me? Where did you go? Why aren’t you here with me?)

But the truth is, God never left Him. The Father never turned His back on His Son. He was WITH Jesus as He hung on that cross, covered in the most hideous sins we can think of, along with all the little sins ever done by me, by you, and every person ever to live on this earth. The Holy Spirit was still dwelling inside Jesus because it is not sin that causes God to separate Himself from us.

How can I say that? For one thing, we see in scripture that God still came down to the garden of Eden to fellowship with His creation of mankind, knowing that Adam and Eve had sinned. Also, in the book of Job, we read that Satan was at God’s throne. That goes against the thought that God’s holiness keeps Him from being able to be around sin.

Here is another thing to think about. If God is so holy that He cannot be around sin or even look at us as sinners, how was Jesus able to come to earth to live as one of us, as God in the flesh dwelling among us? How is the Holy Spirit able to come to us as sinners, allowing us to see our need for the Father’s love to set us free from the chains of sin?

So, if God’s holiness does not keep God away from being around sin and evil (like many of us have been taught), what was it that separated Adam and Eve from God? It was their guilt and their shame! Not their sin.

It is our guilt and shame that causes us to pull away from Him. But things were so dark for Jesus as He hung there, that God’s light could not break through, causing Jesus to feel alone in that suffocating darkness, even though God had not left Him.

It may be so dark that you cannot see God, hear God, or feel God’s presence. Jesus knows what that is like! You have not been betrayed, forsaken, or left alone any more than He was. God is right there with you in the horrific darkness because God’s incredible gift of His very Spirit lives inside you.

Let’s go back to the end of John 16:7 which says, The Holy Spirit cannot come to help you until I leave. But after I am gone, I will send the Spirit to you (CEV). The Amplified version adds to be in close fellowship with you.

God gave us the grace of the Holy Spirit to live in us because He knew we would be challenged by His higher ways and overwhelmed by some of the circumstances of this world at times. But because of His Spirit dwelling in us, it is also possible to also be overwhelmed by His majesty, His fullness, His faithfulness, goodness and incredibly deep love for us!

Jesus knew there was joy ahead beyond the darkness and pain (Hebrews 1:2), even if He could not see it while He was in a place of suffocating darkness. There is joy ahead for you as well, but you must lean on His Spirit, living inside you, to find it.

But God now unveils these profound realities to us by the Spirit. Yes, he has  revealed to us his inmost heart and deepest mysteries through the Holy Spirit … His thoughts and secrets are only fully understood by his Spirit, the Spirit of God.

1 Corinthians 2:10-11 (TPT)

 

Would you like to receive a Weekly Word of Hope written and sent by Laura? Let her know below. Your email address is safe with GPS Hope.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on our private Facebook page or our public Facebook page. 
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: Christian grief encouragement, Christian grief support, Comforter in grief, Divine Encourager, GPS Hope blog, grief and faith, grief and God’s presence, grief and the Holy Spirit, grief encouragement Christian, grieving parents Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit Comforter, Holy Spirit helper, Holy Spirit in grief, how the Holy Spirit helps in grief, John 16 Holy Spirit, Laura Diehl grief, Spirit of Truth grief, spiritual help after child loss

May 12, 2023 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

I Feel Like I Am Dying in the Wilderness

 

In Matthew 4, we read how God spoke with an audible voice from heaven how pleased He was with His Son. Immediately after that, Jesus was led by the Holy Spirit into a wilderness where Satan attacked Him at a very weak and vulnerable time.

While Jesus was there, He was without food for forty days. Talk about being extremely vulnerable physically, emotionally, and mentally! This is when Satan came to him in full force, trying to use a time of weakness to trick Jesus into turning the stones into nice warm, fresh bread.

Jesus’ famous reply was letting the enemy know that God said we need more than just earthly food to sustain us. We need the bread of life that will sustain us for the long term.

You are still alive because God is sustaining you. You may be at that place where you don’t want Him to keep you alive. I was there myself when my daughter, Becca, died, so I get it. But God is life, and you being alive means that God is sustaining you, even though it may not feel like it. Sometimes, it is just by helping us take the next breath. That breath comes from God, and even if you don’t want that next breath, the fact that you are still breathing and still here, means that God is still sustaining you through the hurt and darkness. He is there with you.

I imagine Jesus was struggling, wondering where His Father was in all of this, especially knowing the Holy Spirit had led Him to this difficult circumstance. But I notice that Jesus did not answer Satan based on how he felt. He answered on what He knew to be God’s words. Many of us do not feel God’s presence or hear His voice because of the dark wilderness we are in. It is so hard to make our decision about where God is, not based on how we feel, but based on what God says about never leaving us or forsaking us.

There was nothing in the law of Moses saying that what Satan was asking Jesus to do was wrong. After all, He was within days of turning water into wine. The temptation to Jesus was not, “You are asking me to sin.” The temptation was asking Jesus to do something his own way to meet His desire and needs, instead of being led by God within the intimate relationship with His Father.

I know some of you have a hard time reading your Bible. Maybe it is time to try again. It can be helpful to read in the book of Psalms, since David was so good at sharing from a place of rawness and how he felt in places of darkness, writing in a way we can really relate to. But then he often goes from there into how good God is for being with him and taking care of him and going before him while in that pit of despair.

Just like Jesus said, we are sustained by the word of God. If you cannot seem to read the Bible yet, He can still speak to you in other ways. Ask him to open your ears to hear what He wants to say to you in the context of His heart and being in an intimate relationship with Him. That is an individual thing for each one of us.

We may be in a wilderness, but God has not abandoned us there, no matter how much it may feel like it. He is with you. It is so important to be able to grab ahold of this truth. Even if you cannot see it now, when you get further down this road you will be able to look back and see that He really was with you.

Note: In the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast, episode 210, Laura continues this by talking about the other two temptations of Jesus in the wilderness and how we can relate to them as bereaved parents. Click here to listen.

 

This blog was taken from Laura’s book being released later this month called Reflections of Hope: Daily Reflections for Bereaved Parents. If you would like to know more, click here.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on our private Facebook page or our public Facebook page. 
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: Bible verses for grieving parents, Christian grief reflection, divine sustainer, faith in grief, God sustains in grief, GPS Hope grief, grief and faith, grieving parents support, Holy Spirit in hard times, hope in dark times, Jesus in the wilderness, Laura Diehl blog, Matthew 4 temptation, Psalms for grief, Reflections of Hope Laura Diehl, spiritual wilderness after loss, turning to God after child loss, when God feels distant in grief, wilderness grief journey

April 14, 2023 by Laura Diehl 8 Comments

Their Birthday is So Hard!

Forever 29. Every bereaved parent reading this knows exactly what that means.

April 13th is my daughter, Becca’s, birthday. She would have turned 41 this week. She died at age 29, so knowing she would be in her 40’s now makes it seem like she has been gone for much longer than eleven years. Wow! How is that even possible? I have a hard time wrapping my head around it or imagining Becca that old.

I should have already called her to make plans. “What are you doing for your birthday? Do you want me to make something, and you and your family come over here for supper?” I should have already gone shopping for the ingredients of her favorite cake – chocolate filled angel food.

It doesn’t help that the further away we get from our child being gone, it seems the fewer people want to continue celebrating with us, which really hurts. Far too many people question why we still want to find a way to acknowledge our child’s birthday when they are no longer here with us. The reason is pretty simple. It is because we gave birth to a human being which is a big deal! (Or we adopted a child who became like our own flesh and blood, and their birthday is the day they came into the world as our special chosen gift.) Just because he or she is no longer on this earth does not erase that fact, or our memory of it, nor does it take away our instantly fierce and intense love for the little bundle of joy that came into our lives that day.

The day our children entered the world was a special gift from God, and it should be celebrated, even if no one wants to join in. You may want to do the same thing every year, such as bake their favorite cake. If no one wants to share it with you, take it to a homeless shelter and let them know it is in honor of your child’s birthday. (The people there know what it is like to be going through a rough time. They will appreciate your thoughtfulness and probably want to hear you share about your son or daughter.)

You may want to do something different each year, depending on the circumstances. Right now, that is easy for me, since we live in the Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home), which means we are literally in a different place each year. One year I got my guitar out and wrote a song, honoring the day our children came into this world and into our lives. (It is called I Remember Well, which has since been recorded. You can find it on most listening apps such as Spotify, Pandora, iHeart radio, etc. or click here to listen.)

This year, we will have the blessing of spending it with Becca’s twenty-year-old daughter who now lives in Tennessee. I am making Becca’s favorite chocolate-filled angel food cake and we will remember and celebrate Becca together, which I am looking forward to, in a very bittersweet way for sure.

Happy Birthday, Becca! I celebrate the day you entered this world, with all the emotions that now come with it, but most of all with the same deep love I had, and will always have, for you.

How do you feel about your child’s birthday? Some of you may not want to celebrate his or her birthday because it is just too painful to not have them here. I understand that, but I want to gently remind you that your child’s life is still worth celebrating. Please ask the Holy Spirit to help you still see the blessing of this very special day when it comes.

It doesn’t mean you won’t cry, or not feel your heart breaking. It just means you are acknowledging the gift given to you, and showing how thankful you are that you got to be your child’s mom or dad, no matter how short that time was.

And you don’t have to wait for his or her birthday. You can take time right now to celebrate in your heart and thank God for the gift of the day your child came into this world.

As a final note: I love to help pareavors celebrate their children’s birthdays and do so by announcing your children on my Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast the week of his or her birthday. If you would like me to share your child who is no longer here with our thousands of listeners, click here and submit the needed information.

Since this is the birthday week of Laura’s daughter, Becca, Their Birthday is So Hard! is also this week’s topic on the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast.

Along with talking about how difficult their birthdays can be, Laura shares some encouragement in this area, as well as various ideas on how to celebrate our child’s birthday, even while deeply missing them. You will also get to hear Laura sing the entire song that she wrote, “I Remember Well” which plays in the background of each week’s birthday segment. Listen to it here, or find the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Today’s blog was taken from Laura’s book being released later this month called Reflections of Hope: Daily Reflections for Bereaved Parents. If you would like to know more, click here.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on our private Facebook page or our public Facebook page. 
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: acknowledging grief, Becca's birthday, bereaved parent birthday, bereaved parent resources, birthday celebrations for lost children, birthday grief support, celebrating a child’s life, child’s birthday after death, emotional support for bereaved parents, Forever 29, GPS Hope grief support, GPS Hope podcast, grief and birthday, grief and healing, grieving parents podcast, honoring child’s birthday, how to celebrate child's birthday, I Remember Well song, Laura Diehl blog

April 7, 2023 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

Removing the Sting of Death

There is a verse we hear every year around this time, which is one I struggled with after my daughter, Becca, died. 1 Corinthians 15:55 (NLT) says, O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? I can tell you exactly where death’s sting is after the death of my daughter!

I begged the Holy Spirit to please explain this to me. I know His Word is true, but this verse was not true in my life – not even close! God did not answer that prayer right away, but one day when it was not even on my mind, He began to speak to me about it.

Whenever we are dealing with a bee sting, one of the first things we do is make sure we get the stinger out. My understanding is that sometimes the stinger remains in the skin and continues to release its poison until it is pulled out.

Right now, we still have the stinger in us. The pain from the “poison” of our child’s death is still affecting us and will continue, until we join our child on the other side of eternity. That is where the “sting of death” will be pulled from us, and we will no longer be under the effect of that poison and continue feeling the pain of our child’s death.

As I read the scripture in multiple Bible versions, I discovered what the Holy Spirit had spoken to my heart is exactly what this verse means. The Contemporary English version puts it this way. “Our dead and decaying bodies will be changed into bodies that won’t die and won’t decay. The bodies we have now are weak and can die, but they will be changed into bodies that are eternal and then the Scriptures will come true. Death has lost the battle. ‘Death, where is your victory? Death, where is your sting?’ Death, you’ve lost the battle. You’ve lost the power to hurt us. It’s gone! The stinger has been pulled!”  

Did you catch that? This version actually says that the stinger has been pulled! I know it doesn’t help for the sting you are feeling right now, but we can all hang on, because there will come a time when this scripture will  become true in our lives.

But what about right now?

Many Christians have been taught that God has a wonderful plan for their lives. We think that means our life is going to be great—full of fun, laughter, sunshine—and nothing bad will ever touch us. But that is man’s interpretation.

Jesus warned that we will have hard times, but promised that He will be with us to help us through them. He said those who mourn will be comforted (not that we will never mourn). He said we will always have the poor with us (He did not end poverty at that time). These are the kinds of things the Holy Spirit will use the most, to draw us closer to Himself and to have the opportunity to know Him more intimately than we ever knew was even possible. And He will bring us to a place of being victorious if we let Him.

God’s love for us is the one stable thing that we can count on in the life we are living here on this earth. Not only does He love you, but He is right smack dab in the middle of your grief with you, and He is excited about you, knowing your future and the good things He still has for you.

He is the foundation we have built our lives on. Most foundations of a building are unable to be seen. That does not mean it is not there. A building might fall, but the foundation remains. Our lives may have fallen apart, but the foundation of Christ is still there. We may not believe it, we may not be able to see it or feel it, but He is still there, firm and steady.

God does have a plan for your life. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord…to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11. One translation says, “I have plans to give you a future filled with hope.”

Your future is full of hope. It can also be filled with wonder and amazement at the goodness and faithfulness of God, through both the incredible blessings and the painful tragedies because through both, we have the opportunity to see His powerful hand at work in our lives.

He is your anchor, your rock, your firm foundation. He is also a very present help in time of trouble and the giver of hope. Ask Him to open your eyes to see those things in a very real way. And not only can you have hope in your future here on earth, the most truly wonderful part happens when we leave this sinful world and move to eternity with Jesus. And just think, as a side note, we have someone very dear and close to us who has beat us there.

This is a shortened version of the recent Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode of the same title. If you would like to hear the rest of these thoughts, click here.

To find out more about Laura’s soon-to-be-released book Reflections of Hope: Daily readings for Bereaved Parents click here.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on our private Facebook page or our public Facebook page. 
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: 1 Corinthians 15:55 meaning, anchor in grief, bereaved parents resources, Christian grief support, comfort in grief, death victory, death's sting, eternal hope, faith through tragedy, God's love during grief, God's plan for your life, GPS Hope grief support, GPS Hope podcast, grief and hope, grief encouragement, grief journey, grieving parents, grieving with faith, hope in grief, Jeremiah 29:11, Laura Diehl grief, loss of child grief, reflections of hope, Reflections of Hope book, sting of death

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