Today’s topic is a tough one, but an important one. If you’ve been angry at God for “taking” your child, you’re not alone. It’s something I hear often from other pareavors (bereaved parents), and it’s something I have wrestled with myself.
That initial surge of anger—or even hatred—toward God for allowing your child to leave your arms to be in His, is an emotional reaction to unimaginable pain. You didn’t choose to feel it; it just came. But as the months and even years pass, it does become your choice whether or not to stay in that place.
Let’s talk about that.
What If God Wasn’t Doing This To You… But For Your Child?
We can’t know everything that was going on in our child’s heart and mind while they were here. Especially if your child died by suicide, it’s possible that they were hiding deep thoughts and struggles to protect you from the weight of them. You may know now that was true.
The apostle Paul refers to being trapped in the tent of our earthly bodies. Maybe God, in His mercy, decided to free your child from something. Maybe He was protecting them—and you—from even more pain. There’s a verse in Isaiah that says:
“Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come.”
—Isaiah 57:1 (NLT)
And just a couple of chapters before that, we’re reminded:
“My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.
—Isaiah 55:8-9
What if God wanted to bless your child in the greatest way possible—by bringing them into the perfection of heaven, where there’s no pain, betrayal, sickness, or chaos? A place of complete love, peace, and joy that we can’t even imagine.
As Parents, We Want the Best for Our Kids… But What Is Best?
Of course, we feel like the best place for our child is here with us. I used to think that way, too. But that belief is really more about us than it is about them.
Our perspective is so limited. But have you ever asked God to help you see your child with Him in heaven? Imagine the joy on their face, their laughter, maybe even dancing around in a goofy little jig. If your child had a disability like our Becca did, imagine them whole, healed, free, with no limitations, and no pain.
Sometimes I can get so happy for Becca, it brings me to tears. Why would I be angry at God for giving that kind of joy to my daughter, even if it was before I got to experience it myself?
I know it can sound crazy, but a shift in perspective like that can help us not feel our pain so intensely, even if just for a few moments.
He Gave Our Children What We Never Could
If your child had any kind of struggle—physical, emotional, mental—God has released them from it all. He has given them a gift we could never provide here on earth.
The hard part is that we’re still here without them.
But we get to choose what to do with that. We can ask God to help us see with heavenly perspective. And then we choose: will we receive that truth? Or will we stay angry and blame Him?
It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to not understand. But bitterness will never bring peace. God, in His wisdom and love, gave our children the perfection of heaven before we got to experience it. And that, my friend, is actually an incredible act of love.
Do You Have a Transactional Relationship with God?
Over the years of walking with grieving parents, I’ve noticed something: those who struggle most with anger at God often had what I call a transactional relationship with Him.
You know what I mean. “I did everything right, God, so You were supposed to protect me from this kind of pain.” It’s a “check the box” kind of faith: go to church, pray, be a good person… and then expect God to do His part.
But that’s not a true relationship. That’s control.
Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son is a powerful example. The son basically tells his father, “I wish you were dead,” takes the inheritance, and wastes it all. When he finally comes crawling back, the father runs to him, embraces him, and throws a party.
When you think about it, that story isn’t really about the son. It’s about the father’s love and grace. But look at the older brother. He’s furious: “I did everything right! I deserve the party!”
Sound familiar? “I did everything right. I went to church. I prayed. I served. Why did my child die when someone else’s didn’t?”
The older son, like many of us, had a transactional view of love. But God’s love isn’t transactional. It isn’t something to be manipulated, either by Him or by us. It is transformational.
Nothing Can Separate Us from God’s Love
I want to close with a powerful reminder from Romans chapter eight.
“Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors and gain an overwhelming victory through Him who loved us… [Nothing] will be able to separate us from the unlimited love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
—Romans 8:37-39 (AMP)
That kind of love doesn’t come from checking boxes. It comes from knowing God intimately. It is not just head knowledge that is transactional and/or conditional. It is a deep heart knowledge that allows us to trust Him, even in our intense pain and confusion.
So, if you’re angry at God right now, that’s okay. But don’t stay there. You can choose to believe your child is experiencing more peace and joy than they ever could have here. You can choose to let God’s love begin to heal your shattered heart.
How do we go from a transactional relationship with God to a deep, intimate one? We will talk about that next week.
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 307. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
If you’d like daily encouragement during a hard month like August, check out the Reflections of Hope series at gpshope.org/reflections.
And don’t forget to take a look at our “Pareavor with Hope” shirts and hats, featuring a heart that’s been broken and put back together. It’s more than just apparel—it’s a sacred reminder: we are pareavors, and we carry our grief with hope. Visit gpshope.org/store to see the full line.
If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.
AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.
Leave a Reply