Last week, I shared about being angry with God for not saving our child from death, and I ended by talking about the difference between a transactional relationship with God and one that’s deeply intimate, rooted in trust, even in the confusion and pain.
This week, I want to take that further. How do we move from a transactional relationship with God to one that’s truly relational?
We Expect Too Much, Too Fast
Let’s be honest. We’ve been trained by our culture to expect immediate results.
But spiritual depth doesn’t come instantly. Our spiritual mothers and fathers knew how to wait on God. They learned to linger in His presence. Psalm 27 tells us to wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
When Dave and I were dating, he wanted to propose but kept hearing God say, “Wait.” He discovered that one meaning of “wait” in Scripture is “a carved work.” God wanted time to do a carved work in each of us before bringing us together. Isn’t that beautiful?
A Culture That Undermines Trust
The internet has made us skeptical. Just when we think we’ve found answers, a new expert comes along to contradict them. And now, with AI, you can’t always tell what’s real anymore.
This constant noise makes it harder to trust, especially when we’re already struggling in grief.
But Jesus said unless we change and become like little children, we won’t enter the Kingdom of Heaven; not heaven itself, but the Kingdom of heaven, which Romans 14:17 tells us is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.
Children aren’t cynical. When you tell a child you’re going to the zoo tomorrow, they don’t ask about traffic or weather. They get excited. That’s the kind of trust God wants from us.
From Transactional Faith to Transforming Intimacy
Many of us have built our lives on what we thought was faith, but when the storm hit—the death of our child—we realized it was more like shifting sand.
We go to church, read our Bibles, pray… but do we linger with God? Do we sit with Him, ask Him questions, and wait for answers?
A transactional relationship says, “I did my part, God. Why didn’t You do Yours?”
But He did do His part. He sent Jesus to remove the barrier between us. Now, it’s our part to move toward His outstretched arms and receive the intimacy He offers.
Ways to Connect with God on a Deeper Level
I want to share a few things that have personally helped me move into a more intimate relationship with God:
- Write with Him: I write down a question and then wait. As soon as thoughts come—thoughts that are kind and not condemning—I write. Often, what comes out surprises me. It’s not something I would have thought of on my own.
- Use Your Imagination: God gave us imagination for a reason. Instead of letting it spiral into worry or negativity, I picture myself in a peaceful place and invite Jesus into it. It may sound strange, but it becomes a sacred moment of comfort and connection.
- Listen Through Creation, Music, Art, and Movies: A song lyric or line from a movie can carry God’s whisper. I’ve had Him speak to me through nature and moments of silence. I have a friend who makes collages, allowing God to speak and minister to her through the creative process.
- Read the Bible Slowly: Don’t rush. When a verse tugs at your heart, stop. Sit with it. Read it again tomorrow. Let it go deep. It isn’t about how much you read. It is about how much of Him you take in as you read.
- Wait on God: This is where intimacy is formed. Let go of demands. Rest in His presence. He will meet you there.
It’s Okay to Be Angry… But Don’t Stay There
You’re allowed to be angry with God. He can handle it. But don’t stay in that place. Don’t let your relationship remain stuck in a transaction: “I prayed. I served. You should have saved my child.”
That mindset robs you of the healing love that He wants to pour into your shattered heart.
Jesus said, “My sheep hear my voice.” You can hear Him. You can know Him. You can trust Him, even when you don’t understand Him. And you can have a relationship with Him that goes beyond transactional and is one of true intimacy.
The relationship with our child is one of the most important relationships we will ever have. Even though our child’s tangible presence may not be here with us on earth anymore, the most important relationship you can have on this earth is still here for you. And it will never be taken away.
A Final Thought
Let me leave you with something I recently heard: God’s love isn’t transactional. It’s a gift.
I encourage us all to open ourselves to receive it.
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 308. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
Don’t forget to take a look at our “Pareavor with Hope” shirts and hats, featuring a heart that’s been broken and put back together. It’s more than just apparel—it’s a sacred reminder: we are pareavors, and we carry our grief with hope. Visit gpshope.org/store to see the full line.
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AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.
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