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November 25, 2015 by Laura Diehl 4 Comments

When Is It Wrong To Judge Others?

“I have misjudged you.” Have you ever heard that? How about from another Christian? My question is this: Why is there judgment going on among the Body of Christ? I thought Jesus was the judge?

I feel like I have lived almost my entire life under the judgment of Christians. There are so many things Christians have strong opinions on, causing them to judge each other.

True Christians don’t smoke because they know their body is the temple of the Holy Spirit
Good Christians go to church every Sunday; if you don’t, you aren’t serious about your faith
True Christians don’t put their children in “government” (public) schools
Serious Christians don’t do something “good” for Halloween (trying to call evil good) because they know they would be participating in the highest holy day for witches and Satanists
Good Christians don’t drink alcohol so they won’t be a stumbling block to others
We all know when a Christian gets involved in politics it will just corrupt them
You can’t be a homosexual and be saved…
You should not wear flip flops to church. They are too casual, and we need to dress our very best for God when we go to church. (Yes, I have heard someone say that.)

The list is endless. Why do we do this to each other? And then we wonder why the rest of the world would rather be in the bars than in our churches? And we judge them for that (along with their many other sins. SMH (Shake my head….)

What about gossip or jealousy? What about gluttony? What about preferring others above yourself? News flash: We are ALL sinners, working out our salvation, dying to ourselves and crucifying our flesh!

“Well, Laura, I’m not judging them. I am just looking at the fruit in their lives…” Yes, I agree, there is a difference between judgment and testing the fruit (or testing the spirits). To check out the fruit is to make a decision whether something is good or bad, which allows me to make a decision if I want it or not. But even then, I can only see what is on the outside, not on the inside. Only God can see the heart and the motive.

Which brings me to the fact that there is also a difference between judgment, and having discernment. Discernment is the ability to decide between truth and error, right and wrong. Discernment is “the process of making careful distinctions in our thinking about truth. It is perception in the absence of judgment with a view to obtain spiritual direction and understanding,” John MacArthur.

Judgment is making a verdict of condemnation that demands a sentence or a punishment; true testing of the fruit, or having discernment, does not. And too often, we pass a personal verdict of another Christian’s actions, passing a sentence of some kind on those who aren’t doing what we think they should be doing in various ways. Sometimes we are aware of what we are doing, and sometimes we aren’t.

Judgment brings heaviness. Have you ever noticed that? As Christians, way too often we try to get people to change by heaping on guilt, manipulating, and declaring God’s judgment on someone to get them to live a “cleaned up” life. Most people cannot hold up under the weight of others heaping on judgment and the list of “good” Christians do’s and don’ts, and many end up leaving our churches, because they just can’t measure up.

Surrender brings freedom. God’s way is love that covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). His love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8) and His mercy triumphs over judgment (James 2:13). It is God’s goodness and kindness that brings a person to true repentance (Romans 2:4). His ways are so much more effective in truly changed lives.

Judgment changes the actions; surrender changes the heart!

When we see a large person at a buffet, our mind will almost immediately start thinking things like, “That person has no business being here. If they would stop eating like that, they would lose weight.” But we don’t have the full story. What if that person has already lost 100 pounds, and one day a month they treat themselves, and this is that once-a-month day? They are excited about their progress, and rightly so. But in our minds, we are heaping judgment and condemnation on them, based only on the “fruit” of what we see, not on the truth of what we cannot see.

In John 12:47-48 we read, “If anyone hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge that person. For I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world. There is a judge for the one who rejects me and does not accept my words; the very words I have spoken will condemn them at the last day.” He is the judge, through His Word, when we have finished living our lives on this earth.

In Matthew 13, Jesus tells about a man who planted a crop of wheat. An enemy came along and tossed in some seeds to make weeds grow. When it was discovered, the servants asked the owner if they should pull out the weeds. His answer? No, because it will also uproot the wheat. Leave it alone, and it will be taken care of and separated during the harvest time.

Most of us are familiar with Jesus telling us not to judge others, in Matthew 7. He also says we will be judged with the same judgment we use to judge others. Yikes!

And then there is Paul. “Who are you to judge another’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls” Romans 14:4. That sounds pretty black-and-white to me.

Friendships and families have been destroyed by Christians trying to “clean up” each other’s lives, casting a verdict of guilty, when that person does not comply.

I recently met a woman who was the first one in her family to receive Jesus. Eventually, the entire family of both parents and all seven children were saved. They used to be a very close family, but when they all came to know the Lord, they started to constantly argue and bicker with each other, over what churches they were going to, what they believed the Bible says, and fighting about the things they thought others should or shouldn’t be doing. How sad is that?

We have got to realize only God has the right to judge. Judgment brings division, and we know that does not come from God.

If you find yourself in a place of judgment by others, I want to release you, so that you can find freedom in surrendering to God’s best for you. Yes, God will use Christians in your life to give you direction, and instruction. But if it comes with judgment, they have crossed a line. The Holy Spirit should be the one to convict, not Christians to condemn.

If you realize you are someone who judges others (which was the case with me, as God revealed to me that I was very heavy into judgment of others for most of my life) what can you do? Get as close to God’s love as you possibly can! The more you realize how much He loves you unconditionally, the easier it is to release your judgment of others, because you want them to experience that same incredible love.

“One of the things I’ve learned in my spiritual journey is that the closer someone gets to Jesus Christ, the less judgmental, self-righteous, harsh-toward-others, and selfish he or she will be.” Frank Viola in blog Legalism, License, Lordship and Liberty http://frankviola.org/2011/04/05/legalism-license-lordship-and-liberty/

The last thing I want to say is that we have to be careful that in our hurt of being “misjudged,” we do not judge others for judging us. I did not write this so we point our finger at someone and say, “See! You shouldn’t be judging me!”

To our own master we stand or fall. We are to hold the mirror up to ourselves, and judge our own heart. What are my motives? Are my actions pleasing to God? Am I walking in love, and manifesting the fruit of the Spirit?

Let’s have a whole lot less judging of one another, and a whole lot more loving. Not the kind of love that looks the other way from someone’s sin, but God’s kind of love that changes the heart.

Gems from the Crown is a weekly blog from Crown of Glory Ministries to strengthen and encourage believers in Christ in their walk with God, especially in the areas of vision, authority, and identity. If you would like to have Gems from the Crown delivered directly to you, please click here.

September 30, 2015 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

I’ve Got the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy Down in My Heart…Where?

In my walk this morning, I was praying for God to increase the joy in my life and the joy in my family. I started asking the Lord what some of the things are that will release joy in our lives. (After all, joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit already living inside of us.)

God showed me four things. I am sure there are more, but these are the ones He showed me during my time with Him on my walk.

Thankfulness
Child-like faith
Relationship
Obedience

Let’s start with obedience. When you know you are guilty of doing something wrong, you cannot have joy. That includes not doing something you know God has told you to do. Disobedience brings guilt. Guilt brings condemnation. The Holy Spirit does not bring condemnation (He brings conviction) but guilt does. When we are feeling guilty, joy is going to be missing from our lives. This seems pretty obvious here in black-and-white, but not so much in our day-to-day living. When we repent and receive forgiveness, that guilt is washed away. When we are in obedience, there is a fullness of joy that comes with it. Our conscious is clean before God, and that lightness in our hearts has a natural result of joy.

How about child-like faith? Well, fear is the opposite of faith. And yet they both come from the same root emotion – how we feel about the unknown. It is a choice in our perspective. We choose whether we are going to have fear or faith in what we cannot see. Fear brings torment. If we are walking in fear and playing out all the scenarios in our minds about what might, or can, or probably will go wrong, then obviously we do not have joy in our hearts. Fear, anxiety, and worry not only brings mental anguish, but also brings health issues into our lives. We need to remind ourselves that perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18).

As believers in the Risen Christ, we are to walk by faith, and not by sight. When we choose fear, we cannot have the fruit of joy operating in our lives. If we are walking in faith, child-like faith that our Daddy is taking care of us and taking care of what we can’t see, no matter how bad the situation is, we will be in freedom and joy. I am handing it all over to Him, and releasing it to Him, which means it is no longer my burden, and it is up to Him to take care of and fix. Child-like faith doesn’t mean I am going to get my way. It means Hs is going to do what is right in the big picture, and believe me when I say I know first-hand how extremely painful that can be at times. But God has never entered a battle and come out the loser. He is always victorious, so I know that in Him, I will be victorious also, which gives me joy! It releases in me a child-like awe and wonderment. I am free to go about my life, believing things are going to be okay, which brings joy.

Let’s move on to number three, relationship. Relationships involve emotions. Yes, I know joy is not an emotion like happiness, and yet joy definitely affects our emotions. When you have a great relationship with someone, it brings joy to your very soul. Guess what? When you have a great relationship with God, it brings joy to your very soul. We all know great relationships take work. It takes a purposeful effort to spend time together, whether it is a person, or your Father in heaven, because life gets busy. So spending time in His Word to hear from Him, spending time in prayer talking to Him, and spending time in worship, which brings His very presence into our personal world, are all ways to grow in your relationship with God. And the better our relationship with God, the deeper the joy it releases in our lives.

Then there is the issue of thankfulness. We know thankfulness lifts our hearts. Many of us get so stuck in the rut of living, that we forget how blessed we are. Taking time to sit and list out the things we have to be thankful for, both in our minds and on paper, brings joy to our hears because it opens our eyes and gives us a renewed revelation of the good things God has brought into our lives. Focusing on the negative brings darkness. Focusing on the positive brings light. Light shatters the darkness and heaviness, allowing joy to break through.

I would like to share something taken from my book When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life With Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child.

It is no secret the enemy works overtime to keep us from walking in joy. Why would he be so determined to steal my joy? Because God’s joy is my strength. And I don’t mean my joy in Him, I mean His joy in me. Most of us are familiar with Nehemiah 8:10, “…the joy of the Lord is your strength.” In the English language (hang in here with me, now) the word “of” is a preposition. If I were to say, “This view of the ocean is our favorite,” I would be referring to the ocean’s view, right? If I were to say, “The book of Kevin’s is lost,” I would be referring to Kevin’s book, right? Well, if the joy of the Lord is my strength, I see it referring to the Lord’s joy, not mine!

When the Holy Spirit first showed me this, it was a huge relief! I don’t have to manufacture or make sure I have joy (based on my love or my happiness in God) to have strength. My strength comes from knowing He is crazy in love with me! Wow! (Remember Zephaniah 3:17, how He is rejoicing over us with gladness and singing?) His joy over me is what makes me strong. His joy about me creates joy in me. Now there is a seed of hope to plant in your life for sure!

Literally right in the middle of writing this blog, there was a situation I became overwhelmed with a heaviness that brought me to tears. I had to stop and take a dose of my own medicine, and force myself to do these four things myself. I can say they really truly work!

Gems from the Crown is a weekly blog to strengthen and encourage believers in Christ in their walk with God. If you would like to receive Gems from the Crown delivered directly to you, please click here.

August 26, 2015 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

Do You Lack Joy in Your Prayer Life?

There are Christians who have strong opinions about what our prayer time should look like. I have come to realize that if I spent my time praying for what everyone else tells me I need to pray for, I would hardly ever leave my prayer room!

Someone who has a heart and anointing for missions will tell us we need to pray for missionaries daily. Someone who has a burden and calling for evangelism will tell us we need to pray for the unsaved every day. Others will try to open our eyes to the burden of praying daily for our schools and the students in them, or the government, or tell us we need to get more serious about spiritual warfare in our daily prayers, or pray a specific scripture every day.

And it doesn’t end there. We are told by those who are early risers that it is best to get up early to spend time in prayer. (Yes, I know the Psalms refer to that.) Some offer their thoughts about how much time we should spend in prayer each day (at least an hour, right?). And don’t forget to make your prayer list…

It often seems that since we can’t meet all these requirements put on us by the spiritual people around us, we pretty much give up on being able to do it right, and find ourselves fighting a heaping load of discouragement. And instead of being excited about spending time with the One who is head-over-heels in love with us, we allow ourselves to come under condemnation of what others say we should be praying about, which often causes us not to set time aside to pray at all.

Prayer itself is not supposed to be a burden. It is simply communication between God and the human beings He created and loves; with a deep love more than our finite minds can comprehend.

God used the darkest circumstance in my life to set me free in this area. I wrote about it in my book When Tragedy Strikes.

For me personally, over the years it has been easy to feel guilty in my quiet time with the Lord. I am either not following someone else’s pattern, or I’m not doing what I have been told by other Christians I should be doing. I “should” be reading my Bible for thirty minutes every day, or I “should” be on my knees praying for an hour, etc.

But during this time of learning how to rest in God’s presence, I was actually set free from that kind of guilt. In trying to “just be” with God, I never followed any kind of formula. If I wanted to pray, I prayed. If I wanted to sleep, I slept (usually with “soaking” music that would surround me with His presence). If I wanted to cry, I cried. If I wanted to praise Him with my voice or by lifting my hands, that’s what I would do. If I wanted to spend time reading my Bible, I would open it and read. I learned to just have times of intimacy between myself and my Lord, and that has become a permanent part of my life.

I rest in the love of my God, and we spend time together, just the two of us in the privacy of my prayer room. I don’t let what others do, or what others insist all Christians should do, dictate the intimate time set aside to be with my God, nor do I feel a need to tell others what they should be doing in their time of intimacy with Him.

I have come to learn that when I spend my times of intimacy with the Lord being led by the Holy Spirit in this way, what I should pray for and how long I should pray is naturally taken care of.

Here are seven things I have learned over the years about prayer, which have greatly increased my desire for spending time in communication with my Father.

Don’t use what others tell you to pray for as your prayer guide. Ask God what He wants you to pray for.
Keep it simple. Just pray your own words from your own heart.
Don’t get caught up in loud or wordy prayers, thinking you have to get God’s attention. He came to Elijah in a still small voice, and it is okay to come to Him in the same way.
You don’t have to come to Him at the same time every day. There is much to be said for routine and discipline, but many of us don’t have that luxury (such as mothers of small children).
Don’t base the length of your prayer time on what others think it should be. Base it on your own needs and desires, which can change through the seasons of life.
If you are praying a promise from the Word of God, speak it out loud. There is power in the spoken word. Use “voice activation” to put the power of God’s Word at work in your life and those you love.
Realize the more time you spend with Him, the easier it is to hear Him speak to you.

Here is another excerpt from my book When Tragedy Strikes about the subject of prayer.

Thankfully, prayer is more than just time set aside every morning before starting your day, or a set gathering at church. Prayer is an ongoing conversation with God that can take place at any time, in any place. Talk to Him from your heart throughout the day, and then listen for His response. He is there, and He wants to be in communication with you. As you become more and more aware of His presence, you will occasionally hear Him initiate the conversation. You will be amazed at the healing that happens in those beautiful random moments of prayer.

When prayer is based in your own personal relationship with God, it becomes a joy. My relationship with my earthly father is different than my sister’s relationship with him. The same is true of our heavenly Father. As His children, we each have a unique relationship with Him, and our prayer life should be a reflection of that individual relationship.

Which of the seven thoughts about prayer spoke to you directly? I would love to hear from you in the comment section below.

May 7, 2015 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

Giving Yourself the Gift of Forgiveness Part 1

Abuse, abandonment, rejection, not understanding, piercing words, false accusations…the list is endless of how we are hurt by those around us. Let’s get right to the point!
Unforgiveness can completely paralyze a person. And there are so many different paths unforgiveness can take. We might need to forgive

•Other people for physical, emotional, and/or spiritual abuse
• God, for allowing something to happen (or not happen)
• Ourselves, for a whole variety of reasons
• You may even have to forgive someone for dying and leaving you here without them

Let me share with you an area in my life, where I need to live in a place of forgiveness for an issue that runs very deep in my family.

When one of our sons was just becoming a teen, he got involved in something that wasn’t good. We found this out because he came to us himself. He felt trapped and wanted to be released from it. This led to involving a counselor, which eventually led to having the law involved. (I was “tipped off” by a case worker, so I could rush to pull him out of school and drive him to the sheriff’s department to turn himself in, to avoid a public arrest. THANK YOU!)

This started us on a path we never dreamed we would be on. And it also unfortunately showed us firsthand how the justice system is so messed up.

There was a six month investigation to prepare for a trial, and during that time, our son was locked up in the county juvenile detention center. Every afternoon I would go sit in a tiny cubicle with my son on the other side of the glass, and every evening my husband would go visit him.

There was no question that my son, who was now living in the detention center, was guilty of something. (Remember, he was the one that started this whole thing, asking for help.) In our being naïve and believing the system wanted to give our son the help he came forward asking for, Dave and I were totally open and honest during the investigation, not knowing our own words would be twisted and used against him. Unfortunately, we were unaware that from the very beginning the county wanted him incarcerated. It was all very political and devious.

There was overwhelming evidence presented to the judge against sending him to the state juvenile correctional facility (which is a nice way of saying “juvenile prison” including double gates, barbed wire, and guards). This included a professional psychologist who works with criminals in that specific area, is highly respected, and is put on the stand in courts around our state. He evaluated our son and testified that he was not a criminal. He could see there were some triggers in my son’s life that caused him to commit this crime, and once the triggers were dealt with, he would be fine, but there was a high risk of an incarceration turning him into an actual criminal. There were stacks of letters from people giving strong character references like his teachers, our pastor, a neighbor who was involved on the victim end of his crime, and even officers from the detention center (saying he was a really good kid and they should not risk messing him up by locking him up with criminals – he just needed some in-depth counseling in this one area).

Our lawyer had contacted two boys’ homes, asking them if they would do an evaluation to admit our son in their program, as an alternative to being locked up. Instead of responding to our lawyer, one of these places called the prosecuting district attorney to say they would not take our son. Now why would they call the DA to tell him that, when WE were the ones that requested the evaluation? Like I said, it was political and devious…

The judge himself wanted to send our son to one of these boys’ homes instead of a correctional facility. During the trial he even requested a phone be brought to his bench so he could talk to the facilities directly and find out why they would not take him. One facility gave a legitimate reason (they didn’t have a proper program at the time) but the one that called the DA gave the reason that our son was too large and intimidating to be with the other boys. (Really??? He was “towering” over me at the time at a full 5’5” And yes, I typed it right, five feet and five inches). Even though they had a bogus reason, it was a reason, and they refused to take him.

This left the judge with no choice but to declare our son guilty of certain things that would require him to be sent to the state juvenile correctional facility and locked up. That guilty verdict manipulated by the county affected him during his two years of incarceration, affected the process of his release, caused him to be on an ankle bracelet for a season, affected the course of his life with decisions forced on him by a parole officer, and there are direct parts of it that still affect him over a decade later.

Not only that, there were some important events in our family that happened during the time of his confinement.

Our oldest daughter got married, and our son was not able to be at his sister’s wedding because of his incarceration. It was a very bittersweet day, and when the photographer called the bride’s family to come up for pictures, our daughter said she didn’t want them because her brother wasn’t there; we all agreed. (He was eventually allowed to watch the video of her wedding with an officer sitting next to him.)

Several months later the same sister was in a literal life-and-death situation with her heart during the pregnancy and birth of her first child. He was not able to be with the family through that time, which was hard on all of us.

While locked up, he excelled in his classes and actually graduated early at 17. But there was no graduation ceremony where we could go and celebrate with him. However, we were given a photograph of him in a cap and gown holding his diploma…um…thanks?

I am so very thankful that during his time of being in the correctional facility, he took responsibility for his actions that placed him there, and he did not allow being in that kind of an environment to corrupt him. When the judge sentenced him, he looked at my son and said, “Son, your strong faith will get you through this.” And it did.

This is a part of our life that we can never get back, all because of a political system overstepping the justice system. (Our county could brag at how tough they are on this kind of crime) and because they didn’t want to have to deal with all the cost and paperwork that would be involved in the following couple of years as he received treatment in a boy’s home. (Being incarcerated meant that he became the state’s finance and paperwork issue. I say that because it was actually brought up by the county prosecution to the judge as another reason for choosing the specific guilty verdict that he ended up being given!)

I think it is easy to see that if I did not choose and force myself to forgive those involved in this huge messing with our lives, that I would be a very angry and bitter woman. And in the natural, I think I have a right to be, don’t you?

Thankfully, I have learned that forgiveness is not based on our rights. It is a choice we make in the face of being wronged!

When it comes to the depth of our painful circumstances, we can find we don’t have what it takes within ourselves to forgive. But God already knows that, and he has made a way for us to be able to forgive in His strength, which is a strength far beyond our own.

You have one of two choices to make. You can keep dwelling on how you were wronged and hurt, giving yourself all the reasons why you have the right to remain bitter and why that person (or system) does not deserve to be forgiven, or you can choose to release that person in your thoughts and tell yourself you choose to forgive, smack dab in the middle of that wrong. And yes, I know it is so easy for me to say, but so very hard to do!

In the next blog, I will share some specific things to help you get to this place of actually doing it.

But in the meantime, if you have someone you need to forgive, and you are ready to take the first step of wanting to make the choice to do so, write in the comment below, “I choose to forgive!” (And I will join you.)

April 30, 2015 by Laura Diehl 5 Comments

What I Have Learned About Submission After 31 Years of Marriage

A Marriage that Stands the Test of Time

It was a holy moment in time, but I was so young, I didn’t understand that part of it.

Thirty one years ago I walked down the aisle and gave myself to Dave Diehl, and he gave himself to me (on April 28, 1984).

God made the two of us one that day, but it has been up to us to live that oneness out, in cooperation with Him. I will be the first one to admit how much of a challenge that has been for me at times.

I want everything done the right way (meaning “MY way”). Can anyone else relate? I have had to learn how often there is no right or wrong way. It is just a different way.

And even more importantly, I have had to work through the true meaning of submission in a marriage. Most of us are familiar with the scripture in Ephesians 5 that talks about how the husband is the head of the wife and the wife needs to submit to her husband – some even say obey her husband.

A common interpretation is that it means the husband is the commander-in-chief of the family, and they blindly follow with a “yes sir!” after receiving their marching orders.

But what if your husband doesn’t have that lion “type A” personality of barking out orders and expecting everybody else to follow them? I was raised with that view of Ephesians 5, and because of that, it is an area I struggled in for years. There were many times I dishonored my husband because he wasn’t out there in front of us forcing our family into some Christian mold.

Our entire marriage, Dave has walked in love, continually laying his life down for me as Christ laid down His life for the church (also in Ephesians 5 in the same set of scriptures that tells the wife to submit to her husband).

No matter how I tried to guilt him or how I disrespected him, he just kept walking in love. He has remained patient, and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude… (1 Corinthians 13). Okay, he isn’t perfect, doing it all the time, but it takes a lot for him to stray from that and give in to his flesh.

Often love and meekness can be misinterpreted as weakness. I am very sorry to say that I was guilty of that misinterpretation for a long time, and it affected our marriage. In Ephesians 5:33 I am told to respect my husband. As long as I misinterpreted the Scriptures to mean my husband was supposed to have a stronger personality than me, taking authority by putting his foot down and telling us what-is-what (especially spiritually) I struggled.

Doesn’t that sound crazy? But that is exactly what many of us wives think our husbands should do, according to the Bible. Wow! Is anyone else seeing something not quite right with this picture?

Praise God for always being willing to open our eyes to see truth when we truly want to see it. A few years ago my eyes were opened to see how a marriage that is functioning in the fullness God intended for it to be, is a marriage that is in co-submission. As Dave says, “A Godly marriage is both people coming under submission to the Holy Spirit in each other.”

It is said that we are usually attracted to someone who has an opposite personality than us. So if the husband has the strong personality, he is usually attracted to a woman who is on the quieter side. It is just a natural desire of wanting some balancing in our lives that attracts us to that person with an opposite personality. So what happens when the woman is the one with the strong personality, and the husband is the one on the quieter side with the serving heart and who has a calling to support others?

Dave and I have discovered through experience (unfortunately) that often times those marriages are mislabeled as the wife having a Jezebel spirit. That happened to us, and that mislabel tried to destroy our marriage. But it is also what finally opened my eyes to see the truth of Ephesians 5, and to learn how to walk in the fullness of it.

There were many years of struggle, caused by my misunderstanding of expecting my husband to get in front and drag me and my family where we should be, instead of allowing Dave to be who God created him to be within our marriage, as a laid-back, calm, supportive person. Even so, I still knew better than to be rebellious and go against what he would want me to do or not do. Were there times I got in the flesh and tried to manipulate my way into what I wanted? Definitely. But that was my own battle with my own flesh, not what has been mislabeled as a Jezebel spirit. (If you want to see what Jesus himself says is a Jezebel spirit, you can read it for yourself in Revelation 2:20. It has nothing to do with a woman controlling, manipulating and usurping the authority of a man in the way it is used and abused in the church today.)

My husband has always nourished me and cherished me. He has never put demands on me or coerced me to do what he wanted me to do out of anger or intimidation. And he has never hit me over the head with Ephesians 5, telling me that my role in the marriage is to submit to him no matter what. By the way, true submission is an act of my will, not being forced to obey like a parent with a child.

Woman was created from the rib in Adam’s side. It was the curse that put man as a ruler over women (Genesis 3:16). I am a helpmate to my husband, walking side-by-side with him. Neither one of us is in front with the other behind.

So here I am thirty one years later from that day I said “I do” to my new husband, in a vow before God. I sit in complete awe and amazement at what God has done in our lives, and in our marriage.

I am thanking God for this holy union; for it is truly holy, as God Himself is in the center. My husband has made sure of it, beyond what myself or “man” may think or misinterpret as truth.

If you find yourself in the situation I was for many years, take it to God and allow him to show you truth. Open the word to Ephesians chapter 5, realizing that all the numbers for chapters and verses was put in there by man as a point of reference. God did not put in those separations. So instead of reading it based on the heading someone decided to put above a section, or reading it by separating each verse by the numbers in front of it, read through the entire chapter five so that you can read it in context and just flow right in to chapter 6. (Or read the entire letter written to the Ephesians since it really isn’t that long.) Read it like it was written with the flow of the Holy Spirit through the whole thing, not chopped up by chapters, verses and headings.

One thing you will discover is that right before God tells wives to submit to their own husbands as to the Lord, He says to submit to one another in the fear of God. Submission is something God intended to be a two-way lifestyle.

My belief, based on this Scripture and others, is that man is not to dominate his wife but he is to cherish her and submit to the Holy Spirit in his wife, as the wife also submits to the Holy Spirit in her husband in respect and honor.

My husband has been a living example of that for 31 years. Crown of Glory Ministries would not exist if he took a dominating role in our marriage, forcing me to submit to what he wants, making me take a back seat to himself. Dave takes seriously the fact God says he is the head of our marriage. That is why he prays and allows God to lead our marriage, and why he has gotten behind me, helping to release what God put in me as a front-line minister of the gospel. And I pray, just like his parents, we are only half way there, and will have another 31 years to live out this incredible life of love, co-submission, and holiness in our marriage.

I would love to hear from you. To those with a marriage like mine (with the strong out-going wife and the calm and reserved husband) has this been a new revelation on how blessed you are to have your husband just the way he is?

I would also love to hear from those of you who have seen this truth of co-submission at work in your marriage.

Please note: I understand there will be those who disagree with this. If you want to express your disagreement in the comments below I respect that. However, I reserve the right to delete any comments I feel are inappropriate, full of anger or malice, or do not serve the purpose of encouragement and edification.