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Search Results for: guilty

October 15, 2017 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

Help! I Feel So Guilty…

It’s been almost 5 1/2 years since our beautiful 23-year-old daughter, Naomi, took her life and it’s still so hard to believe this happened. It’s so wrong and it never should have happened, but it did.

We knew she was depressed and believed the cause was postpartum depression but now believe it was more complicated than that. We also learned of a traumatic experience that she had gone through that would have added to her depression.

There are so many events that happened in the 3 1/2 months before her taking her life that I have gone over and over in my mind, trying to put it all together and make sense of it all. I had so much guilt as I replayed conversations that we’d had over and over in my mind, thinking the outcome could have been different if I had asked different questions or been there more for her.

We actually thought she was getting better because she showed signs of being more of her happy self at times. I know she was afraid to tell us that she was in a worse place than we realized, which breaks my heart.

In November of 2013, a little over 1 1/2 years since Naomi left this earth, we saw Steven Curtis Chapman in concert and one of the things he said was, “I probably have more questions now than I’ve ever had, but I think the question that the Lord is asking us is, ‘Will you trust me?'” I broke down when I heard him say that because that was my struggle. “Do I trust you, Lord? I want to. Help me to!”

On July 24, 2014, our daughter’s birthday, I was finally able to say, “Lord, I don’t get this and this is so wrong and there are so many unanswered questions, but I trust you.” There are things that happen in this life that are so painful and tragic and wrong, but as Papa said in The Shack, “Just because I can bring incredible good out of incredible tragedy doesn’t mean I orchestrated the tragedy.”

God is good and He is faithful and He is the healer of the brokenhearted and He WILL give beauty for ashes! I trust that!

What you have just read was written by Denee Martindale. In the last couple of years, Denee has become a precious friend. Our daughters actually knew each other growing up, through school and local church activities, but it has only been since they both died that we have gotten to know one another on a deeper level.

There are three things that I think are important to notice in what Denee has shared.

  1. Guilt did not serve her well. 

The “if only’s” and deep regrets don’t change anything. In fact, as long as we are in that frame of mind, we are continuing to feed the darkness and depression we all face after the death of our child (especially one who ended his or her own life).

  1. It took quite a long time to let go of that guilt.

Naomi passed in April of 2012. Denee was tortured with the guilt for over a year and a half. And even when presented with the truth that God was asking her to trust Him beyond all of her unanswered questions, it took another eight months before she was ready to do so.

I know many of you who are reading this have been in that same place for much longer. (This is not a judgment, just an observation.)

  1. The solution was not in herself.

Denee had to let go and trust the One who holds life and death in His hands, and loves both you and your child more deeply than any of us can comprehend.

Coming to a place of acceptance that God did not cause the death of our child, is where many of us have to start. Then we need to accept the fact that He had a reason for not stepping in and stopping our child’s death that will not make sense to us on this side of eternity.

Unfortunately, many of us have a misguided definition of faith, which makes all of this even more difficult, and can be part of the guilt we find ourselves trapped in. True faith is not getting the answers we want (or we “claim”) to our prayers. True faith is trusting Him when certain prayers are not answered in the way we prayed, believing that He can see what we cannot see, and knows what we do not know.

It is important for us to grasp that this life and what we can see, hear, touch and feel, is only temporary. Our child is on the other side of eternity, and we will be joining them some day. Thankfully, our extremely painful separation is not permanent. We can release the guilt, knowing our children are in the safest, most wonderful place possible. Yes, I know we would much rather have them here with us, but wanting that, and hanging on to guilt because they aren’t, will not change it. So we might as well make a decision to let it go.

I encourage you to do exactly what my friend Denee did. Don’t rely on your own strength or desire to trust God with the most painful thing you have ever faced. Be honest with Him. If you are like Denee, tell Him, “I want to trust you. Help me to!” And if you are not to that point of wanting to trust Him, tell Him! And then ask Him to help you to want to trust Him.

Myself and thousands of other bereaved parents have come to the same conclusion as Denne; God is good and He is faithful and He is the healer of the brokenhearted and He WILL give beauty for ashes!

We trust that! And you can, too.

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl to bring hope, light and life to those struggling in darkness after a tragedy, especially bereaved parents. If you would like more information about Laura as an author or a speaker for your next event  click here. 

GPS Hope exists to bring hope to parents who have suffered the death of a child, acknowledging their unique grief with support, connection and education for them and those around them.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: accepting loss, beauty for ashes grief, bereaved parents support, child suicide guilt, Faith through grief, finding peace after tragedy, finding purpose after loss, God's faithfulness in grief, God’s healing after child death, grieving mother’s faith, grieving parents, guilt after suicide, healing after child suicide, hope after suicide loss, journey through grief, loss of child to suicide, overcoming guilt, postpartum depression and suicide, trusting God after loss, trusting God with unanswered questions

June 20, 2025 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

Is God Punishing Me for My Past? A Word for Grieving Parents Struggling with Guilt

Blog graphic with the text ‘Is God Punishing Me for My Past? A Word for Grieving Parents Struggling with Guilt’ on a calming blue background.

I get enough emails on this topic that I knew it was time to talk about it in a deeper way. Some of you are wrestling with a haunting question that you may not even dare to say out loud:

Did God allow my child to die as a punishment for something I did—or didn’t do?

Let me say this as clearly and firmly as I can:

No. God is NOT punishing you.

I can say that with confidence, and I want to share why.

Suffering Is Not the Same as Punishment

The Bible gives us so many examples showing that suffering is not a sign of God’s punishment.

  • John the Baptist was beheaded in his 30s, and yet Jesus said no prophet was greater than him (John 14:3–12).
  • When Jesus healed the blind man in John 9, people asked, “Who sinned? This man or his parents?” Jesus said, “Neither.”
  • Job was called blameless by God, yet he lost all 10 of his children and suffered immensely.
  • Mary, the mother of our Savior, watched her perfect, sinless son be executed on a cross.

He came to take on all the punishment—past, present, and future. That’s the gift of the cross.

If suffering equals punishment, then Jesus’ death was pointless. But we know it wasn’t. He came to take on all the punishment—past, present, and future. That’s the gift of the cross.

Yes, we all deal with consequences in this life. If I speed, I might get a ticket or worse. But poverty, sickness, and suffering? These things are part of our fallen, broken world. The rain falls on the just and the unjust.

If God were punishing people by taking their children, we would see people dropping dead all around us because their parent messed up. That’s not how God works.

We live in a broken world. And though your child’s death is tragic, it is not God’s punishment for anything you’ve done.

The World Is Violent—God Is Not

I watched a fascinating interview between Eugene Peterson (the translator of The Message Bible) and Bono from U2. One thing Bono said really stuck with me: “God isn’t a violent God, but the world is a violent place.”

We live in a broken world. And though your child’s death is tragic, it is not God’s punishment for anything you’ve done. If you’ve been carrying that weight, I invite you to lay it down at the foot of the cross—once and for all.

Let’s Talk About Guilt

Guilt comes in all kinds of forms. Maybe you feel like you should have said or done something differently. Sometimes what we call guilt is actually regret.

But I want to talk about a different kind of guilt—the kind where you feel responsible for something your child did.

A mom once emailed me about her son who died in a car accident. He crossed the center line, and not only did he lose his life, but so did two others. She was devastated and overwhelmed with guilt—not just for his death, but for what he had done.

But here’s the truth: it was an accident. No matter what caused it—distraction, fatigue, recklessness—it was not intentional. That’s what makes it an accident.

And it was not this mother’s fault. She wasn’t driving. She wasn’t even in the car. And yet she felt like she didn’t have the right to grieve her own son’s death as deeply as the parents who lost their daughter and unborn grandchild.

If this sounds familiar, I want to say something straight to your heart:

Your child’s death, no matter how it happened, is a devastating loss. And your right to grieve is not dependent on the circumstances.

You do have the right to grieve your child—no matter the circumstances.

Your grief is real. It’s valid. And you are allowed to cry, to scream, to ache.

Sometimes we hold on to guilt as a way to “pay” for our pain, thinking it makes our grief more acceptable. But sometimes that guilt is actually masking a deeper guilt—the guilt of letting ourselves grieve.

Let me ask you this: If your close friend’s child caused an accident like this, would you tell her she was a bad mom? Would you say she should feel guilty? Of course not.

You would probably wrap your arms around her, offer compassion, and remind her that what happened wasn’t her fault.

So why do you believe this about yourself? Your child’s death, no matter how it happened, is a devastating loss. And your right to grieve is not dependent on the circumstances.

Releasing Guilt That Isn’t Yours

I watched a TED Talk by the mother of one of the Columbine shooters. Her son killed twelve students and a teacher before taking his own life. The world shamed her: “How could you not know?” She took on that guilt for years.

Eventually, she realized that what her son did was not her fault. And now, she speaks out for greater awareness of mental illness.

Like her, it’s okay for you to let go of guilt that doesn’t belong to you.

Maybe in your head you already know this… but your heart hasn’t caught up yet. So let this truth settle into your soul:

Jesus already took your guilt. Before you were born. Before your child was born. He carried it all to the cross your sin, your shame, your guilt and paid the price in full.Jesus already took your guilt. Before you were born. Before your child was born. He carried it all to the cross—your sin, your shame, your guilt—and paid the price in full.

You may be asking God to take away your guilt, but He already has. The gift is waiting. Now it’s your turn to accept it.

A better prayer might be:

“Lord, help me accept the gift of freedom that You’ve already given. Help me release this guilt that isn’t mine to carry. Help me walk in the freedom that You died to give me.”

Freedom Is Already Yours

If Christ is in you, then freedom is in you. We often think of that in relation to sin, but let’s go a step deeper.

Unforgiveness is a sin. And isn’t guilt often a form of not forgiving yourself?

I’m not saying this to heap more guilt on you. I’m saying it to give you another reason to let yourself off the hook.

You Are Not Being Punished

Let’s circle back to where we began:

You are not being punished.

God is not angry with you. He hasn’t turned His back on you.

If you’re struggling with guilt—over your child’s death, your parenting, or a thousand imagined “what ifs”—Jesus sees it. He carried it. He is offering you peace.

Reach out and take it.


NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 301. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

You can grieve while holding on to grace. And that means letting go of guilt.

If this touched your heart, I encourage you to share it with another grieving parent who may be quietly asking the same questions.

And if you’d like more encouragement, I’ve created a free resource called 10 Tips to Overcome Guilt. You can download below.

Remember: It’s okay to grieve while holding on to grace.


If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.


Award-winning grief support books by Laura Diehl, including “When Tragedy Strikes,” “Reflections of Hope,” and “Hope for the Future,” shown with Illumination Book Awards.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: bereaved parents, bereaved parents awareness month, bereaved parents day, dreaming of your child's death, grief, grief and loss, grief anxiety, grieving parents, how to cope with the death of a child, how to deal with grief and loss of a loved one, how to deal with losing a son, how to handle grief at work and beyond, Laura Diehl, losing a daughter quotes, losing a daughter to death, loss of child, prayer for bereaved parents, what to say on anniversary of child's death​

June 4, 2024 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

263: Thinking of My Child with Joy

When we first lose our child from this earth, memories bring stabbing pain, because we realize that is all we have now. We can’t make new memories. We feel like we will never be able to enjoy life again, even if we have other children, a wonderful spouse, or job or ministry we loved.

How can we possibly smile, or ever be happy again after our child dies? Just the thought of it can make us feel guilty. In today’s episode, Laura shares something that will help a bereaved parent think of their child with joy.

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Don’t forget to check out the NEW June and July Editions of Reflections of Hope, especially if you have Kindle Unlimited.

Join us for a Weekend of Hope in Wisconsin this August! Find out more  here.

Click here to become a financial partner and keep GPS Hope going strong.

To share the acronym of your child’s name, click here and scroll down to the comments.

To find out more about joining Dave and Laura next year (February of 2025) on The Grief Cruise, click here.

 

Birthdays:

James Manning was born on June 3 and is forever 2.

Mateo Montoya was born on June 5 and is forever 6 ½ months.

Kayla Ramos was born on June 7 and is forever 25.

Ocean Yohannes Emru  Campbell was born on June 7 and is forever 23.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

 

October 17, 2023 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

233: Letting Go of Guilt After Child Loss

Guilt. It is something we all struggle with after the death of our child. We believe it is somehow our fault and that we should have done something differently so our child would still be here with us. We feel guilty that we did not/could not keep our child safe.

Listen in, as Laura talks about this struggle we all face, and why we do not need to continue to carry guilt and self-condemnation.

Links Mentioned in this episode:

There were no links mentioned. Save the date of August 1-4, 2024 for the Celebration of Hope in Wisconsin. Watch for details.

Birthdays:

Alicia Martin was born on October 17 and is forever 36.

Carissa Ellen Hunsaker was born on October 19 and is forever 1.

Samuel Buss was born on October 19 and is forever 21.

Taylor Contreras was born on October 20 and is forever 16.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

May 23, 2023 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

212: Grief and Laughter (with Nancy Weil)

Do you feel guilty for laughing after your child died? Are humorous things that used to make you laugh no longer funny? How do we get past that? What if we don’t want to ever laugh again?

Laura’s guest, Nancy Weil, is a certified laughter specialist, who combines it with being a certified grief worker. Laughter is something that is needed in our lives as soon as possible because of the physical, mental and emotional benefits it brings to the grieving process. Find out why and how in today’s discussion.

Nancy Weil is a leading authority on the relationship between humor and grief, and is known for her energetic, entertaining and content rich programs. She runs a national virtual grief support group through her work with the Order of the Golden Rule, an association for independent funeral homes. Nancy is Certified as a Funeral Celebrant, Grief Management Specialist, and Laughter Leader.  She is the founder of The Laugh Academy and the author of, If Stress Doesn’t Kill You, Your Family Might.

 

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)

This podcast episode was sponsored by Lester and Kathy Wilfong, in memory of their daughter, Jessi Wilfong.

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Listen to previous episode with Nancy: Can Our Children Still Communicate With Us?

Connect with Nancy: website thelaughacademy.com or email nancy@thelaughacademy.com

It is the last week to get in on the reduced cabin prices! Get more information to join Laura and Nancy on The Grief Cruise!

Sponsor a podcast episode in memory of your child.

 

 

Click here to become a monthly partner, giving hope to other parents, or to give a special gift to keep this podcast going, along with providing  other needed resources to bereaved parents.

(GPS Hope is a 501c3 nonprofit and runs on the financial support of those who believe in passing along the hope they have received to others.)

 

Birthdays:

Isaiah Santell was born on May 22 and is forever 16.

Tyrin Carter was born on May 22 and is forever 19.

Andrew Ricken was born on May 22 and is forever 35.

Kyle Terry was born on May 24 and is forever 28.

Jessi Wilfong was born on May 26 and is forever 20.

Andrew LaPlante was born on May 27 and is forever 24.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

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Recent Posts

  • Finding Meaning and Purpose After the Death of a Child By Laura Diehl with Kim Harms
  • Is God Punishing Me for My Past? A Word for Grieving Parents Struggling with Guilt
  • When Dads Grieve: A Conversation on Faith, Family, and Holding On
  • Can I Trust God Leading Me?



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