When Dads Grieve: A Conversation on Faith, Family, and Holding On
I heard something recently that struck a deep chord in me: God does not call us to the outcome. He calls us to faithfulness.
That truth, shared by Dave in their conversation, set the tone for a heartfelt and honest dialogue between two grieving fathers, (Matt and Dave) who both know the pain of losing a child. They came from different circumstances: one a military loss, one after a long-term illness. But the emotions, the questions, and the faith they wrestled with were profoundly similar.
Different Losses, Shared Pain
Dave reflected on the unexpected loss of his daughter, Becca, who had a long-term illness. “Even though she was sick, her death still shocked us. Nothing really prepares you for that moment.” Matt, who lost his son, Eric, in the military, noted that while there’s always a lingering awareness of the risk in military families, “When it happens, it’s still shattering. And then the media… they show up within an hour, looking for a story, not fully grasping the gravity of your grief.”
Yet, as Matt shared, “God gave us a grace in that moment—just what we needed to get through it.”
Don’t Let This Pain Be Wasted
One of the most poignant moments came when Dave recalled a prayer he whispered early in his grief: “God, don’t let this pain be wasted.” It became a turning point—a plea for purpose in the middle of anguish.
Grief experts say that the early stages of grief can last five years or more. “If you’re only a few months, or a couple of years in,” Dave said, “you’re still an early griever. Give yourself grace.”
The Role of Church and Family
Matt shared how grief gave him a renewed appreciation for church and family. “When someone lacks both—a church community and strong family ties—it’s even harder. The enemy tries to isolate us. My prayer is that people reinvest in those relationships.”
Dave agreed, adding that many grieving parents, especially Christians, struggle with returning to church. “Churches often rally in the beginning, but as time goes on, some don’t understand why you haven’t ‘moved on.’ But God’s timeline for healing is not the world’s timeline.”
What’s essential, they both emphasized, is pressing into God. “Let Him use your pain to deepen your relationship with Him,” said Dave. “Through Becca’s death, I gained a deeper understanding of God the Father’s love. If my love for her was so great, how much greater was His love in giving His own Son?”
Matt echoed that revelation: “I thought I’d pull away from God. But instead, it pulled me closer. Once you realize what God gave up for us, it compels you to stay the course.”
Father’s Day: Still Tender, Still Sacred
Both Matt and Dave spoke candidly about Father’s Day. For Dave, the first one after Becca passed was devastating. “It does ease a bit over the years, but that ache never fully leaves.”
Matt shared how his family honors his son, Eric, every year on June 5, the anniversary of his passing, leading up to Father’s Day. “We put out flags. We have a metal cutout of a kneeling soldier. Our neighbors know—it’s part of how we remember. And our other sons have honored me through their own growth and strength.”
For both men, Father’s Day became less something to avoid and more a way to remember—with reverence, with love, and with the joy of God’s healing.
A Call to Stay in the Game
Matt left us with a powerful reflection: “Fathers have many chances to pull away when life gets hard. But when you hang in there—when you stay available, stay committed—it matters. On Father’s Day, when you’ve poured into your family, they pour back into you. That’s a miracle all its own.”
He continued, “To the dads out there: stay in the game. Push through the pain. Because that’s when God begins His most miraculous work.”
A Final Prayer
They closed their conversation in prayer—thanking God for families, for His strength, for His faithfulness.
“Lord, bless each father reading this today. Let them feel Your presence in their deepest places of grief. Help them press into You. Strengthen their families. And may their faith rise as they commit their ways to You. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Don’t Let the Pain Be Wasted
There’s no guidebook for grieving as a father. But in their conversation, Matt and Dave reminded us of something powerful: healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means honoring. And above all, it means being faithful—even when the outcome is not what we prayed for.
As Dave said so well: “Don’t let this pain be wasted.”
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 300. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
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AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
Learning how to live in that place of resting in God has been a process. The pain can still be pretty intense at times, making me feel like I am going backwards, losing that peace and the place of rest.
From Survival to New Purpose
The Shepherd Who Has Everything We Need
I have recently had several moms tell me that they didn’t think they ever would or could get past the darkness, but now two years, or three years, or five years after their child’s death, something is stirring inside them that they want to start feeling alive again. I see this as a sign that the “winter” of grief is coming to a close, and the new growth of spring is on its way.
press on to know him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring. Hosea 6:3 (NLT)
Sharing Hope (
Every morning when we wake up, at some point the realization hits us that our child is no longer here and will not be part of our day. It can feel like they died all over again.
If someone has an amputation, first they must heal, both physically and emotionally, from having that body part cut off; and the emotional healing takes much longer than the physical.
who have lost a child, anything under five years is considered fresh grief. So, I am not surprised when a bereaved parent does not believe they will ever have a life worth living again. I know I didn’t believe it.
