Adonai—Lord and Shepherd
Most of us are familiar with how Psalm 23 starts out. “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” The Complete Jewish Bible states it like this. “The Lord Adonai is my shepherd; I have everything I need. ”
Let’s take some time to break down the very beginning of this, by first asking ourselves, what exactly does the Hebrew word Adonai mean that is translated as Lord? It is a master or owner, someone who is sovereign or a supreme ruler, a person with ultimate power or authority.
When our child dies, it is easy to see God as a mean ruler with ultimate power who just does whatever He wants. But Adonai, this Lord and Master, is also our Shepherd, who looks after and takes care of his sheep. These two things (Lord and Shepherd) may seem to contradict each other.
When Control and Trust Collide
When we became a Christian, it means we should be choosing to allow God to be in the driver’s seat of our life. However, we may have discovered that what we really did was ask God to be in the passenger seat, while we are still the one driving. We allowed Him to get in the cockpit with us, as the copilot, but we still want to keep control by being the pilot. And that is where the contradiction happens.
Following Jesus is not about certainty; it is about trust. It is truly allowing Him to be Lord in our lives without conditions. And trusting God doesn’t always mean understanding Him.
When we don’t understand the whys, we somehow think God owes us an explanation. If you have ever watched the old black and white I Love Lucy shows, it reminds me of when Desie would say in his Spanish accent, “Lucy, you got some ‘splainen’ to do!”
Going Deeper Than the Why
I recently heard an illustration I want to pass on to you. It is the difference between choosing to stay on the surface with feeling like you have to know why, or going deeper with Him in a way that goes beyond the whys.
When you snorkel, you stay on the surface with your little plastic tube. You can’t go deep. If you want to go deep, you have to get a tank.
Staying on the surface is continuing to feel like God owes you an explanation. It is continuing to ask “Why would God do this to me? To us?” This is like snorkeling. We cannot understand the depths of God while staying on the surface. Going deep means you choose to trust God in the horrible circumstance, choosing to believe no matter what your heart or mind tell you, that He IS love, He IS comfort, He IS peace. It is like strapping on that tank, so you can breathe under the water.
When you choose to go deep, you come out the other side knowing God in a way you never did before. You know how wonderful and faithful He really is, and that being both Lord and Shepherd are not a contradiction.
The Roundabout of Grief
Many of us are stuck in a roundabout. We are going round and round and round, fighting with God about things like:
- how unfair the death of our child is
- how God isn’t really good (or He would not have allowed my child to die)
- how I will never be able to be happy again
We will stay stuck, going around in circles like this until we choose to take a turn, and that turn is toward God. This is a turn of surrender. Once we allow God to be the pilot (to be the one driving our lives) and we surrender to being the passenger, receiving His love and care as the Good Shepherd He truly is, we will find ourselves in a much better place, as hope, light, meaning and purpose return to our lives.
It is when we come to Him, humbled and fully surrendered, that we can even begin to hear Him speak to us in a way that we can receive as both our Lord and our Good Shepherd.
The Healing Begins with Surrender
We are all broken. Deeply broken. In fact, I remember feeling so very shattered that I didn’t even think it was possible to find all the pieces, much less have God put them all back together. But as I continued this journey, I began to see and understand that brokenness can be a gift. When we know and admit how broken we are to God, from a place of being vulnerable and no longer fighting Him, we can experience an incredible depth of His love in a way that we did not even know was possible here on this earth. And I am in awe of it.
If you aren’t there yet, that’s okay. It took me quite a while, too. Just know that it is possible, yes, even for you. He really is both Lord, and a Good Shepherd, ready and waiting to love and help bring healing to His deeply wounded sheep. If you have experienced going deep, discovering He is both Lord and a Good Shepherd, please leave a comment, so that others who have not gotten to this place yet can be even more encouraged.
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 287. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
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Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope), a ministry founded by Dave and Laura Diehl, to walk with parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose. Laura is the author of multiple award-winning books, a national speaker and singer/songwriter.
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But God is life, and you being alive means that God is sustaining you, even though it may not feel like it. Sometimes, it is just by helping us take the next breath. That breath comes from God, and even if you don’t want that next breath, the fact that you are still breathing and still here, means that God is still sustaining you through the hurt and darkness. He is there with you.
There was nothing in the law of Moses saying that what Satan was asking Jesus to do was wrong. After all, He was within days of turning water into wine. The temptation to Jesus was not, “You are asking me to sin.” The temptation was asking Jesus to do something his own way to meet His desire and needs, instead of being led by God within the intimate relationship with His Father.
If you cannot seem to read the Bible yet, He can still speak to you in other ways. Ask him to open your ears to hear what He wants to say to you in the context of His heart and being in an intimate relationship with Him. That is an individual thing for each one of us.
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