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May 9, 2025 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

The Struggles with Thanksgiving and Child Loss

All the holidays are a struggle, but Thanksgiving is unique in that the entire purpose is to be thankful and grateful for the ways God has blessed us. But, after the death of our child, many of us don’t feel blessed at all, much less feel thankful.

As a pareavor, I totally understand the thoughts of not having anything to be thankful for in those early months and years. The death of our child is front and center and being thankful for ANYTHING can feel impossible. When we are told we can at least be thankful that we are breathing… no, we can’t, because we don’t want to be breathing, right? I remember begging God to just take me. I wasn’t suicidal, I just didn’t want to be here anymore.

To be honest, I don’t even remember those first few years. For the Thanksgiving meal, I think we all went out to eat. We may have done that for the first two to three years, until my adult children worked up the courage to say how much they missed the traditional Thanksgiving meal and being together at the house, so I did eventually go back to that.

Since we now live in our motorhome and are on the road in the Hope Mobile, Thanksgiving is very different for us, which I am quite okay with. However, this year we are driving our car back home to Wisconsin, leaving the Hope Mobile (and our cat, Savanah) with friends in Texas and I will be cooking the meal at my oldest son’s house.

This can be a constant yearly struggle for all of us, not wanting to disappoint our other children and family members, and at the same time, knowing we don’t have it in us to celebrate Thanksgiving, whether it is physically, emotionally, mentally, or even spiritually.

Last year, right after Thanksgiving, I received an email from my friend Jill. Her barely two-year-old son, Nathan, died suddenly and unexpectedly, over twenty years ago. Jill shared with me the struggle of still finding herself, after all those years, “having to continually give grace to those who don’t understand” because she was told on Thanksgiving at a gathering that as she matured, she should be able to celebrate again.

Let me add that her son’s birthday is in November. He died thirteen days after his birthday on November 24th and was buried on Thanksgiving Day. Talk about lots of triggers at a time of year when we are supposed to be “thankful”!

Jill goes on in the email to say what those around us don’t realize; grief has nothing to do with maturity.  There is more to this email as she shares how people think she must still be struggling because of posting pictures of Nathan on these dates, and her response to that. (If you would like to hear the entire email, you can go to podcast episode 185 here or find the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app).

It can be exhausting trying to explain to family and friends why we don’t want to (or can’t) celebrate holidays and special events like we have in the past, especially when they just don’t get it. Friends and family who mean well, can even insist that joining in the celebrations and festivities is just what we need. They tell us it is the best thing we can do to “get back to normal.”

That may be true with their personal experience of other losses, but we know this is not like any other loss. However, we would not know that ourselves if we were not experiencing it, so we cannot expect them to know or understand that.

Recently in a conversation with several moms, one of them commented how special it is to be able to make new memories with the one who is gone. That was such a beautiful thought, and one that I will leave you with. How can you still make new and meaningful memories during the holiday season with your child who is no longer here with you?

Yes, it will probably be painful, but like a good pain that is bringing healing. These are bittersweet days for all of us through the end of the year, and even more so if you are like Jill and there are birthdays and death dates in the middle of it.

But you can learn to learn how not to just fall into the despair of the bitter, but how to lean into the sweet. The struggle is real, but so is the Holy Spirit as He walks with you through each day, including the days we struggle to be thankful.

This was taken from a recent Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast. To hear all of what was shared (which includes something that might help to explain our grief, if not to others, at least to yourself) you can listen to it here on the GPS Hope website or listen on the GPS Hope YouTube channel. You can also find the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Are you dreading the Christmas holiday season and wishing there was something to help you get through it? Hope for the Future: An Advent Book for Bereaved Parents is a daily reading through the Christmas season, and you can also join me live each Sunday night, lighting a candle. Find out more here.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on our private Facebook page or our public Facebook page. 
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: Advent for grieving parents, bereaved parent holidays, Christian grief support, finding gratitude in grief, GPS Hope blog, grief during the holidays, grieving parents Thanksgiving, holiday grief support, hope after child loss, Laura Diehl grief resources, Thanksgiving after child loss

November 6, 2022 by Laura Diehl 4 Comments

God Does Not Say He Will Give Us Joy for our Grief

Many of us are familiar with Isaiah 61:3 that tells us God will give us the oil of joy for our mourning.

Did you know there is a difference between mourning and grief? Mourning is the expression of deep sorrow for someone who has died. Grief is what we think and feel on the inside when our child (or someone we love) dies. It is the loneliness, the fear, depression, emptiness, etc. Mourning is the outward expression of our grief, the act of sorrowing.

This is huge because I always thought this verse meant that God would replace my grief with joy, but that is not what He is saying.

If you are like me, the death of my daughter, Becca, became my identity. When I met someone, I wanted to introduce myself as, “Hi, I’m Laura, and my daughter died.” I wanted people to know what I was going through and how much pain I was in.

I believe this is what God was talking about in this verse. He is saying that he will take away our need to express our grief. We will grieve for the rest of our lives, but we won’t always mourn. We will not always have a need to constantly express the pain of our loss.

I want to point out that joy and laughter are still important in our lives. The physical healing that takes place in our bodies with a good laugh is incredible. God is the one who created our bodies to respond to laughter, which means happiness is important to Him!

Psalm 2:4 says that God sits on His throne and laughs.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 tells us there is a time to laugh.

In Job 8:21 we read He will fill our mouths with laughter.

I am not saying this to imply that we are to live from a place of happiness and laughter with our child gone. What I am saying is that God wants to replace your mourning – your expression of the pain of missing your child – with His Spirit, to eventually be able to express joy and even happiness for the good things that are still in your life (and are yet to come).

The first step we need to take is to believe having joy in our lives again is even possible, and then to actually want it back in our lives. Joy comes from a place of hope. Proverbs 10:28 (ESV) says, The hope of the righteous brings joy.

The final enemy to be defeated is death itself, and that is something to look forward to and get excited about. This means that instead of the outward expression of missing our child, it is possible to carry the outward expression of our excitement of seeing them again!

Can you start to see how it is possible for God to give us the oil of joy for our mourning?

There is joy on the other side of our pain. But you don’t have to wait for the fullness of it until you are with your child again, because right now, God wants to give you the oil of joy for your mourning.

Now may God, the fountain of hope, fill you to overflowing with uncontainable joy and perfect peace as you trust in him. And may the power of the Holy Spirit continually surround your life with his super-abundance until you radiate with hope! Romans 15:13 (TPT)

This was only part of a recent episode of the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast. To listen to it in its entirety directly on the GPS Hope website, click here. If you would like to listen to it on the GPS Hope YouTube channel, click here. Or you can find it (Grieving Parents Sharing Hope: Episode 182) on your favorite listening app.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on our private Facebook page or our public Facebook page. 
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: Advent for grieving parents, bereaved parent holidays, Christian grief support, finding gratitude in grief, GPS Hope blog, grief during the holidays, grieving parents Thanksgiving, holiday grief support, hope after child loss, Laura Diehl grief resources, Thanksgiving after child loss

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