GPS Hope

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Hope is Our Anchor

I remember that first year after my daughter, Becca, died. She passed in October, so right away we were thrown into all the end-of-year holidays without her. As it was getting closer to New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day, I felt horrible. I felt like going into a new year meant leaving Becca behind on a whole new level. Life was going on without her, and it wasn’t supposed to!

This heaviness we can be feeling right now between the end-of-year holidays and being in a different year without our child is exactly why I feel led to remind us of the hope we can still have, even in this place of suffocating darkness after the death of our child.

Many of us don’t have any idea how we are going to get through the rest of our time here on earth, much less getting to the place of being okay with it. We definitely cannot see ourselves getting to the place where we want to stick around a while longer because our life has found meaning and purpose again. That just feels impossible.

At the same time, we also shake our head in wonderment at how anyone can get through this without God to lean on. Even if we are angry at Him, something in us knows we need Him. We need His strength, His peace, and His hope.

To help us grab hold of that hope, let me share just a few scriptures with you.

Before I do, let me make sure we realize that the hope God talks about is much different than we often use the word hope. “I hope it doesn’t rain.” “I hope she passes the test.” These are wishes. God’s hope is not a wish, but a confidence that He will come through for us. I see hope as a seed we plant that is nourished to become faith/trust.

Here are some of the things we read in God’s Word about that kind of hope.

  • Psalm 119:147 I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word. (NIV)
  • Psalm 130:7 …hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is great power to redeem. (NRSV)
  • Job 14:7 There is hope for a tree that has been cut down; it can come back to life and sprout. (GNT)
  • Jeremiah 17:17 You alone are my hope in the day of disaster. (NLT)
  • Lamentations 3: 19-24 I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed. I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over). He’s all I’ve got left. (MSG)
  • 1 Corinthians 13:7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (NLT)
  • Hebrews 6:18-20 We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It’s an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God where Jesus, running on ahead of us, has taken up his permanent post as high priest for us. (MSG)
  • Hebrews 6:19 This hope is a safe anchor for our souls. It will never move. This hope goes into the Holiest Place of All behind the curtain of heaven. (NLV)

Hope is what keeps us going. It is our anchor in the storm of grief, when we feel like we are going under and can’t get back to the surface to breathe.

I pray that what you have read here gives you at least a glimmer of needed hope as we are on this unwanted journey together.

If you are one of my podcast listeners, you know I will have to end this blog with one more word of hope, literally, which is my acronym for hope.

Hold

On

Pain

Eases

There is HOPE!

 

The above scriptures are just a few of thirty-six verses which were read on podcast episode 192. To listen to all of them being read to you, click here.

You can also get a downloadable PDF of all thirty-six scriptures. Just submit your name and email address below. (This will also put you on the Weekly Word of Hope email list which you can unsubscribe from at any time.)

 

 

Laura’s next book will be coming out soon! It is called Reflections of Hope: A Daily Reading for Bereaved Parents. You can find out more about it here.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

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I’ll Love You Forever

February is a month where “love is in the air” with Valentine’s Day. Personally, I always used this day to love on my kids, since I didn’t feel like Dave and I needed a day set aside to show our love for each other.

One reason the pain is so deep after the death of our child is because our love for him or her doesn’t go away when they leave us. The love we have for our children lasts forever, which is expressed in the writing below.

Forever

My child,
Flesh of my flesh,
Soul of my soul,
Part of my very being;
I had an instant deep and fierce love when I first saw you.
My heart was yours, and I knew I would give my very life to protect you.

And yet, here I sit, with the suffocating pain and darkness of knowing I was unable to protect you from death.

So now I find that just as deep and intense as my love for you, is the deep and intense pain of my grief in living without you. And yet I know that somehow, I must.

How? How God? How do I go on with a piece of my very being gone from this earth?

And as I ask and seek for this help, God in His tender love, compassion and faithfulness reminds me that I don’t have to live without you.

You are forever in my heart and my thoughts, and forever a part of my very being; that our separation is only temporary. You have just moved on to our eternal home before me and have unpacked and settled in, waiting for me and the rest of us to join you.

This isn’t a final good-by. It is an “I’ll see you later.” When I have the thoughts that I would give anything to see you again, to hug you or hear you laugh, I realize that I will! Maybe not as soon as I want to, but it will happen!

And so, I will wait. I will wait with hope, expectancy and even excitement to see you again. Every day I am here on this earth means I am one day closer to that desperate need that I have as a mother to love on you. 

And while I wait, I will choose to live my life in a way that is full; full of love, full of peace and contentment, full of laughter. And yet I know it will also still be full of pain and longing. For I have now learned that all of these things can live inside of me together.

So, let me say I am honored. I am honored and blessed to be your mom, and I imagine and dream of our reunion someday, filled with love and joy that goes beyond words to describe it.

But until then, I will have good days and bad days. I will have days filled with happiness, and days filled with pain. And all of those days I will continue miss you with every fiber of my being.

We grieve deeply, because we love deeply. That is one of the risks of love. But as the poem reminds us, our child is forever in our hearts and in our thoughts. He or she is forever a part of our very being. Our separation is only temporary, because God, in His deep love for our child and for us, made a way for that to be possible.

Consider praying this prayer with me: Lord, my deep grief is a reminder of my deep love that cannot be poured out on my child right now. But someday we will be together again, and all this stored up love will be dumped on my child! And Father, I ask that right now, you would give my child a big hug from me, and love on them in my place. Thank you.

 

If you were to buy a little Valentine gift to show your child how much you love and miss them, what would it be? I would love to have you share it in the comments below.

 

By the way, Laura has written a song that expresses some of the thoughts above. Click here to listen to the song Together Forever.

 

 

 

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

 

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How Your Thoughts Affect Your Grief

Don’t let the enemy take the greatest pain and darkness you have ever faced and turn it into a lie that God doesn’t love you, or that He has turned His back on you.

When God created us, He did an amazing thing. One of the ways He made us in His image is by allowing us to think our own thoughts. He does not control our thoughts, even though He could.

He even allows us to think He is the evil one.

I remember times when my kids blamed me for something and were angry with me when I wasn’t the one who caused the pain, or my decision was based on something I could see that they could not.

It’s the same way with God. He allows us to have our own thoughts, even if we believe a lie about Him. That is how much He loves us. He doesn’t force us to trust Him or love Him. He lets it come from our own choice and our own thoughts.

The truth is, the only powers great enough to keep me from living out my kingdom inheritance here on earth are lies and deception. It isn’t the death of my daughter, or any other tragedy I have experienced in my life.

And in case you aren’t aware, believing a lie is just as powerful as believing the truth.

Whether we believe it or not, the truth is that we are secure in God and His blood covenant through Jesus. Even if we falter through life, even if we are angry with Him, He remains holding our hand, walking with us. (In fact, I believe there are many times in my life He has just plain carried me when I was too wounded to walk.)

The best way I know to get out of the enemy’s sticky web is to still your soul, quiet your own thoughts, and ask God to give you His thoughts. You need to be transformed—totally changed—by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2). Allow God’s thoughts to speak softly to you in the depths of your being to set you free from the turmoil. Sit quietly in His presence, letting His thoughts reprogram your thinking.

What you focus on is what you will grow. So, if you continue to focus on the pain and loss, it will grow until it is ready to consume you and overtake you. But if instead you think about, focus on, and give thanks for what or who you still have, that is what will begin to grow, and eventually it will bring you out of that deep dark place.

And you may not believe it right now, but you can actually get to the place where you celebrate your child’s life, instead of being stuck in the pain of his or her death.

Another way to help change your thoughts is through gratitude. I know we can feel like we have nothing to be thankful for, but once again, that is not the truth. Gratitude is powerful, and it has worked for countless other grieving parents. You can experience for yourself that when we make the choice to flip the switch and find things to be thankful for, we will start to see a change happening in our lives and feel the pain of loss lighten.

The Bible tells us that we are to take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). One reason this is so important is because our thoughts become our words, and words are extremely powerful. We see that all through Scripture.

For something to be released, we have to decree it; we have to declare it. We don’t have to feel it, but somehow, we have to push through to get ourselves to speak the truth of what God says. We can’t just wish this pain wouldn’t be so intense. We can’t keep saying we will never get better or will never be able to live without our child here with us. We need to speak God’s Words and truth into the circumstance and into our pain, no matter how much our feelings are the opposite.

Remember, believing a lie is just as powerful as believing the truth. And speaking out those beliefs will make our thoughts even more solid – either the lies, or the truth.

I heard God speak to me about the way I was thinking, well over a year after I lost Becca, as seen in the journal entry below.

1/16/13: Let’s go back to perspective. You have been stuck on how difficult your life has been. I want you to spend some time meditating on the good, on the blessings, on the wonderful and joyful things. Let’s “reprogram” you and your thought process!

The last thing I will share that has helped me personally, was to realize God isn’t just “out there” somewhere. He is actually inside me. Because I have invited Jesus to be Lord of my life, the Spirit of God dwells in me, which also means the Seed of Hope is in me. I don’t have to wait for God to come to me from somewhere out there. I can quiet myself and listen to His still small voice from inside of me, speaking peace, bringing comfort. Whatever I need, He is already inside me to meet that need, including what I need to water that seed of hope to make it grow.

The amazing thing is that He is also sitting on His throne at the exact same time. And I can come boldly to that throne of our gracious God to receive His mercy and find His help which I so desperately need, over and over again (Hebrews 4:16).

To get through the suffocating darkness be able to live again, we cannot lean on our own understanding. In all our ways we have to acknowledge the truth that God is always good, whether we agree with His decisions or not. (To read a previous article How Can I Still Believe God is Good After the Death of My Child? click here.)

Just because I have thoughts or feelings about something, no matter how strong, does not mean they are necessarily based on the truth. I pray that you will seek for the truth in your thoughts, because the truth sets us free from being chained to the darkness of our grief.

The five most popular Expressions of Hope Blogs written in 2018 were made into an eBook (which includes the one mentioned above, How Can I Still Believe God is Good After the Death of My Child?). We would be happy to send you a free copy if you will let us know where to send it.

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl. Laura is a national keynote speaker and also a workshop speaker for both The Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA national conferences. Laura has also been a guest on Open to Hope several times, and has hosted her own conferences, a virtual conference and many webinars. If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event, click here.

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Looking Out the Window of Fear

Fear brings torment, and as parents grieving the earthly loss of our child, it is easy to feel the full weight of that torment.

What are some of those fears?

• That going forward with your life will cause those around you to forget your child ever lived
• That there will be moments when you don’t think about or even miss your child
• That laughing or having fun without your child means you’re a bad parent
• That you may lose your other children, making it hard to let them go (either out of your sight or to grow up and be on their own)
• That your child may not be in heaven     

If we are afraid of something, it means that thing has more power over us than we do over it. So, if we are afraid to face the pain of our grief and work our way through it, our fear will continue to control us.

There is something much more powerful than our deepest fears: God’s love for us! God’s perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18). If we have fear, it is because we don’t believe in His perfect love for us. And that’s understandable, because it is hard to reconcile in our minds how we can trust a God who says He loves us and yet allowed this terrible thing to happen to our child and to us.

I can offer no easy fix or solution to this, although it is very black-and-white. We either believe God is good and Satan is evil, or we don’t. We either fear that God isn’t big enough or we have faith that He is more than enough.

Making a Shift in How You See God

I want to share with you a few things to help make a shift in how you see God in the midst of your fears, caused by the pain of your tragedy.

1.  Some parents are helped by the realization that their child is not missing; he or she is simply absent.

To be absent means not to be present for the moment. The Bible says that for someone who has accepted the gift of salvation, to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:8).

This is one of those times where perspective can change everything. I can either focus on my personal loss that my child is absent from this earth, or I can focus on the fact that my child is present with the Lord. My daughter, Becca, is absent from my presence for now, but not forever.

2. Reading the book of Psalms in the Bible can be extremely helpful.

Over and over the writer cries out for help from a very dark place of despair. And God responds by being a rock, a refuge and help in times of need. I spend a lot of time there when I “relapse” and find myself struggling with the pain and reality that Becca is gone from this earth and I won’t see her again until I join her in heaven.

3. Don’t keep looking back, allowing yourself to be paralyzed by the pain.

I am so sorry to say this, and I am not trying to be cruel, but simply want to set you free; no matter how much you want your child’s life back, it isn’t going to happen. I did that, and here is what God spoke to me one day.

Laura, DON’T LOOK BACK! Go forward with everything you’ve got! Lot’s wife looked back and she was frozen to a place where she died. She could not go anywhere because she looked back. I know that may seem harsh, but it will become a tormenting fear that will paralyze you. Don’t look back at the crushing; if you look back to ponder and relive the death, you won’t be able to walk in the power of My resurrection life… You will grow stronger in it each day you come up to Me to drink. Drink daily. Drink deeply. For it will truly be a wellspring of life in you and through you.

I have made the choice to refuse to remain focused on the pain of my loss. I am determined to go forward, focused on who and what I still have. I have given God the shattered pieces of my life and am watching Him not only fix it but make it into something that is actually beautiful. Only a God who specializes in miracles can do that!

I also refuse to live in fear of the “what ifs” of more loss. If that happens, I know that I know that I know God will give me the grace I need to get through it. Why waste my time on the darkness of fearing what will probably never happen? I would much rather live my life full of light and hope of a better tomorrow, both here on earth and in my eternal home with Becca. You and I both are blessed with so much that has not been taken from us. Most of us know that in our heads and are waiting for our hearts to catch up.

What fears are you carrying right now? Are they things God would have you carry? Let me answer that for you. No, they are not. So, are you willing to lay them down at the feet of Jesus, who is sitting on His throne as King, and leave them there so you can move forward in freedom?

Fear and faith have the same root, which is belief in the unknown.

Which “unknown” are you going to start believing in and acting on? I recommend faith.

 

This article is adapted from Chapter 8 of the book When Tragedy Strikes. To receive the full chapter, which includes discussing the fear of our child not being in heaven, simply submit your name and email address and it will be sent directly to you immediately.

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.

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