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August 11, 2019 by Laura Diehl 4 Comments

Are You Tired of Disappointments?

Is unrelenting disappointment leaving you heartsick? Are you feeling hopeless in your situation?

Constant disappointment can leave us feeling weary and defeated. When we are weary from disappointment, we can get caught in a negative circle and not see any way out. And we have all been there.

Proverbs 13:12 is a Scripture that is probably familiar to you. I grew up with the King James Version which says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.”

Here is the first half of the verse in some other translations.

“Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick” (MSG). Boy, that’s true, isn’t it?

How about, “When hope is crushed, the heart is crushed” (GNT).

And this one, “Hope which is delayed tormenteth the soul” (WYC).

We can get to a place where we have absolutely no hope in the situation in which we find ourselves. We can truly feel tormented because we can’t see any light in our place of darkness. Or if we can, it’s the “I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it’s probably a train” kind of thing. Only we aren’t joking, because it really feels that way.

The second part of Proverbs 13:12 states, “When the desire comes, it is a tree of life.” Several translation say, “But a fulfilled longing is a tree of life”. At least one version adds, “There is life and joy” (TLB).

17074-an-african-american-woman-looking-out-a-window-pvObviously, when we find ourselves in a very dark situation and we can’t see our way out, we need hope.

I address this in When Tragedy Strikes. This book was written after emerging from the darkness of the death of my daughter. When you bury your child, you can’t find your way out of that dark pit with a false hope, or a “wishful thinking” kind of hope. You have to have the real thing.

Waiting, Trusting, Hoping

I read somewhere that waiting, trusting, and hoping are like three strands of a rope. Trust is the middle strand, and hope and waiting are the two strands that wrap around it. This is a good description of how I have gotten to the place I have, with the grace of God.

“Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to…grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13 NIV).

When I talk about hope I am not talking about wishful thinking. I am talking about something we know is coming that we anticipate. A great example is a little girl who hopes she will get married someday. That is the wishful thinking kind of hope. But one day a young man comes into her life, they fall deeply in love, and he gets down on one knee with a question and a ring. Her getting married is no longer wishful thinking. It is something she actually starts planning for with anticipation, knowing it is coming.

That is the kind of hope God talks about and gives us in the Bible. Wishful thinking won’t get you out of your black hole of grief, but hope will. True hope. The anticipation of knowing that God will pull you out and put you on a path of life that leads you to fullness and satisfaction in walking out the destiny and purpose He still has for you. Death and life…the two can truly merge together as we get past our own death caused by the loss of our child. In God’s kingdom, life always comes from death. Allow God to plant His seed of hope right in the middle of your pain, and watch it grow i6nto life.

Facing your pain is hard to do—it’s never easy to face those things that make us feel so alone and broken. But every time we do, we grow a bit stronger, and we take one more step in the direction of healing.

No matter how broken you are today, tomorrow promises new hope.

Waiting, trusting, and hoping. We can actually make a decision for each of these.

  • We can choose to wait and allow God to do the work behind the scenes, or we can make a choice to be impatient and try to help God out by doing things our own way. This is not recommended, as it usually makes a mess of things. (Such as when Sarah tried doing things her own way in making sure Abraham had a son, by giving him her handmaid to sleep with.)
  • We can make a choice to trust God, even when we can’t see the outcome. It is better than choosing fear, when we can’t see the outcome.
  • We can choose to not give up. That is hope. And you can always lean on or borrow someone else’s hope for you, until your own hope returns.

These three, woven together, shine a light to get you back on the path of living again. Not just surviving, but thriving.

Remember, no matter how broken or hopeless you feel, tomorrow always promises new hope. Keep moving into a new tomorrow, until your tree of life is blooming once again.

 

 

Laura Diehl is an award-winning author, national speaker and singer. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests.

 

If you would like to receive monthly updates on their travel adventures click here and submit your name and email at the bottom of the page.

Looking for a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference? Click here.

 

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.

 

  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

 

  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook, subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel for grieving parents.

 

 

Filed Under: Friends of GPS Hope Tagged With: bereaved parent healing, dealing with disappointment, finding hope after loss, grief and hope, grief journey, grief support, grieving parents, healing after child loss, hope after loss, hope and healing after tragedy, hope in grief, hope in the dark times, loss of a child, moving through grief, navigating grief, overcoming hopelessness, Proverbs 13:12, spiritual healing after loss, strength in grief, surviving child loss, trusting God, trusting God through grief, unrelenting disappointment, waiting and hoping

January 6, 2019 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

It’s Okay Not to Be Okay!

When we have to say a final earthly goodbye to our child, it affects everything.

Even the word family takes on a whole new meaning. Our family will never be complete again. There are no replacements for child loss…

Ever.

And because of that, phrases with the word family in them can bring on crashing emotions.

 • Family photo
• Family reunion
• Family vacation
• Family meal
• Family pack (of tickets, etc.)
• Family holiday
• Family picnic

Any kind of family gathering, event, or even advertisements, is a glaring reminder of the child we are missing.

We get a front row seat to the meaning of the word bittersweet. For me personally:

Our middle son will be the only one of the siblings who had all five of them present at his wedding. The other three will be missing their sister, both at the event itself, and in the family wedding photos. Bittersweet…

We have had four grandchildren born since Becca died. The day those precious little ones made their entrance into the world was wonderful, but someone was missing. We only have one grandchild who knew her Aunt Becca. Any other grandchildren will not have that blessing. Bittersweet…

Our family is growing, and as my children get married and start their own families, it gets harder to have us all together for the holidays. On those fun times when we are all together, we aren’t really all together, because Becca and her daughter are missing. Bittersweet…

Graduations, school dances, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, birthday parties, weddings, baby showers…all of these and many more events can be overshadowed with a reminder of who is not there, and be bittersweet…

As I sit here at my desk, I am surrounded by memories and thoughts of Becca. It always amazes me how some days memories can make me smile, and other days they bring tears.

Holidays, like the ones we have just been through, definitely have the same effect on me. Some moments, some days, some years are filled with tears, and others are filled with warm memories that bring smiles and even laughter.

And I have learned that it’s okay. It’s okay to be smiling one moment and crying the next.

It’s okay to be able to go to one event but not go to the next event.

It’s okay to want to talk about my child with someone who misses her. It’s okay to not want to talk about my child right now to anyone.

It’s okay to fall apart and be a mess because something triggered a wave of grief, and it’s okay to have that happen with no explanation.

It’s okay to finally have a burst of energy one day, and the next day not even get out of bed (much less get dressed).

It’s okay not to be okay! Let me say that again, a little louder this time.

IT’S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY!

Well now, this doesn’t sound like a word of hope, does it? At least not to those who have never faced a deep loss like ours. But if you are anything like me, this was a relief when I found out it is not only okay to be like this, but NORMAL!

It gave me so much hope to know that there are other bereaved parents out there who were once in the same place I am and yet seem to have figured out how to live without their child. And that they still have moments of not being okay with their child being gone from this earth.

And it also helps, when we can find ways others around us make sure the memory of our child is kept alive at these bittersweet events.

With that being said, here are a few suggestions to help you face events this coming year, that you just can’t seem to avoid, in a way that will bring some relief to you, if only for a few moments.

1. Take a memory book and ask people to write something to your child and a special memory.

2. Ask them to make a toast specifically acknowledging by name all family members who have passed on.

3. Play one of your child’s favorite upbeat songs and have everyone dance to it (even something fun like the Chicken Dance song or the always animated favorite Let It Go).

4. Have a silly hat contest, with your child’s favorite color featured. (This would have to be planned ahead and might make a wonderful yearly tradition. Then wear the same hats each year or change it up and make new ones.)

5. Find photos of the family members/friends with your child and make it into a video with music everyone will enjoy watching.

6. Take a movie your child liked to watch and ask the group you are with to watch it with you.

And if none of these suggestions seem like they will make you want to be there, guess what? It’s okay!

So often we are told in life, “It’s not about you.” But the truth is, sometimes it is.

Only you know what is right for you, as a bereaved parent, through the difficult events in the coming year. But whatever you do, do it with HOPE, knowing that means:

HOPE – Hold On, Pain Eases!

I will never say the pain ends, but it will eventually ease, as we learn how to carry the pain of our loss in a way that doesn’t consume and devour us.

But we will always have moments where it still does, and that is okay.

GPS Hope has made an eBook of the top five blogs of 2018. If you would like your own free copy, just let us know below.

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl. Laura is a national keynote speaker and also a workshop speaker for both The Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA national conferences. Laura has also been a guest on Open to Hope several times, and has hosted her own conferences, a virtual conference and many webinars. If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event, click here.

 

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: bereaved parent help, bittersweet grief, child loss and holidays, coping with family gatherings, family after loss, family events child death, GPS Hope blog, grief and hope, grief permission, grief support, grieving parents, holiday grief, honoring child’s memory, HOPE Hold On Pain Eases, it's okay not to be okay, navigating grief at celebrations

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