The one-year anniversary of losing a child is a milestone no parent ever wants to face. It can feel unbearably heavy, filled with painful memories and emotions that leave us wondering how we’ll get through the day. As a bereaved parent myself, I know how real and raw this can be. The anniversary of my daughter, Becca’s, transition to heaven comes up in less than a week, and even after many years, I still find that some anniversaries are harder than others.
I don’t share that to discourage you, but to encourage you. Because even though the pain is real, there can also be years where it’s more bearable. But that first one? That one-year mark after losing your child is usually the most brutal.
Why the Days Leading Up Can Be Harder
What many parents don’t expect is that the weeks and days leading up to the one-year anniversary can be even harder than the day itself. Our minds replay all the “last times,” such as the last hug, the last meal together, the last phone call, the last photo. These memories cut deeply, and they can make us dread the actual day.
But you can make it through. You have already survived these first weeks and months, and that is no small thing.
Release the Pressure of Expectations
One of the most important things I want you to hear is this; release yourself from other people’s expectations. Some may think that after a year you should be “getting better,” but grief doesn’t follow a timeline.
All that the one-year mark means is that you have somehow survived the impossible for 365 days without your child. That’s huge. Many of us never thought we could, and if we’re honest, many of us didn’t even want to. Yet here you are.
There Is No “Right Way” to Grieve
Some bereaved parents want to be alone on this day. Others gather with friends or family. Some spend it crying, while others feel numb. Some find ways to celebrate their child’s life. However your grief shows up, it’s okay.
When I asked parents in the GPS Hope community what they did on that first anniversary, the answers varied widely:
- Holding a birthday “party” for a stillborn son
- Visiting a gravesite and releasing butterflies
- Friends gathering to share stories and memories
- Planting flowers or orchids in memory of a child
- Quietly journaling, coloring, or simply praying
- Writing letters to organ recipients
- Honoring their child with acts of kindness
Your way doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. What matters is that it’s meaningful for you.
What to Expect
I also want to gently prepare you for something many parents discover; the second year of grief can feel even harder in some ways than the first. The first year we’re often in a fog, bracing ourselves for each “first.” But in the second year, that fog lifts, and the pain can hit hard.
By the third year, many pareavors begin to find life a little more livable. We slowly start accepting that our child won’t be with us at birthdays, holidays, or family gatherings. And for some, glimmers of hope and even joy begin to break through.
But remember: there is no set timetable for grief. Your journey is your own, and it’s not wrong if you’re still in the fog or in deep pain years later. Please release yourself from guilt or shame that you’re “not where you should be.”
“Each season can bring its own measure of healing, and at The One-Year Anniversary of Losing a Child God tenderly meets us, often beginning to teach us how to live with love and hope intertwined.”
Grief Is Love: Finding Meaning Beyond The One-Year Anniversary of Losing a Child
When Becca’s one-year mark came, some of my family wanted to gather and celebrate her life, while others didn’t. I was torn, and honestly, I don’t even remember what we ended up doing that year. And that’s okay.
What I do know is this; your grief is love. The reason this anniversary hurts so deeply is because your love for your child is so deep. That love will never fade.
“Even through The One-Year Anniversary of Losing a Child, grief remains a reflection of the love that will never end.”
A Final Word of Hope
The anniversary of a child’s death is sometimes called their “heavenly birthday.” For Becca, that means her body is whole and strong, with a brand new heart that will never fail again. Painful grieving? Yes. But without hope? No.
Whether it’s the one-year mark for you or years later, remember this: your love is real, your tears are valid, and your child is still a part of you. So Hold On, Pain Eases, there is HOPE.
“The One-Year Anniversary of Losing a Child reminds us that grief may change, but love never ends — and hope still holds us steady.”
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 317. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
📖 Find out more about Laura’s newly released book The Bible’s Grieving Parents: Finding Comfort, Hope and Faith from Their Stories.
If you’ve been struggling with questions like “Where is God in this pain?” or “How do I keep living with a broken heart?” I wrote this book for you. My prayer is that these biblical stories will remind you that you are not alone, and that God’s goodness and mercy are still at work in your life, just as He was in the lives of those we read about in the Bible. – Laura
👉Click here for the Kindle edition on Amazon (Affiliate link – GPS Hope will receive a small portion of the purchase price)
👉Click here for a PDF download from GPS Hope
Help other pareavors find this book by leaving a rating and review here.
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AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.
A Loss That Changed Everything
When our child dies, life is forever divided into a “before” and an “after.” That kind of loss is something no parent ever expects or prepares for. In a recent conversation with Mick Weinhold, he shared the story of how the heartbreaking loss of his firstborn son, Luke, became the turning point that changed not just his life, but his eternity — a deeply personal Father’s Story of Losing a Child.
But what makes Mick’s story so powerful is what happened after. He and his wife had grown up knowing about God, but had wanted nothing to do with Him. Rules and expectations without relationship had only pushed them further away. Yet in the raw pain of losing their first child, they found themselves crying out to God, not because they had it all figured out, but because they had nowhere else to turn. As Mick put it, “We felt like we had a Luke-shaped hole in our hearts. But what God showed us was that it was really a God-shaped hole.”
Mick was honest about the struggle. There was anger, confusion, and the hard questions we all wrestle with after losing a child: “If God is good, why didn’t He stop this?” Yet even in his anger, God met him. Mick shared how he once cried out bitterly about the unfairness of friends having a baby being born on Luke’s due date, and in that moment, he heard God speak: “You were supposed to pray for them.” It was a reminder that even in grief, God is present, guiding, and working in ways beyond our understanding.
For grieving parents, these blessings don’t make the loss go away. The hole our child leaves is real. But God can meet us in that place. He doesn’t replace our child, but He can bring us wholeness within the shatteredness. We can be complete in Him, even while still deeply missing our child.
If you have ever felt alone in the pain of losing your child, I want you to know that you are not walking this road by yourself. Together, as grieving parents, we walk through this valley with the God who promises to be our Shepherd. God Himself is with us, just as He was with the very first grieving parents in the Bible.
When Adam and Eve buried their son, Abel, after he was murdered by his own brother, I don’t think they even understood the full reality of death until they saw Abel’s lifeless body. They were the first to experience the heartbreak of child loss, and they weren’t the last. Scripture is filled with stories of parents who endured the death of a child, and their experiences hold encouragement for us today.
We can see in the stories of grieving parents in the Bible that God’s mercy and goodness carried them through, and He will do the same for us. His Spirit strengthens us to not only survive, but to one day share hope with others walking this same painful journey.
In 2018, Dave and I bought a motor home that we lovingly call the Hope Mobile. For five years we traveled full-time across the nation for GPS Hope, coming alongside grieving parents at retreats, support groups, and personal visits. Eventually, we needed to pause that season to be closer to our kids and grandkids here in Wisconsin, but the Hope Mobile still carries its own stories. Even as I write this, walnuts are falling on its roof, squirrels are playing tag in the trees above, and Savanah the cat is on full alert at the window.
For years, I’ve held onto my dad’s magic. But now I am forced to pray about what to do because of my son preparing to sell the house. How do you sell a bunch of magic tricks? Would anyone even buy them? I did some research, and sent out a few emails for some suggestions.
Here’s what I have been reminded of once again; letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. The love and the legacy remain, even when the “stuff” does not. And when the time is right, God will give us peace about what to keep, what to release, and how to carry the memories forward.
Introducing 
One of the hardest parts of grief after losing a child is what it does to our minds. The fog, the forgetfulness, the inability to concentrate; it can feel overwhelming and even frightening. One day I drove home from the grocery store without my groceries! I remember one time pulling over in the car because I could not remember why I was driving or where I was going, and checking to see if there was something on my phone calendar to tell me. (Thankfully, there was.)
If this is you right now, please hear me: you’re not crazy, and you’re not alone. This is part of the grieving process. And even though those first couple of years can feel brutal, it does get better. The breakdowns become less frequent, and the fog doesn’t last as long.
Here’s something important I had to learn: there is a difference between grief and self-pity. Grief is an appropriate response to the unthinkable loss of a child. But there comes a point where we can choose not to stay stuck in despair — and begin 
One of the truths that set me free was realizing I wasn’t moving further away from my daughter, Becca, as the years went by. Each day I live on this earth actually brings me closer to the day I will see her again. I am not getting further away from her; I am getting closer and closer to her. That perspective helped to shift me out of my self-pity, and still does.
