How writing can help heal grief after child loss is something many bereaved parents never consider, at least not at first. When your child dies, you can barely breathe, let alone pick up a pen or open a blank document. But writing can become a lifeline, a safe place for the heart to speak what your voice cannot form into words.
Recently, I had a deeply meaningful conversation with award-winning author, writing coach, and bereaved father John DeDakis. His journey shows us not just how writing and grief can coexist, but how writing can help bring a measure of healing to our grief after child loss, by giving us a way to process the pain, honor our children, and even rediscover purpose.
John’s Story of Loss and Faith
John’s son, Stephen, died at just 22 years old. His death was sudden, heartbreaking, and life-shattering. Like many of us, John and his wife grieved very differently, and it would have been easy to drift apart. Instead, they learned not to judge each other’s grieving style.
One powerful moment John shared was realizing that the same song that made his wife skip forward because it triggered tears, was the same song he replayed because he needed to cry. The same emotion… processed differently. What a beautiful reminder that there is no “right” way to grieve.
John’s faith journey shifted too. He described feeling spiritually unmoored, yet still knowing where the harbor was. His words echoed what so many grieving parents feel. Our beliefs get shaken, stretched and tested. But through his honest wrestling, God met him in the questions rather than the certainties.
Writing as a Pathway to Healing
Before his son died, John was already a journalist and author. But his writing changed after his loss. He discovered that writing wasn’t just something he did, but writing became something that helped heal him.
He didn’t set out thinking, “This will be healing.” It happened naturally. Over time, he realized that his books carried a thread of grief woven through them. His characters were processing trauma, loss, and questions about God, because he himself was.
This is a powerful example of how writing can help heal grief after child loss. Sometimes healing isn’t a conscious goal. It unfolds gently through the words that flow when we allow ourselves to write. I have found that to be the case for me personally, as well. My journaled thoughts about my daughter, Becca’s, death became a book, which was not my intention as I wrote what I was wrestling with in my heart.
Why Writing Helps Grieving Parents
Whether or not you consider yourself a writer, writing therapy for grieving parents can be incredibly healing.
Writing helps because:
- It gives your pain a voice
- It brings order to the emotional chaos
- It allows honest expression that may feel too heavy to speak out loud
- It becomes a safe place to meet with God
- It creates a record of the journey so later you can see how far you’ve come
When you put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), things you didn’t even know you were holding often come out.
Psalm 62:8 tells us, “Trust in Him at all times… pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.”
Writing can be a way of pouring out your heart before God.
One man John worked with reread his journals years later and said, “I forgot how angry I was.” Writing had allowed him to release the anger instead of letting it poison him from the inside.
That is the gift of writing.
How to Begin Writing Through Grief
If the thought of writing feels overwhelming, here are gentle ways to start:
- Don’t worry about what to write
Just write whatever comes. It doesn’t have to be a story, or a book, or “share-worthy.” It only has to be real. - Try the 10-minute exercise
Set a timer for 10 minutes and start with:
“Today, I am…”
Then write without stopping. Don’t edit, analyze, or judge. Just keep your pen moving. - Use writing prompts
This removes the pressure of a blank page. (Several years ago, I put a book together for this purpose with words like anger, fear, heaven, memories, hope, with a journaling prompt for each word, which can open the door gently. Find out more here: My Grief Journey) - Write letters to your child
This can be a sacred place of connection. - Remember: No one ever has to read what you write
You can keep it, burn it, shred it, or someday turn it into something beautiful.
Each of these small steps shows how writing can help heal grief after child loss, not by fixing the pain, but by creating a safe space for it to breathe.
Writing as a Way to Honor Your Child
Your writing doesn’t have to become a book. It doesn’t have to be public. But writing is a sacred way of saying:
“You mattered. You still matter. I will not forget you.”
Even if no one ever sees your journal, writing is an act of remembrance, love, and continued connection.
A Final Word of Encouragement
If you feel something stirring in you to write, even if it scares you, pay attention to that whisper. You don’t have to be “a writer” to write. You just have to be willing to show up on the page with honesty.
As John and I talked, I truly sensed God’s presence weaving through the conversation. It felt like a divine nudge for some of you reading this right now.
Maybe God is inviting you to write; not to “produce” something, but so He can gently heal you through your own words.
Even though writing is something you do alone, you are not alone on this journey. If you do start writing, I would love to hear about it in the comments below. If you get a special journal to write in, you can even share a picture of it here on the private GPS Hope Facebook page. (Be sure to answer the two questions, or your request to join will be denied.)
You may be familiar with the acronym for HOPE as Hold On Pain Ends. But we know that is not the case for us as bereaved parents, which is why I end each of my podcasts with Hold On Pain EASES. Let writing be one of the ways that eases that pain, bringing a measure of healing to your shattered heart.
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 320. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
If you’d like to connect with John DeDakis, you can visit his website here.
You can also order your own signed copy of My Grief Journey to gently guide you through journaling and reflection after child loss here.
AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.
Healing after pregnancy loss is a journey that can feel both lonely and sacred. Too often, this kind of loss isn’t acknowledged for the deep heartbreak it truly is. But whether the pregnancy loss was early or late, whether you held your baby or not, your love was real, and so is your grief. Today, I want to share a story that beautifully captures both the pain and the redemption that can come through 
Shelley shared how she and CJ spent years in ministry, serving as missionaries and then stepping out in faith to travel full-time in an RV. They dreamed of raising a family, but after several years, pregnancy didn’t come. But it finally did, only to end in devastating loss.
Eventually, Shelley came to a place of surrender, where she could tell God, 
Healing after pregnancy loss isn’t only a mother’s journey. Shelley shared that while she began to heal after that first year, CJ hadn’t yet processed his own grief. A counselor encouraged them to hold a ceremony together. They wrote a letter, prayed, named their baby C
Over the years, Shelley has found peace in trusting that God’s plans, though different from her dreams, are still good. “Because we didn’t have children, we’ve had the gift of time,” she said. “God has used that time in ministry and in ways we couldn’t have imagined.”
One of the things I loved about traveling in the Hope Mobile is how often God would meet me through His creation.
That same sense of awe often fills me when I stand at the ocean’s edge and watch the waves. The vastness of the sea reminds me of God’s love that is deep, unending, and powerful.
Another place that spoke to me deeply was a river we camped near during our travels. As I walked a path that followed the river, sometimes it would wind through the trees and I couldn’t see the water at all. There were times I could still hear it, and times I couldn’t. Then suddenly it would reappear, flowing beside me.
Back to those mountains I talked about, there was one morning I took a different trail that ended up climbing yet another mountain. This trail seemed to go on forever, and I started getting really tired, hoping it might connect with a shorter route back. I kept going, and when I reached the top, I was shocked to look way down below and see the top of the mountain that I had previously been on. I had no idea how far I had come until seeing where I had been before.
One of the most important things I want you to hear is this; release yourself from other people’s expectations. Some may think that after a year you should be “getting better,” but grief doesn’t follow a timeline.
Some bereaved parents want to be alone on this day. Others gather with friends or family. Some spend it crying, while others feel numb. Some find ways to celebrate their child’s life. However your grief shows up, it’s okay.
When Becca’s one-year mark came, some of my family wanted to gather and celebrate her life, while others didn’t. I was torn, and honestly, I don’t even remember what we ended up doing that year. And that’s okay.
A Loss That Changed Everything
When our child dies, life is forever divided into a “before” and an “after.” That kind of loss is something no parent ever expects or prepares for. In a recent conversation with Mick Weinhold, he shared the story of how the heartbreaking loss of his firstborn son, Luke, became the turning point that changed not just his life, but his eternity — a deeply personal Father’s Story of Losing a Child.
But what makes Mick’s story so powerful is what happened after. He and his wife had grown up knowing about God, but had wanted nothing to do with Him. Rules and expectations without relationship had only pushed them further away. Yet in the raw pain of losing their first child, they found themselves crying out to God, not because they had it all figured out, but because they had nowhere else to turn. As Mick put it, “We felt like we had a Luke-shaped hole in our hearts. But what God showed us was that it was really a God-shaped hole.”
Mick was honest about the struggle. There was anger, confusion, and the hard questions we all wrestle with after losing a child: “If God is good, why didn’t He stop this?” Yet even in his anger, God met him. Mick shared how he once cried out bitterly about the unfairness of friends having a baby being born on Luke’s due date, and in that moment, he heard God speak: “You were supposed to pray for them.” It was a reminder that even in grief, God is present, guiding, and working in ways beyond our understanding.
For grieving parents, these blessings don’t make the loss go away. The hole our child leaves is real. But God can meet us in that place. He doesn’t replace our child, but He can bring us wholeness within the shatteredness. We can be complete in Him, even while still deeply missing our child.
