Facing fear after the death of a child is something I believe every pareavor understands. After our child dies, fears suddenly show up that we may never have struggled with before. I know for me, after Becca died, one of those fears was the fear of losing another child.

Fear brings torment, and as parents grieving the earthly loss of our child, it is easy to feel the full weight of that torment. We can become afraid of moving forward with our lives because we worry that people will forget our child ever lived. We fear there may be moments when we don’t think about our child every second, and somehow that feels wrong. Some of us are afraid to laugh or enjoy life again because it can feel like a betrayal of the child we miss so deeply.

Then there are the fears we may not always talk about out loud; fears about our other children, fears about the future, and even fears about eternity.

When Fear Begins Controlling Our Lives

One thing I have realized is that if we are afraid of something, it begins to have power over us. If we become afraid to face the pain of our grief and work our way through it, fear can quietly begin controlling our thoughts, our emotions, and even the decisions we make.

As grieving parents, that makes sense. We have already experienced the worst pain imaginable. Of course we become vulnerable to fear. Child loss changes us forever.

But there is something more powerful than our deepest fears, and that is the love of God.

The Bible tells us that God’s perfect love casts out fear. I know that can be difficult to reconcile after the death of our child. It is hard to understand how a God who loves us could allow something so devastating to happen. I do not have easy answers for that, and I never want to give shallow responses to such deep pain.

What I have come to is this: either I believe God is still good, or I don’t. Either I trust that He is bigger than what I can understand right now, or I allow fear and confusion to consume me.

I still choose to believe that God is bigger.

A Shift in Perspective

One thing that has helped me while facing fear after the death of a child has been learning to shift my perspective.

Some bereaved parents do not like the phrase “losing a child” because they know exactly where their child is. I understand that completely. Personally, I know I have lost Becca from this earth, but she is not missing. She is absent from me for now, but present with the Lord.

That perspective changes things for me.

I can focus only on the pain that my daughter is no longer physically here, or I can remind myself that someday I will see her again and then we will never be separated. That does not remove the pain, but it helps remove some of the torment that fear tries to bring.

Perspective really does matter.

Bringing Our Fears to God

Another thing that makes a huge difference for me is prayer. Being able to take my fears and needs to God keeps me from feeling completely helpless in a situation that I have no control over.

For years I have said Jesus is not a crutch to me; He is my wheelchair. That has become even more true since the death of my daughter.

God is not asking us to pretend that we are not afraid. He already knows every fear we carry. He wants us to bring those fears honestly to Him, even the ones we wish we didn’t have. As we do that, fear slowly begins losing its grip on us.

Facing fear after the death of a child does not mean we never struggle. It means we continue turning toward God in the middle of our struggle.

Refusing to Stay Frozen

There was a time God spoke something very strongly to my heart: “Don’t look back.”

He reminded me of Lot’s wife, who looked back and became frozen in place. I knew God was showing me that if I constantly stayed focused on the crushing blow of Becca’s death, I would become emotionally stuck there, too.

That does not mean we stop loving our child or stop grieving. We will always love and miss them. But there is a difference between remembering our child and becoming trapped in fear, unable to move forward in life at all.

I believe God wants us to live. Not just survive, but truly live again, even while carrying the sorrow of missing our child.

Fear or Faith

One thing I often remind myself is that fear and faith both require believing in something we cannot see. It is our belief in the unknown.

I can choose to live in fear for my future, or I can choose to live in faith for my future; that God is already there and will help me through anything else that comes my way. 

Fear believes in the darkness of “what if.”
Faith believes that God will still be faithful to hold me, no matter what happens.

I have chosen to believe that if more tragedy ever touches my life, God will give me the grace I need to walk through it. Why spend my days consumed with fear over things that may never happen? I would rather live focused on the hope and light God still has for me.

That does not mean I no longer have painful moments. I still miss Becca deeply. There are still days when grief hits hard. But I refuse to remain focused only on what has been taken from me. I have given God the shattered pieces of my life, and I am watching Him gently bring beauty, strength and purpose out of those broken places.

Only God can do that.

If you are struggling with fear today, I want to encourage you not to hide from it and not to carry it alone. Bring those fears honestly before God. He is not afraid of your questions, your tears, or your pain. Even in this journey none of us would have chosen, He is still near, and He will continue walking with you one step at a time.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 349. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

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To support this podcast and, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content, visit us on Patreon.

If you’re walking this road after the loss of your child and would like something to come alongside you, I’ve created a gentle resource from my own journey that you are welcome to download below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

Walking through milestones after child loss is something every bereaved parent must face, whether we are ready or not. These milestones are not celebrations or achievements. They are the moments that mark our grief… the days and experiences we must walk through without our child here. Some we see coming, like birthdays and holidays, and others come out of nowhere and take our breath away.

And yet, they are called milestones for a reason. Over time, they are things we get through. We do not get over them, but we do grow through them. Little by little, they become markers of how we are learning to live again in a world that has changed forever.

The Milestones We Expect, and the Ones We Don’t

When walking through milestones after child loss, there are certain days we know are coming. Birthdays. Holidays. The anniversary of the day our child left this earth. These dates can feel heavy long before they arrive, as the anticipation builds and our hearts begin to brace for the pain.

But there are also the unexpected milestones. Walking into a store and seeing something they would have loved. Hearing a song that brings everything rushing back. Realizing the phone will never ring with their name again. These moments can catch us off guard and leave us feeling like the loss just happened all over again.

Both the expected and the unexpected milestones are part of this journey. And each one can feel like another reminder that life will never be the same.

Learning To Live in a Changed World

One of the earliest milestones many of us face is realizing just how much has changed. It is not only that our child is gone. It is that everything in our daily life feels different.

We cook differently.
We shop differently.
We move through our days differently.

And somewhere along the way, we may find ourselves asking, “Who am I now?”

Walking through milestones after child loss includes learning to live in this unfamiliar world. It means slowly coming to terms with a life that we never would have chosen, and discovering, step by step, how to keep going in it.

The Emotional Weight of the “Firsts”

There is something especially difficult about the “firsts.” The first birthday. The first holiday. The first anniversary.

Many parents find that it is not only the day itself that is hard, but the days and weeks leading up to it. The anticipation can feel overwhelming. We relive memories, we imagine how things should be, and we feel the weight of what is missing.

And yet, somehow, we get through the day.

Walking through milestones after child loss often means realizing, sometimes with surprise, “I made it through something that I didn’t think I could survive.” That does not mean it was easy. It means that strength is being formed within us, even when we do not feel strong.

Giving Yourself Grace in the Hard Moments

As you continue walking through milestones after child loss, it is important to give yourself permission to feel whatever comes. Grief does not follow a schedule. It does not follow rules.

Some days may feel manageable. Others may feel overwhelming.

There may be moments of deep sorrow, and moments where you find yourself laughing and then feeling guilty about it. There may be times when you want to be around others, and times when you need to be alone.

All of this is part of grief.

Extending grace to yourself in these moments is not weakness. It is part of learning to live again.

Finding Meaningful Ways to Remember

For many parents, it can be helpful to find small, meaningful ways to acknowledge their child during these milestones.

This might be adding a special ornament to the tree each year. Buying something that reminds you of your child. Setting aside time to reflect, cry, pray, or simply sit quietly with your memories.

These are not ways of moving on. They are ways of carrying your child with you.

Walking through milestones after child loss does not mean leaving your child behind. It means learning how to continue loving them in a different way.

The Ongoing Journey of Growth

As time goes on, you may begin to notice something unexpected. While the pain does not disappear, something within you begins to shift.

You may find that certain milestones feel different than they once did. You may recognize strength in yourself that you did not know was there. You may even begin to see ways that God is gently meeting you in your grief.

Walking through milestones after child loss is not about reaching a finish line. It is about continuing to grow, even in the midst of sorrow. It is about allowing God to walk with you, to sustain you, and to shape something within you that could not have been formed any other way.

A Gentle Reminder as You Continue

If you are in the middle of walking through milestones after child loss, please know this: you are not alone. The road is difficult, and the weight can feel overwhelming, but you are not walking it by yourself.

Each milestone you face, whether expected or unexpected, is something you are getting through, one step at a time. And even in the hardest moments, God is present, holding you, strengthening you, and helping you take the next step forward.

You may not feel it right now, but there is growth taking place within you. And that matters more than you know.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 348. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Click here to get your copy of Reflections of Hope – June Edition: Daily Readings for Bereaved Parents

Click here for information on the GPS Hope & Healing Cruise.

Click here to find out more about the word pareavor.

To support this podcast and, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content, visit us on Patreon.

If you’re walking this road after the loss of your child and would like something to come alongside you, I’ve created a gentle resource from my own journey that you are welcome to download below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.