GPS Hope

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Are You Tired of Disappointments?

Is unrelenting disappointment leaving you heartsick? Are you feeling hopeless in your situation?

Constant disappointment can leave us feeling weary and defeated. When we are weary from disappointment, we can get caught in a negative circle and not see any way out. And we have all been there.

Proverbs 13:12 is a Scripture that is probably familiar to you. I grew up with the King James Version which says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.”

Here is the first half of the verse in some other translations.

“Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick” (MSG). Boy, that’s true, isn’t it?

How about, “When hope is crushed, the heart is crushed” (GNT).

And this one, “Hope which is delayed tormenteth the soul” (WYC).

We can get to a place where we have absolutely no hope in the situation in which we find ourselves. We can truly feel tormented because we can’t see any light in our place of darkness. Or if we can, it’s the “I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it’s probably a train” kind of thing. Only we aren’t joking, because it really feels that way.

The second part of Proverbs 13:12 states, “When the desire comes, it is a tree of life.” Several translation say, “But a fulfilled longing is a tree of life”. At least one version adds, “There is life and joy” (TLB).

17074-an-african-american-woman-looking-out-a-window-pvObviously, when we find ourselves in a very dark situation and we can’t see our way out, we need hope.

I address this in When Tragedy Strikes. This book was written after emerging from the darkness of the death of my daughter. When you bury your child, you can’t find your way out of that dark pit with a false hope, or a “wishful thinking” kind of hope. You have to have the real thing.

Waiting, Trusting, Hoping

I read somewhere that waiting, trusting, and hoping are like three strands of a rope. Trust is the middle strand, and hope and waiting are the two strands that wrap around it. This is a good description of how I have gotten to the place I have, with the grace of God.

“Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to…grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13 NIV).

When I talk about hope I am not talking about wishful thinking. I am talking about something we know is coming that we anticipate. A great example is a little girl who hopes she will get married someday. That is the wishful thinking kind of hope. But one day a young man comes into her life, they fall deeply in love, and he gets down on one knee with a question and a ring. Her getting married is no longer wishful thinking. It is something she actually starts planning for with anticipation, knowing it is coming.

That is the kind of hope God talks about and gives us in the Bible. Wishful thinking won’t get you out of your black hole of grief, but hope will. True hope. The anticipation of knowing that God will pull you out and put you on a path of life that leads you to fullness and satisfaction in walking out the destiny and purpose He still has for you. Death and life…the two can truly merge together as we get past our own death caused by the loss of our child. In God’s kingdom, life always comes from death. Allow God to plant His seed of hope right in the middle of your pain, and watch it grow i6nto life.

Facing your pain is hard to do—it’s never easy to face those things that make us feel so alone and broken. But every time we do, we grow a bit stronger, and we take one more step in the direction of healing.

No matter how broken you are today, tomorrow promises new hope.

Waiting, trusting, and hoping. We can actually make a decision for each of these.

  • We can choose to wait and allow God to do the work behind the scenes, or we can make a choice to be impatient and try to help God out by doing things our own way. This is not recommended, as it usually makes a mess of things. (Such as when Sarah tried doing things her own way in making sure Abraham had a son, by giving him her handmaid to sleep with.)
  • We can make a choice to trust God, even when we can’t see the outcome. It is better than choosing fear, when we can’t see the outcome.
  • We can choose to not give up. That is hope. And you can always lean on or borrow someone else’s hope for you, until your own hope returns.

These three, woven together, shine a light to get you back on the path of living again. Not just surviving, but thriving.

Remember, no matter how broken or hopeless you feel, tomorrow always promises new hope. Keep moving into a new tomorrow, until your tree of life is blooming once again.

 

 

Laura Diehl is an award-winning author, national speaker and singer. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests.

 

If you would like to receive monthly updates on their travel adventures click here and submit your name and email at the bottom of the page.

Looking for a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference? Click here.

 

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.

 

  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

 

 

 

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Five Shifts in How to See God After the Death of Your Child

“How can I trust a God who says He loves us and yet allowed this terrible thing to happen to me and my child?” This is a question many grieving parents have.

When everything is going great and I am getting all my prayers answered the way I want, it is easy to believe that God is faithful, and that He is good, and to choose to trust Him with my life. But it is totally different to still believe He is faithful and good and to continue to trust Him when something horrible happens, like the death of my child.

If you are like me, for many years I was a “good Christian” and “claimed the promises of God” like praying protection over my family. And I saw Him answer those prayers over and over again. So when my daughter, Becca, died, does that mean God didn’t keep His promises, that He is not faithful and that I can no longer trust Him?

This is a huge topic, but for the sake of keeping it short and readable for this blog, I am only going to share five quick thoughts.

First let me say that our perspective has everything to do with how this question is answered, which probably shifted drastically at a time when we needed God more than ever in our lives.

So in order to shift our perspective again, either a new thought needs to be introduced and received, or an old one reclaimed. I suggest, even if you aren’t on speaking terms with God right now, that you pause to make sure your heart is open to these five things to help you make the needed shift, which will allow Him to carry you through the darkness and back into hope, light and a life worth living again.

1. Some parents are helped by the realization that their child is not missing; he or she is simply absent.

To be absent means not to be present for the moment. The Bible says that for someone who has accepted the gift of salvation, to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:8). We may have lost our child from this earth, but it is only a temporary loss. Becca is only absent from my presence for the rest of my time here on earth.

I can either focus on my personal loss that my child is permanently absent from this earth (which sends me in a downward spiral) or I can focus on the fact that my child is absent from my presence for now but is present with the Lord in glorious joy and perfection. And even though the pain is intense with the temporary separation, I will meet up with my child again in our eternal home, never to be separated again.

And if you are tormenting yourself with the thought that he or she might not have made it there, let me say you don’t know that. You don’t have all the information that God does, so choose to believe that your child made the right choice before death and were welcomed in the open arms of the Savior, instead of choosing to fear that God turned His back on him or her. Why wouldn’t God make one last split-second offer? He loves your child even more intensely than you do and paid the ultimate price of allowing His Son to be brutally murdered to pay the price needed for our sins, so that we can all to be together! If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is!

2. Reading the book of Psalms in the Bible can be extremely helpful.

Over and over the writer cries out for help from a very dark place of despair. And God responds by being a rock, a refuge and help in times of need. I spend a lot of time there when I “relapse” and find myself struggling with the pain and reality that Becca is gone from this earth and I won’t see her again until I join her in heaven.

3. Don’t try to hide from your fears or pretend they aren’t there.

God wants you to bring all your feelings to Him, including the dark and negative ones. You may be wondering, He knows these things already. Why should I have to tell Him how I am feeling? Because you need to admit those things, so you can give them to God and let Him work with you at being set free. If you do this persistently, those tormenting feelings of fear and anger will eventually lose their hold on you, and you will find yourself opening up once again to God’s love and faithfulness to you through the worst trial you have ever faced, and find yourself starting to trust Him again to get you through it somehow.

4. Find different promises you can hold up to God.

I have chosen to believe Romans 8:18 more now than I ever did, which tells me the sufferings of this present time cannot be compared with the glory that will be revealed in me. Knowing how great my suffering has been, that must be some incredible glory that will be revealed to me at some point!

How about the promise of Jesus telling us He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5)? That is not a promise based on conditions. It is set and firm, no matter what we choose to do or not do or based on how we feel about Him.

He is our constant companion and source of everything we need during this time. The question is not “Where is God?” The question is “Where am I?” I can walk out on Him very easily, and many of us do. We ignore Him, as though He is no longer with us. That is never the case. Guess who moved away? (Hint: it’s not God.)

5. Remember that God always leads us into triumph.

During a worship song at church one day, I suddenly realized that if I bring God into my battle (including the battle of my fears and my darkness) then I will win, because it is impossible for Him to lose! He is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. God has the first and last word in my life, and He also has it in the life of my child!

God has never entered a battle where He came out as the loser, and He never will. As soon as I see God on my side and not as the enemy, and ask Him to fight for me, I know somehow in the end I will come out victorious!

I can offer no easy fix or solution to this often-painful dilemma after the death of one’s child, although it is very black-and-white. We either believe God is good and Satan is evil, or we don’t.

We either believe that God isn’t big enough and has not won the final victory over sin and death, or we believe that He is more than enough, and the death of my child is not where God reached His limits. Somehow, He has a way out of the suffocating darkness of grief because of His deep love for me, and I am determined to hold on to Him with everything I have until He gets me to that place.

There is freedom in surrender. There is peace in trusting. That may not make any sense, but isn’t that part of what makes Him God? So often life here on this earth won’t make any sense with our limited minds. God sees what we cannot see, and He knows what we do not know. And we need to get to the point where we are okay with the fact that there are just some answers we won’t get on this side of eternity.

Living life here on earth without my oldest daughter has been an extremely painful challenge. And in working my way through the grief, I have discovered that God is not who I thought He was. He is way better than how I limited Him before. He is more compassionate, more loving, more faithful, more everything that is good, and that I need, to get me through my remaining time here until I am reunited forever with Becca.

I pray you will make the same discovery.

We would love to hear from you. Please share in the comments below which of the five shifts spoke to you the most. You never know who you might encourage with your own thoughts on this subject.

This blog was taken from the book When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child. As of the writing of this blog, we are in the process of putting together a free study course for those who want to go deeper than the book takes them. We would be happy to let you know when it is ready to be offered and to send more detailed information.

Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

Laura is a national keynote speaker and has also been a workshop speaker for events such as The Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA national conferences, along with being a guest on radio shows, podcasts and other media channels such as webinars with Open to Hope.

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.

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The Gift of Participation

 

As I started reading books and joining Facebook groups after my daughter Becca’s death, I kept hearing from other grieving parents how having something to do, like a job or some sort of responsibility, was a huge gift. It allowed them to be able to function again.

I’m not talking about “busy work” to avoid the pain of processing what happened, but doing something that caused at least one shattered piece of their life to feel normal again. They might have been in a fog, they might not remember any of it, but at least it kept them from sitting around with nothing but their thoughts taking them deeper and deeper into depression.

The man who was my pastor at the time put me in a place of “rest” and isolation, believing I was having a spiritual melt-down, since I was having such an emotional struggle after Becca died. It went on for weeks and then months.

I don’t even remember how long my husband had off from work, but at some point, he went back. About a week after the funeral, my youngest son went back to school. The rest of the kids also got back to their previous life schedules. Were they all in a fog? No doubt about it. But even going through the motions of life helped them. I didn’t have that.

I would spend hours and hours in my little prayer room under the basement stairs, mostly sleeping and crying. I would read my Bible, pray for a while, cry, and then sleep some more. That became my life because I had nothing to go back to, since the pastor would not allow me to have any kind of ministry or leadership role in the church, totally misunderstanding the grief I was working through.

I have no problem following spiritual counsel from leaders God has place in my life. But something is very wrong when a spiritual leader becomes the voice of the Holy Spirit in a person’s life, and when that leader tries to override a woman’s Godly husband. But during this time of intense grief, I allowed both of those things to happen, and it nearly destroyed me.

My husband, Dave, kept asking me, “When is this time of ‘rest’ supposed to be over?” All I could tell him was that I didn’t know. Although Dave wholeheartedly welcomed a season of rest for me after Becca’s passing—even sending me on a cruise to relax and enjoy myself—when the weeks turned into months and he saw me spiraling even further into despair, he became very concerned. He saw how wrong it was for me to be kept in this prolonged place of “rest”, knowing I needed to return to the things God had called and anointed me to do in ministry, which would allow the Holy Spirit to flow through me to others as part of my healing.

There actually was one area I still functioned in. The international ministry I was a part of had a correspondence school, and I was the administrator of that school. I have no idea how I did it, but somehow, I limped my way through overseeing the students. But there were things that definitely fell through the cracks, and students did not have much of my attention beyond just grading their work. My leader was full of grace and did not pull me from my job, allowing me to work in a state of barely functioning. I honestly don’t believe I would even be alive today if I did not have that job and those students as a thin connection to my previous world beyond my isolated grief.

I am sharing this with you because I don’t want you to do to yourself what was done to me.

God can still minister through you and use your circumstance while you are broken and working through your grief. In fact, I believe that in a rather short amount of time you occasionally need to allow yourself to be a vessel God can flow through.

When we have nothing in ourselves to give, God seems to flow in a very strong way through us. We are completely out of His way and we find 2 Corinthians 12:10 being fulfilled in our lives: when we are weak, He is strong through us. Feeling His strength flow through our weakness and our brokenness stirs life and brings some of that deep healing we need in our souls.

I can 100 percent guarantee you’re not going to feel like participating at first. You might even cry while you’re doing it (whatever “it” is). That’s okay. The important thing is to allow God to use your circumstance to touch others and let Him flow through you as soon as possible.

Don’t wait until you feel strong. God is so gracious, so faithful, so deeply in love with you and full of compassion for you. He knows exactly what will bring a healing touch to your innermost being.

So, when an opportunity comes your way, whether it is public like being on a worship team, or private such as someone asking you to connect with a friend of theirs who just lost a child, I encourage you to make yourself push through and do that one thing. Then push through and do the next thing that comes your way.

Have someone compassionate and caring pray for you, to give you the strength and whatever else you need to follow through.

Remember, when we are weak He is strong. And based on how deep our weakness is as a grieving parent, that is a very powerful strength He has for each of us!

As grieving parents, we are in survival mode for weeks and even months. With life’s demands, we often put what little energy we have into those around us and have absolutely nothing left for ourselves. If you would like a list of simple ideas that you can do to help care for yourself, we would be happy to send it to you.

Note: Your information stays with us, and you will start receiving a Weekly Word of Hope from Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) which you can opt out from at any time.

Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

Laura is a national keynote speaker and has also been a workshop speaker for events such as The Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA national conferences, along with being a guest on radio shows, podcasts and other media channels such as webinars with Open to Hope.

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.
We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.

• If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
• If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
• Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel.

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Three Things a New Year Brings to Grieving Parents

The new year is now upon us. For most people, anything that is new evokes a measure of excitement with possibilities, especially a new year.

But for those who have had to face the darkness of the death of their child, new can bring almost a panicked feeling, as if we are leaving our child behind. This especially applies to the new year for those who lost their child within the past year.

 

My daughter, Becca, died on October 12, 2011. I remember feeling almost terrified that I couldn’t stop 2012 from coming, which meant I would no longer be in the same year I last shared with my daughter. It felt like another level of shutting the door on her life that I just wasn’t going to let happen. I know I don’t have to explain it to those who have lost a child, and it really can’t be explained to those who have not.

Since that time, I have come to learn that the word new doesn’t have to fill our hearts with dread and sadness. But that doesn’t mean we don’t struggle going into a new year. And as we go along, some years can be harder than others, for no apparent reason.

I wanted to share some things that a new year brings to bereaved parents, so that we can know that it isn’t just us, but that the same things affect many of us who have had a child die. It also gives an opportunity for those around us to have a better understanding of what it means for a bereaved parent to go into a new year without our child.

1. We are reminded of our intense need for others to talk about our child
2. We find ourselves with a new resolve to not leave our child behind and to find ways to honor their life
3. We renew our desperate desire for feeling less pain and sadness in our grief

Talking About Our Child

Many people around us seem to think if they bring up our deceased child that it will remind us of our loss, resulting in pain and maybe even tears.

News flash: We are already thinking of our child, and we are still hurting deeply! So, if someone mentions our child, it does just the opposite; it is a gift we are being given that our child has not been forgotten.

The other side of that is not understanding why people get freaked out when we talk about our child. As a parent, just because our child isn’t around us, doesn’t mean we don’t talk about them. It is the same for those of us whose child has died. Our children have just traveled to a place further away than most children who might take a trip. And they won’t be returning to us here; we will be going to meet them some day. But they still exist, they are still deeply loved, and they will remain in our hearts and minds until we are with them again.

The Need to Honor the Life of Our Child

When our child dies, for the first couple of years at least, our hearts are fighting to accept what our minds know. That causes us to be almost fixated on their death, which people around us usually think is wrong and unhealthy.

But the only way we can get through the darkness of our suffocating grief is to lean into it, feeling the pain of it over and over again, as our heart and soul tries to convince our minds that it just isn’t true. The pain of accepting that the death of our child is a reality is just too painful to deal with, so it is an internal struggle that affects us in every area, including mentally and physically. The internal bleeding of our souls takes a long time to be stitched up, so we can begin what would be termed as the “healing process.” (Although we never really heal. It is more like a chronic pain that is always with us. We just learn how to manage it over the years.)

And in that process, we realize we don’t want their death to be what others remember about our child, but we want to find a way that honors the fact that our child lived. (If you would like some ideas on ways to do this, see below.)

Getting Past the Intense Pain and Darkness

Here is where we must be honest with ourselves in whether we want to get past this part of our grief. As we know, there are so many reasons (that won’t make sense to those who have not lost a child) that deep down, cause us to be afraid to take steps toward hope, light, and living a life of purpose and fulfillment. The two most common reasons are that we feel guilty for even wanting to enjoy life again, and we are afraid that we are leaving our child behind by moving forward.

And to help you with that, I would like to give some suggestions to move you in the direction of seeing things with a slightly different view.

1. We aren’t just facing a new year, but it is a new month. And a new month often brings new weather. And because it is January, it means we are moving toward spring! Those of us who are in the cold northern states truly appreciate this. Yes, I understand that winter has just begun, and I know how winter makes everything look so dead (depending on where we live), and it can really affect our mood. However, it is just a season, and new life always returns, no matter how harsh or how long the winter has been.

So, it is a wonderful reminder that no matter how long or how deep into darkness our grief has taken us, spring IS coming at some point, with new life and new hope.

2. A new year brings new opportunities. Some of you may not see that as a good thing, but it does bring new opportunities to do something different that will possibly take some of the sting away. If you know it is going to be difficult, ask yourself what you can do differently that will help. Maybe you can change the focus from dwelling on your painful loss to thinking about your child’s gain and do what you can to picture them in heaven and what it is like for them.

When you have to go to an event you are dreading, what can you do to bring your child with you and have others celebrate their life with you for a moment? (Here is a blog I wrote with specific ideas on how to do that.)

So, it does bring new opportunities to move toward a healing that allows you to learn how to live in hope, light, and even move toward having meaning and purpose again. You may think that is impossible, but those of us who thought it was impossible for us as well are here to encourage you.

3. Sometimes we dread going forward, because we feel like it is taking us further away from our child who has left this earth. I have shared this before, but it is worth repeating. God graciously pointed out to me once (when I was feeling that way) that I am not getting further away from Becca, but I am getting closer to her. Each day I am here brings me one day closer to being reunited with her again!

So, a new year brings us that much closer to seeing our children again. Hoorah!!!!

New is a word that can mean hope.

A new year can bring new hope, new light, new life and new possibilities.

How about you? Do you want this coming year to be where you move away from fear and move into peace and a greater measure of healing for your shattered heart? If so, then let’s do this together!

If you would like a list of ideas on how to honor the life of your child, just let us know and we will be happy to send it your way.

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.

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The Support Beam of Grace

When I got off the fifth-floor elevator and turned the corner, I saw what would become a memory forever etched in my mind. Kim was standing in the hallway outside of Becca’s room with that look I’ll never forget. I asked, “Did she make it?” and she just shook her head no and fell into my arms. Kim was twenty-four at the time, but all I saw was my baby girl, hurting that her big sister was gone. I just held her and cried.

While I had my own feelings of finality about losing my first child, my initial thoughts were concern for my family, and I found myself asking God to surround them with His love and comfort.

My eldest son, who grew up often arguing with his big sister, now lost his closest friend and companion. My baby girl in my arms was Becca’s maid of honor and dreamed of the day Becca would be hers. My middle son was thankful that Becca had made his wedding two months earlier, but now she would never meet any of her nieces or nephews that came along. And my youngest son, who was her ring bearer and now sixteen, would never get to have that adult relationship with her.

How was my wife doing? What about Becca’s husband? And how would my granddaughter do, losing her mom at nine years old? All this was swirling through my head as I hugged my kids in the hallway. Of course there was my own pain, but my concern was for my family.

The next several days were a fog as we prepared for a funeral and tried to somehow come to grips with what just happened. It was like living in a foggy black-and-white movie with the exception of some vivid moments that jump out in dull colors in my memory. Each day brought new pain as we looked through photos to prepare for the visitation.

I have written many checks before, but I never dreamed I would be writing a check to pay for my daughter’s burial plot! I could barely see through my tears to sign it.

Yet through all the sorrow, there were moments of great joy as well as we gathered as a family and told funny stories. It was very much an exhausting, emotional roller coaster.

After the funeral, we followed the hearse in the processional across town to the cemetery. There we saw another one of those moments that jumped out of the fog. Seeing our three sons carrying their big sister’s coffin to the gravesite…there are no words to describe it other than this is just wrong!

Only a couple of days after I buried my daughter, it was time to go back to work. It was surreal as I was back in my normal surroundings and the world continued as it always had. Sure, a few people stopped in and gave me their condolences, but for the most part it was like nothing ever happened. I was still coming in and out of this fog. How do I go back to the day-to-day and act like nothing has changed?

It was not easy, and at times I would close my door and allow myself to tear up and grieve some more.

Where Grace Comes In

Grieving is not a sign of weakness, it is a way for us to heal.

I cannot overemphasize how important it was for me to make allowances for my family members, especially my wife, in the way they processed their grief.

We all handle grief in different ways and on different timelines.

My other four children all grieved in different ways and some longer than others. They all still have times when they miss Becca immensely. I encourage all of them to allow each other the space they need to grieve in their own way and not expect the others to grieve in the same way they themselves do.

Personally, I don’t always want to talk about it. I prefer keeping my feelings to myself, except with a few close people. My wife, on the other hand, seems to wear her grief on her sleeve. Laura would post all sorts of feelings on Facebook those first few years. I would every so often, but nothing like she did (or still does). I know it makes some people uncomfortable, even though she always points to God as her source of strength. I would sometimes think, “Is this normal or is my wife having some major issues here?”

Laura has one of the closest relationships to God of anyone I know. She amazes me with her insight, yet here she was struggling with so much intense pain, even though she knew without a doubt where Becca was and the glory she was experiencing. Was it normal for this to be so hard and go on so long? Truth is, absolutely!

I believe that, as devastating as the loss of a child is to a father, it is even more intense for a mother. There is no other relationship on earth like that of a mother and her child. We all know and understand how she carries that child for up to nine months in her womb.

But what we often miss is that not only is she carrying the body of another human being, but she is carrying inside her the very soul and spirit of that human being! Once that baby is born, the umbilical cord is cut and the child’s body is separated from mommy, but I believe that soul tie and spiritual connection is never cut.

I think often as men we want to get past difficult things quickly and then “get on with life,” at least to one degree or another. But for the mothers, I believe in many cases, if not most, it will take months and even years, to “get on with life” the way we imagine they should.

It has occurred to me that often people, myself included, criticize those who post too many feelings on Facebook. I wonder, though, what we would think of King David’s posts if he were one of our “friends.” The Psalms look quite a bit like some Facebook postings, and they are plastered with his feelings!

Losing a child is like an amputation. A part of your very being has been cut off from you. You will never be the same, but you can learn to function again.

When Becca had her amputation as a toddler, it was one of the most traumatic things her little body could go through. There were times when she would feel phantom pains. It took a while for the body and brain to get used to missing that leg. It took time and strength and the will to carry on, but Becca learned to live her life, forever changed, but an amazing life anyway. She had a calling on her life, and losing that leg was not going to stop her.

It can be the same way after losing a child. It can be the most horrific thing to go through. It takes time to heal. It takes time to learn how to function without our child. But even though a part of us has died with them, we can live life again.

The effects of that loss will always be there, but God loves each of us so very deeply and He still has a purpose for each of us. Just like little Becca, in time, we can go on with an amazing life that can touch others. We are forever changed by the loss, but also forever changed by the inheritance our children left us.

 

This article was adapted from Chapter 15 of When Tragedy Strikes. We hope this has given you some new insight as the door was opened just a crack, to see what it is like for a parent who has lost a child.

If this tugged at your heart and you would like to find out how to partner with Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) in ministering to parents who have lost a child, providing free resources that give hope, light and purpose without judgment or shame in their long grief journey, click here.

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

 

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