GPS Hope

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Are You Tired of Disappointments?

Is unrelenting disappointment leaving you heartsick? Are you feeling hopeless in your situation?

Constant disappointment can leave us feeling weary and defeated. When we are weary from disappointment, we can get caught in a negative circle and not see any way out. And we have all been there.

Proverbs 13:12 is a Scripture that is probably familiar to you. I grew up with the King James Version which says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.”

Here is the first half of the verse in some other translations.

“Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick” (MSG). Boy, that’s true, isn’t it?

How about, “When hope is crushed, the heart is crushed” (GNT).

And this one, “Hope which is delayed tormenteth the soul” (WYC).

We can get to a place where we have absolutely no hope in the situation in which we find ourselves. We can truly feel tormented because we can’t see any light in our place of darkness. Or if we can, it’s the “I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it’s probably a train” kind of thing. Only we aren’t joking, because it really feels that way.

The second part of Proverbs 13:12 states, “When the desire comes, it is a tree of life.” Several translation say, “But a fulfilled longing is a tree of life”. At least one version adds, “There is life and joy” (TLB).

17074-an-african-american-woman-looking-out-a-window-pvObviously, when we find ourselves in a very dark situation and we can’t see our way out, we need hope.

I address this in When Tragedy Strikes. This book was written after emerging from the darkness of the death of my daughter. When you bury your child, you can’t find your way out of that dark pit with a false hope, or a “wishful thinking” kind of hope. You have to have the real thing.

Waiting, Trusting, Hoping

I read somewhere that waiting, trusting, and hoping are like three strands of a rope. Trust is the middle strand, and hope and waiting are the two strands that wrap around it. This is a good description of how I have gotten to the place I have, with the grace of God.

“Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to…grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13 NIV).

When I talk about hope I am not talking about wishful thinking. I am talking about something we know is coming that we anticipate. A great example is a little girl who hopes she will get married someday. That is the wishful thinking kind of hope. But one day a young man comes into her life, they fall deeply in love, and he gets down on one knee with a question and a ring. Her getting married is no longer wishful thinking. It is something she actually starts planning for with anticipation, knowing it is coming.

That is the kind of hope God talks about and gives us in the Bible. Wishful thinking won’t get you out of your black hole of grief, but hope will. True hope. The anticipation of knowing that God will pull you out and put you on a path of life that leads you to fullness and satisfaction in walking out the destiny and purpose He still has for you. Death and life…the two can truly merge together as we get past our own death caused by the loss of our child. In God’s kingdom, life always comes from death. Allow God to plant His seed of hope right in the middle of your pain, and watch it grow i6nto life.

Facing your pain is hard to do—it’s never easy to face those things that make us feel so alone and broken. But every time we do, we grow a bit stronger, and we take one more step in the direction of healing.

No matter how broken you are today, tomorrow promises new hope.

Waiting, trusting, and hoping. We can actually make a decision for each of these.

  • We can choose to wait and allow God to do the work behind the scenes, or we can make a choice to be impatient and try to help God out by doing things our own way. This is not recommended, as it usually makes a mess of things. (Such as when Sarah tried doing things her own way in making sure Abraham had a son, by giving him her handmaid to sleep with.)
  • We can make a choice to trust God, even when we can’t see the outcome. It is better than choosing fear, when we can’t see the outcome.
  • We can choose to not give up. That is hope. And you can always lean on or borrow someone else’s hope for you, until your own hope returns.

These three, woven together, shine a light to get you back on the path of living again. Not just surviving, but thriving.

Remember, no matter how broken or hopeless you feel, tomorrow always promises new hope. Keep moving into a new tomorrow, until your tree of life is blooming once again.

 

 

Laura Diehl is an award-winning author, national speaker and singer. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests.

 

If you would like to receive monthly updates on their travel adventures click here and submit your name and email at the bottom of the page.

Looking for a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference? Click here.

 

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.

 

  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

 

 

 

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The Holiday Season vs. Grief

The holiday season brings many emotions to the surface, doesn’t it? And if you have lost someone who was dear to you from this earth within the past year, it can easily evoke dark, painful emotions you may have never experienced before.

For those who have faced a deep loss, the holidays are a reminder of your missing loved one. Some don’t even want to acknowledge Thanksgiving Day or Christmas, as the pain of who is missing is greater than the joy of who is still here.

Only those who have experienced this can understand and agree with what I am saying. To those who are blessed to have not yet faced a tragic deep loss, this doesn’t make any sense, which can cause conflict among families, because each person will have a different way of grieving, based on their own personality and their personal relationship with the family member who is now gone.

Most of us try to “enjoy” the season for those around us who weren’t affected as deeply, don’t we? Especially if there are young children or grandchildren around. But it is difficult, because our hearts can be so heavy. Even within the joy of seeing their excitement, there is often an undercurrent of sadness that just won’t seem to go away.

I want to let you know that it is okay, even normal, to have this struggle. And I want to release you from feeling guilty about it. Give yourself grace, just like you would a friend if they were in the same situation.

You see, grief is not an event. Death is an event, but grief is a process. In fact, it is a life-long process.

Some people will parrot the saying, “Time heals all wounds.” I don’t agree. The wounds of having someone very dear to us leave this earth is one that will be with us until it is our turn to leave. BUT that doesn’t mean it will always hurt so deeply. Time will allow the pain to lessen, if we lean into it and allow ourselves to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, holding the hand of the One who can give us the strength we need.

I like to use the acronym for HOPE: Hold On Pain Eases

My oldest daughter, Becca, loved the holidays. She especially loved Christmas. She loved decorating. She loved shopping (including the Black Friday sales). She loved the Christmas music. She loved the family spending time together. She loved everything about it.

When Becca died on October 12, 2011, I don’t even remember that first holiday season. Everything was a painful blur.

I didn’t think it was even possible, but the second year was even more painful than the first. About the only thing I remember about that second holiday season was one of my sons giving me a Christmas gift of a beautiful heart ornament that was hand painted in Becca’s memory.

The following couple of years my heart still struggled to be part of the holiday season. I went through the motions for the sake of the family, especially my grandchildren.

One year, Becca’s collection of Snow Buddies made it to my house, and I agonized over whether I wanted to set out her favorite Christmas display in my home.

I did it.

I cried some pretty hefty tears while pulling them out and setting them up, but once they were all out and displayed, it felt like she wasn’t quite so far away anymore.

I didn’t think it would ever happen, but I realized I was actually making the shift from feeling like the holidays were a slap-in-the-face reminder of my daughter being gone, to wanting the reminders because they had become warm memories I longed to embrace.

There was something behind all of this, that made it even possible.

…HOPE…

  • I had hope that my life would not always be this desolate and painful.
  • I had hope that God had not reached His limit on being able to help me through this suffocating darkness
  • I had hope in God’s resurrection power; that He could and wanted to breathe life back into me, when I felt like I died after the death of my daughter.

 

As the hope I had took root and started to grow, other things began to grow as well.

And believe it or not, this time of year is one of the best times for that growth to happen for those of us who are grieving.

Why?

First, because being grateful opens the door to making a needed shift in our focus. There is no question Thanksgiving is a bittersweet time for anyone who has faced a deep loss. We can’t stop the unexpected grief waves that attack which can make our hearts feel shattered into a million pieces. But after we allow ourselves the needed time to lean into the grief, we can make the decision whether we are going to stay there and wallow in it or take steps to pull ourselves out of the grief pit.

In other words, at some point we get to choose if we are going to dwell on the bitter, or on the sweet. And one of the quickest ways to cross over from the bitter to the sweet is to start listing (literally on paper is best) the good things we have in our lives. It can be as simple as “being able to smell the turkey as it cooks” to something as deep as, “I had twenty-nine wonderful years with her that I will never lose.”

And when it comes to Christmas, the whole reason Jesus came to this earth as a baby was to become a man and die so that we could have Life. God the Father knows what it is like to have someone very close to Him die, as He watched the torturous murder of His Son. He did that as an exchange for us, so that we would not have to stay in our place of suffocating darkness and pain of grief.

Once again, I want to acknowledge that we are going to have many surprise grief attacks that we will need to allow ourselves to lean into fully, whatever that looks like for each of us in that moment. And the fresher the loss, the more of an undercurrent of pain and sadness we will have throughout the season. But we will get to a point (if not this year, then probably within the next year or two) where we can choose whether our main focus is going to be on death, or life.

Our loved one died, but they also lived. Jesus died, so He could bring life. Not just eternal life after we die, but a fulfilled life after a tragic and painful loss. It won’t look the same… we won’t be the same… but we can still have life after death, here on this earth.

So, go ahead and grieve your loss that hurts so deeply. It is okay and necessary to feel that. But also have hope within that grief and remember: Hold On Pain Eases.

 

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If you would like to give a “gift” to your departed loved one this year, you may want to consider sponsoring an “In Loving Memory” heart decal, to be placed on the Hope Mobile. We would be honored to take him or her with us as we travel around the nation, keeping your loved one’s memory alive. (And it would be a gift to GPS Hope as well, since 100% of the proceeds goes directly into helping us continue our full-time ministry.) CLICK HERE to see the heart decals and find out more. 

 

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • Subscribe  to Laura’s YouTube channel for grieving parents.

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They are More Full of Life Now Than Ever

With the death of our child, we have to go through at least one memorial service of some kind. For some of us, there is absolutely no way we can even think about standing up in front of others and sharing anything. Others find the strength to do so, whether it is the grace of God or out of our numbness (or a bit of both).

I, personally, fell into the second category. The numbness was definitely there, because for almost three years afterwards, I didn’t remember what I said at Becca’s funeral, and it really bothered me. To make it worse, I couldn’t find the paper with my notes.

I was so happy when it showed up, and kind of surprised at what I found written. My own words that I spoke at my daughter’s funeral were an encouragement, and they still are for me today. Here is part of it.

The name Rebecca means faithful. And she has now heard the words “Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Lord!” She knew it was time to hear those words and she was ready.

It is all a matter of perspective.

 Romans 8:18-25, “Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will reveal to us later. For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us. We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)” (NLT)

 Second Corinthians 4:8-9 is actually the verse to a song she used to sing on the worship team at church, always singing it as a solo—her personal declaration in the midst of what she was dealing with. “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (NIV). The song goes on to say how we are blessed beyond the curse because His promises will endure; that His joy is going to be my strength. It talks about trading our sorrows, our sickness, and our pain for the joy of the Lord.”

The chapter goes on in verses 17-18 and on into the next chapter, “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. So we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling…so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life” (NIV)

Becca is actually now more alive than we are!

Yes, we all go through the numbness of being in survival mode, for the first two or three years. We can’t find our way out of the suffocating darkness; we just want to stop hurting so much and most of us just want to be done here. I am not discounting or minimizing that at all.

But there comes a time down the road when we can begin to make some choices in our grief. And one of those is our perspective.

When I think of my loss, and how much I miss my daughter, I can still fall into the darkness of grief. But it helps tremendously when I remind myself that

  • we are blessed beyond the curse of death
  • this is not a permanent separation
  • I will see my child and others again
  • God’s promise is that the glory revealed in us can’t even be compared to our suffering

We are not physical beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a physical experience. That means that what is happening in the spirit realm is more real than the physical realm we are living in. And that is why I could say, as soon as Becca’s spirit left her body, that she is more full of life than any of us still here on earth. The same is true for your child as well.

I believed every word of that when I spoke it at Becca’s memorial service. I believed every word of that in the blackness of my depression and in the crushing darkness of grieving Becca’s death. And I still believe it with every fiber of my being today.

Becca loved to worship and was known for some of the songs she wrote.

Her personal favorite had even more meaning after her death and was sung at her funeral and etched on the back of her tombstone. If you would like to receive a copy of the words to this song, Before the Throne, just let us know below.

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl to bring hope, light and life to those struggling in darkness after a tragedy, especially bereaved parents. If you would like more information about Laura as an author or a speaker for your next event, click here.

GPS Hope exists to bring hope to parents who have suffered the death of a child, acknowledging their unique grief with support, connection and education for them and those around them.

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