One of the questions I hear most often from grieving parents isn’t theological, and it isn’t meant for debate.

It comes from the deepest place of loss:

Where is God after child loss?
Where was He when my child died, and where is He now, because I can’t feel Him anywhere?

Over the years, I have received countless emails and messages from parents asking this very question. These are parents who loved God, served Him, trusted His promises, and built their lives around their faith.

And now… they feel nothing.

To begin, I want you to hear a few real words, not to shock you, but so you know you are not alone.

One grieving parent wrote, “I loved God. Our hope was in Him. We were worship leaders. We taught our kids the Word. We prayed and held onto Scripture, believing God would protect our family. We believed that if we raised our child in the way he should go, he would return to it. That if we planted seeds, we would reap the fruit.

None of that happened. Instead, my child is dead. God could have prevented that. And now I am devastated and tormented, because my hope is gone.”

Another father shared how at one point he was starting the act of ending his own life. “How do I live without my boy? My son was the all-American kid. A great athlete. Loved Jesus. I prayed and prayed, and I’ve received nothing. Zip. I feel despair every day. I’m dead inside.”

These are not the words of people who don’t believe in God. These are the words of people who believed deeply but feel shattered now.

When Faith Feels Broken After the Death of a Child

If this resonates with you, I want you to hear this clearly:

There is nothing wrong with you.

Feeling disconnected from God after the death of your child does not mean your faith has failed. It means your heart has been deeply wounded. And wounds change how we experience everything, including God.

We can know in our heads that God is with us.
We can believe that He lives in us.
We can hear that He has not abandoned us.

But knowing something intellectually is very different from experiencing it emotionally when grief has knocked the wind out of us and it takes all our strength just to breathe.

This is why the question of where is God after child loss feels so raw and personal.

God’s Silence and the Agreements We Make in Grief

In Revelation 3:20, Jesus says, “I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.”

That verse isn’t written to unbelievers. It is written to people who already know Him but are wounded, guarded, and disconnected.

Sometimes the issue isn’t that God has left. Sometimes grief has caused us to make agreements in our hearts; agreements that quietly block intimacy with Him.

Agreements like:

• He betrayed me.
• He abandoned me.
• I did everything right, and He didn’t keep His end of the deal.
• I trusted Him, and look what happened.
• I can’t trust Him again.

If any of these stir resistance or pain, that isn’t something to shame yourself for. It is an invitation. An invitation to ask the Holy Spirit to gently show you how grief may have shaped what you believe about God now.

Letting God Reveal Truth—Even When It’s Uncomfortable

You don’t have to fix anything. You don’t have to force yourself to feel faith. You can simply pray:

“Holy Spirit, show me where I may be holding agreements in my heart toward You that aren’t bringing life.”

And when one surfaces, name it. Then, as best you can, release it.

Throughout Scripture, people often failed to recognize Jesus even when He was right there with them. Mary mistook Him for a gardener. The disciples walked with Him on the road to Emmaus and didn’t know who He was. The disciples panicked on the water, thinking he was a ghost. 

He was present. They just couldn’t see Him yet.

After child loss, the truth that God was with your child, and that He is still with you, can feel almost unbearable. Sometimes we are more comforted by the darkness we know than by the light that asks us to trust again.

Truth will move us. And if we don’t want to be moved, it becomes easier to push the light away.

Are You Listening to the Wrong Voices?

Here is a hard but important question. Are you listening to voices that reinforce your pain rather than lead you toward truth? The enemy is skilled at taking our raw emotions and turning them into lies that feel convincing:

God betrayed you.
God isn’t good.
God doesn’t love you.

When God reaches toward us through a sermon, a song, or even someone who has walked this same road, we may reject it because it challenges what we have come to believe in our pain.

Believing those lies damages our relationship with God and keeps us trapped in darkness.

I don’t believe that is what you truly want. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here, searching for where is God after child loss and longing to find Him, when He feels silent after the death of your child.

Turning Inward to the God Who Lives Within You

One practice I learned that can help is called benevolent detachment:

“God, I give everything and everyone back to You.”

If your heart reacts with, I did that before, and look what happened, that response itself points to an agreement that needs healing.

When grief is loud, the world and unanswered questions constantly demand our attention. But instead of trying to find God “out there,” we must remember something profound. There is a difference between visitation and habitation.

God does not simply visit us. He lives within us. So rather than trying to fix or understand everything, try turning to the One who lives inside you.

That is why I suggest you also say a prayer of benevolent detachment: Jesus, within me, I give everyone and everything to You.  

You may feel nothing at first.
You may cry.
You may feel anger.

All of that is okay. Remembering and connecting to God who lives in you is what is important at this point. Just stay there with Him for a while. 

Presence Heals What Answers Cannot

You may find yourself telling Him how angry you are. You may collapse into grief. You may feel comfort, or resistance.

Let whatever comes… come. God is not threatened by your honesty.

You may demand explanations He does not give, because eternity is bigger than our understanding. But you may begin to sense His love softening what grief has hardened.

If that happens, don’t pull away.

This kind of communion does not erase the pain of losing your child. But over time, through gentle, small beginnings, it can heal the place where grief fractured your relationship with God.

Scripture tells us that Christ strengthens us from the inside out. That strength does not come through answers.

It comes through His presence. And even when you cannot feel Him, He has not left.

A Final Encouragement

Jesus Himself knows what it is like to feel abandoned. On the cross, He cried out, “My God, why have You forsaken Me?” He understands the darkness that makes God feel absent. And He is the One living within you, bringing God’s love and light back into your life in a way that you can one day experience again.

If this stirred something tender in you, take your time. Journal what rises up. Write down anything you sense God sharing with you so you can return to it later.

Please share this with other pareavors who are quietly asking where God is after child loss and are longing to find Him when He feels silent after the death of a child.

You do not walk this road alone. You are always welcome at GPS Hope.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 334. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Click here to grab a copy of The Bible’s Grieving Parents eBook and find comfort in God’s Word for your grieving heart.

Click here to support the podcast, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content.

If you would like gentle support as you navigate life after child loss, I’ve created a free guide to walk with you. Sign below and get your copy.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

After losing a child, grief can feel suffocating. It can feel like everything goes dark, like the air has been sucked out of the room, and even breathing takes effort. It feels all-consuming, pressing in from every direction.

In the midst of that darkness, it may not seem possible that anything could make a difference. But one of the most powerful influences on how we experience grief after losing a child is something we often overlook: our thoughts.

This is not about pretending things are okay. It is not about positive thinking or minimizing pain. It is about understanding how our thoughts can either deepen the darkness of grief or slowly begin to loosen its grip, one moment at a time.

When Anger Turns into Something More

Many of us experience anger after losing a child. That anger is natural. It is understandable. Something has happened that never should have happened.

But anger can quietly turn into bitterness. Bitterness can grow into resentment. And before we realize it, our thoughts begin to circle around those feelings, feeding them and allowing them to take deeper root.

This progression is dangerous, not because grief is wrong, but because bitterness hurts us and those around us. It pulls us off the path of healing and keeps us stuck in a place we were never meant to remain.

We cannot control every thought that enters our minds. Thoughts will come, especially in grief. But we can control what we do with those thoughts. We can recognize them, dismiss them, and gently redirect our minds, or we can turn them over and over again, allowing them to settle deep in our souls.

When bitterness and resentment take root, they often lead to depression. We start feeling sorry for ourselves. Our soul spirals even deeper into the pit of darkness. We push people away, which only causes the spiral to continue.

Understanding how your thoughts can shape grief after losing a child is not about blame. It is about awareness.

When the Future Feels Too Dark to Look At

For many grieving parents, looking into the future feels unbearable. If the only thing you can see ahead is pain and darkness, then don’t set your gaze there.

For some of us, one day at a time is too much. Sometimes all we can manage is one hour at a time. Sometimes all we can do is take the next breath.

And that is okay.

Healing does not happen all at once. It happens in small, quiet moments, often without us even realizing it. And one of those moments comes when we begin to notice our thoughts and how they are affecting our grief.

There is hope. You can be free from bitter thoughts. Freedom begins when we give our minds to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to help us change what we focus on.

When your thoughts are consumed by the pain and horror of the past, ask Him to gently bring something good from your past to mind. When your thoughts race into the future and focus on who will not be there, ask Him to help you think about something eternal; something secure and full of hope.

God wants to be in your thoughts. He wants to help you learn to think about what is good and true, even while you grieve deeply.

Scripture reminds us:

“Above all, be careful what you think, because your thoughts control your life.”
Proverbs 4:23

Choosing Where to Place the Blame

Before we were born, God knew everything that would happen in our lives. He knew the times we would really mess up, and He already had a plan in place. He also knew that the enemy of our souls would bring hard and devastating things into our lives.

A few months after my daughter died, my sister’s house burned to the ground. Her family of seven lost everything except the clothes they were wearing and the van they had driven to church that night.

The only way they were able to move through that trauma and come out on the other side with victory and joy was because they refused to let their loss become the enemy’s gain. She made the decision not to let the past become a mortgage to her future.

Losing a home is not the same as losing a child. But it is still devastating. So many irreplaceable things are gone. Starting over from absolutely nothing (not even a paper clip) feels impossible.

The turning point comes when we realize that our destiny is not defined by what we are handed in life, but by what we do with what we are handed.

This is where our thoughts (and our beliefs) matter so much.

Beliefs, Thoughts, and the Grip of Grief

We get to choose what we believe. But believing something does not make it true.

Sometimes our beliefs are based on lies, or false ideas that we have absorbed without realizing it. Every time I ask God to show me a lie I have believed, He does. And that is a gift, because it means that lies can be replaced with truth.

Jesus said:

“You will know the truth, and the truth will give you freedom.”
John 8:32

Our emotions drive our actions. Our emotions are influenced by our thoughts. And our thoughts are shaped by our beliefs.

Some grieving parents think I will never get past this.
Others think I will always feel this way.

Some even think I don’t want to get past this, because they equate healing with forgetting their child. They believe that staying in pain keeps their child’s memory alive.

But that belief keeps them trapped in despair.

You do not have to stay in pain to remember your child. You can grieve deeply and still live a life filled with meaning, purpose, and even joy. In fact, it is not your pain that keeps you connected to your child. It is your love!

When we step back and look at the whole picture, we see how it all connects: beliefs shape thoughts, thoughts influence emotions, and emotions drive actions.

After losing a child, everything feels tangled together in a painful mess. But slowly, often without realizing it, we begin sorting it out.

Is It Possible to Live Again?

Here is a gentle question to consider: do you have even a small glimmer of hope that it is possible to live again?

Thousands of parents have walked this road ahead of you. They still miss their children deeply. They still carry grief. But they have learned how to engage with life again in meaningful ways.

When you read that, what is your immediate thought?

Is it something like, I don’t know how, but maybe someday?
Or is it, I don’t think that will ever happen for me?

If it feels impossible, ask the Holy Spirit to help you believe maybe. Just maybe.

As your thoughts begin to shift, your emotions will slowly follow. Over time, grief triggers may not cut as deeply or come as often. This does not mean that your love for your child is fading. It means that a needed measure of healing is taking place.

You get to choose what you believe. And the truth is, learning how your thoughts can shape grief after losing a child can open the door to freedom. And then you get to choose when to step out into that freedom – not forgetting your child, but remembering them in a way that honors them and warms your heart. 

The psalmist put it this way:

“Why am I so overwrought, why am I so disturbed?
Why can’t I just hope in God?
Despite all my emotions,
I will believe and praise the One who saves me, my God.”
Psalm 42:11

Grief is real. Pain is real. But so is hope.

And sometimes, hope begins with a single thought.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 333. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Click here to get your copy of Reflections of Hope

If When Tragedy Strikes has encouraged you, I’d be grateful if you’d click here to leave a rating or review.

Click here to support the podcast, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content.

If you would like gentle support as you navigate life after child loss, I’ve created a free guide to walk with you. Sign below and get your copy.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

Sibling loss is one of the most overlooked forms of grief. While much of the care and concern after a child’s death is directed toward others, surviving siblings are often left quietly carrying a deep and complex sorrow of their own. They are sometimes called the “forgotten mourners,” not because their grief is small, but because it is so often unseen.

As parents who have lost a child, we understand profound pain. Yet sibling loss affects our other children in ways we may not fully recognize, especially when we are overwhelmed by our own heartbreak. Understanding sibling loss: how it affects surviving children is essential if we want to care for them well while continuing to grieve ourselves.

The unique weight of sibling loss

To lose a sibling is to lose both the past and the future. Siblings share childhood memories, family stories, inside jokes, and shared history. They are the ones who remember what it was like growing up in the same home. At the same time, siblings often imagine a future together such as walking through adulthood, caring for aging parents, celebrating milestones, and growing old side by side.

When sibling loss occurs, that shared past is fractured, and the imagined future disappears. Surviving children don’t just miss who their brother or sister was. They also grieve everything that will now never be.

“I don’t want to make my parents hurt more”

One of the most common experiences surviving siblings describe is holding back their grief to protect their parents. Many children, whether young or grown, avoid talking about their brother or sister because they fear causing more pain.

But here is something important for us as parents to understand: our children already know we are hurting. Talking about their sibling usually does not make it worse. It often brings relief. Silence, on the other hand, can leave siblings feeling alone and unsure whether their grief is welcome or even valid. 

How sibling loss affects surviving children often includes delayed grief, where emotions surface years later, sometimes triggered by another loss, a milestone, or even simply reaching the age their sibling was when they died.

Becoming older than your older sibling

One of the quieter but deeply painful realities of sibling loss is the moment a surviving child becomes older than the sibling who died. This can be disorienting and emotionally heavy. Suddenly, time has moved forward for one child and stopped forever for another.

For many siblings, reaching that age brings a new wave of grief and reflection. They may think more deeply about how young their sibling truly was, or what life looked like for them at that age. This is often a time of reprocessing loss, even many years later.

Living in your parents’ grief

Another phrase siblings frequently use is this: “I feel like I’m living in my parents’ grief.”

They understand that their parents are in deep pain. They want to give grace. But when grief consumes the emotional space of a household for an extended time, siblings may feel invisible or emotionally disconnected. Some describe feeling as though they lost not only their brother or sister, but also their parents.

This does not mean parents are doing something wrong. It means that grief is powerful, and without intentional communication, it can unintentionally create distance. How sibling loss affects surviving children includes how they interpret what they see and hear, not just what we intend.

Words matter deeply here. Statements like “I just want to go be with my child” may reflect honest pain, but to a surviving child, they can sound like, “I’m not enough.” Many siblings carry that message quietly for years.

The fear of “who’s next?”

After sibling loss, many surviving children live with an undercurrent of fear. Phone calls at odd hours, delayed text responses, or unexpected changes can trigger anxiety. This fear doesn’t always control daily life, but it often lingers in the background.

This heightened awareness is not weakness. It is the nervous system responding to sudden, traumatic loss. Understanding how sibling loss affects surviving children means recognizing that this fear is common and often unspoken.

Milestones without them

Weddings, graduations, birthdays, and holidays can be especially painful for siblings. These moments highlight absence in ways everyday life may not. Some siblings want to honor their brother or sister publicly; others prefer to do so privately. Both are valid.

As parents, it can be tempting to want inclusion as a way to ensure the child who died is remembered in visible ways. But it is crucial to allow surviving children to decide how they honor their sibling. Pressuring them to grieve or remember in a specific way can add unnecessary pain to an already bittersweet day.

Trust this: they are thinking about their sibling, even if they don’t show it the way we expect.

Faith, grief, and the search for understanding

Sibling loss can deeply affect faith. Some siblings find comfort in their relationship with God; others wrestle with questions, especially when loss feels senseless or leaves children behind. Many struggle to find faith-based resources specifically for sibling grief, which can increase feelings of isolation.

And yet, for many, faith eventually becomes a place of grounding, where grief is acknowledged, not minimized, and where hope does not erase pain but walks alongside it.

How parents can help after sibling loss

You don’t need perfect words. You don’t need to fix their grief. What your children need most is permission; permission to talk, to remember, to cry, or even to stay silent.

Here are a few gentle ways parents can support surviving children:

• Say their sibling’s name and invite conversation without pressure
• Reassure them explicitly that they are deeply loved and valued
• Allow grief to look different for each child
• Be mindful of how expressions of despair may be heard
• Acknowledge milestones and difficult dates together

How sibling loss affects surviving children is not a problem to solve. It is a relationship to tend with grace, patience, and humility.

You are still needed

If you are reading this as a grieving parent, please hear this truth clearly: your presence matters. Even when you feel empty, broken, or unsure how to keep going, your children still need you. They may not say it. They may not show it. But they need you; not a perfect version, just a present one.

Your grief does not disqualify you from loving them well. And their grief does not mean you have failed.

A gentle closing

Just like child loss, sibling loss changes a person forever. It reshapes relationships, memories and expectations. But love does not disappear. It continues in shared stories, quiet understanding, and the compassion that grows when pain is acknowledged instead of hidden.

As you navigate sibling loss and how it affects surviving children, may you find the courage to keep listening, the grace to keep learning, and the faith to trust that God is near, both to you and to every child still finding their way through grief.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 332. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app. The episode features author and podcast host Laura Diehl in conversation with Bobby and Gabby Bisterfeld, who have both lost two siblings.

Find comfort in The Bible’s Grieving Parents now on Kindle or PDF while the paperback edition is on its way.

If you would like to receive a weekly word of hope alongside thousands of other bereaved parents, click here.

To learn more about Sibling Lifeline and connect with Bobby and Gabby, click here

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If you would like gentle support as you navigate life after child loss, I’ve created a free guide to walk with you. Sign below and get your copy.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.