If you have ever wondered why trusting God feels so hard after the death of your child, you are not alone. There is something about this kind of loss that doesn’t just break our hearts. It can shake the very foundation of what we believed about God, faith, and how life was supposed to work.

When our child dies, we are not just grieving their absence. We are also trying to make sense of a reality that feels impossible to understand. And somewhere in the middle of that pain, we are left asking questions that we may have never asked before.

Can I still trust God?
Is He really good?
Why didn’t He stop this?

These are not signs of weak faith. They are the honest cries of a shattered heart.

When Life Doesn’t Match What We Believed

For many of us, we have spent years building a foundation of faith. We have read the Scriptures, prayed, believed for healing, and trusted God to move in powerful ways. We know the verses. We know the promises.

And then our child dies.

Suddenly, everything we thought we understood feels uncertain. This is one reason why trusting God feels so hard after the death of your child; because our lived experience doesn’t seem to line up with what we believed should happen.

Scripture tells us that God is our healer. It tells us He is good. It tells us He is powerful. And yet, we are living in a reality where our child is no longer here.

That tension is real. And it can feel unbearable.

What Scripture Actually Says About Suffering

There is a passage that God has taken me back to again and again:

1 Peter 5:10–11 tells us that after we have suffered a while, God Himself will perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle us.

That means something that we don’t always want to acknowledge. Suffering is part of this life.

We live in a fallen world, and because of that, pain and loss are realities we cannot escape. Even Jesus told us that in this world we would have trouble. The Bible does not ignore suffering. In fact, it speaks of it often.

The book of 1 Peter alone mentions suffering multiple times in just a few chapters.

This matters, because if we don’t understand that suffering exists within God’s larger story, then when it touches our lives so deeply, our faith can feel like it’s falling apart.

And that is often why trusting God feels so hard after the death of your child. We weren’t prepared for this kind of pain to be part of our story.

Grace and Glory in the Middle of Pain

What has helped me is understanding that this passage about suffering is not separate from God’s grace and His glory. Instead, it is surrounded by it.

God’s grace is not just unmerited favor. It is His divine empowerment. It is His strength made available to us when we have none of our own.

And His glory is the fullness of His goodness. We see this in Exodus 33. When Moses told the Lord to “show me your glory,” God’s response was, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you.”

So even in suffering, we are not abandoned. We are still within His grace. Still held in His goodness.

That doesn’t take away the pain. But it does remind us that we are not alone in it.

When Faith Feels Like It Failed

There were moments in my own journey when I believed with everything in me for a certain outcome. I trusted God for healing. I prayed with confidence.

And when things did not turn out the way I believed they would, I felt blindsided.

Maybe you know that feeling.

It can make you question everything; your faith, your prayers, even your relationship with God. This is another reason why trusting God feels so hard after the death of your child. It can feel like something didn’t work the way it was supposed to.

But over time, God gently showed me something that changed everything.

My faith was not meant to be in the outcome I was hoping for. My faith (my trust) was meant to be in Him.

Not in what He would do. But in who He is.

Learning to Trust Without Understanding

There is a place we come to in grief where we realize that we may not get the answers we are asking for. At least not on this side of heaven. And that is incredibly hard because we want to understand. We want a reason. We want something that makes this make sense.

But trust is not built on having all the answers. Trust is built on knowing intimately the One we are trusting.

This is where surrender begins.

Not a surrender that says, “This is okay,” because it’s not. The death of your child will never be okay. It is a surrender that says, “God, I don’t understand… but I am choosing to keep coming to You anyway.”

Knowing Him in the Deepest Places

Philippians 3:10 talks about knowing Christ, not only in the power of His resurrection, but also in the fellowship of His sufferings.

Most of us would gladly choose the resurrection power. But the fellowship of suffering is where we come to know Him in a deeper, more intimate way.

Not because suffering is good. But because in our deepest pain, we often encounter God in ways that we never have before.

Still, that does not make it easy. And it does not remove the reality that trusting God feels so hard after the death of your child.

You Are Not Failing

If your trust feels fragile right now, it does not mean that you are failing.

If your prayers feel uncertain, it does not mean that you are doing something wrong.

If you have questions, doubts, or even moments of anger toward God, you are not alone.

You are responding to something that is profoundly painful.

And God is not afraid of your questions. He is not pushing you away because your faith feels shaky.

He is inviting you to come close—even in the middle of it.

A Gentle Step Forward

If all you can do right now is whisper a prayer, that is enough. If all you can do is sit in silence with God, that is enough. If all you can do is say, “I don’t understand,” that is enough.

Because this journey of trusting Him is not about having it all figured out. It is about staying connected to Him, one small step at a time.

And even when trusting God feels so hard after the death of your child, He is still there, steady, present, and holding you through every moment.

Next time, we will continue looking at this same passage in 1 Peter 5:10–11 and begin to explore what God is doing within us through our suffering. How He gently rebuilds, strengthens and establishes us, even when life feels forever changed.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 345. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Click here to get your copy of Reflections of Hope: May Edition.

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To support this podcast and, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content, visit us on Patreon.

If you would like gentle support as you navigate life after child loss, I’ve created a free guide to walk with you. Sign below and get your copy.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

If you are coping with your child’s birthday after losing a child, you already know there is something about this day that feels different from all the others. We try to prepare ourselves. We know it’s coming. And yet, when it arrives, it can still take our breath away.

Your child’s birthday holds memories that run deep. You may find yourself thinking about what you should be doing, such as making a favorite meal, planning a celebration, picking out a cake. Those thoughts don’t really go away. They stay with us, quietly reminding us of what once was and what should still be.

As the years go on, something else can make this day even harder. It can feel like fewer people remember. Fewer people acknowledge the day that changed your life forever. And that hurts, because to you, this day still matters deeply.

The truth is, coping with your child’s birthday after losing a child is not about trying to ignore the pain. It is about learning how to hold both the pain and the love at the same time.

Why Your Child’s Birthday Still Matters

This week is my daughter, Becca’s, birthday. She is “forever 29” but would be turning 44. I have a hard time wrapping my head around this, which is why our children’s birthdays are on my mind right now. 

Sometimes others don’t understand why we still want to acknowledge our child’s birthday when they are no longer here. But the reason is simple. When a human being is created and comes into this world, it is a big deal.

Your child’s life did not lose its value because their time here was shorter than it should have been. Their birthday is still the day they entered this world. It is still the day you became their mom or dad. (Some of you who adopted your child have an added third day of when you became their mom or dad.)

Nothing can take that away.

Coping with your child’s birthday after losing a child may look different than it once did, but it does not mean the day has lost its meaning. In many ways, it becomes even more sacred.

There Is No “Right” Way to Walk Through This Day

You may not feel like celebrating your child’s birthday. It may feel too painful to even consider. And if that is where you are, that is okay.

There is no right or wrong way to move through this day.

For some parents, the birthday feels heavier than the anniversary of their child’s death. It can be the day that reminds us of all the hopes, dreams, and future moments that never came to be. Even years later, this day can suddenly hit with unexpected intensity.

Coping with your child’s birthday after losing a child means giving yourself permission to feel what you feel, without judgment.

You may cry. You may feel numb. You may want to be alone, or you may want to be surrounded by others. And sometimes, even when you are surrounded by people, you may still feel alone. That is part of this journey, too.

Finding Ways to Honor Your Child

While there is no one right way, many grieving parents find comfort in discovering personal ways to honor their child on their birthday.

Some choose to bake their child’s favorite cake. Some take it to a homeless shelter, sharing that gift in their child’s name. Others visit the cemetery, release balloons, or gather with family to share memories.

Some parents donate gifts, serve meals, or give to causes their child would have loved. Others write letters, buy something meaningful, or quietly reflect on the day their child came into the world.

Coping with your child’s birthday after losing a child can also mean doing something different each year, depending on where your heart is in that season.

What matters is not what you do. It is the love behind it.

Each act, no matter how small, says, “You mattered. You still matter. I still love you.”

Holding Both the Pain and the Gift

There is a tension that we carry as grieving parents. We want our child with us, and we know that is not possible. That reality can break our hearts over and over again.

And yet, within that pain, there is also the gift of having had them.

Coping with your child’s birthday after losing a child means learning, slowly and gently, how to hold both. The sorrow of their absence and the gratitude for their life.

Some days, the sorrow will feel heavier. Other days, there may be a small glimpse of something else, like a memory that brings a soft smile, a moment of warmth, even a quiet laugh.

If that happens, it is okay. Those moments are not a betrayal of your grief. They are a reflection of your love.

You Are Not Alone in This

As your child’s birthday comes, however it comes, I want you to know this: you are not alone.

Whether your day is filled with tears, quiet remembrance, or a simple act of honoring your child, it all matters. Your love for your child did not end, and it never will.

Coping with your child’s birthday after losing a child is not about getting through the day “the right way.” It is about allowing your heart to remember, to honor, and to love in the way that only you can.

A Gentle Encouragement for the Day

Whenever this day approaches for you, I want to gently remind you that your child’s life is still worth honoring. You are allowed to remember them. You are allowed to speak their name. You are allowed to acknowledge the day they entered this world.

And if all you can do is cry, that is enough. If all you can do is whisper their name, that is enough. And if somewhere in that day there is even the smallest moment of peace, or a memory that brings a hint of a smile, that is okay too.

Your child’s birthday still matters. Your love still matters. And the life you shared with your child will always be a part of you.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 344. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Click here to start Reflections of Hope – a full year of daily encouragement, one day at a time

Click here to read about Becca’s journey as shared by Laura from childhood cancer to her heart issues leading to her passing.

Click here to find out why Laura keeps using the word “pareavor?

Click here to listen to I Remember Well, since I will be playing the song

To support this podcast and, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content, visit us on Patreon.

If you would like gentle support as you navigate life after child loss, I’ve created a free guide to walk with you. Sign below and get your copy.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.