The holidays can be painfully overwhelming when you’re grieving. Many parents quietly search for guidance on how to get through the holidays after child loss, wondering how to survive the lights, the songs, and the celebrations that only seem to magnify the empty space where their child should be. 

If this describes your heart right now, you are not alone. Learning how to get through the holidays after child loss is not about “being strong” or pretending everything is okay. It’s about giving yourself permission to grieve, to breathe, and to take gentle steps through a difficult season with God’s presence beside you.

The holidays do not erase your pain, and they are not meant to. But there are tender, meaningful ways to care for yourself as you move through the next few weeks. These may not take away your sorrow, but they can help you carry it with more compassion for yourself.

The Weight of the Holidays After Losing a Child

If this is your first year facing the holidays without your child, the season may feel impossible. Even years later, many pareavors say they want to sleep through the last two months of the year and wake up when it’s all over. While others decorate trees, bake cookies, and talk about joy, you may feel the shadow of grief following you into every room.

This is why understanding how to get through the holidays after child loss matters so deeply. It’s not about forcing yourself to “feel festive,” but about acknowledging your pain and allowing your grief to coexist with moments of comfort, memory, and even small flickers of beauty.

Tender “Gifts” to Give Yourself This Season

One of the most meaningful ways to get through this season is by offering yourself small, intentional acts of care; gifts that support your mind, body, and spirit.

1. Let Music Minister to You

Music has a way of reaching places inside us that words cannot, because God created music to be a pathway to the soul. Choose what your heart needs. Sometimes that might be gentle worship music late at night with only the Christmas tree lights glowing. Other times it may be something uplifting to help you breathe again. And if certain songs are too painful, you never have to apologize for turning them off.

2. Care for Your Body

Grief affects us physically in ways we often overlook. Drinking more water, resting when you can, and nourishing your body may sound simple, but these small acts help create the strength you need as you learn how to get through the holidays after child loss. A run down physical body will affect you emotionally, mentally and spiritually, so do what you can to make healthy choices.

3. Say No Without Guilt

You do not have to attend every party, service, or gathering. Emotional exhaustion is real. If you were on crutches or in a wheelchair, people would understand why you couldn’t participate. Grief places you in an invisible emotional wheelchair. It is okay to decline invitations, even if others do not understand.

4. Pamper Yourself Without Apology

A warm bath, a massage, a pedicure, a quiet evening with a comforting drink are not luxuries. They are ways to remind your weary heart that your grief matters, your body matters, and you are worth caring for.

5. Embrace Rest and Grace

Sometimes the best gift you can give yourself is rest. God is not asking you to perform. He is inviting you to breathe. Rest does not remove your grief, but it gives your heart space to endure it. Once again, if you were in recovery from a physical injury, people would understand. As someone who has lost a child, you are in a place of needed recovery, and it is okay to give yourself much needed rest. 

Rewriting Traditions with Compassion

Holiday traditions often carry years of meaning… and years of memories. When your child is no longer here, those traditions can feel like they belong to another lifetime.

You have permission to adjust them.

Maybe you change how you decorate the tree or choose to go out for Christmas dinner instead of cooking. Maybe you ask each family member to share a favorite memory of your child. Maybe you add something new that honors their life. (For more ideas, click here to be send a PDF of Ten Ways to Honor Your Child.) 

Learning how to get through the holidays after child loss often requires reshaping old expectations and creating space for what feels right this year, not what felt right in years past, or even year-to-year.

Remembering Your Child Through Writing and Rituals

Journaling can be a powerful way to stay connected to your child during the holidays. Write to them. Tell them what you miss. Share memories. Cry if you need to. Tears are not a setback, they are a release.

You might also choose to do one thing your child loved: bake their favorite treat, watch a movie you used to enjoy together, or light a candle in their honor. These actions can hold both pain and comfort at the same time.

You Need Support, Not Isolation

While it is absolutely okay to skip draining events, staying connected to supportive people is essential. Other grieving parents often become a lifeline because they truly understand. When you’re learning how to get through the holidays after child loss, you don’t need a large circle, just one or two safe people who allow you to show up exactly as you are.

Grief and Gratitude Can Coexist

You may hear people say, “There is always something to be thankful for.” But when your child is gone, that phrase can wound more than help. Gratitude does not cancel out grief. It simply softens it. Some pareavors find comfort in writing down three small things they’re thankful for each day, not to erase their sorrow, but to remind themselves that God’s goodness has not left them.

Emmanuel: God With Us in Our Deepest Pain

The truth that has carried me through many painful holidays is the name Emmanuel, God with us. Not God watching from afar. Not God waiting for you to “be okay.” But God with you, in you, and beside you in every moment of this unwanted journey.

As you continue learning how to get through the holidays after child loss, may you sense His nearness in quiet, gentle ways, such as in a moment of rest, in a memory that brings a small smile, in a breath that comes a little easier than the one before.

A Gentle Conclusion

If this season feels heavy, please know there is nothing wrong with you. In other words, it’s okay to not be okay. You are doing the best you can in a situation no parent should ever face. May you feel compassion for yourself, permission to grieve, and the steady presence of Emmanuel as you walk through the days ahead. And if you need someone to connect with, we are here for you at GPS Hope.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 327. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Advent Candle-Lighting (Final Week):Join Laura live on YouTube at 8:00 PM Central as she shares Sunday’s reading and lights the red candle of love. Find out more and get your copy of Hope for the Future: An Advent Journey for Bereaved Parents here.

Reflections of Hope: Daily Readings for Bereaved Parents — a hardback devotional offering comfort throughout the year. Click here to learn more.

Click here to be sent a PDF of Ten Ways to Honor Your Child.

Special December Offer — a free Pareavor bracelet included with every paperback book order (excluding Reflections of Hope, which ships directly from the printer). Click here to claim yours in the GPS Hope webstore, where you will also find wearable hope on clothing merchandise.

Help us keep this podcast ad-free while receiving special encouragement and bonus content. Join the GPS Hope Community on Patreon

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

What It Means to Be a Pareavor

When we lose a child, no matter what their age, our entire world changes. We are plunged into a kind of grief and devastation that does not resemble anything we knew before. One of the greatest struggles in our identity after child loss is simply this: Who am I now?

We know what a widow is. We know what an orphan is. But there has not been a word for a parent whose child has died, which seems to leave a painful void for those of us who walk this journey. 

But that has changed, and that word is pareavor. And while it describes a heartbreaking part of our story, it also reminds us that we are not alone. There are many others we are bonded with, who share this same unwanted journey.

The Meaning Behind the Word Pareavor

The word pareavor comes from the root word of bereave, which is “reave,” meaning:

• to be deprived of something
• to have it violently taken away
• to be robbed or torn away

That is exactly what child loss feels like.

When you place the syllable pa (from the word parent) in front of that root and add the suffix or, which means “one who is,” you get this definition:

A pareavor is a parent who has been deprived of their child; one whose child has been torn away by death.

Why does that matter for our identity after child loss?

Because the word pareavor acknowledges:

• My child existed.
• My child is loved.
• My child still matters.
• And I do not walk alone.

Names have power. They connect us. They validate our grief. They bring us together when the world doesn’t understand.

Pareavor Is Part of Our Identity but Not All of It

Here is something we need to understand and hold onto:

Being a pareavor speaks to the experience of child loss.
But it does not tell the whole story of our identity.

This is where faith speaks into identity after child loss in a way that nothing else can. Because when tragedy strikes, pain tries to rename us:

• Hopeless
• Broken
• Forgotten
• Unloved
• Damaged
• Alone

But God gives us a different identity.

John 1:12 tells us, “To all who received Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God”.

Your identity is not based on what was taken from you, but on the One who has claimed you as His. That is the foundation of our identity after child loss.

Why Identity Matters for Bereaved Parents

This is one reason Christmas strikes a deep chord in the heart of a pareavor. God did not send Jesus into the world simply to comfort us. He sent Him into a world of pain, loss and death. His birth, death, and resurrection declare two truths that redefine identity after child loss:

1. Death is not the end of the story.
   Our children are alive, whole and safe with God. (Please click here if this is something you struggle with.)
2. Our lives still have purpose.
   We were not meant to merely survive after loss, but to walk forward in God’s strength.

Jesus didn’t just save us for heaven. He walks with us today, in every breath of sorrow and every step of healing.

Holding These Two Identities Together

This journey brings us to a holy tension:

I am a pareavor. That is part of my story.
But I am also God’s child. That is my eternal identity.

This is where identity after child loss becomes powerful. It allows us to say that I miss my child so deeply that words fail. But I am loved by God so deeply that death cannot break that love.

Your child is not just your past. Your child is still part of your future. And God is walking with you there.

We Are Pareavors, But We Are More Than Our Pain

We can live holding both truths:

• We are pareavors who carry grief, love and memories more intensely than the world understands.
• We are also God’s beloved children, and nothing—not death, not suffering, not fear—can change that.

One identity speaks to our earthly story.
The other speaks to our eternal story.

Our identity after child loss is grounded in both grief and hope. In both tears and truth. In both the wilderness we walk through now and the promise of being reunited with our children one day in God’s presence.

A Final Encouragement

If you are wondering who you are now that your child is gone, hear this:

You are a pareavor, yes.
But even more, you are God’s beloved child.

Your grief does not erase your identity.
Your pain does not disqualify you from hope.

God walks with you. Your child waits for you.
And love, not loss, has the final word.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 325. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Join the GPS Hope Community on Patreon Here: Help us keep this podcast ad-free while receiving special encouragement and bonus content.

Find out more and get your copy of Hope for the Future: An Advent Journey for Bereaved Parents here.

Click here to look at Laura’s books and get your free pareavor/hope bracelet when you place your order through the month of December. (This excludes digital books or Reflections of Hope.) See the bracelet or order more here.

Subscribe to the GPS Hope YouTube channel to join Laura during advent.

If you would like gentle support as you navigate life after child loss, I’ve created a free guide to walk with you. Sign below and get your copy.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.