Today’s topic is a tough one, but an important one. If you’ve been angry at God for “taking” your child, you’re not alone. It’s something I hear often from other pareavors (bereaved parents), and it’s something I have wrestled with myself.

That initial surge of anger—or even hatred—toward God for allowing your child to leave your arms to be in His, is an emotional reaction to unimaginable pain. You didn’t choose to feel it; it just came. But as the months and even years pass, it does become your choice whether or not to stay in that place.

Let’s talk about that.

What If God Wasn’t Doing This To You… But For Your Child?

We can’t know everything that was going on in our child’s heart and mind while they were here. Especially if your child died by suicide, it’s possible that they were hiding deep thoughts and struggles to protect you from the weight of them. You may know now that was true.

The apostle Paul refers to being trapped in the tent of our earthly bodies. Maybe God, in His mercy, decided to free your child from something. Maybe He was protecting them—and you—from even more pain. There’s a verse in Isaiah that says:

“Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come.”
—Isaiah 57:1 (NLT)

And just a couple of chapters before that, we’re reminded:

“My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.
—Isaiah 55:8-9

What if God wanted to bless your child in the greatest way possible—by bringing them into the perfection of heaven, where there’s no pain, betrayal, sickness, or chaos? A place of complete love, peace, and joy that we can’t even imagine.

As Parents, We Want the Best for Our Kids… But What Is Best?

Of course, we feel like the best place for our child is here with us. I used to think that way, too. But that belief is really more about us than it is about them.

Our perspective is so limited. But have you ever asked God to help you see your child with Him in heaven? Imagine the joy on their face, their laughter, maybe even dancing around in a goofy little jig. If your child had a disability like our Becca did, imagine them whole, healed, free, with no limitations, and no pain.

Sometimes I can get so happy for Becca, it brings me to tears. Why would I be angry at God for giving that kind of joy to my daughter, even if it was before I got to experience it myself?

I know it can sound crazy, but a shift in perspective like that can help us not feel our pain so intensely, even if just for a few moments.

He Gave Our Children What We Never Could

If your child had any kind of struggle—physical, emotional, mental—God has released them from it all. He has given them a gift we could never provide here on earth.

The hard part is that we’re still here without them.

But we get to choose what to do with that. We can ask God to help us see with heavenly perspective. And then we choose: will we receive that truth? Or will we stay angry and blame Him?

It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to not understand. But bitterness will never bring peace. God, in His wisdom and love, gave our children the perfection of heaven before we got to experience it. And that, my friend, is actually an incredible act of love.

Do You Have a Transactional Relationship with God?

Over the years of walking with grieving parents, I’ve noticed something: those who struggle most with anger at God often had what I call a transactional relationship with Him.

You know what I mean. “I did everything right, God, so You were supposed to protect me from this kind of pain.” It’s a “check the box” kind of faith: go to church, pray, be a good person… and then expect God to do His part.

But that’s not a true relationship. That’s control.

Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son is a powerful example. The son basically tells his father, “I wish you were dead,” takes the inheritance, and wastes it all. When he finally comes crawling back, the father runs to him, embraces him, and throws a party.

When you think about it, that story isn’t really about the son. It’s about the father’s love and grace. But look at the older brother. He’s furious: “I did everything right! I deserve the party!”

Sound familiar? “I did everything right. I went to church. I prayed. I served. Why did my child die when someone else’s didn’t?”

The older son, like many of us, had a transactional view of love. But God’s love isn’t transactional. It isn’t something to be manipulated, either by Him or by us. It is transformational. 

Nothing Can Separate Us from God’s Love

I want to close with a powerful reminder from Romans chapter eight.

“Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors and gain an overwhelming victory through Him who loved us… [Nothing] will be able to separate us from the unlimited love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
—Romans 8:37-39 (AMP)

That kind of love doesn’t come from checking boxes. It comes from knowing God intimately. It is not just head knowledge that is transactional and/or conditional. It is a deep heart knowledge that allows us to trust Him, even in our intense pain and confusion. 

So, if you’re angry at God right now, that’s okay. But don’t stay there. You can choose to believe your child is experiencing more peace and joy than they ever could have here. You can choose to let God’s love begin to heal your shattered heart.

How do we go from a transactional relationship with God to a deep, intimate one? We will talk about that next week. 

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 307. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

If you’d like daily encouragement during a hard month like August, check out the Reflections of Hope series at gpshope.org/reflections.

And don’t forget to take a look at our “Pareavor with Hope” shirts and hats, featuring a heart that’s been broken and put back together. It’s more than just apparel—it’s a sacred reminder: we are pareavors, and we carry our grief with hope. Visit gpshope.org/store to see the full line.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

Many grieving parents I talk to share how hard it is that their life has come to a screeching halt after the death of their child. And they don’t understand how everyone else just keeps going like nothing happened.

I remember feeling that way myself.

I still remember sitting in my car at a stoplight. I was numb—barely functioning. I was doing the bare minimum outside my home just to survive. I looked around and saw people walking, laughing, driving, talking… living. It was so hard not to get angry and scream at everyone for acting like life was still normal.

Eventually (and by “eventually,” I mean two to three years) I realized I could go about life’s routines without constantly feeling like the world should still be frozen in time because of Becca’s death. I started to accept that life was moving forward, and I was starting to move with it. Until it came to another unexpected stop a few years later…

Life Stood Still Again

Dave got a phone call from his dad. He was in intense pain, so bad it was making him vomit, and needed to go to the ER. Just eight hours later, the family was called to his bedside to say goodbye. His aorta had ruptured, and it was inoperable.

Just like that, the first of our four parents were no longer with us, and Dave and I became full-time caregivers for his mom, who had dementia and other health issues. She needed someone with her 24/7. 

We could not take her in, because we had just purchased a motor home to live in full-time and were in the process of selling our house to our son.

For nearly two months, Dave and I took turns living with her as we worked through the exhausting process of getting her placed in an assisted living facility. Once again, my world stopped.

Watching Life Go On Without Me

I watched others continue their lives while mine came to a halt. (Not like losing a child, for sure, but it did come to a standstill.) 

My middle son and his family had just bought their first home, but we couldn’t help them move or get settled. Our youngest son also moved, and we couldn’t help him either.

As I said, Dave and I had recently bought the Hope Mobile, a motor home we planned to live in full-time so we could travel and minister to grieving parents across the country. We were in the process of downsizing and moving out of our home. That came to a full stop. I even found myself bringing things back to the house that I had already moved into the RV.

Our oldest son buying our house came to a standstill too, since we couldn’t move out while also caring for Mom.

Even my writing of emails and blogs, and things like putting out weekly podcast episodes became inconsistent and hard to keep up with. Our marriage started feeling distant as one of us was always at her small apartment and the other at home.

But I Know Something Now That I Didn’t Know Then

Because I’ve already faced the unthinkable of the death of my daughter, and somehow came out the other side, I know something very important:

It won’t always be like this.

That phrase in the Bible, “And it came to pass…” are some of the most encouraging words to me. Some translations say “in time…” or “after that…” In other words, no matter what you’re going through, it won’t last forever.

If You’re Feeling Stuck, You’re Not Alone

If you’re frustrated that your world is standing still while everyone else just keeps going, I want to gently shift your perspective.

Seeing life go on around you might actually be a good thing. It’s proof that people who also once had their world come to a screeching halt have eventually been able to move forward. And that includes other bereaved parents, like Dave and me, who were once right where you are now.

No, life never goes back to what it was before your child died. That’s impossible. But if you keep going one day, one hour, one breath at a time, you will reach a point where you feel something stir again. A tiny flicker of life. A glimpse of hope.

You may not believe that right now. But one day, you might look up and realize that you’ve made it further than you thought you ever could.

You Are a Future Source of Hope

I’m now honored to be someone others can look at and wonder, How did she make it through Becca’s death and still find life again? And I truly believe a few years from now, people will be asking the same thing about you.

And more importantly, you’ll know that if you could get through the loss of your precious child, you can get through anything this world throws your way.

A Final Word of Comfort

Let me leave you with this passage from 2 Corinthians 1:3–4, 7 (TLB):

“What a wonderful God we have—He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does He do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us… In our trouble God has comforted us—and this, too, to help you: to show you from our personal experience how God will tenderly comfort you when you undergo these same sufferings. He will give you the strength to endure.”

And He will.

I’m walking proof. And you can be, too.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 306. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

When Closure Doesn’t Come

I was recently listening to a podcast where the guest was talking about being in that extremely uncomfortable place of transition—where what was is no longer, but we can’t yet see what will be.

I guess one word for that might be hopeless.

He talked about getting closure after a crisis that brings intense grief, and how we long to dot our I’s and cross our t’s. We want answers.

One statement he made really stood out to me and prompted this blog:
“The reality is you won’t always get closure. You can get closure, or you can move on, but you can’t have both.”

The “Why” That Keeps Us Stuck

Of course, my mind went to all of us pareavors. We know there will never be what the world considers “closure.” Even if there’s an investigation surrounding your child’s death, even if someone is found guilty and sentenced—there’s no sense of closure, like everything is okay now.

For us, I think what we want—what we mean by closure—is answers to the “why”:
Why didn’t God stop this from happening?
Why my child?
Why my family?

But if we constantly live from that place of why, we stay stuck. Always looking back. And I know some of us feel it’s impossible to move forward… how could we live life without our child?

When Breathing Feels Impossible

I personally didn’t know how it was possible to go on, to live out the rest of my life with that kind of pain. Pain so deep it made it hard to even breathe at times.

If that’s where you are right now, please hear me:
You are not alone.

So many of us have been in that same place. That place of suffocating pain where even existing feels impossible. Where you wonder if you’ll ever smile again, or if you even want to.

Why Closure Feels Like Betrayal

For us, closure feels like betrayal. It feels like saying, “Okay, that chapter is done,” when we know deep in our souls it will never be done. Our child will always be a part of us. Always.

But moving forward doesn’t mean closing the door on our child. It doesn’t mean forgetting them or being okay with what happened. It means choosing to live again while still carrying their memory, their love, their presence inside us.

It’s not about “moving on,” like the world so often expects.
It’s more about moving forward, with our child still with us, deep inside.
And sometimes, it’s not even a step forward. It is just standing up again. Or sitting in God’s presence, simply breathing. That, too, is part of healing.

A Peace That Surpasses Understanding

We may never get our answers to the “whys” on this side of eternity. But I do believe God invites us to exchange our desperate need for answers with His peace that surpasses understanding.

I know that’s easier said than done. I wrestled with it. Some days, I still do. But it’s in that wrestling that I’ve discovered something powerful:

I don’t have to understand to be held. I don’t have to know why, to know I’m loved.

You Can Begin Again

So, if you’re in that messy, painful place of not knowing how to go on… please know this:
It may not seem like it right now, but it is possible to move forward without answers.

It’s okay to not have closure.
It’s okay to not be okay.
And it’s okay to begin to hope again.
To take tiny steps.
To begin breathing again without guilt.
To let your child’s legacy be part of the reason you live, not just the reason you hurt.

You can live again.
No, it won’t be the same life, or the one you thought it would be.
But it can (and I truly believe it will) be a life shaped by deep loss, deep love, and yes… even deep hope.

A Prayer for You

Father God, for every grieving parent reading this, wrap them in Your presence right now. Let them know that You are near. Bring comfort to the questions that don’t have answers. Bring peace into the chaos. And bring hope, Lord, even if it’s just a flicker. Help them know they are not alone. Not ever.
In Jesus’ name… Amen.

You Still Matter

Your life can have meaning and purpose again, even without the answers to your why questions.
Not in spite of your child’s death—but because of their life.

“I would have despaired, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of God in the land of the living.”
Psalm 27:13

I believe with all my heart, that just like me and thousands of others on this path ahead of you, you will once again see the goodness of God… right here, in the land of the living.

Your life can have meaning and purpose again, even without the answers to your why questions.
Not in spite of your child’s death, but because of his or her life.

Your child’s life still matters.
And so does yours.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 305. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

Grief doesn’t come with a roadmap. Sometimes all we can do is focus on the next small step.

Lisa Espinoza, author of First, Just Brush Your Teeth, lost her son, Chandler, after being hit by a car while riding his bike. He was 25 years old. Recently, Lisa and I talked about those first days, the heaviness that comes with each moment, and what it looks like to simply keep moving forward when nothing makes sense anymore.

As we all know, it is hard to get out of bed each day, so Lisa came up with a simple motivation: First, just brush your teeth. That’s where she began. Not with big goals or a full schedule. Just that one small act of showing up for the day. And if she could do that, maybe she could get dressed, and then maybe walk downstairs. 

When It Becomes Your Story

We all seem to come to a moment when we are somewhat forced to realize, “I’m one of those people now.” The ones we all refer to when we say, I can’t imagine losing a child. It’s something we never expect to be part of our own lives, and when it is, nothing feels the same again. 

Life suddenly splits into “before” and “after.” 

I knew I could not live out the rest of my life with this intense suffocating darkness and pain, but I didn’t know how to climb out of this horrible pit I had been hurled into, causing me to cry out to God for help. 

Faith Without the Formulas

Child loss affects our faith. For a few, it almost immediately deepens. For most, it brings deep questions. But for all of us, it reshapes our relationship with Him in some way. Lisa’s foundation didn’t really shake, but her understanding of faith did change. The neat and tidy beliefs she had grown up with started to fall away, and what remained was simple: Emmanuel—God with us.

I remember having that same phrase hit me during a particularly difficult holiday season after Becca died. Christmas had always been her favorite season, full of decorations and music and giving gifts. The joy around me once again felt so out of place. Deep in my spirit, I felt an explosion in me saying: Emmanuel—God with us. I need You to be with me! 

I ended up pulling out our old advent wreath, lighting a candle, and writing something as a reminder of how He was with me, every evening leading up to Christmas (which was eventually turned into the book Hope for the Future: An Advent Book for Bereaved Parents).

Lisa and I agreed that, especially in those seasons when everything feels dark, the idea of a God who is with us is what we need most. Not answers. Not explanations. Just His presence.

And often, that “God with us” comes through people. A friend checking in. A comforting text. A small act of kindness. Listening to a podcast or reading a blog. These may not feel dramatic or miraculous, but they’re real. They’re reminders that we’re not walking this road alone.

Finding Light in Gratitude

Before Chandler died, Lisa had started something she called her “God Moments Gratitude Journal.” While she couldn’t keep it up every day during the most intense parts of grief, it helped her shift her focus when she could. Naming even one small thing she was thankful for became a way to let in some light.

That is something I was encouraged to do as well. And like Lisa, I started small, each night writing down three to five things I was thankful for, like noticing someone’s smile, or the smell of freshly baked bread. It doesn’t change what happened, but it can soften the edges of the pain just enough to keep going.

I love how Lisa described gratitude as “pinpoints of light in the dark.” And that’s what it feels like. Not a floodlight that suddenly makes everything bright again—but small flickers of hope that show up as we recognize and name the good that is still around us.

The Bittersweet Blend of Life After Loss

Life is rarely just bitter or just sweet. It’s almost always a mix. We can be at a wedding, smiling and dancing, while feeling a deep ache inside for the child who isn’t there. That contrast can be hard to carry, but it’s real. We can learn how to take some time to accept the pain of the bitter… but then lean into the sweet. 

Choosing to smile or feel joy again isn’t dishonoring to our child. Lisa shared how it is really the opposite. To live with meaning, to laugh again and to let moments of joy return, is how she is continuing to honor her son’s life.

Being Open to Hope

Toward the end of our conversation, Lisa said something simple that I think is worth repeating. If you’re in the thick of grief, she encourages you to be open to the possibility of hope. Not to force yourself to feel hopeful. Not to pretend. Just to leave the door cracked open.

Some days, that openness might look like brushing your teeth. Or getting dressed. Or making a short phone call. And that’s enough.

The path ahead may be unclear, but it’s not unclear to the One who walks with us. You don’t have to take the whole journey today. Just take the next step. Whatever that looks like for you.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 304. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.