When Tragedy Strikes Archives

March 1, 2020 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

Learning to Rest in God

“Don’t do, just be.”

This was the message I kept hearing from many different places for the first two years after Becca’s leaving this earth. I believe it is a message we all need at some point when working our way through the darkness and back into the light after the death of our child.

We all need that place where we can go to get away and rest. However, the rest we truly need to come into is not a time and a place. It is a position; a way of life. But often we must begin with the time and place in order to learn to live in that position.

That means we have to set time aside specifically to be alone in God’s presence, especially if we have a hard time believing He truly loves us after not stepping in to save our child from earthly death. We need to “just be” in the stillness of His presence, where He can speak peace to us and fill us with His extravagant love.

During that time those first couple of years, God gave me many reminders to rest in Him and His ways. It was a hard thing to do, because I could not see any light in my darkness or understand why God was allowing so much intense pain.

He would share His reminders to just “be” and rest in Him in so many different ways. He would remind me to take a breath and breathe in His love and peace. He never sugarcoated anything, but would acknowledge how difficult and steep my climb was, telling me to cling tightly to His hand, reminding me to look at Him whenever my circumstances overwhelmed me.

He knew how weak and helpless I was, and He never tired of meeting me in my place of need. Looking back, I see now how each time He would free me from a few more of my shackles, even though most of the time I couldn’t feel it.

Not only would He “hold” me, but He would encourage me to relax in the awareness of His presence. Some of my most precious times with the Lord were in my greatest times of weakness, just letting everything go and melting into His peace, love, and compassion. And so much peace and deep revelation came out of those times of intimacy in those first few years.

For example, I discovered so many scriptures that I had misunderstood, such as Matthew 11:28-29 where Jesus says,

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (NIV)

There are lots of theological teachings on what Jesus meant by this, including what it meant for Jesus, as a rabbi, to say this. But at that moment of my life, the revelation of those verses didn’t mean that Jesus would make my life easy, but that being yoked together with Him is being yoked to that place of rest for my soul; that He would help me carry this heavy burden which is impossible for me to carry on my own.

I rediscovered Psalm 23 in The Complete Jewish Bible translation, that promises to restore my inner person, and that if I pass through death-dark ravines, He is with me; and that His grace and goodness are still pursuing me every day of my life.

This is not to say at some point I got it all figured out and now continually live from a place of rest. I wish God would just speak a command and make it all better, taking away the pain and replacing it with constant peace and rest, but it hasn’t happened that way.

Learning how to live in that place of resting in God has been a process. The pain can still be pretty intense at times, making me feel like I am going backwards, losing that peace and the place of rest.

For instance, a while back, Becca’s husband dropped off four plastic tubs on our front porch. They were full of things he no longer wanted taking up space in his garage. Two bins held Becca’s collection of Snow Buddies she put out every Christmas. One had all of her cassette tapes and CDs, and one contained lots of odds and ends, such as medical items used during her last year and a half of life, and some beautiful photo scrapbooks Becca spent hours on of their family.

But the thing that left me in a crying mess for the next few days was when I discovered her wedding dress smashed in the bottom of one of those bins. My heart still hurts, thinking about it. It felt so cruel, so careless, like she was no longer wanted or to be remembered. My daughter’s life has been reduced to four plastic bins, I thought. But instead of allowing myself to go in that direction, I told myself the truth. Her life was much bigger than these four bins. However… it was another door of finality I had to painfully work through, and once again make a conscious decision to rest in who God is within the circumstance.

Learning to rest in God is a must if you want to get out of your place of darkness.

And that means spending time alone with Him. You don’t even have to talk to Him; just “be” with Him. Don’t feel guilty about being angry with Him, or about taking lots of time to be closed in with the One who loves you like crazy and wants to get you out of the pit and onto the path of living again.

Spend intimate time with Him. Lots of it. Let Him show you the way out by showing you the fullness of Himself. If you stick with it, I guarantee you will learn to come into that place of rest that we all so desperately need after the earthly departure of our child.

Would we rather have our child back? Absolutely. But that isn’t going to happen here on this earth. So, we might as well allow God to love on us and be at work in us, so that their death isn’t wasted in our lives.

This blog was taken from the chapter The Bedroom of Rest, from the award-winning book When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child.

This book, When Tragedy Strikes, now has a course for those who feel the need to go deeper, wanting to implement more specific and practical ways on how to rebuild their lives after the death of their child.

The course has three options, based on how much or how little guidance one feels they want or need.

The first option is a free mini course.
The second option is a full course with eight modules.
The third option is for those who see the value in having one-on-one guidance and interaction with author and instructor, Laura Diehl, in their grief journey as they go through the full course. NOTE: This is for a small limited group and only available 2-3 times a year.

The When Tragedy Strikes Hope & Healing Course was created to walk with and help navigate a parent who has lost a child to a place of light, hope and a life of purpose once again. It is easier walking with others who have been on this path than stumbling about on our own.

While the process of grief cannot be hurried, we can learn how to take steps, no matter how small, making sure we keep moving forward instead of remaining stuck in the pain and darkness of our horrific loss.

To find out more about the When Tragedy Strikes Hope & Healing Course, click here.

Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel.

November 2, 2016 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

Our Scars Mean We Will Never Forget

Around the age of three, I got my ankle caught in the spokes of a bicycle. The injury turned into a staph infection, taking me out of the world of childhood play for quite a while. We have pictures of me sadly sitting by a pool with my foot and leg bandaged up, while my sister and cousins are having fun playing and splashing around. Even though I totally recovered, I still have a scar on my ankle and always will.

A few years ago, I needed surgery, and was quite surprised when it took me many weeks to be able to function and take care of my family again, instead of them taking care of me. Once again, I have a permanent scar, reminding me of what I went through.

Just like a physical scar, there are things that happen in our lives that cause emotional scars. The scar of the death of our child is definitely one of those events.

Our daughter, Becca, had her left leg amputated when she was only three years old, due to bone cancer. The scar on her stump from her missing leg is a lot like the emotional scar we carry when our child has been cut off from us on this earth (much more than the scar on my ankle).

But the comparisons don’t stop at the scar of the injury.

Did having a staph infection in my ankle beach keep me from ever swimming again? No way! I love to swim and be in the water (especially in warm places with beautiful beaches).

Did having an amputation keep Becca from running and playing with the other children? No, it didn’t. It may have slowed her down and caused her to adapt to how she ran and how she played, but it didn’t stop her.

Does the death of our child mean our life is over, and we will never be able to live a full life again? No, it doesn’t. We need time to go through a “recovery” process (for lack of a better word) and need time to learn how to function with our child no longer here, but it doesn’t mean we will never be able to function again.

We will go through times when everyone around us is splashing and playing while we are unable to participate because of our wounds.

We will go through times when we can’t function, and have to wait for more healing.

We will go through times when we have to adjust the way we do things.

We will forever bear the scar of our amputation. We will always have reminders that part of us is missing. But we are not permanently injured to the point of being out of commission for the rest of our lives.

If you are in the first one to three years of grief, this may sound impossible. But I assure you, it isn’t.

May I remind you there are still people who want and need you in their lives; God still has a plan and purpose for you.

kneippen-860135_960_720 Don’t give up. Don’t give up on life. Don’t give up on hope. Don’t give up on happiness, laughter and joy. Hang on, one day, one minute, one breath at a time.

When it is time to do nothing but rest, that’s okay; do nothing but rest (and cry, or whatever else you need to do).

When it’s time to get up and push your way through, do it. Fight for it.

And make sure you have people in your life who have faced the same “injury,” who are further on the path ahead of you. Knowing others have been able to live beyond the death of their child reminds you that it is possible, plus, they will be your greatest encouragers, understanding the process because they have been through it themselves.

Yes, we will forever bear the scars of our amputation. We will forever be reminded our child is no longer here with us. But we can also learn to live a full life with part of us missing.

I know, because I have the scars to prove it.

If you would like a free copy of Thirty-six Scriptures of Hope to print out and meditate on, click here. You will be taken to a page to access our free library, which has many useful items.

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl to bring hope, light and life to bereaved parents, which she call pareavors. (Pa from the word parent, and reave from the root word bereave which means “plundered or robbed, deprive one of, seized, carry, or tear away.”) This is a pretty good description of who we are and what has happened to us.

March 23, 2016 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

From Death to Life When Tragedy Strikes

Have you ever faced a tragedy, finding yourself in a very dark place as a result? You are confused, broken, in despair, and lost?

I have, more than once. (And many of you know about some of those experiences from my book Triple Crown Transformation.) But the one that left me in the deepest, darkest pit by far came from the death of our oldest daughter.

Many professionals say that experiencing the death of one’s child is the greatest trauma a person can face. Those who have faced the death of their spouse, a sibling, or other losses and have also faced the death of their child, say losing their child takes them to a much deeper darkness than other losses, and it lasts so much longer.

When Becca died (you can read about her story by clicking here), I didn’t know anyone who had lost a child, and had no one to guide me through the darkness that made me think I was going crazy. I started reading books from other parents who had experienced the loss of a child, and most of them seemed to carry the message that our lives are forever a black mess we can’t get out of.

I would read how angry and bitter these parents were; just waiting to die so they could rejoin their child.

I would read how their living children would say they also lost their mom when their sibling died.

This just wasn’t acceptable to me.

I knew I had the seed of Hope living inside of me. I knew I wanted to be part of the lives of my other children and my precious grandchildren. I knew God still had a calling on my life, with a purpose.

So I fought!

I grabbed ahold of God with everything I had, and I fought. It took months, even years, because of how deep and dark that pit is when you have to bury your child. Sometimes I would feel the Lord reach down and help pull me up a bit, and other times I felt like I was fighting and clawing to the next foothold on my way up while He was under me, giving me the boost I needed.

It was messy, it was difficult, and it was painful beyond words. But I was victorious, because God’s specialty is bringing life from death!

Let me say that again. God’s SPECIALTY is bringing life out of death!

ANY death, when put in His hands, will birth life!

And not only did I receive life, but during the battle, the Holy Spirit taught me so many things about myself, and about Him. Things about how I was living out of a false identity. How I didn’t really know how to live from a place of resting in Him. How I had a deeply rooted sin of judging the heart and motives of others, and would try to manipulate them into doing what I thought they should be doing.

So not only did He bring me through the fire, He lovingly refined me in the process.

I must share that I still have the pain of grief. I will always feel my daughter’s loss deeply, and my life will never be the same with her gone from this earth. But I have life again, beyond her death. And it is a life richer in God’s love than I could have ever imagined.

If God can do this for me, He can do it for anyone. He can do it for you. He can do it for other parents who have lost a child from this earth through death.

And that is now a passion I have; to reach out to those parents behind me who have been thrown into that deep black pit, and offer them a hand of hope. I didn’t have anyone to do that for me, and I don’t want that to happen to anyone else on this dark horrible path of the death of a child.

About a year and a half ago, I woke up in the night with the title of a book (When Tragedy Strikes) and many of the chapter subjects. I got up and wrote everything down. It seemed the Holy Spirit was directing me to write a book, so I started. My plan was to learn how to publish the book myself, having no intent of pitching it to any publishers.

Apparently, God had His own plan which I wasn’t aware of. In February of last year, Dave and I were at a conference in San Diego, where I met David Hancock, who is the founder of Morgan James Publishing. We had a conversation, and by the time we were done, I had his business card with a request to send him what I had written so far with the book I had started.

Five weeks later, I was offered a book contract, and signed it on what would have been Becca’s 33^rd birthday. I am still in total amazement of this!

I never knew how much work is involved in writing a book and getting it published. And unless you are already a big name person with a huge public following, the greatest part of the leg-work of promoting and marketing a book falls on the shoulders of the author. And when you think about it, no one else is going to have the heart and passion for what was written on the pages more than the person who wrote it, so it makes sense that the author should be the strongest promoter.

SO…. In my passion for getting this message of hope and healing to as many hurting and grieving parents as possible, I am putting together a team of people who want to help.

I am seeking those who firmly believe in the power of unity! Those who know how God can move mightily through a group of people who are moving as one in Him, sharing His message of hope and healing.
I am looking for those who hate seeing the darkness Satan keeps people wrapped up in, and want to shatter that darkness with the light and life of the Risen King.
I want people who carry that seed of Hope within them and want to help me plant it in these precious ones who have lost their hope when they lost their child from this earth.
I need to be connected with those who have a passion to give others a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a mantle of praise instead of a spirit of despair and heaviness (Isaiah 61:3).

If that is you, please click here, to find out how to join our When Tragedy Strikes Book Launch Team. There will be lots of benefits, including a free pre-release copy of my book.

And if you are a bereaved parent, let me first say how very sorry I am! You have my heart, as we have an instant connection. I would be so honored, and absolutely love to have you join us on the launch team.

We are here to be a light of hope, in a time of deep darkness for those who have been shattered by the death of their child. Please help us spread that light of hope!