Many grieving parents I talk to share how hard it is that their life has come to a screeching halt after the death of their child. And they don’t understand how everyone else just keeps going like nothing happened.
I remember feeling that way myself.
I still remember sitting in my car at a stoplight. I was numb—barely functioning. I was doing the bare minimum outside my home just to survive. I looked around and saw people walking, laughing, driving, talking… living. It was so hard not to get angry and scream at everyone for acting like life was still normal.
Eventually (and by “eventually,” I mean two to three years) I realized I could go about life’s routines without constantly feeling like the world should still be frozen in time because of Becca’s death. I started to accept that life was moving forward, and I was starting to move with it. Until it came to another unexpected stop a few years later…
Life Stood Still Again
Dave got a phone call from his dad. He was in intense pain, so bad it was making him vomit, and needed to go to the ER. Just eight hours later, the family was called to his bedside to say goodbye. His aorta had ruptured, and it was inoperable.
Just like that, the first of our four parents were no longer with us, and Dave and I became full-time caregivers for his mom, who had dementia and other health issues. She needed someone with her 24/7.
We could not take her in, because we had just purchased a motor home to live in full-time and were in the process of selling our house to our son.
For nearly two months, Dave and I took turns living with her as we worked through the exhausting process of getting her placed in an assisted living facility. Once again, my world stopped.
Watching Life Go On Without Me
I watched others continue their lives while mine came to a halt. (Not like losing a child, for sure, but it did come to a standstill.)
My middle son and his family had just bought their first home, but we couldn’t help them move or get settled. Our youngest son also moved, and we couldn’t help him either.
As I said, Dave and I had recently bought the Hope Mobile, a motor home we planned to live in full-time so we could travel and minister to grieving parents across the country. We were in the process of downsizing and moving out of our home. That came to a full stop. I even found myself bringing things back to the house that I had already moved into the RV.
Our oldest son buying our house came to a standstill too, since we couldn’t move out while also caring for Mom.
Even my writing of emails and blogs, and things like putting out weekly podcast episodes became inconsistent and hard to keep up with. Our marriage started feeling distant as one of us was always at her small apartment and the other at home.
But I Know Something Now That I Didn’t Know Then
Because I’ve already faced the unthinkable of the death of my daughter, and somehow came out the other side, I know something very important:
It won’t always be like this.
That phrase in the Bible, “And it came to pass…” are some of the most encouraging words to me. Some translations say “in time…” or “after that…” In other words, no matter what you’re going through, it won’t last forever.
If You’re Feeling Stuck, You’re Not Alone
If you’re frustrated that your world is standing still while everyone else just keeps going, I want to gently shift your perspective.
Seeing life go on around you might actually be a good thing. It’s proof that people who also once had their world come to a screeching halt have eventually been able to move forward. And that includes other bereaved parents, like Dave and me, who were once right where you are now.
No, life never goes back to what it was before your child died. That’s impossible. But if you keep going one day, one hour, one breath at a time, you will reach a point where you feel something stir again. A tiny flicker of life. A glimpse of hope.
You may not believe that right now. But one day, you might look up and realize that you’ve made it further than you thought you ever could.
You Are a Future Source of Hope
I’m now honored to be someone others can look at and wonder, How did she make it through Becca’s death and still find life again? And I truly believe a few years from now, people will be asking the same thing about you.
And more importantly, you’ll know that if you could get through the loss of your precious child, you can get through anything this world throws your way.
A Final Word of Comfort
Let me leave you with this passage from 2 Corinthians 1:3–4, 7 (TLB):
“What a wonderful God we have—He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does He do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us… In our trouble God has comforted us—and this, too, to help you: to show you from our personal experience how God will tenderly comfort you when you undergo these same sufferings. He will give you the strength to endure.”
And He will.
I’m walking proof. And you can be, too.
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 306. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
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AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.
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