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179: Health and Self-Care After Child Loss

When our child dies, we don’t want to be here so we just don’t care what happens to us. Our health suffers dramatically because of that, plus our bodies are out of whack for a long time.

After child loss, many of us turn to comfort foods in a big way, and we don’t feel like being active, which causes our weight to become out of control. When we get a few years down the road, at some point we realize how badly our unhealthy habits have affected us, and we know we need to get it under control but it is so very difficult. We know what to do, we just don’t do it.

In this episode, Laura allows herself to become vulnerable as she shares her health journey, both where she has come from and where she is now, encouraging other pareavors to take care of themselves. Laura believes so much in how important our health is on our grief journey that she has decided to walk with pareavors who are ready to join her in getting healthy.

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

The Hope for Your Health Webinar date has now passed. However, if you would like to have Laura do a personal one-on-one health assesment with you, click here.

Find out more about how to join GPS Hope on The Grief Cruise in October 2023.

Birthdays:

Joshua Konaszewski was born on October 2 and left us at age 24.

Joshua Cripps was born on October 3 and left us at age 44.

Paul Meyer was born on October 4 and left us at age 29.

Joshua Kirkendall was born on October 6 and left us at age 14.

Daniel Bryce Briggs was born on October 6 and left us at age 19.

 

Fill out the short form with the needed information to have your child’s birthday shared with our listeners.

The special song “I Remember Well“, which was written by Laura for our children’s birthdays, can be heard on your favorite music app. To hear samples of Laura’s other songs, click here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

Would you like to have Laura come and speak to your group? Contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

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Taking Back Your Health after Child Loss

When we are in a place of emotional stress after the death of our child, it is all we can do to handle life day-to-day (or even minute-by-minute). We are in survival mode, and it is very common during that time to stop taking care of our bodies.

Unfortunately, that is one of the worst things we can do, because some of our emotions are tied up in our physical health. Think about it. When we are getting enough sleep, eating healthy food that is fuel for our bodies and moving around (even if it is just getting outside for a short walk), it can lift our spirits a bit, causing us to feel stronger emotionally.

I know at first, when the tragedy takes us to our knees, we don’t have much of a choice. Our body just kind of seems to take over as a response to the intense grief. Some of us find ourselves eating unhealthy “comfort foods” constantly. Others discover they don’t eat anything at all for a few days. Some of us can’t seem to stay awake and all we can do is sleep. Others want desperately to sleep, but even with sleep aids it still seems to elude them.

Me? I slept a lot and continually grabbed the comfort foods, which added another unwanted thirty pounds on my body. I struggled for ten years, trying to get my health back under control.

We all get to a point where the fog starts to lift, and we are left with the reality of the depth of our pain and horrific loss. Many of us continue in the pattern we found ourselves in, convincing ourselves we are helpless to stop.

I want to encourage you that is not true. What is usually happening, is that we see ourselves as a victim of the circumstance and let that become our identity. (My identity became, “I am the mother of a child who died.”) If we continue to believe that is our identity, we will continue to believe things won’t change, and we will continue to struggle, both emotionally and physically.

At some point, we will come to a place where we start making the choice. “Do I want to stay a victim and let that become my identity? Or do I want to figure out how to climb out of this pit of darkness and back into a place of hope and light and life?”

Is it time for you to make that choice of climbing out of the grief pit, taking a look at some of your unhealthy habits that can make it even more difficult to find your way out? Even if you are not at that place yet and are still in those early times where the grief consumes you, it is possible to start making your way out with teeny tiny baby steps, by taking back your health.

Take a minute and think: What is one small thing you can do, that you have let go? I’m not talking about making a commitment to doing this thing every day from now on. What can you do today, and maybe tomorrow? Then tomorrow ask yourself the same question.

If you miss a few days, don’t feel guilty. When you are ready again, just do one small thing toward taking back your health. Just keep working toward it, because it is worth the effort, no matter how small, as it begins to build!

As I shared, it took me over ten years to get serious about wanting to get healthy after my daughter, Becca, died. I have been able to lose over forty pounds (not quite down to my high school weight) and keep it off for several months now. But it has been more than just weight loss. There have been so many “non-scale” victories, as I am still learning how to live a healthy lifestyle that goes beyond just the food I put (or don’t put) in my mouth.

I knew what to do; I just wasn’t doing it, which is true for most of us. Surrounding yourself with those who are on the same journey, having others who are ahead of you cheering you on, learning how to change your mind set about things like food and healthy movement (notice I did not say working out) and having an easy way to fuel your body, could make all the difference for you, just like it did for me.

For several years, GPS Hope has had support and resources available to help with the spiritual, emotional and mental well-being after the death of our child. It has bothered me that we had nothing to offer for our physical well-being though, as I personally continued to have my own struggles in this area. Until now!

Because I am so convinced at how crucial it is that GPS Hope also has a way to provide support and resources for pareavors to get their health back, I have committed myself to being a health coach for pareavors who want extra help in this area.

Weight loss is difficult, but it is only one part of a true health journey. I would be happy to do a health assessment with you, to help you see where changes can be made on your health journey as a pareavor. We can also figure out if I would be a good fit as a health coach for you, and what that entails.

I have been able to go from destructive unhealthy habits in my grief that had me dragging, to a place of flourishing energy and good health, and have helped other pareavors do the same. Are you ready to make that same change of paths?

Click here to schedule a thirty minute one-on-one health assessment.

To hear more on this topic, listen to the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast, episode 179: Health and Self-Care After Child Loss.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

 

 

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178: Looking for the Extraordinary Moments (with Teresa McCloy)

The discussion between Laura and Teresa McCloy is a gold mine of depth and richness that is so desperately needed when facing the painful darkness of child loss.

In this episode you will hear:

  • The wisdom and heart of a mom whose son battled addiction for many years before succumbing to a heroin overdose.
  • The importance of coming to a place of “being” instead of constantly doing.
  • How a popular child’s storybook can help us understand the painful rawness of living a life of meaning and purpose again after the death of our child.
  • A short interaction about the Enneagram and grief.
  • Finding moments in your day to help stay connected to yourself, others, God, and your child.

This is a good one, so after listening, be sure to pass it along to other pareavors!

Teresa McCloy is the creator and founder of the REALIFE Process®, as well as an author.  Her first book Do What Matters, Live from Rest Not Rush will release this fall.  In the book, Teresa shares her authentic story of a recovering workaholic and her journey, through the loss of her son to drug addiction, to a new way of truly living. Teresa’s passion is to help others outline for themselves sustainable behaviors, rhythms, and routines, so they can live from an internal place of rest.                                                                                                                                   

Teresa loves to travel. When she is not on the road speaking, coaching clients, recording her podcast, or training new facilitators, Teresa enjoys being on the fourth-generation family grain farm in central Illinois with Dale, her husband of forty years, tending her wildflower garden, or enjoying a great cup of coffee with a friend.

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Teresa

The Real Life Process website

Do What Matters book

Teresa’s Facebook page

Teresa on Instagram

Other links mentioned:

The Velveteen Rabbit read by Meryl Streep  (This is only a partial reading. I could not find a version of the full book.)

Click the Amazon link below for the version of the Velveteen Rabbit book that I keep in the Hope Mobile. NOTE: If you buy the book through this link, a small portion of the purchase price will be sent to GPS Hope as an affiliate link.

 

Go on a cruise with GPS Hope! Find out more and watch last year’s video.


Birthdays:

Michael was born on September 22 and left us at age 36.

Brittany Evans was born on September 25 and left us at age 26.

Cody Simmons was born on September 25 and left us at age 25.

Bethany Patton was born on September 25 and left us at age 31.

Kara McLeod was born on September 27 and left us at age 23.

Cherie Martinez was born on September 28 and left us at age 31.

Shea Thomas Patno was born on September 29 and left us at age 15.

Giovanna Giannini was born on September 30 and left us at age 20.

Aaliyah Henderson was born on October 1 and left us at age 4.

Corey Ryan Woodrich was born on October 1 and left us at age 31.

 

Fill out the short form with the needed information to have your child’s birthday shared with our listeners.

The special song “I Remember Well“, which was written by Laura for our children’s birthdays, can be heard on your favorite music app. To hear samples of Laura’s other songs, click here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

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177: Heroes of Hope After Child Loss (with Shirley Thiessen)

Shirley Thiessen is one of Laura’s first returning guests, which is saying a lot since the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast has been going for over three years now!

In the previous episode, Shirley shared an incredible story, about a little black funeral dress, and then she and Laura start discussing five things Shirley wishes she had known about grief before the death of her son, Jordan.

It is highly recommended to listen to that episode first, (episode 176) since this discussion picks up where they left off, talking about the third thing Shirley wishes she had known, which is the fact that deep grief has no timeline.

Twelve days after her son’s wedding, Shirley Thiessen was thrown into the unimaginable task of planning his funeral. Grief threatened to extinguish her purpose. Hope and resiliency gradually emerged as she chose to participate with God to recycle her pain for His good purpose. Because most people are uncertain how to support those who grieve, Shirley founded the grief ministry, CornerBend Ministries, along with creating a playbook of best practices to build confidence and effectiveness.  

Shirley and her husband Carey live in Calgary, AB, Canada. Their daughter, Chantel, is also active in the grief ministry.  

 (Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Shirley’s websites: Corner Bend Ministries and  shirleythiessen.com

To email Shirley: shirley@cornerbend.com

Look at the H.O.P.E. shirts and mug here.

Click here to help GPS Hope continue providing support and resources to pareavors. Every dollar helps! (You can also become a monthly supporter, becoming a grieving parent sharing hope with the same link.)

Birthdays:

Rodney Lorenz was born on September 18 and left us at age 49.

Alistair James Fleming was born on September 19  and left us at age 26.

Nathan Young was born on September 19 and left us at age 19.

Acacia Goertzen was born on September 19 and left us at age 15.

Brittany Melton was born on September 19 and left us at age 25.

Justin Balducci was born on September 19 and left us at age 35.

Maya Tarbet was born on September 20 and left us at age 13.

Nicole Zanoni Romualdo was born on September 21 and left us at 16 months.

Ryan Bradley was born on September 22 and left us at age 25.

Alyssa Barker was born on September 22 and left us at age 33.

 

Fill out the short form with the needed information to have your child’s birthday shared with our listeners.

The special song “I Remember Well“, which was written by Laura for our children’s birthdays, can be heard on your favorite music app. To hear samples of Laura’s other songs, click here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

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Events that Trigger Our Grief after Child Loss

This past week was our oldest son’s birthday.

What I don’t share very often is that our three-year-old daughter, Becca, was diagnosed with cancer on my due date with this baby. I went ten days overdue, with my water breaking around 3AM while sleeping in a chair next to Becca, who was going to be coming home from the hospital that morning after her first round of chemo. (She had not been home for two weeks since the testing and her diagnosis.)

The labor was only about forty-five minutes from the time my water broke, and the delivery was very rough. It was discovered the baby was coming feet first, but he came so fast there was no chance to do a C-section. They almost lost both of us because he was so large (8 pounds 10 ounces), and the cord was being pinched as he got stuck coming out.

My doctor did some heavy duty yanking and pulling to save us both. I was in so much pain during those life-and-death moments and so weak and sick afterwards, since there was no time for an epidural or pain meds. We did not realize how close we came to death until a nurse talked to us about it the following day.

For the next nine months, I hardly ever saw my newborn son, since much of my time was spent an hour away, staying with our little girl at the hospital while getting her chemo. Her amputation made her stays there even more of a challenge.

It was years later when we found out that the long-term effects of one of the drugs Becca had been given was heart damage, which is what eventually caused her death.

All of that to say, it is next to impossible to think of the day our son was born without thinking of Becca and what we were going through with her during that time, which ultimately caused her death, twenty-six years later.

So, what do we do when our child’s death date falls during a time when we should be celebrating something important? Or a celebration is a trigger to our deep loss?

I make time to acknowledge the pain of the “bitter” however I need to. Each time it might look different, but it almost always comes with tears at some point. (My eyes are filling with tears right now as a matter of fact as I type this.) After allowing myself this time, I then do my best to lean into the “sweet” instead of the bitter. I put my attention and focus on whatever good thing is in front of me.

I need these event reminders that even though there will be bitter times for the rest of my time here on earth, my life isn’t only bitterness. There is still sweetness and there are still good things to live for and enjoy.

I have found that the more often I choose to put as much focus as I am able on the sweet, the bitter becomes more tolerable and happens less often. That does not mean it is easy, but with determination, it can be done. I have also discovered that it eventually gets easier to choose the sweet most of the time, but I admit that I still have my moments of leaning into the bitter, and sometimes I still just need to have a good hard cry!

Yes, there may remain an undercurrent of sadness, but I refuse to let things like my son’s birthday be overshadowed by something in our past that cannot be changed, no matter how painful a reminder it may be.

He needs to be celebrated and loved on. Not only does he need it, but I need it as well!

Bittersweet… that is us for the rest of our lives. Which one are you going to choose to focus on, as often as possible? I hope you join me and choose the sweet. The bitter happens enough on its own. Let’s do our best to ask God for the desire and the strength to lean into the “sweet” during those times.  Are you with me?

 

Let the sunrise of your love end our dark night. Break through our
clouded dawn again! Only you can satisfy our hearts, filling us with songs of
joy to the end of our days. We’ve been overwhelmed with grief; come now and
overwhelm us with gladness. Replace our years of trouble with decades of delight.
Psalm 90:14-15 (TPT)

 

This was taken from Laura’s newest book of daily readings for bereaved parents, which will be available in December. If you would like to receive weekly emails of encouragement (which will also let you know the progress of this book and to know when it comes out), let us know below.

FYI, we do not spam our GPS Hope family, and you can easily unsubscribe when you no longer want to receive the Weekly Word of Hope.

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

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