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GPS Hope

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February 6, 2022 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

Will Knowing “Why” Really Help?

With all the whys, the anger, the suffocating darkness and confusion after the death of our child, it can be easy to blame God for what has happened. We question how God can call Himself a loving Father or possibly tell us that He is a good God. We don’t understand, and it is normal and okay to bring our questions and emotions to God, no matter how dark they are.

Every step on our life journey is a step of trust. We either trust in others, in ourselves, or in God. Trusting completely in others, or only in ourselves, will eventually fail. But when something horrible happens in our lives (such as the death of our child) we often tell ourselves we can’t trust God unless we know the “why.”

We want answers and we want them now. We want (or feel like we need) God to explain Himself to us, telling us why our children left this earth before we did.

I think the bottom line is that we try to make sense of God with our finite brains and limitations, but that is just plain impossible. We want God to answer to us, which is just as futile as a teenage daughter arguing with her parents, wanting them to answer to her. How can they? How can they explain that they see what their teenager cannot see, and know what their daughter does not know, in a way that makes that teen satisfied with the answer? And how can God possibly explain to us through His lens of eternity the answer to our “why?” in a way that makes some sort of sense, causing us to be okay with what has happened?

My husband, Dave, got a four-year degree in Computer Science. (It was so long ago that he even had to do a computer punch card program for one of his classes. Yikes!). His entire thirty year career was with programming computers, fixing computer programs and crashes, or internationally managing others who were doing it.

There are times I ask Dave (who is my personal geek squad) to do something for me, and he has to tell me it can’t be done. I always want him to explain why, because it seems like he should be able to find a way, since he is a computer programmer by profession. He often sighs, knowing that at some point I will get totally lost and not understand what he is trying to explain to me. (Interpretation: I get really frustrated, because it still doesn’t make any sense to me…)

I am pretty sure the same thing would happen if I were to ask a nuclear scientist a question on how something worked, because it is beyond what my mind would be able to follow or comprehend. God is greater than any computer techy or nuclear scientist, so what makes me think I would be able to follow or comprehend God’s explanation to something I don’t understand?

We often try to bring God down to our level because we want to understand His actions, or why He does what He does. That is like the Israelites. They knew the acts of God, which left them always grumbling and complaining, but Moses knew His ways (Psalm 103:7).

There is a big difference between seeing the actions of God and knowing His ways, which is knowing His heart. When we go beyond the acts of God and press in to knowing His heart, we eventually discover that we can still trust that He is good and He is faithful, even in the deepest and darkest pain we can face on this earth.

I do still occasionally find myself caught in the struggle of wanting to know why. When I find that happening, I sometimes ask God what it is about Him that I don’t understand yet, because when I try to lean on my own understanding, I can get all messed up. Instead, I need to see things from His perspective. What if I don’t get an answer to that right away? Then I have decided to continue to believe that He sees what I cannot see, and knows what I do not know, and I will continue to share my heart with Him, trusting that someday, it will all make sense.

Understanding will not bring us peace. That is why we are told to trust in God and not in our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). For some reason we often think if we can figure things out, then we can be in control. But the relief felt doesn’t last very long because soon there is something else we are trying to make sense of, that is out of our control.

During deep grief, people either move toward God or away from Him. But when we move away from Him, we are moving away from the One who can help us the most. God wants to walk with us through this valley of death. He wants to give us comfort. He wants to give us strength. He wants to give us hope. These are all things we desperately need. But if we choose to move away from Him, we will continue to desperately need these things. This is a time to get as close to God as you possibly can.

A few weeks ago, I saw someone’s Facebook post that spoke volumes to me about not understanding why. “You do not realize what I am doing, but later you will understand.” This was Jesus speaking, in John 13:7. It struck me so deeply that I had to get out a Bible and read these words for myself!

This world we are in is not permanent, but it is here to prepare us for the place that is. That means everything that happens here is with eternity in mind, but our view of it all is with very limited sight, which can be confusing until the veil is lifted and we are on the other side with our child.

I believe with everything in me that our children (and other loved ones), who are now on the other side of the veil, can also see everything clearly, and understand what we do not. I picture them cheering us on, knowing that when we join them, not only will we understand, but the pain will be completely behind us as the glory of eternity explodes all around us.

Until then, you have a choice. You can choose to continue blaming God (or others) for what has happened, remaining a victim of this horrible trauma for many more years – maybe even the rest of your time here on earth; or you can make a decision to be okay with not understanding why, allowing God to show you the way out of the darkness to be able to live in a way that honors the life of your child.

 

Our thoughts can be very dark after the death of our child. How we allow ourselves to think, can make the difference between staying in our place of darkness or moving toward a place of hope in our suffocating grief.

If you would like some help in dealing with these dark thoughts, I would like to send you a chapter from my award-winning book When Tragedy Strike: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing after the Death of Your Child. I promise this is not a way to hound you to purchase the book! However, you will start receiving a Weekly Word of Hope from me, which you can unsubscribe from at any time you no longer find it helpful.

 

 

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on our private Facebook page or our public Facebook page. 
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: child loss comfort, dealing with grief after tragedy, faith in the dark, God and child loss, grief after child loss, hope in grief, moving through grief, trusting God in grief, trusting God with unanswered questions, why God allows child loss

February 1, 2022 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

144: God Can Recycle Your Pain after Child Loss (with Shirley Thiessen)

In this episode, Laura brings on a guest to talk about a deeply serious and needed topic after the death of our child. How important is your child to you, and how important is God to you?

Often, we don’t realize the love for our child can overshadow our love for God, causing us to get stuck in our suffocating darkness when our child leaves this earth before we do.  Laura and her guest, Shirley Thiessen, discuss this because they want you to be set free from anything that can keep you from being able to move forward in a way that brings a measure of hope and healing, which opens the door for you to learn how to live a life of meaning and purpose again.

 

Twelve days after her son’s wedding, Shirley Thiessen was thrown into the unimaginable task of planning his funeral. Grief threatened to extinguish her purpose. Hope and resiliency gradually emerged as she chose to participate with God to recycle her pain for His good purpose. Because most people are uncertain how to support those who grieve, Shirley founded the grief ministry, CornerBend Ministries, along with creating a playbook of best practices to build confidence and effectiveness.  

Shirley and her husband Carey live in Calgary, AB, Canada. Their newly married daughter, Chantel, is also active in the grief ministry.  

 (Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Shirley’s websites: Corner Bend Ministries and  shirleythiessen.com

To email Shirley: shirley@cornerbend.com

Click here to find out more about the In Loving Memory Hearts to put on the Hope Mobile.

Find out more about the GPS Hope retreats.


Birthdays:

Zachary Kidd was born on January 27 and is forever 26.

Bryce D. Thurman was born on January 30 and is forever 22.

Kayla Adkins was born on January 31 and is forever 25.

Robert Schafer DeVries was born on February 4 and is forever 35.

 

Fill out the short form with the needed information to have your child’s birthday shared with our listeners.

The special song “I Remember Well“, which was written by Laura for our children’s birthdays, can be heard on your favorite music app. To hear samples of Laura’s other songs, click here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

January 25, 2022 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

143: It Doesn’t Feel Okay to Be Happy

Many pareavors (bereaved parents) struggle with feeling guilty for laughing or doing special things like taking vacations after the death of their child, believing it isn’t right to enjoy life again.

We will always have an undercurrent of sadness and grief that can surface at any time. Sometimes there are known triggers and sometimes it seems to be for no apparent reason. But we can learn to build our life around the grief, allowing the life of our child to continue to influence us to live life to the fullest.

In this episode, Laura talks about some of the reasons we may feel guilty, how to move past that guilt, and why it is important to live a life that has happiness, joy, peace and fulfillment after child loss.

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Find out about our GPS Hope & Healing Retreats

Information about the January 2023 Grief Cruise.

 

Birthdays:

Richie Rudkin was born on January 27 and is forever 27.

Robert Lelle was born on January 28 and is forever 26.

Robert Silva was born on January 28 and is forever 29.

Celeste France was born on January 29 and is forever 17.

 

Fill out the short form with the needed information to have your child’s birthday shared with our listeners.

The special song “I Remember Well“, which was written by Laura for our children’s birthdays, can be heard on your favorite music app. To hear samples of Laura’s other songs, click here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

January 18, 2022 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

142: “Cruising” With Our Grief (with Lin Findlay)

Many pareavors (bereaved parents) struggle with feeling guilty for laughing or doing special things like taking vacations after the death of their child, believing it isn’t right to enjoy life again.

In this episode, Laura brings on Lin Findlay to share about her own journey in this area after the death of her daughter, Aubrie, and why Lin now hosts The Grief Cruise for those who have lost loved ones.

 

Lin Findlay has worked with grieving families for over 30 years. After losing her daughter in 1989, she started a resource and referral service for grieving families. Soon after she began providing personalized aftercare solutions for hundreds of funeral homes across the nation. Lin is now an aftercare specialist who has created, facilitated, and coordinated hundreds of workshops, services, and support groups. As a Christian lay counselor, Lin’s highest honor is to enter people’s lives and help make a difference. To date, Lin has supported over 158,000 people on behalf of funeral homes across North America.

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Lin Findlay’s websites: The International Grief Institute and Mourning Discoveries (aftercare for funeral homes)

Information about the January 2023 Grief Cruise.

Find out about our GPS Hope & Healing Retreats

 

Birthdays:

Joshua Caldwell was born on January 16 and is forever 28.

Tate Kwiatkowski was born on January 16 and is forever 69 days.

Hugh Brown was born on January 19 and is forever 18.

Jeanette Marie was born on January 19 and is forever 36.

Erin Gisby was born on January 19 and is forever 3.

 

Fill out the short form with the needed information to have your child’s birthday shared with our listeners.

The special song “I Remember Well“, which was written by Laura for our children’s birthdays, can be heard on your favorite music app. To hear samples of Laura’s other songs, click here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

January 11, 2022 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

141: The Gift of Being with Others Who Get It

In today’s episode, Laura is sharing what a gift it is to be with others who have lost a child because they get it. They understand the darkness and the struggles.

It took her almost three years after her daughter, Becca, died to meet with a group who had lost a child because Laura didn’t think it would help to be around a bunch of others who were a mess like she was. When she finally made herself go to a conference for bereaved moms, Laura discovered it was just the opposite; it was wonderful and healing to be with others who understood and were a mess like her, plus Laura got to talk about Becca with others who wanted to hear about her daughter!

In this episode, you will hear from several women as they sit around the microphone and talk together about how important it was to each of them to become connected with each other while at a weekend retreat. You may be surprised at how much laughter there is, and the bond they seemed to share so quickly, having just met each other two days previously.

Today’s episode is sponsored by Teck Min and Yvonne from Singapore. Their 11 yr old daughter, Emma, was diagnosed with DIPG (a fast growing tumor in part of the brain stem) in July this year and passed away on 22nd Aug.

They share about their daughter:
Emma was super full of energy, laughter, and joy. She loved to sing and dance. She was our little chef and helper in the kitchen as well. We and her little brother Isaac miss her so badly, especially the silly games they played together.

One of her favorite songs was “Goodness of God”. The only comfort for us is that she is running with Jesus on His Heavenly green fields, enjoying His goodness. Emma – daddy, mummy and Isaac love you so much. Till we meet again, and we will all run together on the green fields.

Thank you Teck Min and Yvonne for sponsoring today’s episode in loving memory of your precious Emma.

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Find out more about GPS Hope get-away weekend retreats.

Find out more about Umbrella Ministries

How to sponsor a podcast episode in loving memory of your child.

 

Birthdays:

Joseph Youhana was born on January 6 and is forever 23.

Daniel Norwood ll was born on January 10 and is forever 10.

Adrienne was born on January 11 and is forever 19.

Jake Kalicki was born on January 12 and is forever 17.

Matthew Cole was stillborn on January 15.

 

Fill out the short form with the needed information to have your child’s birthday shared with our listeners.

The special song “I Remember Well“, which was written by Laura for our children’s birthdays, can be heard on your favorite music app. To hear samples of Laura’s other songs, click here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

 

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Recent Posts

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