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This Mom’s Grief

by Valorie Breslau

This Mom’s Grief

Have a good day….

How will I ever be able?

My smile forever different

And broken

My world now unstable.

 

All my tomorrows without you

Frighten me to no end.

Dear Lord,

How can I do this without

my beautiful son, my friend?

 

What matters is different

Same no more.

What I wouldn’t give

To have you crash through

The front door.

 

The person I was has left

And can no

Longer be,

Because someone so special

Has been taken from me.

 

My heart is still beating

The same one that gave you life,

Most days I wonder

How, when it has been cut

With a knife.

 

The knife is called death

So final and dark,

It’s taste in my mouth

Has left its scarred mark.

 

The life I once knew

Is broken and split in two

My existence is now measured

in living with and

then without you

 

Time will change ME,

Not make this go away.

I must surrender to knowing,

We will hug again

Someday!

 

I am changed by your death

until I take my last breath.

How long will that be?

Soon,

Is fine by me!

 

Until then,

I must trust the Lord with

My hourly request,

 

Please God,

Give me some rest!

 

Valerie Breslau is a mother of four sons and a grandmother of two.  She is married to her high school sweetheart.  Many years ago as a young woman, she gave her life to the Lord and her strong faith has been the light that guides her path.   As a newly grieving mom, she knows the only way to survive the depth of despair is to lean into God more than ever. Only he can save her from the intense darkness of grief.  She is trusting God for hope and joy as she learns to navigate this painful new normal after the death of her son.

 

It is important to take care of ourselves, and that can be really hard in our place of deep grief. We may even struggle with not wanting to do anything in the way of self-care. At GPS Hope, we understand that, and have done what we can to help, by putting together a list of 30 simple ways you can bring yourself comfort and take care of yourself. To have it sent to you, just submit your name and email. (You will also begin to receive a Weekly Word of Hope, which you can unsubscribe from at any time.)

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

 

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93: Empowering Your Healing Process after Child Loss (with Pam Vredevelt)

This is the third and last episode in our series for the newly bereaved.

Today we will be hearing from Pam Vredevelt, who has faced both a pregnancy loss, and the death of her 16-year-old son. Not only can Pam share from the personal experience of child loss, she can add the depth of being a licensed professional counselor for over 25 years.

As a bereaved parent, we hear a lot about giving ourselves grace. Pam shares why that is important because of how it affects our brains and bodies in the healing process.

She also shares how the brain will try to reestablish control and does so by blaming ourselves, which causes a defense system to rise up within us, causing the attacked to also be the attacker, blocking our ability to go through the needed healing process.

There are a lot of good things in here that are very helpful to all of us on this unwanted journey, especially for those who are in those early months and years.

 

Pam is a Licensed Professional Counselor, popular conference speaker, and best-selling author. She is married to her best friend, John, and they have four children. Two reside in the United States, two are in heaven. Her grace-filled wisdom, refreshing hope, and practical counsel have guided thousands towards recovery after a deep loss.

 

 

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Pam Vredevelt’s website: pamvredevelt.com

Find out more about My Grief Journey Coloring Book and Journal for Bereaved Parents

Find out more about My Grief Journey Coloring Book and Journal for Kids

 

Don’t forget to give this podcast a rating and review to help other grieving parents find us!

Click here to become a monthly partner, giving hope to other parents, or to give a special gift to keep this podcast going, along with providing  other needed resources to bereaved parents.

(GPS Hope is a 501c3 nonprofit and runs on the financial support of those who believe in passing along the hope they have received to others.)

 

Birthdays:

Richie Rudkin was born on January 27 and is forever 27.

Celeste France was born on January 29 and is forever 17.

Robert Lelle was born on January 28 and is forever 26.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

 

 

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92: What is “Normal” for a Newly Bereaved Parent?

When my daughter, Becca, died, I thought I was getting early Alzheimer’s because of how forgetful I was, how scrambled my mind felt, and how quickly important information could leave my brain. I had no idea for the first couple of years that it was “normal” for a parent after the death of their child, and it was a relief to find that out.

What else is “normal” for a newly bereaved parent?

First, it is important to know that I consider “newly” bereaved, as anything from the very first day to the first two or three years. It’s also important to know that most experts will say that for a parent who has lost a child, anything under five years is considered fresh grief. Losing a child is also considered traumatic grief – it is a trauma, and PTSD can come with it, depending on the circumstances of their death.

Along with some of my own experiences, I have asked some of my friends who have been on this journey for a while to share a word with those of you who are new on this unwanted path. Last week we heard from four of them. This week we will hear from five more. They are:

As you listen, you will find out that pretty much whatever it is you are experiencing is normal after the death of your child, and it’s such a relief to hear it from others who have been right where you are.

 

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Get a printable PDF copy of “My New Normal” from the GPS Hope free library along with many other free downloads. (If you have not accessed the library before, you will need to create an account by simply give yourself a name and a password.)

See information to join us for the weekend retreat in Texas.

See information to join us on The Grief Cruise.

Don’t forget to let me know what to do for the 100th podcast. Email me at laura@gpshope.org

 

Don’t forget to give this podcast a rating and review to help other grieving parents find us!

Click here to become a monthly partner, giving hope to other parents, or to give a special gift to keep this podcast going, along with providing  other needed resources to bereaved parents.

(GPS Hope is a 501c3 nonprofit and runs on the financial support of those who believe in passing along the hope they have received to others.)

 

Birthdays:

Jeanette Marie was born on January 19 and is forever 36.

Hugh Brown was born on January 19 and is forever 18.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

 

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Finding Your Way Through Together

by Michele Paul

We all know that people grieve differently. Yet in saying that, we are often critical of how others grieve. We might often feel like others could not have loved their child as much as we loved ours. We often are more critical to those who even live under our very roof.

That is especially true when we see our husbands grieve. We might be critical when they don’t show emotion. On the other hand, we might want them to be strong and when they break down, we feel afraid.

My husband and I for the first six months after the loss of my daughter were pretty much grieving the same. When days were hard for me, I could be strong for him. When I had those difficult days, he would be there to comfort me.

There came a time when things changed. After about six months my husband seemed like he had found a way to pack his grief into a box and place it tucked safely away. I knew he wasn’t over our loss, but he didn’t need to hold it and feel it twenty-four hours a day.

I on the other hand still carried my grief throughout my day. It was with me from the time I got up and in every activity throughout my day. I would even tuck it into bed with me at night, praying that I would find some rest.

Sometimes I would wonder is he done grieving? I know he loved my daughter as much as I did. I had to remind myself he is grieving different from me. My way is my way, and his way is his way.

Marriage is always a work in progress. There is so much unknown on how we will each react during such a stressful time as the loss of a child. When we are struggling to find our own footing, how can we expect our spouses to find theirs? It is so easy during this time to just shut down and withdraw from each other.

We need to remember our spouse is not the enemy. This is a time to reconnect with one another. What better way to reconnect and show love than doing something your spouse enjoys?

My husband has always been an avid hiker. It is his passion. He has always wished it would be my passion too. After my daughter’s death I started to receive gifts from him that had everything to do with hiking.

I have a beautiful pair of hiking boots, a yellow windbreaker and of course a raincoat that I believe could also be turned into a tent with some tree limbs. I am the proud owner of a bladder pack to carry my own water as we head up the mountain. I have a great hat that keeps the sun off my face and I truly don’t know too many women that own a headlamp for late night hikes. The best gift of all has been the hiking sticks that I have found very valuable going up and down the mountain.

At first, I was not really excited to receive these items. I came to realize that he wanted me to join him in something that he loved to do.  If I ever came out of the bedroom dressed in my full get-up and said, “Are you ready to go climb a mountain?” my husband would think he had died and gone to Heaven.

I have come to appreciate these gifts and the time we spend together. When I spend time doing something he enjoys, I am showing him that he is the most important person in my life, and I love him enough to take an interest in something he enjoys.

I have also found I have learned a lot about my husband and myself in the tranquility of these hikes. It is a time when we can reconnect and spend time just talking and enjoying God’s handiwork. This is where I find he feels safe to open up and share from his heart.

I am not saying this is a cure-all, but it is a way to start.

What better way to express our love to someone than participating in something they enjoy? Who knows, we might find out something new about not only our spouses but also about ourselves. So, step out of your comfort zone and enter into the land of your spouse. Who knows what exciting adventure might be waiting for you?

We also might discover a renewed and interesting couple in the making.

 

Michele Paul lost her daughter over 20 years ago, and loves to not only infuse hope into grieving parents that they can live a full life again, but be an example of learning how to live a life of meaning and purpose that includes our child no longer here with us on earth. You do have full permission to live again, and it is not betraying your child to do so.

Michele is on the board of Umbrella Ministries which supports bereaved moms with the living hope of Jesus Christ through resources, conferences and retreats. To find out more go to: http://umbrellaministries.com. To connect with Michele Paul: mpaulindio@yahoo.com

 

Do you struggle with taking care of yourself after the death of your child? We would like to send you a PDF of Thirty Ways to Bring Ourselves Comfort and Take Care of Ourselves. Please let us know below where to send it. (You will also join over 1000 other parents who receive a Weekly Word of Hope.)

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

 

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91: To the Newly Bereaved after Child Loss

There is no training for being a bereaved parent. It is a very dark place, and we can feel utterly alone, as if no one understands. But those of us who have lost a child do understand, and we want to walk with you, especially through the darkest part of your grief.

In this episode there will be things shared that are important for you to know. Not in the way of a “to do” list, but more of a “give yourself grace” list.

I asked some of my friends who have been on this journey for a while to share a word with those of you who are new on this unwanted path. This week we will hear from:

 

I know at the beginning, it doesn’t seem like it at all, but…

It is possible to have hope in the midst of your intense pain.

It is possible to have light break through the darkness.

It is possible to laugh and have joy in your life in a new way.

It is possible to live a life of meaning and purpose again.

Not only is it possible, but it is probable, if you stay connected with bereaved parents who are living in that place, including those who are here at Grieving Parents Sharing Hope.

I pray that after listening to these discussions about being a newly bereaved parent, you can have a glimmer of hope that it is possible to not stay stuck in the event of your child’s death, but to find a way to live again that honors his or her life.

 

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Find out more about The Grief Cruise: http://gpshope.org/go/cruise

Listen to Laura’s songs she is the process of rerecording for a CD: Together Forever   and  I Remember Well

 

Don’t forget to give this podcast a rating and review to help other grieving parents find us!

Click here to become a monthly partner, giving hope to other parents, or to give a special gift to keep this podcast going, along with providing  other needed resources to bereaved parents.

(GPS Hope is a 501c3 nonprofit and runs on the financial support of those who believe in passing along the hope they have received to others.)

 

Birthdays:

Jake Kalicki was born on January 12 and is forever 17.

Matthew Cole was stillborn on January 15.

Joshua Caldwell was born on January 16 and is forever 28.

Tate Kwiatkowski was born on January 16 and is forever 69 days.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

 

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