Many grieving parents I talk to share how hard it is that their life has come to a screeching halt after the death of their child. And they don’t understand how everyone else just keeps going like nothing happened.

I remember feeling that way myself.

I still remember sitting in my car at a stoplight. I was numb—barely functioning. I was doing the bare minimum outside my home just to survive. I looked around and saw people walking, laughing, driving, talking… living. It was so hard not to get angry and scream at everyone for acting like life was still normal.

Eventually (and by “eventually,” I mean two to three years) I realized I could go about life’s routines without constantly feeling like the world should still be frozen in time because of Becca’s death. I started to accept that life was moving forward, and I was starting to move with it. Until it came to another unexpected stop a few years later…

Life Stood Still Again

Dave got a phone call from his dad. He was in intense pain, so bad it was making him vomit, and needed to go to the ER. Just eight hours later, the family was called to his bedside to say goodbye. His aorta had ruptured, and it was inoperable.

Just like that, the first of our four parents were no longer with us, and Dave and I became full-time caregivers for his mom, who had dementia and other health issues. She needed someone with her 24/7. 

We could not take her in, because we had just purchased a motor home to live in full-time and were in the process of selling our house to our son.

For nearly two months, Dave and I took turns living with her as we worked through the exhausting process of getting her placed in an assisted living facility. Once again, my world stopped.

Watching Life Go On Without Me

I watched others continue their lives while mine came to a halt. (Not like losing a child, for sure, but it did come to a standstill.) 

My middle son and his family had just bought their first home, but we couldn’t help them move or get settled. Our youngest son also moved, and we couldn’t help him either.

As I said, Dave and I had recently bought the Hope Mobile, a motor home we planned to live in full-time so we could travel and minister to grieving parents across the country. We were in the process of downsizing and moving out of our home. That came to a full stop. I even found myself bringing things back to the house that I had already moved into the RV.

Our oldest son buying our house came to a standstill too, since we couldn’t move out while also caring for Mom.

Even my writing of emails and blogs, and things like putting out weekly podcast episodes became inconsistent and hard to keep up with. Our marriage started feeling distant as one of us was always at her small apartment and the other at home.

But I Know Something Now That I Didn’t Know Then

Because I’ve already faced the unthinkable of the death of my daughter, and somehow came out the other side, I know something very important:

It won’t always be like this.

That phrase in the Bible, “And it came to pass…” are some of the most encouraging words to me. Some translations say “in time…” or “after that…” In other words, no matter what you’re going through, it won’t last forever.

If You’re Feeling Stuck, You’re Not Alone

If you’re frustrated that your world is standing still while everyone else just keeps going, I want to gently shift your perspective.

Seeing life go on around you might actually be a good thing. It’s proof that people who also once had their world come to a screeching halt have eventually been able to move forward. And that includes other bereaved parents, like Dave and me, who were once right where you are now.

No, life never goes back to what it was before your child died. That’s impossible. But if you keep going one day, one hour, one breath at a time, you will reach a point where you feel something stir again. A tiny flicker of life. A glimpse of hope.

You may not believe that right now. But one day, you might look up and realize that you’ve made it further than you thought you ever could.

You Are a Future Source of Hope

I’m now honored to be someone others can look at and wonder, How did she make it through Becca’s death and still find life again? And I truly believe a few years from now, people will be asking the same thing about you.

And more importantly, you’ll know that if you could get through the loss of your precious child, you can get through anything this world throws your way.

A Final Word of Comfort

Let me leave you with this passage from 2 Corinthians 1:3–4, 7 (TLB):

“What a wonderful God we have—He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does He do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us… In our trouble God has comforted us—and this, too, to help you: to show you from our personal experience how God will tenderly comfort you when you undergo these same sufferings. He will give you the strength to endure.”

And He will.

I’m walking proof. And you can be, too.

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NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 306. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

When Closure Doesn’t Come

I was recently listening to a podcast where the guest was talking about being in that extremely uncomfortable place of transition—where what was is no longer, but we can’t yet see what will be.

I guess one word for that might be hopeless.

He talked about getting closure after a crisis that brings intense grief, and how we long to dot our I’s and cross our t’s. We want answers.

One statement he made really stood out to me and prompted this blog:
“The reality is you won’t always get closure. You can get closure, or you can move on, but you can’t have both.”

The “Why” That Keeps Us Stuck

Of course, my mind went to all of us pareavors. We know there will never be what the world considers “closure.” Even if there’s an investigation surrounding your child’s death, even if someone is found guilty and sentenced—there’s no sense of closure, like everything is okay now.

For us, I think what we want—what we mean by closure—is answers to the “why”:
Why didn’t God stop this from happening?
Why my child?
Why my family?

But if we constantly live from that place of why, we stay stuck. Always looking back. And I know some of us feel it’s impossible to move forward… how could we live life without our child?

When Breathing Feels Impossible

I personally didn’t know how it was possible to go on, to live out the rest of my life with that kind of pain. Pain so deep it made it hard to even breathe at times.

If that’s where you are right now, please hear me:
You are not alone.

So many of us have been in that same place. That place of suffocating pain where even existing feels impossible. Where you wonder if you’ll ever smile again, or if you even want to.

Why Closure Feels Like Betrayal

For us, closure feels like betrayal. It feels like saying, “Okay, that chapter is done,” when we know deep in our souls it will never be done. Our child will always be a part of us. Always.

But moving forward doesn’t mean closing the door on our child. It doesn’t mean forgetting them or being okay with what happened. It means choosing to live again while still carrying their memory, their love, their presence inside us.

It’s not about “moving on,” like the world so often expects.
It’s more about moving forward, with our child still with us, deep inside.
And sometimes, it’s not even a step forward. It is just standing up again. Or sitting in God’s presence, simply breathing. That, too, is part of healing.

A Peace That Surpasses Understanding

We may never get our answers to the “whys” on this side of eternity. But I do believe God invites us to exchange our desperate need for answers with His peace that surpasses understanding.

I know that’s easier said than done. I wrestled with it. Some days, I still do. But it’s in that wrestling that I’ve discovered something powerful:

I don’t have to understand to be held. I don’t have to know why, to know I’m loved.

You Can Begin Again

So, if you’re in that messy, painful place of not knowing how to go on… please know this:
It may not seem like it right now, but it is possible to move forward without answers.

It’s okay to not have closure.
It’s okay to not be okay.
And it’s okay to begin to hope again.
To take tiny steps.
To begin breathing again without guilt.
To let your child’s legacy be part of the reason you live, not just the reason you hurt.

You can live again.
No, it won’t be the same life, or the one you thought it would be.
But it can (and I truly believe it will) be a life shaped by deep loss, deep love, and yes… even deep hope.

A Prayer for You

Father God, for every grieving parent reading this, wrap them in Your presence right now. Let them know that You are near. Bring comfort to the questions that don’t have answers. Bring peace into the chaos. And bring hope, Lord, even if it’s just a flicker. Help them know they are not alone. Not ever.
In Jesus’ name… Amen.

You Still Matter

Your life can have meaning and purpose again, even without the answers to your why questions.
Not in spite of your child’s death—but because of their life.

“I would have despaired, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of God in the land of the living.”
Psalm 27:13

I believe with all my heart, that just like me and thousands of others on this path ahead of you, you will once again see the goodness of God… right here, in the land of the living.

Your life can have meaning and purpose again, even without the answers to your why questions.
Not in spite of your child’s death, but because of his or her life.

Your child’s life still matters.
And so does yours.

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NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 305. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.