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Frogs and Faith in a Time of Tragedy

11. FROGSome may look at this picture of a frog and see a frog. But, for me, this picture has a whole other meaning!

It all started when one of my best friends was diagnosed with stomach cancer. She was several years older than I, but I loved her as my sister! We always laughed together, shared life together, and we could talk to each other about anything! She was the perfect friend in so many ways. Then the cancer came…

The day she had her first biopsy done, I had to be there for her. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. I know she would have done the same for me. I prayed the whole time I was in the waiting room. For weeks before this, she would tell me things about her health, and I would tell her that she needed to consult with a doctor; 11. Life is hardI just knew something was wrong! But she was bullheaded, and insisted that she didn’t need to see a doctor. Then, here we are waiting to see if she had cancer. I really, honestly couldn’t believe that we were at this point…cancer is such a scary word!

A few days after her biopsy, she heard the word “cancer” for the first time in her life. If it had been me, I would have fallen apart at that time in my life. But for Irene, it was a totally different story. She had complete faith in God that He would get her through this!

Every time I would ask her if she was afraid, she would always tell me, “Why would I be afraid? I serve a Big God, and He loves me! He’ll walk 11. God was walking with herme through this! I fully rely on Him!” And she truly meant it! She went through some of the hardest times she’s ever been through once she began chemo. She struggled with much pain and sickness! But each time I would ask her how she was doing, she would always remind me that God was walking with her and she would get through this! Her faith in Him was amazing, and so encouraging! She was able to witness to many people during this time. God used her in ways she never dreamed of before, through this ugly word called cancer.

Irene died less than two years after her diagnosis. The day before she died, I went to see her. She was pretty much out of it, and was unable to talk to me, let alone know that I was there. As I stood by her bed, I held her hand and thanked her for being such a strong influence of FAITH in my life! She truly showed me what it meant to F.R.O.G., (Fully Rely On God) even during the toughest of times!

Life is hard. There are no promises that it won’t 11. get through anythingbe. Life happens, and sometimes the things in life that happen are very hard! We keep thinking there is NO way that we will ever get through it. But, my faith today tells me that as long as I have God in my life, I can get through anything. He will always be there with me to walk me through the darkest of times. He will never leave nor forsake me. Even when we don’t feel Him, He is still there, watching over us!

Maybe the next time you see what looks like a silly little frog, it’s actually God’s way of reminding you that He is with you, and that you can fully rely on Him!

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Christi Wilson is the Administrative Assistant for GPS Hope, and also a fellow pareavor, having faced the loss of a child during pregnancy. You can find her at www.AtHomewithChristi.com.

 

To have a printable list of 36 Scriptures of Hope sent directly to you, just fill in your first name and email address, and we will get it right out.

 

GPS Hope exists to bring hope to parents who have suffered the death of a child, acknowledging their unique grief with support, connection and education for them and those around them.

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Five Beliefs of Most Bereaved Parents

Did you know that 370 sets of parents (740 people) lose a child age 40 and under daily in the US (based on 2011 statistics) and that does not count pregnancy loss? Sixty-five babies die every day in their mother’s womb.

You would think with numbers that high, our culture would know what to do, where to turn for help and support, and how to grieve and allow such deep grief. Sadly, that is not the case.

Those who have lost a child from this earth will say they wouldn’t even want their enemies to go through such horrific pain and suffocating darkness. Most bereaved parents I know have these five beliefs in common:

  1. No grieving parent should feel alone, isolated and abandoned.
  2. All grieving parents should be able to quickly and easily connect with other bereaved parents for encouragement.
  3. Any parent who has had a child die, and his 10. safe placeor her faith in God has been shaken, should have a safe place to share their hurts, doubts and anger without judgment or being shunned by other Christians.
  4. Those around bereaved parents need to know how to give true comfort and support (which includes physical and emotional), and treat it as the long process it is, instead of an event.
  5.  Even before a parent loses a child, they should already be aware of who they can contact for support in their pain and confusion if their own child leaves this earth.

Almost every bereaved parent I have ever met believes these things. But unfortunately, that is not reality.

So, that leads to the question, “Is there anything we can do to help this become reality in today’s world?”

I believe strongly the answer is a firm “YES”!

How?

By prayer, by perseverance, and by people.

Prayer can be a tough one. After all, we pray for our children, especially for God’s protection. Since He didn’t protect our child from death, why should we bother praying?

Because the purpose of prayer isn’t to make10. God isnt a magic genie God into a magic genie and get whatever we want from Him. Prayer is communicating with Him, both talking and listening. Prayer is laying things before Him, and allowing Him to be God, trusting that He can see what we cannot see, and that He knows what we do not know. Prayer opens doors. It opens the doors of our hearts. No matter what happens, we need to communicate to our Father, and continue to have conversations with Him.

Perseverance means to keep moving forward, no matter how difficult the obstacles or how long it takes.

I don’t know about you, but I am in this for the long haul. Not just to exist until I leave this earth and join my daughter, Becca, but to walk with other grieving parents, giving them hope in their place of darkness. I am determined to find ways around the obstacles that show up. I don’t plan on quitting when I get discouraged. For these five things to become a reality, it requires determination and commitment, and I have both. I hope you do, too.

10. Join forcesThat leaves the last one – people.  The adage that we are stronger together than by ourselves is very true in this situation. If you haven’t yet, I encourage you to join forces with those who not only share these beliefs, but are acting on making them a reality. When we do, each of us becomes part of something that is bigger than any one of us can ever be by ourselves.

I love to pray, and I have perseverance. But I am only one person. For those five beliefs to become a reality, I need to join other people who desire to see these beliefs become a reality and are ready to help complete the task with their own prayers and perseverance.

I personally believe this is not just a hope 10. get over grief like a bad coldor a dream; it is a movement. A movement that one day, our culture will acknowledge that grief is not something we “get over” like a bad cold.

Do you believe? Can you pray? Are you willing to persevere? Then let’s work at this together, to make these five beliefs a reality.

 

 

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If you would like to connect with Laura Diehl and Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) submit your first name and email address below. We will send you a printable copy of the Five Beliefs of Bereaved Parents. You will also have access to our GPS Hope library with lots of useful information and helpful tools for your grief journey.

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl to bring hope, light and life to those struggling in darkness after a tragedy, especially bereaved parents. If you would like more information about Laura as an author or a speaker for your next event, click here.

 

GPS Hope exists to bring hope to parents who have suffered the death of a child, acknowledging their unique grief with support, connection and education for them and those around them.

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Are You Struggling with Your Health After a Tragedy?

When we are in a place of emotional stress, it is usually all we can do to handle life day-to-day (or even minute-by-minute). It is very common during that time to stop taking care of our bodies.

But I have discovered, unfortunately, that is one of the worst things we can do. Our emotions are so tied up in our physical health. Think about it. When are getting enough sleep, eating healthy food that is fuel for our bodies and moving around (even if it is just getting out for a walk), we feel so much better. I know I sure do – like I can take on the world!

I know at first, when the tragedy takes us to 9. body takes overour knees, we don’t have much of a choice. Our body just kind of seems to take over as a response to the intense grief. Some of us find ourselves eating unhealthy “comfort foods” constantly. Others discover they don’t eat anything at all for a couple of days. Some of us can’t seem to stay awake and all we can do is sleep. Others want desperately to sleep, but even with sleep aids it often still seems to allude them.

Me? I slept a lot and grabbed the comfort foods, which put an extra 30 pounds on my body. Over five years later, I am still struggling to get my health back under control.

But we all get to a point where the fog starts to lift, and we are left with the reality of the depth of our pain and horrific loss. Most of us continue in the pattern we found ourselves in, convincing ourselves we are helpless to stop.

I want to encourage you that is not true. What is usually happening, is that we see ourselves as a victim of the circumstance and let that become our identity. (My identity became, “I am the mother of a child who died.”) As long as that is our identity, we continue to believe things won’t change, and we will always struggle, both emotionally and physically.

At some point, we will come to a place where9. make a choice we start making the choice. “Do I want to stay a victim and let that become my identity? Or do I want to figure out how to climb out of this pit of darkness and back into a place of hope and light and life?”

If you are ready to start climbing out of the pit and get back to living again, here are three suggestions to help you start going in the right direction.

  1. Take a daily stroll. I know we don’t feel like it, but it does so much to release stress and keep our bodies in better working order.
  2. At least once a day, chose something healthy to eat instead of reaching for that indulgent item that you will pay the price for later. I know that is easy for me to say and much harder to do. Something that might help is a change in perspective. I can either “treat” myself to those brownies or that ice cream, or I can “treat” myself to something that will be fuel for my body. Usually once I take the first bite of the healthy item, it tastes good because my body is craving the nutrients and I am glad I chose what I did… usually….
  3. Build in times of rest, including going to bed early or sleeping in late. Whenever we face a crisis, our adrenal glands (the built-in “fight or flight” mechanism we each have) are working overtime in a big way. You can become critically ill if they burn themselves out. Rest is one of the only things that counters the work they are doing on your behalf.

9. look to GodWe don’t get to choose how our body reacts to a shocking tragedy. But what we can and need to do is look to God for how to not abuse our bodies during this time, and ask Him what we can do to help our bodies come back into alignment with being healthy. He knows what we need, each day, each moment. And then be sure to follow through with the nudges of the Holy Spirit.

The last thing I want to say is to not be hard on yourself for letting your body somewhat fall apart. You have been in survival mode. Just take one day at a time, and keep stepping in the right direction. It is a process to become healthy again after a tragedy strikes our lives. And probably one that will take longer than you want it to.

Remember that choice of either staying a victim 9. worth the climbor climbing out of the pit of darkness and despair? I urge you to start making your way out with baby steps by taking back your health. And keep going, because it is worth the climb!

 

 

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To receive a list of 30 ideas to bring comfort and take care of yourself, body, soul and spirit, fill in your name and email address, and we will send it to you immediately.

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl to bring hope, light and life to those struggling in darkness after a tragedy, especially bereaved parents. If you would like more information about Laura as an author or a speaker for your next event, click here.

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Giving Yourself Grace to Grieve When Others Don’t

Extreme trauma and deep bereavement, such as the death of your child, changes a person. It literally makes physical changes in us, and it totally effects our thoughts and how our minds operate.

I became so forgetful it drove me crazy, especially the first two or three years. I would get so frustrated with myself at the things I would forget, at the things I didn’t or couldn’t remember, at my constant confusion and fuzziness. It took me quite a while to find out that was a normal part of intense grief.

I started speaking over myself according to 8. don't be stressed about it1 Corinthians 2:16 (“I have the mind of Christ”) and 2 Timothy 1:7 (“I have a sound mind”). Eventually the fog began to clear and I wasn’t quite so scattered and forgetful.

After several years, I have to be honest and say I still don’t have a clear mind like I did before. It can be very frustrating at times. Friends have tried to encourage me by saying things like “Oh, I forget things too.” But this isn’t the same thing as just getting forgetful with age. We have been through a traumatic event, and our minds just freeze, forgetting how to function at times. I keep giving it to God and don’t allow myself to be stressed out about it.

What was happening with me physically and in my mind during the worst of my grieving period those first couple of years seemed so much greater than my strength to get through it. In a very real sense, the mental and emotional “energy” of grief saps brain power and leaves a person quite disoriented and unable to hold a thought for very long.

There are those who would tell us it is our choice to either lean on God for strength or fall apart, but that wasn’t the case for me. I did both.  I leaned on God as I fell apart. Only those who have lost a child can understand there are times when the intense grief of those first few months and years will emotionally and physically take over, and we really have no choice in the matter. We can’t function no matter how much we try or how much we might want to.

8. lean on God and fall apartOn those days I would cry out to God. It was the only thing I could do. And in that place of trauma, God has never rejected me. I still occasionally have times like this, and I can still call out to Him with the tiniest cry at any point, and He comes in to give me the strength I need, moment by moment, until I can function again.

Don’t you love it when people become our cheerleaders, telling us we can do this because we are such a strong person? Or when someone tells us they admire us for how strong we are? Or that they could never go through what we are going through in losing a child. WHAT? News flash: we had no choice in the matter! We are being forced to go through this. And just because you see us in survival mode doesn’t mean we are being strong.

We need to find ways beyond just the spiritual 8. give yourself graceto bring ourselves comfort in our time of grief, and it is very easy to do so in unhealthy and even harmful ways. Doing things to numb ourselves from the pain will only prolong the grief and even intensify it. Obviously, we know the dangers of excessive drugs and alcohol, but there are lots of things we can do excessively that are not good for us. Things like excessive shopping, excessive Internet or TV, and excessive eating or sleeping. Sometimes we may do some of these things because we just need to shut down for a while. And that is okay! But we want to monitor ourselves to make sure it is not a substitute for going to God to help us get through this.

8. heal your soul while sleepingOne thing God so graciously shared with me in all my times of sleeping was the reminder that He never sleeps or slumbers. He could still minister to me while I was sleeping. And He can and wants to do the same thing for you. Ask Him to bring healing to your soul while you are sleeping. He doesn’t need us to be awake.

Here is the last thing I want to encourage you with. This is a process! It takes time. Do the next thing you can do, whatever it is, no matter how small it is—that’s it. Just one thing at a time. Don’t try to look too far ahead. It is exhausting and overwhelming. You have permission to give yourself lots and lots of grace, especially when others do not!

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This was taken from chapter six of Laura’s book When Tragedy Strikes. To receive the full chapter as a gift from GPS Hope, just fill in your name and email address, and it will be sent directly to you.

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl to bring hope, light and life to those struggling in darkness after a tragedy, especially bereaved parents. If you would like more information about Laura, as an author or a speaker for your next event, click here.

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A Bereaved Mother’s Day

 

My child,
Flesh of my flesh,
Soul of my soul,
Part of my very being;
I had an instant deep and fierce love when I first saw you.
My heart was yours, and I knew I would give my very life to protect you.

And yet, here I sit, with the suffocating pain and darkness of knowing I was unable to protect you from death.

So now I find that just as deep and intense as my love for you, is the deep and intense pain of my grief in living without you. And yet I know that somehow, I must.

How? How God? How do I go on with a piece 7. must learn to live without youof my very being gone from this earth?

And as I ask and seek for this help, God in His tender love, compassion and faithfulness reminds me that I don’t have to live without you.

You are forever in my heart and my thoughts, and forever a part of my very being; that our separation is only temporary. You have just moved on to our eternal home before me and have unpacked and settled in, waiting for me and the rest of us to join you.

This isn’t a final good-by. It is an “I’ll see you later.” When I have the thoughts that I would give anything  to see you again, to hug you or hear you laugh, I realize that I will! Maybe not as soon as I want to, but it will happen!

And so I will wait. I will wait with hope, expectancy and even excitement to see you again. Every day I am here on this earth means I am one day closer to that desperate need I have as a mother, to love on you.

7. I willAnd while I wait, I will choose to live my life in a way that is full; full of love, full of peace and contentment, full of laughter. And yet I know it will also still be full of pain and longing. For I have now learned that all of these things can live inside of me together.

So on this day of honoring bereaved mothers, let me say I am honored. I am honored and blessed to be your mom, and I imagine and dream of our reunion someday, filled with love and joy that goes beyond words to describe it.

But until then, I will have good days and bad days. I will have days filled with happiness, and days filled with pain. And all of those days I will continue to miss you with every fiber of my being.

 

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If you would like a copy of this, just let us know below.

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

 

 

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