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‘Twas the Night after Christmas 2022

Twas the night after Christmas and I was still numb;

The holidays felt like they had not really come.

It’s hard to explain, but it didn’t seem fair,

That my child is now gone, and I cannot share

The laughter and joy of this fun holiday

In our wonderful, traditional family way.

She is not nestled all snug in her bed

With memories of another Christmas filling her head.

“Will it ever get better?” I ask in my heart,

Knowing that each year we will remain apart.

As I cry out to God full of heartache and tears,

He reminds me His presence remains very near.

And though I don’t feel a desire to celebrate 

The reason to do so remains very great.

For Jesus came as a baby on earth

To give life here meaning, value and worth.

And even though I have said goodbye

And I am confused and don’t know why,

The truth remains I will see you again

And there will be no more tears or pain.

But until that day comes and it’s my turn to go

There is one thing that I certainly know,

The love that I have for you is without measure

And you remain in my heart, as a beautiful treasure.

And while dreading to go into a year that is new

I realize each day brings me closer to you.

My Christmas may not have been merry and bright,

But because Jesus came, someday, it will all be made right.

(by author Laura Diehl)

 

If you would like to hear Laura read this poem she wrote click here.

If would like a nice printable copy click here. (This will also allow you to start getting the Weekly Word of Hope email from Laura, from which you can unsubscribe at any time.)

Be sure to share to use the share buttons to pass this on to others who might be touched by it.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

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Can We Have Signs from Our Children Who Have Died?

This can be a very controversial topic in the Body of Christ, but I think it is an extremely important one to tackle, which is discussing whether our children can give us signs that they are around at times. I have many pareavors ask me if I think our children can hang around us after they die. Many occasionally “feel” their child’s presence or even have visible, tangible signs that their child’s spirit is there.

Let me say that what matters much more than what I think, is what God has to say about it.

I am going to share what I personally see and have studied in scripture, and yes, I am an ordained minister and have been since 2009, if that makes any difference to anyone.

No one has a perfect revelation of ALL truth. We each need to pray through the questions we have for God, trusting that if we are seeking truth, that is what we are going to find. We can take this even further. Since we know that Jesus Himself IS truth, that is WHO we are going to find when we are seeking truth with a pure heart.

The greatest power in deception is that we do not know that we are being deceived. I don’t know about you, but I believe God’s power is far greater than the enemy’s power. That means God’s power to draw us to Himself is greater than the enemy’s power to deceive us, when we are seeking Him, seeking His kingdom, and seeking truth through the indwelling wisdom of the Holy Spirit.

So, with that, let’s take a small dip into this huge topic.

First, let me share that I am not talking about going to a psychic, or one who “channels” the dead and speaks on behalf of the dead loved one. God makes it very clear that we are NOT to go to mediums or try to call up the dead (Deuteronomy 18:9-11). That is dangerous and opens the door for the demonic realm to approach and deceive us, letting darkness have an influence in our lives disguised as light and hope. I talk about this in detail, including the why (which is God’s way of protecting us), in this week’s podcast episode. Click here to listen.

I do believe it is possible that our children’s spirits have opportunities to visit us, for the specific purpose of bringing comfort, peace, or whatever our need is for that moment. And there are places in the Bible that support this.

Let me just share one of those here.

Many Christians will quote 2 Corinthians 5:8 as a way of saying that does not happen, which says to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. They say this verse means that when we die, we leave our bodies behind and our spirit immediately goes to heaven and stays there, like there is some kind of barrier that keeps them from being able to return.

But are you aware of what it says right before that? Verse six states that while we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord.

Hmmm…. If we take that literally, it means that as long as we are still in our bodies, we cannot be with the Lord; that we cannot connect to Him. Obviously, that is not what this verse means. God is a Spirit being. We are all spirit beings. Here on earth though, we still have our shell, our body, which houses and limits our spirits. Once we shed this body, our spirit being is no longer housed or limited to being where our body is.

So, since our spirit is already connected to His spirit, and we know that being in our body means we are only separated from the Lord in a physical sense, then wouldn’t 2 Corinthians 5:8 be referring to that? May I point out that verse eight does not say that we are only with the Lord and we will be bound and limited to heaven. I believe this section of scripture is letting us know that the shedding of our body means we are now free from the limitations of being earth-bound beings, and we will be able to be fully with the Lord because we will then be fully in the spirit realm. We may have the perspective that we can only be in heaven as spirit beings, but when you look at 2 Corinthians 5:8 in context, it cannot support that perspective.

Don’t take my word for it, or anyone else’s for that matter. Every person here on earth has blind spots and wrong beliefs in some areas because we are human. Not a single one of us knows all truth. We are constantly being taught by the Holy Spirit, who lives inside us, having our eyes opened to more light and more truth, which continues to set us free from false beliefs. And He graciously brings those things to light at different times for each of us, based on when He knows we are ready to receive that specific revelation of truth in our own lives.

Have I had a sense that my daughter’s spirit is around at some point? Have I wondered if something that I have seen or experienced was a sign that Becca is around? No, I have not, which means I am not trying to use the Bible to “prove” that what I have experienced is from God. I am taking questions being asked of me to the Lord, allowing His Spirit to be my teacher and guide, showing me things that I have not noticed before through His Word. I do not believe He is leading me away from Himself, but closer to Himself and His love that goes beyond our understanding, by shining His light onto a truth that I am ready to see.

One thing I become more aware of with each passing year, is how much I don’t understand about God. Even having the Bible to read and study, His vastness, His majesty, His glory, His love, is just beyond what I can comprehend or wrap my head around. Paul tells us in I Corinthians 13:12 that we see in part and we know in part. We cannot see the full picture, because what we see here on this earth is like looking through a dark glass.

This is something you can take to God. Ask Him about it. Pray about it. God has not only given us His Word, but He has also blessed us with His Spirit to live inside us, to teach and guide us. I believe God, through His Spirit in you, will guide you into truth, not allow you to be led into deception, and He knows what that is for you, based on where you are in this very personal and difficult journey.

Today’s writing lays some of the groundwork for my conversation next week with Nancy Weil. She has a lot to share on this topic, with many stories. If you have your own stories, you will want to make sure to read about my talk with her, and I would love to have you share those stories in next week’s comments.

 

I know this topic may stir up strong feelings and thoughts, going either direction. IF YOU ARE A PARENT WHO HAS LOST A CHILD, please feel free to share those thoughts with me below with love and grace. Anything with harsh judgment and criticism will not be allowed, not because I don’t allow people to disagree, but because the Body of Christ is known for how cruel they are in being so judgmental, and we need to learn to disagree in love.

If you are not a parent who has lost a child, please do not leave a comment. This is a place specifically for those who share this suffocating darkness that others cannot understand unless you have experienced it.

This blog was taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 189, which has much more shared on this topic, including more scriptures. You can listen here on YouTube. To listen directly on the GPS Hope website click here or find the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app. To listen to the follow-up conversation referred to with guest, Nancy Weil, click here.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

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Giving Yourself a Gift While Grieving During the Christmas Season

For many of us who have lost a child, the Christmas season can be outright brutal. Finding the right gift to give others may not be on your radar right now, much less giving any gifts to yourself. However, those who have been on this journey for a while know how important it is find helpful ways to get through this painful time of year.

In this short blog, I am going to share a couple of ways you can do this.

First, be up front, and let close family and friends know this is still very painful. You can do this by giving them something to read, written by someone else on this journey, to explain why this is normal. (Click here to see the page for this purpose on the GPS Hope website that you can pass along to someone using the share buttons.)

While you are at it, ask everyone to come to the family event prepared with a special memory of your child to share. Just a note: funny is good, as laughter brings a measure of healing. Remind your family that the holiday gatherings are a precious time to spend time with each other and to talk about and share memories with those who couldn’t make it. Death puts your child in the category of someone who could not make it. You may find you hear stories you never knew, and this may even give you something to look forward to instead of dreading being with others.

The other suggestion I want to make is to buy a special notebook and write to your child over the holidays. Describe holiday scenes to them, share with him or her the events you attend, and yes, let them know how much you miss them. There will probably be lots of tears, but tears are cleansing. Even through the pain it will bring a measure of healing, even if it does not feel like it right now.

You can also find ways to join others and remember your children together. Many support groups and cemeteries have special candlelight services in the month of December for this purpose. It helps to know others are also carrying the heavy burden of missing their children or other loved ones.

You can also join me live on Sunday evenings as I light a candle on my advent wreath and share what this season means to us as bereaved parents. (To find out more click here.)

This was taken from my recent podcast episode Five Gifts to Give Yourself while Grieving During the Holidays, which you can find here on YouTube, here on the GPS Hope website or find the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

 

If you would like a PDF that you can give to others called “Eight Things to Avoid Saying to a Grieving Parent” click here. It will take you to our library where you can give yourself a password to access over twenty downloadable helpful items for pareavors.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

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Strength and Stability After Child Loss

After the death of our child our world has been completely shattered and we desperately need strength and stability. In our heads, we know that comes from God, but in our hearts many of His promises can now seem very distant.

Isaiah 61:3 is a familiar verse to many of us, which tells us that God will give a crown of beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. But did you know there is more to the verse?

It goes on to say, “… that they will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.” (ESV)

I broke this verse down into four parts on a recent episode of the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast, on how I see this applying to us as pareavors.

  1. Being called oaks
  2. Of righteousness
  3. Being planted by the Lord
  4. God being glorified (and our struggles with that within child loss)

I am just going to share my thoughts on one of those here, which is the first one; how we will be called oaks of righteousness. Some versions simply say trees, but it is not just any tree. So, why an oak tree? Let’s look at some of its characteristics.

  • It starts with such a small beginning, a tiny acorn, but it grows to become one of the largest and strongest trees.
  • The growth of an oak tree is very gradual. It can be so slow that you don’t notice it year-to-year. Then suddenly you realize how big it has gotten and how much it has grown.
  • Oak trees go through seasons. In the spring they bud with new growth; in the summer they are full of green leaves; autumn causes the leaves to change color, eventually falling to the ground and leaving a dead-looking tree through the winter.
  • It endures storms, great winds, ice and snow. It also absorbs the sun and the rain. All of this is needed to bring an oak tree to its place of full maturity.

This is an amazing picture of us. We truly can go from our place of deep grief, despondency, despair, hopelessness, and even feeling like we have died ourselves, to being like a fully mature tree, producing fruit.

It starts out so small, and that little acorn has to be buried in the ground. Breaking out of the shell and popping to the surface takes so long that we think it has died. We think we have died along with our child, and they just forgot to bury us. Plus, it can take so long to feel joy and meaning again that it confirms the darkness of our thoughts that we will never get back out into light and life again.

The growth can be so slow that we don’t think anything is even happening.

Even though there is no apparent life in us, we are just dormant for our season of deep grief.

You and I eventually become stronger through the storms, as we continue to soak up any nourishment provided. In that place of maturity, an oak tree buds and blossoms, producing fruit, and so will we, even becoming a place where others can come to for shelter.

Here is something interesting about oak trees that I did not share in the podcast episode. You can find oak trees around the globe growing in all kinds of different soil types, rainfall levels, temperatures, and elevations.

That tells me that no matter the situation of our child’s death (including losing more than one child or your only child, through murder, drug overdose or suicide, a long illness, or completely unexpected) we can get to a place of growing and flourishing again. We can still have a life of meaning and purpose, not in spite of our child’s death, but because of his or her life.

As I said, I shared some personal insights on all four parts of this section of scripture. If you would like to know the rest, listen to episode 184 of the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on the GPS Hope website, or find it on your favorite listening app. You can also listen on the GPS Hope YouTube channel here.

If you would like to hear what I shared about the beginning of Isaiah 61:3 just click the links below.

180: Can We Ever Have Beauty Again After Child Loss (with Lin Findlay)

182: God Does Not Say He Will Give Us Joy for Our Grief

183: The Heavy Weight of Grief After Child Loss (with Angelique Marketon)

 

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

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God Does Not Say He Will Give Us Joy for our Grief

Many of us are familiar with Isaiah 61:3 that tells us God will give us the oil of joy for our mourning.

Did you know there is a difference between mourning and grief? Mourning is the expression of deep sorrow for someone who has died. Grief is what we think and feel on the inside when our child (or someone we love) dies. It is the loneliness, the fear, depression, emptiness, etc. Mourning is the outward expression of our grief, the act of sorrowing.

This is huge because I always thought this verse meant that God would replace my grief with joy, but that is not what He is saying.

If you are like me, the death of my daughter, Becca, became my identity. When I met someone, I wanted to introduce myself as, “Hi, I’m Laura, and my daughter died.” I wanted people to know what I was going through and how much pain I was in.

I believe this is what God was talking about in this verse. He is saying that he will take away our need to express our grief. We will grieve for the rest of our lives, but we won’t always mourn. We will not always have a need to constantly express the pain of our loss.

I want to point out that joy and laughter are still important in our lives. The physical healing that takes place in our bodies with a good laugh is incredible. God is the one who created our bodies to respond to laughter, which means happiness is important to Him!

Psalm 2:4 says that God sits on His throne and laughs.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 tells us there is a time to laugh.

In Job 8:21 we read He will fill our mouths with laughter.

I am not saying this to imply that we are to live from a place of happiness and laughter with our child gone. What I am saying is that God wants to replace your mourning – your expression of the pain of missing your child – with His Spirit, to eventually be able to express joy and even happiness for the good things that are still in your life (and are yet to come).

The first step we need to take is to believe having joy in our lives again is even possible, and then to actually want it back in our lives. Joy comes from a place of hope. Proverbs 10:28 (ESV) says, The hope of the righteous brings joy.

The final enemy to be defeated is death itself, and that is something to look forward to and get excited about. This means that instead of the outward expression of missing our child, it is possible to carry the outward expression of our excitement of seeing them again!

Can you start to see how it is possible for God to give us the oil of joy for our mourning?

There is joy on the other side of our pain. But you don’t have to wait for the fullness of it until you are with your child again, because right now, God wants to give you the oil of joy for your mourning.

Now may God, the fountain of hope, fill you to overflowing with uncontainable joy and perfect peace as you trust in him. And may the power of the Holy Spirit continually surround your life with his super-abundance until you radiate with hope! Romans 15:13 (TPT)

This was only part of a recent episode of the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast. To listen to it in its entirety directly on the GPS Hope website, click here. If you would like to listen to it on the GPS Hope YouTube channel, click here. Or you can find it (Grieving Parents Sharing Hope: Episode 182) on your favorite listening app.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

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