After the death of a child, many parents quietly wonder if finding joy after child loss is even possible. For some, the word joy feels distant or uncomfortable. For others, it feels almost offensive. It is something that belongs to a former life, before everything changed.
If that’s where you are, you are not wrong, weak, or lacking faith. You are grieving.
Joy is not an easy topic after child loss, and I hesitated for a long time before speaking about it. But this message kept resurfacing, and I have learned to pay attention when something gently but persistently shows up. My prayer is that this reflection plants a small seed of hope, and that, in time, it may help you reconsider what finding joy after child loss can truly mean.
Joy Is Not the Same as Happiness
One of the most important distinctions we can make on this journey is the difference between happiness and joy.
Happiness is tied to outward circumstances. It rises and falls based on what is happening around us. After child loss, those circumstances are devastatingly altered, and happiness often feels impossible, and that makes sense.
Joy, however, is different.
Joy is not a euphoric feeling or a constant smile. It is a deeper, steadier knowing that lives beneath the surface. It is rooted not in what we see or feel, but in the truth that God is still present, still loving, and still at work, even when our hearts are shattered.
In Scripture, joy is described as a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). That means joy is something that God produces within us, not something we manufacture through effort or positive thinking. This understanding reshaped my view of finding joy after child loss.
Grief in the Soul, Joy in the Spirit
Through this journey, I’ve come to see that grief and joy can coexist.
Grief and pain live in our soul. It is in our emotions, memories, and longing for what has been lost. Joy, on the other hand, is rooted in our spirit, where God dwells with us. These two realities do not cancel each other out.
You can feel deep sorrow and still have an undercurrent of joy.
You can feel heavy and broken and still be held by God’s peace.
You can be grieving and still be finding joy after child loss in ways that look very different than before.
Before my daughter died, I did not see as much difference between joy and happiness. They both looked like lightness, laughter and ease. Now I know that joy often looks quieter; more grounded, more resilient, and more deeply rooted in God’s presence.
A Different Kind of Joy Than Before
There is a clear “before” and “after” when you lose a child. Joy on this side of loss may not look the same as it once did, but that does not mean it is less real.
I once noticed this while traveling in Africa, where many believers carried visible hardship and heaviness, yet also lived with a deep, steady joy. At the time, I couldn’t fully understand it. After child loss, I could.
Finding joy after child loss does not mean pretending things are okay. It does not mean your child’s death becomes something good. It means that God meets you in the brokenness and does a quiet miracle within you; one that the world may never fully see.
The Miracle Within
We often think of miracles as something external: physical healing, provision, or dramatic change. But some of the greatest miracles God performs happen inside us.
Only God can mend a shattered heart.
Only God can bring light into deep internal darkness.
Only God can cultivate joy in soil that has been devastated by loss.
Too often, we wait for something around us to change before we believe healing is possible. Yet the work of finding joy after child loss often begins within, through God’s love gently restoring what has been broken.
Opening the Door, One Step at a Time
This journey is a process. There is no rushing it, no checklist to complete, no timeline to follow.
Sometimes the door of your heart may feel wide open. Other times, it may feel barely cracked, with just a sliver of light coming through. And sometimes it may feel tightly closed, overgrown, and locked.
Wherever you are, there is no shame.
Finding joy after child loss begins not with forcing the door open, but with allowing God to meet you exactly where you are and trusting that He is still at work, even when you cannot feel it.
A Gentle Word of Encouragement
If you are wondering whether joy will ever return, please know this: joy may look different now, but it is not gone forever. God’s presence within you has not dimmed, even if everything feels dark.
As you take one step at a time (forward, sideways, or even backward), may you slowly discover that finding joy after child loss is not about leaving your grief behind, but about allowing God to walk with you through it, bringing light in His time and in His way.
You are not alone on this road.
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 330. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
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AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
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