When my husband, Dave, graduated from college with a Computer Science degree, he wanted to get a job in the area and not relocate. The only job offered to him locally, after several months of searching, was with a non-profit organization. The pay was miserably low and it was difficult to make ends meet. However, the employer made up for it in insurance benefits, which at the time was not a big deal to us. But God knew that within the next few months we would need those benefits. That was when Becca (who was only three years old at the time) was diagnosed with cancer, had her leg amputated, and went through nine months of chemotherapy.
During that time her medical bills were easily in the hundreds of thousands of dollars, but we only had to pay less than $1000 of the medical costs. When we look back, the job God provided that did not seem like it was meeting our needs, turned out to be exactly what we needed with incredibly good insurance, which far outweighed our need for better finances.
Each time a terrible event happens in our lives, we can get upset at God, even angry, wanting to know why He allowed it. But for many of us, as we continue on and are able to look back, often we can actually see God’s hand was in it. We may not have been able to see Him at work in the middle of the crisis, but now that we are further down the road, we can connect the dots and see how God used that situation to bring direction we might not have even known we needed at the time.
So in other words, when we are questioning, “God, why did you let this happen to me?” His answer could very well be, “I didn’t let it happen to you. I let it happen for you.”
As a grieving parent, you may be thinking at this point, “There is no way I can read this and have Laura tell me the death of my child was something God did for me.” And I am not about to say that!
I have been in that place of suffocating darkness myself after the death of our daughter, and have told God to just kill me now and take me off this earth. I am not going to tell you that God allowed your child to leave this earth as something good He did for you.
However, we need to realize that the death of our children did not blindside God. He knows what we cannot possibly know. He can see what we cannot see.
Our lives will never be the same. We will never be the same. But within that, we can allow the death of our child not to be wasted. We can allow God’s love to wash over us, to heal us, and to take the change in us and use it against the enemy who brought death into this world.
Although it hurts so much we just want to die and go to be with our child, the fact is, our child is safe in the Father’s arms. (If this is something you question, or that torments you, click here to be sent chapter eight “Looking Out the Window of Fear” from my book When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, which talks about this.) Plus, our child does not have to face the pain and tragedies this world puts us through.
When we think of our loss, our pain can make it hard to even breathe at times. But when we think of our child’s gain, it lifts some of that suffocating darkness, and allows us to see a glimmer of hope and even the possibility that maybe God isn’t as cruel as we thought He was, and that it is possible to believe we can live again and actually even find happiness while finishing our time on this earth.
God did not do this to you. Yes, for some reason (which we may never know this side of eternity) He allowed the death of your child and my child.
And He does have something for each of us.
- God has light and life that penetrates and shatters the suffocating darkness and intense pain.
- He has a peace for each of us that goes beyond anything we can understand. This peace causes us to delight in His mercy and grace in our lives within the horrible earthly loss.
- God has a plan for every single one of us. It is a plan that has blessings for you (and me) that we don’t even know about yet.
No, God did not do this to you. Once you can believe this truth, you will be well on your way to receiving the light, life, peace and blessings God has for you beyond the darkness and pain.
Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl to bring hope, light and life to bereaved parents. If you would like more information about Laura as an author or speaker click here.