How writing can help heal grief after child loss is something many bereaved parents never consider, at least not at first. When your child dies, you can barely breathe, let alone pick up a pen or open a blank document. But writing can become a lifeline, a safe place for the heart to speak what your voice cannot form into words.
Recently, I had a deeply meaningful conversation with award-winning author, writing coach, and bereaved father John DeDakis. His journey shows us not just how writing and grief can coexist, but how writing can help bring a measure of healing to our grief after child loss, by giving us a way to process the pain, honor our children, and even rediscover purpose.
John’s Story of Loss and Faith
John’s son, Stephen, died at just 22 years old. His death was sudden, heartbreaking, and life-shattering. Like many of us, John and his wife grieved very differently, and it would have been easy to drift apart. Instead, they learned not to judge each other’s grieving style.
One powerful moment John shared was realizing that the same song that made his wife skip forward because it triggered tears, was the same song he replayed because he needed to cry. The same emotion… processed differently. What a beautiful reminder that there is no “right” way to grieve.
John’s faith journey shifted too. He described feeling spiritually unmoored, yet still knowing where the harbor was. His words echoed what so many grieving parents feel. Our beliefs get shaken, stretched and tested. But through his honest wrestling, God met him in the questions rather than the certainties.
Writing as a Pathway to Healing
Before his son died, John was already a journalist and author. But his writing changed after his loss. He discovered that writing wasn’t just something he did, but writing became something that helped heal him.
He didn’t set out thinking, “This will be healing.” It happened naturally. Over time, he realized that his books carried a thread of grief woven through them. His characters were processing trauma, loss, and questions about God, because he himself was.
This is a powerful example of how writing can help heal grief after child loss. Sometimes healing isn’t a conscious goal. It unfolds gently through the words that flow when we allow ourselves to write. I have found that to be the case for me personally, as well. My journaled thoughts about my daughter, Becca’s, death became a book, which was not my intention as I wrote what I was wrestling with in my heart.
Why Writing Helps Grieving Parents
Whether or not you consider yourself a writer, writing therapy for grieving parents can be incredibly healing.
Writing helps because:
- It gives your pain a voice
- It brings order to the emotional chaos
- It allows honest expression that may feel too heavy to speak out loud
- It becomes a safe place to meet with God
- It creates a record of the journey so later you can see how far you’ve come
When you put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), things you didn’t even know you were holding often come out.
Psalm 62:8 tells us, “Trust in Him at all times… pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.”
Writing can be a way of pouring out your heart before God.
One man John worked with reread his journals years later and said, “I forgot how angry I was.” Writing had allowed him to release the anger instead of letting it poison him from the inside.
That is the gift of writing.
How to Begin Writing Through Grief
If the thought of writing feels overwhelming, here are gentle ways to start:
- Don’t worry about what to write
Just write whatever comes. It doesn’t have to be a story, or a book, or “share-worthy.” It only has to be real. - Try the 10-minute exercise
Set a timer for 10 minutes and start with:
“Today, I am…”
Then write without stopping. Don’t edit, analyze, or judge. Just keep your pen moving. - Use writing prompts
This removes the pressure of a blank page. (Several years ago, I put a book together for this purpose with words like anger, fear, heaven, memories, hope, with a journaling prompt for each word, which can open the door gently. Find out more here: My Grief Journey) - Write letters to your child
This can be a sacred place of connection. - Remember: No one ever has to read what you write
You can keep it, burn it, shred it, or someday turn it into something beautiful.
Each of these small steps shows how writing can help heal grief after child loss, not by fixing the pain, but by creating a safe space for it to breathe.
Writing as a Way to Honor Your Child
Your writing doesn’t have to become a book. It doesn’t have to be public. But writing is a sacred way of saying:
“You mattered. You still matter. I will not forget you.”
Even if no one ever sees your journal, writing is an act of remembrance, love, and continued connection.
A Final Word of Encouragement
If you feel something stirring in you to write, even if it scares you, pay attention to that whisper. You don’t have to be “a writer” to write. You just have to be willing to show up on the page with honesty.
As John and I talked, I truly sensed God’s presence weaving through the conversation. It felt like a divine nudge for some of you reading this right now.
Maybe God is inviting you to write; not to “produce” something, but so He can gently heal you through your own words.
Even though writing is something you do alone, you are not alone on this journey. If you do start writing, I would love to hear about it in the comments below. If you get a special journal to write in, you can even share a picture of it here on the private GPS Hope Facebook page. (Be sure to answer the two questions, or your request to join will be denied.)
You may be familiar with the acronym for HOPE as Hold On Pain Ends. But we know that is not the case for us as bereaved parents, which is why I end each of my podcasts with Hold On Pain EASES. Let writing be one of the ways that eases that pain, bringing a measure of healing to your shattered heart.
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 320. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
If you’d like to connect with John DeDakis, you can visit his website here.
You can also order your own signed copy of My Grief Journey to gently guide you through journaling and reflection after child loss here.
AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.
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