Learning to trust God after child loss is one of the hardest journeys a parent will ever walk. When your child dies, everything you believed about how life should go, can feel shattered. The plans you held, the prayers you prayed, and the future you imagined all seem to unravel in ways that don’t make sense.
In those early days, and even years later, you may find yourself asking questions you never thought you would ask. Why did this happen? Where was God? How can I trust Him now?
These questions don’t come from a lack of faith. They come from a heart that loves deeply and is trying to make sense of unimaginable pain.
Knowing God’s Promises vs. Trusting His Ways
Psalm 103:7 tells us that God made His ways known to Moses, but His acts to the people of Israel. The Israelites saw what God did. Moses came to understand who God is.
As grieving parents, many of us know God’s promises. We’ve read Scripture. We’ve believed that He is good. But learning to trust God after child loss invites us into something deeper than knowing about Him. It calls us to trust His ways, even when we don’t understand them.
When God’s Ways Don’t Make Sense
After the death of a child, the question of “why” can feel constant. We want answers. We long for clarity. We hope that if we could just understand, maybe the pain would ease, even a little.
But Scripture gently reminds us in Isaiah that God’s ways are higher than ours. His perspective stretches beyond what we can see or comprehend.
Learning to trust God after child loss does not mean that we suddenly understand what has happened. It means that we begin, slowly and sometimes reluctantly, to trust the One who sees what we cannot.
This kind of trust doesn’t come all at once. It grows in small steps, often through tears, questions, and moments of surrender.
What Scripture Says About Suffering
The Bible does not ignore suffering. In fact, it speaks to it often.
Paul tells us in the book of Romans that suffering produces perseverance, character, and hope. James reminds us that the testing of our faith develops endurance. I will be honest and admit that these scriptures did not make much sense to me for most of my life, until several years after my daughter’s earthly departure.
These verses are not meant to minimize pain, but to reveal that God is present and working even in the middle of it.
Learning to trust God after child loss means allowing Him to meet us in our suffering. We are not rushing past it. We are not pretending it isn’t there, but inviting Him into the deepest places of our grief.
From Hearing About God to Knowing Him
Job experienced devastating loss, including the death of all ten of his children in one blow (literally). He also lost his health by having terrible boils all over his body, and he lost all of his wealth. In the middle of his pain, he asked questions and cried out to God.
But later, Job said something profound: “My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you,” (Job 42:5).
Before his suffering, Job knew about God. Afterward, he knew Him more deeply.
Many bereaved parents have shared something similar. While none of us would ever choose this path, there can be a deepening of our relationship with God that happens only because He meets us so personally and intimately in our grief. We may not have seen or felt Him at the beginning, but as the suffocating darkness lifted, we realized the only way we made it through the worst of it was because He was with us in it.
Learning to trust God after child loss often comes not through answers, but through experiencing His presence.
The Greater Miracle
When we pray for miracles, we often hope for an outward change, such as a physical healing, for restoration, or for things to be made “right” again.
Sometimes those miracles come. Obviously, for those of us who have lost a child from this earth, it did not.
But sometimes the greater miracle is what happens inside us.
Strength when we feel like we cannot go on.
Peace in moments that should feel unbearable.
A quiet sense that we are not alone.
Jesus told us that in this world we would have trouble, but He also promised that He has overcome the world. That promise doesn’t remove our pain, but it reminds us that suffering does not have the final word.
Jesus Understands Your Cry
On the cross, Jesus cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
Those words matter deeply for grieving parents. It shows us that Jesus knows what it is like to feel a darkness so deep, that we are convinced that God has walked away.
His words remind us that crying out to God does not mean we lack faith. It means that even in our confusion, we are bringing our pain to the One who understands it. And just like God did not abandon and turn His back on Jesus, He does not abandon and turn His back on us.
Learning to trust God after child loss includes being honest with Him. It includes the questions, the tears, and the moments when all we can do is whisper His name.
Choosing Trust Without Clarity
There is a story about a priest who once asked Mother Teresa to pray that he would have clarity. She told him that clarity was the last thing he needed. What he needed was trust, and that is what she would pray for him to have.
That can be difficult to accept.
We want clarity. We want answers. We want to understand why our child is gone.
But learning to trust God after child loss often means letting go of the need for answers and choosing to trust Him anyway.
Trust doesn’t erase the pain. But it gives us something steady to hold onto in the middle of it.
Rooted in God’s Kingdom
One of the hardest truths in life is this:
We cannot choose our tests.
But we can choose how we respond, and we can get to the point where we choose to overcome.
We didn’t choose this tragedy, but we do have a choice in how we walk forward. Will we allow bitterness to take root? Or will we slowly, sometimes painfully, choose trust?
This is where God’s kingdom becomes real.
Romans 14:17 says, “The kingdom of God is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.”
It is not happiness based on circumstances, but something deeper. It is a peace that holds us when nothing else makes sense. Trust is what roots us in God’s kingdom instead of our own, because our kingdom says that things should go the way I planned.
But God’s kingdom says, even when life shatters your plans, I am still here.
A Gentle Invitation
If you are struggling today, unsure of how to trust God in the middle of your loss, you are not alone.
This is a journey. A slow, tender process of learning to trust again, even when your heart feels broken.
And while you may not have the answers you long for, you can begin to notice His presence. In a moment of peace. In a memory that brings comfort. In the quiet assurance that He has not left you.
Learning to trust God after child loss is not a one-time decision. It is something we return to again and again, especially on the hardest days. You don’t have to have all the answers to take the next step. You only need a willing heart, even if it feels fragile.
And as you continue to walk this path, may you discover that God is not distant from your pain, but present within it. He is gently holding you, strengthening you, and carrying you forward one day at a time.
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 340. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
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AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.
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