Hello, fellow pareavors.
Today, I want to share the story of a mom named Carol, who is just two years into this unwanted journey of life without her child. When I first connected with her, it was six months after her son, Jeff-Free, had died.
Carol was only sixteen when she had him and gave him the unique name Jeff-Free. Most people simply called him Free. He was a brilliant young man with an IQ of 168, a college graduate with a degree in science, a Navy veteran, and an ordained minister. He loved to study and journal, which was something he had done since the age of eight. His journals are now a priceless treasure to Carol.
Free had plans to become a doctor, but before that, he was applying for teaching jobs and volunteering at a homeless shelter. Sadly, his life ended suddenly and tragically in July of 2023, after being prescribed the wrong dosage of medication while seeking help for terrifying visions and sleep deprivation. The devastating news that he had died by suicide was delivered to Carol at a police station late that night.
The weight of losing her only child is still incredibly raw for Carol, and yet, in the midst of her unimaginable pain, she is finding God’s comfort.
God’s Signs in the Darkness
On the night Carol learned Free was gone, she left the police station and drove by a church. The marquee outside read: “Everything’s going to be okay. –God.” Those were the very last words her son had spoken to her before leaving the house that evening.
In the nights that followed, when she couldn’t sleep, Carol found herself drawn outside around midnight. She would stand under the stars, praying and crying out to God, asking to see her son just once more. One night, as she prayed, a shooting star streaked across the sky. Night after night, more appeared. Later, she learned that a meteor shower always occurs at that exact time of year. But Carol believes God used it to give her the confirmation and comfort she desperately needed.
She told me, “Even though there’s an explanation, God knew before I did what I would need. He is in control of everything. That was my sign.”
Choosing to Look Up
Two years later, on the anniversary of her son’s death, Carol went outside again. This time, she didn’t see any shooting stars. Instead, she felt an overwhelming joy as she thought about where her son is now; in the presence of Jesus, the One he had loved since childhood.
She realized that while life here feels endless, it is only a blink compared to eternity. And one day, she will be with Free again. That truth brings her peace, even though she still cries every day.
Carol says the main thing she wants other grieving parents to know is this: Look up. This world is not our forever home. God calls us to lift our eyes to Him, even in our deepest pain.
God’s Comfort in Our Brokenness
Like so many of us, Carol wrestled with despair. She prayed, “God, I don’t want to be here anymore. Everything I thought mattered doesn’t matter now. The only reason I’m here is whatever You want me here for.”
At that moment, she felt a wind surround her, as if God Himself was washing away the anger and bitterness she had been holding onto. From then on, she fully surrendered to Him.
Today, Carol leads a women’s Bible study and shares openly about how God continues to meet her in her grief. She says, “I still cry every day, but when I pray, God comforts me. I know He’s with me, and I know He loves me. He willingly gave His Son for us. He knows the pain of losing a child.”
A Perspective for Us All
It’s important to understand that God did not take Free away in order to get Carol closer to Him. God does not cause death. Satan does. But what God does is take even the most devastating situations and bring beauty out of the ashes.
We all face a choice. We can stay bitter, angry, and consumed by the darkness of our child’s death, or we can choose (even with tears still falling) to look up and lean into God’s comfort. That does not mean we stop grieving. It means we allow God to walk with us in it and give us hope.
Closing Thoughts
I know some of you may not be at the place Carol is yet, and that’s okay. Her story is not meant for comparison—it’s meant to be a picture of hope. Carol has chosen to keep looking up, and in doing so, she has become a grieving parent sharing hope. You can be one too, in your own time and your own way.
So, my friend, keep looking up. Bring your pain to God. Let Him hold you in your brokenness. And remember, this life is temporary, but eternity is forever.
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 311. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
Stay Connected
As Carol reminded me, it helps so much to be connected with other pareavors. Talking about your child, asking questions, and walking alongside others who “get it” is powerful. If you’d like to find or start a GPS Hope support group, I encourage you to click here.
If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.
AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.
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