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May 1, 2022 by Laura Diehl 1 Comment

I Choose (by Carol Krawiec)

 

The following was written on April 28, 2014, two years to the day after losing our oldest son Daniel.  It was the week after Easter. Our pastor had preached a message about what it was like for the disciples to live in the “Saturday” of that resurrection weekend.  He compared the pain and confusion of that day following the death of Jesus to the world we live in today. He spoke of the joy of the resurrection on “Sunday’ and the secure hope that we as believers in Jesus Christ can cling to in the midst of trials.

That morning was a turning point for me in my journey of grief.  I had walked through the first year numb and in a fog.  The second year was so painful because as the fog began to subside, I felt the intense loss.  Over the past ten years my grief has come in waves.  As the waves recede, I am filled with a sense of God’s presence and a peace in knowing that Dan was at rest, and all is well with my soul.

In May of 2019 and June of 2021, we also lost Timothy and Benjamin, the two youngest of our five sons. It has taken many years of leaning into my grief to move along in my journey. It is far from over as I find myself in that place of raw grief once again. There are times when the enormity of my loss overwhelms me. I don’t pretend to understand it all, but I trust God and I know He will continue to faithfully carry me.

 

I CHOOSE
Life was forever changed two years ago, early on a Saturday morning.
As I sit on the floor of this room that was once occupied by our son
I choose not to allow the memory of the horrific discovery be my only thought.
I choose to picture this room as the place of a Holy visitation.
I choose to picture bright light breaking through the darkness of a raging battle.
I choose to visualize the broken chains that bound him to addiction lying on the floor.
I choose to be proud of the countless battles that our son won throughout his journey.
I choose to believe that although the enemy won the battle that day, God was victorious.
I choose to let the cleansing tears of a broken heart flow because I know that Jesus wept.
I choose to lift my hands in worship to my God and thank Him for the gift of 32 years.
I choose to believe that although this world is far from good, my God is Good.
I choose peace over anxiety; acceptance rather than anger; hope over despair.
I choose to believe that the pain I feel today is a reminder that this is not my Home.
I choose to rest secure in knowing that my child is forever with the Lord.
Because:
“No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.”
I choose to believe that even though I am living in the pain of “Saturday,”
“Sunday” is coming and it will all make sense when I see Him Face-to-face.

 

Carol’s three sons

 

Many of us feel guilty after the death of our child, thinking we should have done more, or made a different decision, or been there for them in a different way than we were, etc. Click here to read Help! I Feel so Guilty… written by a mom whose daughter died by suicide.

If you struggle with guilt, we would like to send you Ten Tips to Overcome Guilt. Just click here and fill in your name and email address and hit submit.

We promise we will not spam you. However, you will be added to our growing family of thousands of bereaved parents who receive a Weekly Word of Hope email each Wednesday morning. (Just use the unsubscribe button at the bottom of each email if you no longer wish to receive it.)

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
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Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: child loss and healing, choosing hope after child loss, finding peace after child death, GPS Hope grief support, GPS Hope resources for grieving parents, grief and hope journey, grief support for bereaved parents, memorializing lost children, overcoming guilt after child death, trusting God through grief

October 27, 2017 by Laura Diehl 4 Comments

Five Gifts to Give Yourself While Grieving During the Holidays

All I really remember is a blur of deep suffocating pain the first holiday season after our daughter, Becca, died. But one thing I do specifically remember was knowing we were heading towards a new year, and I felt panicked about being in a different year than the one she died. I was not ready to “leave her behind” like that! Have you had similar thoughts?

As it happens every year, many stores already have fall items on clearance and are filling the shelves with Christmas while we are still in October. This can make for a very long three to four months, as we wrap up this year and head into a new one.

Believe it or not, there are things you can do to help ease the pain and bring in a glimmer of light here and there into your place of darkness.

I like to think of them as gifts you can give to yourself.

  1. Change one tradition. If there is one that is particularly painful, change it to something that makes you feel less torn. (Example – instead of the painful memory of shopping for the perfect fresh Christmas tree, buy an artificial one.)
  2. Be up front, and let close family and friends know this is still painful. (You can do this by giving them something to read, written by someone else on this journey, to explain why this is normal and what will help and what will hurt those of us in deep grief.)
  3. While you are at it, ask everyone to come to the family event prepared with a special memory of your child/loved one to share. Just a note: funny is good, as laughter brings a measure of healing. (Remind your family that the holiday gatherings are a precious time to spend time with each other and to talk about and share memories with those who couldn’t make it. Death just puts your child in the category of one who could not make it.) You may find you hear stories you never knew, and this may even give you something to look forward to instead of dreading being with others.
  4. Buy a special notebook and write to your child/loved one over the holidays. Describe holiday scenes to them, share with him or her events you attended, let them know how much you miss them. (There will probably be lots of tears, but tears are cleansing and will also bring a measure of healing.)
  5. Do that one thing you enjoyed doing with your child/loved one with a close friend or family member who will share the memories with you. (For instance, have someone over to help bake and decorate Christmas cookies who will allow you to go through all of the emotions from tears to laughter as you go through the motions of the activity.)

There is one last “gift” I want to share with you, which I personally believe is the most important.

Isolation is paralyzing. I understand our need to be alone, I truly do. We need lots and lots of time alone to work through the painful suffocating darkness, and start to figure out who we are now without our child (including deciding if we even want to know).

But we also need people.

We need people who will hold us up while allowing us to grieve deeply.

It took me over two years to connect with other grieving parents. I didn’t want to be around a group of people who were a mess like me. When I finally made myself go to a gathering of grieving moms, I discovered the opposite – how healing it was to be around a group of people who were a mess, just like me!

They understood. They got it. I didn’t have to explain myself, or excuse myself for any emotion I was feeling or reacting to. It was wonderful!

We also need people who will help us move forward in a way that is not pushy, but supportive.

This may be the same group, or a totally different group of people. I have found “my people,” and for me, it has been a different group.

Last week, I was surrounded by over 200 kindred spirits who have a personal message to share and are moving forward in taking that message to those in the world who need it. They are souls on fire, and Kary Oberbrunner is the Chief Igniter.

I cannot begin to tell you what these few days did to boost the desire to allow God’s fire of purpose burn brightly in me once again. Yes, it is a completely different purpose than it was a few years ago, of traveling to the nations for children’s ministry and trainings. But it is a flame that was fanned to new proportions. It now feels like a blazing fire of determination to not let Becca’s death be wasted; to reach as many bereaved parents as possible with the message of hope, helping each pareavor find their personal path to a fulfilled life of purpose beyond the pain.

Oftentimes, our deepest pain becomes our greatest purpose.

That has definitely been the case for me and, if you allow it, will be the same for you. How do I know? Because of those I rubbed shoulders with at the Igniting Souls conference. Each one there had a story to tell, and many have told it by becoming an author with a published book (which was celebrated and made available to the attendees) including several who have faced the death of their child/children.

Each one in the Igniting Souls “tribe” has connected, because they have chosen to surround themselves with others who will impart into them what is needed to make their purpose as effective as possible.

Each one has chosen not to become isolated in their pain, but to take the risk to reach out and help others behind them on the same journey.

How about you? Where are you on this grief journey of pain to purpose?

May I recommend you start with the list of five gifts that you can give to yourself. Pick only one, or do them all. Wherever you are in this journey is okay. Only you know what is right and will work for you.

Then make sure you are connected to those who are on this path ahead of you; someone who can walk with you, with support and encouragement. It will make such a huge difference, especially during the dreaded holiday season.

And if you are ready, ask God to connect you with a group who will help you find a purpose from the pain of the death of your child. If you aren’t quite ready for that step, I pray that I have convinced you that at some point, it will be important to find and grab hold of a group of people who will help you move forward by discovering and walking in your unique purpose, with your gifts and talents.

Don’t stay on a path that keeps you in total darkness, pain and fear.

Make a choice to take at least one step toward light, hope, and a fire in your soul once again. It can take a while to get to the point of wanting it, and it will be something you have to fight for. When those two things come together (a desire to have it and a willingness to stay in the battle to win the war), you will find yourself standing on a different path; the path of learning how to live a fulfilled life with meaning and purpose beyond the death of your child.

You can do it, because I did it, and I believe in you!

 

If you have not been able to find a group that will help you move forward, while allowing you to feel the pain of your loss, you might want to consider joining author Laura Diehl during the holidays in a semi-private coaching session for the next three months. There is a limit of twelve people who will be meeting together with Laura via the internet twice a month from November through January. The cost is only $75 for this valuable opportunity.

 

Click here to fill out a simple application form to submit.

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl to bring hope, light and life to those struggling in darkness after a tragedy, especially bereaved parents. If you would like more information about Laura as an author or a speaker for your next event, click here.

 

GPS Hope exists to bring hope to parents who have suffered the death of a child, acknowledging their unique grief with support, connection and education for them and those around them.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: choosing hope after child loss, coping with holidays after loss, creating new traditions after loss, finding light after the loss of a child, finding purpose after child loss, finding your purpose after loss, from pain to purpose, gifts for grieving parents, grief and healing during the holidays, grieving during Thanksgiving and Christmas, healing after child death, hope for grieving parents during the holidays, how to handle the holidays as a grieving parent, how to move from grief to purpose, overcoming grief during the holidays, support for bereaved parents, surviving the holidays after the death of a child

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