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Search Results for: guilty

October 15, 2017 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

Help! I Feel So Guilty…

It’s been almost 5 1/2 years since our beautiful 23-year-old daughter, Naomi, took her life and it’s still so hard to believe this happened. It’s so wrong and it never should have happened, but it did.

We knew she was depressed and believed the cause was postpartum depression but now believe it was more complicated than that. We also learned of a traumatic experience that she had gone through that would have added to her depression.

There are so many events that happened in the 3 1/2 months before her taking her life that I have gone over and over in my mind, trying to put it all together and make sense of it all. I had so much guilt as I replayed conversations that we’d had over and over in my mind, thinking the outcome could have been different if I had asked different questions or been there more for her.

We actually thought she was getting better because she showed signs of being more of her happy self at times. I know she was afraid to tell us that she was in a worse place than we realized, which breaks my heart.

In November of 2013, a little over 1 1/2 years since Naomi left this earth, we saw Steven Curtis Chapman in concert and one of the things he said was, “I probably have more questions now than I’ve ever had, but I think the question that the Lord is asking us is, ‘Will you trust me?'” I broke down when I heard him say that because that was my struggle. “Do I trust you, Lord? I want to. Help me to!”

On July 24, 2014, our daughter’s birthday, I was finally able to say, “Lord, I don’t get this and this is so wrong and there are so many unanswered questions, but I trust you.” There are things that happen in this life that are so painful and tragic and wrong, but as Papa said in The Shack, “Just because I can bring incredible good out of incredible tragedy doesn’t mean I orchestrated the tragedy.”

God is good and He is faithful and He is the healer of the brokenhearted and He WILL give beauty for ashes! I trust that!

What you have just read was written by Denee Martindale. In the last couple of years, Denee has become a precious friend. Our daughters actually knew each other growing up, through school and local church activities, but it has only been since they both died that we have gotten to know one another on a deeper level.

There are three things that I think are important to notice in what Denee has shared.

  1. Guilt did not serve her well. 

The “if only’s” and deep regrets don’t change anything. In fact, as long as we are in that frame of mind, we are continuing to feed the darkness and depression we all face after the death of our child (especially one who ended his or her own life).

  1. It took quite a long time to let go of that guilt.

Naomi passed in April of 2012. Denee was tortured with the guilt for over a year and a half. And even when presented with the truth that God was asking her to trust Him beyond all of her unanswered questions, it took another eight months before she was ready to do so.

I know many of you who are reading this have been in that same place for much longer. (This is not a judgment, just an observation.)

  1. The solution was not in herself.

Denee had to let go and trust the One who holds life and death in His hands, and loves both you and your child more deeply than any of us can comprehend.

Coming to a place of acceptance that God did not cause the death of our child, is where many of us have to start. Then we need to accept the fact that He had a reason for not stepping in and stopping our child’s death that will not make sense to us on this side of eternity.

Unfortunately, many of us have a misguided definition of faith, which makes all of this even more difficult, and can be part of the guilt we find ourselves trapped in. True faith is not getting the answers we want (or we “claim”) to our prayers. True faith is trusting Him when certain prayers are not answered in the way we prayed, believing that He can see what we cannot see, and knows what we do not know.

It is important for us to grasp that this life and what we can see, hear, touch and feel, is only temporary. Our child is on the other side of eternity, and we will be joining them some day. Thankfully, our extremely painful separation is not permanent. We can release the guilt, knowing our children are in the safest, most wonderful place possible. Yes, I know we would much rather have them here with us, but wanting that, and hanging on to guilt because they aren’t, will not change it. So we might as well make a decision to let it go.

I encourage you to do exactly what my friend Denee did. Don’t rely on your own strength or desire to trust God with the most painful thing you have ever faced. Be honest with Him. If you are like Denee, tell Him, “I want to trust you. Help me to!” And if you are not to that point of wanting to trust Him, tell Him! And then ask Him to help you to want to trust Him.

Myself and thousands of other bereaved parents have come to the same conclusion as Denne; God is good and He is faithful and He is the healer of the brokenhearted and He WILL give beauty for ashes!

We trust that! And you can, too.

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl to bring hope, light and life to those struggling in darkness after a tragedy, especially bereaved parents. If you would like more information about Laura as an author or a speaker for your next event  click here. 

GPS Hope exists to bring hope to parents who have suffered the death of a child, acknowledging their unique grief with support, connection and education for them and those around them.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope

May 1, 2022 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

I Choose (by Carol Krawiec)

 

The following was written on April 28, 2014, two years to the day after losing our oldest son Daniel.  It was the week after Easter. Our pastor had preached a message about what it was like for the disciples to live in the “Saturday” of that resurrection weekend.  He compared the pain and confusion of that day following the death of Jesus to the world we live in today. He spoke of the joy of the resurrection on “Sunday’ and the secure hope that we as believers in Jesus Christ can cling to in the midst of trials.

That morning was a turning point for me in my journey of grief.  I had walked through the first year numb and in a fog.  The second year was so painful because as the fog began to subside, I felt the intense loss.  Over the past ten years my grief has come in waves.  As the waves recede, I am filled with a sense of God’s presence and a peace in knowing that Dan was at rest, and all is well with my soul.

In May of 2019 and June of 2021, we also lost Timothy and Benjamin, the two youngest of our five sons. It has taken many years of leaning into my grief to move along in my journey. It is far from over as I find myself in that place of raw grief once again. There are times when the enormity of my loss overwhelms me. I don’t pretend to understand it all, but I trust God and I know He will continue to faithfully carry me.

 

I CHOOSE
Life was forever changed two years ago, early on a Saturday morning.
As I sit on the floor of this room that was once occupied by our son
I choose not to allow the memory of the horrific discovery be my only thought.
I choose to picture this room as the place of a Holy visitation.
I choose to picture bright light breaking through the darkness of a raging battle.
I choose to visualize the broken chains that bound him to addiction lying on the floor.
I choose to be proud of the countless battles that our son won throughout his journey.
I choose to believe that although the enemy won the battle that day, God was victorious.
I choose to let the cleansing tears of a broken heart flow because I know that Jesus wept.
I choose to lift my hands in worship to my God and thank Him for the gift of 32 years.
I choose to believe that although this world is far from good, my God is Good.
I choose peace over anxiety; acceptance rather than anger; hope over despair.
I choose to believe that the pain I feel today is a reminder that this is not my Home.
I choose to rest secure in knowing that my child is forever with the Lord.
Because:
“No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.”
I choose to believe that even though I am living in the pain of “Saturday,”
“Sunday” is coming and it will all make sense when I see Him Face-to-face.

 

Carol’s three sons

 

Many of us feel guilty after the death of our child, thinking we should have done more, or made a different decision, or been there for them in a different way than we were, etc. Click here to read Help! I Feel so Guilty… written by a mom whose daughter died by suicide.

If you struggle with guilt, we would like to send you Ten Tips to Overcome Guilt. Just click here and fill in your name and email address and hit submit.

We promise we will not spam you. However, you will be added to our growing family of thousands of bereaved parents who receive a Weekly Word of Hope email each Wednesday morning. (Just use the unsubscribe button at the bottom of each email if you no longer wish to receive it.)

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on our private Facebook page or our public Facebook page. 
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

 

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope

January 25, 2022 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

143: It Doesn’t Feel Okay to Be Happy

Many pareavors (bereaved parents) struggle with feeling guilty for laughing or doing special things like taking vacations after the death of their child, believing it isn’t right to enjoy life again.

We will always have an undercurrent of sadness and grief that can surface at any time. Sometimes there are known triggers and sometimes it seems to be for no apparent reason. But we can learn to build our life around the grief, allowing the life of our child to continue to influence us to live life to the fullest.

In this episode, Laura talks about some of the reasons we may feel guilty, how to move past that guilt, and why it is important to live a life that has happiness, joy, peace and fulfillment after child loss.

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Find out about our GPS Hope & Healing Retreats

Information about the January 2023 Grief Cruise.

 

Birthdays:

Richie Rudkin was born on January 27 and is forever 27.

Robert Lelle was born on January 28 and is forever 26.

Robert Silva was born on January 28 and is forever 29.

Celeste France was born on January 29 and is forever 17.

 

Fill out the short form with the needed information to have your child’s birthday shared with our listeners.

The special song “I Remember Well“, which was written by Laura for our children’s birthdays, can be heard on your favorite music app. To hear samples of Laura’s other songs, click here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

January 18, 2022 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

142: “Cruising” With Our Grief (with Lin Findlay)

Many pareavors (bereaved parents) struggle with feeling guilty for laughing or doing special things like taking vacations after the death of their child, believing it isn’t right to enjoy life again.

In this episode, Laura brings on Lin Findlay to share about her own journey in this area after the death of her daughter, Aubrie, and why Lin now hosts The Grief Cruise for those who have lost loved ones.

 

Lin Findlay has worked with grieving families for over 30 years. After losing her daughter in 1989, she started a resource and referral service for grieving families. Soon after she began providing personalized aftercare solutions for hundreds of funeral homes across the nation. Lin is now an aftercare specialist who has created, facilitated, and coordinated hundreds of workshops, services, and support groups. As a Christian lay counselor, Lin’s highest honor is to enter people’s lives and help make a difference. To date, Lin has supported over 158,000 people on behalf of funeral homes across North America.

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Lin Findlay’s websites: The International Grief Institute and Mourning Discoveries (aftercare for funeral homes)

Information about the January 2023 Grief Cruise.

Find out about our GPS Hope & Healing Retreats

 

Birthdays:

Joshua Caldwell was born on January 16 and is forever 28.

Tate Kwiatkowski was born on January 16 and is forever 69 days.

Hugh Brown was born on January 19 and is forever 18.

Jeanette Marie was born on January 19 and is forever 36.

Erin Gisby was born on January 19 and is forever 3.

 

Fill out the short form with the needed information to have your child’s birthday shared with our listeners.

The special song “I Remember Well“, which was written by Laura for our children’s birthdays, can be heard on your favorite music app. To hear samples of Laura’s other songs, click here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

August 3, 2021 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

118: Tips for Dealing with Guilt After Child Loss

There are two kinds of guilt. One is when we know we have done something wrong and need to do our part to make it right. The second kind is when something happens, and we blame ourselves after the event happened with information we have now that we didn’t have at the time.

Guilt gives us a heavy burden to carry and keeps us stuck in our grief. Feeling guilty about something that happened is not going to change it. Holding on to the guilt will continually drag you down – emotionally, physically and spiritually. We often hang on to guilt as a way of punishing ourselves, especially when an apology or getting answers is not possible.

It is important to release your guilt for many reasons.

In this podcast episode, Laura shares several of those reasons along with some tips to help overcome guilt. She also prays over those who are struggling with releasing themselves from guilt after the death of their child.

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Read the blog: Forgiving Yourself After Child Loss

Listen to the podcast episode: Forgiving Yourself

Website: gpshope.org

 

Click here to become a monthly partner, giving hope to other parents, or to give a special gift to keep this podcast going, along with providing  other needed resources to bereaved parents.

(GPS Hope is a 501c3 nonprofit and runs on the financial support of those who believe in passing along the hope they have received to others.)

 

Birthdays:

Oscar Lopez was born on July 26 and is forever 23.

Claire Rebecca was born on July 27 and is forever 5.

Easton Holden was born on July 28 and is forever 5.

Dayne Sturm was born on July 29 and is forever 21.

Whitney Leanne Garkow Seehusen was born on July 30 and is forever 31.

Mitchell Herrmann was born on August 1 and is forever 24.

Christopher Thomas Boseman was born on August 2 and is forever 32.

Travis M. Blair was born on August 9 and is forever 30.

Tony Summers was born on August 9 and is forever 15.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

 

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