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May 23, 2025 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

The Lord is My Shepherd

 

Adonai—Lord and Shepherd

Most of us are familiar with how Psalm 23 starts out. “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” The Complete Jewish Bible states it like this. “The Lord Adonai is my shepherd; I have everything I need. ”

Let’s take some time to break down the very beginning of this, by first asking ourselves, what exactly does the Hebrew word Adonai mean that is translated as Lord? It is a master or owner, someone who is sovereign or a supreme ruler, a person with ultimate power or authority.

When our child dies, it is easy to see God as a mean ruler with ultimate power who just does whatever He wants. But Adonai, this Lord and Master, is also our Shepherd, who looks after and takes care of his sheep.  These two things (Lord and Shepherd) may seem to contradict each other.

When Control and Trust Collide

When we became a Christian, it means we should be choosing to allow God to be in the driver’s seat of our life. However, we may have discovered that what we really did was ask God to be in the passenger seat, while we are still the one driving. We allowed Him to get in the cockpit with us, as the copilot, but we still want to keep control by being the pilot. And that is where the contradiction happens.

Following Jesus is not about certainty; it is about trust. It is truly allowing Him to be Lord in our lives without conditions. And trusting God doesn’t always mean understanding Him.

When we don’t understand the whys, we somehow think God owes us an explanation. If you have ever watched the old black and white I Love Lucy shows, it reminds me of when Desie would say in his Spanish accent, “Lucy, you got some ‘splainen’ to do!”

Going Deeper Than the Why

I recently heard an illustration I want to pass on to you. It is the difference between choosing to stay on the surface with feeling like you have to know why, or going deeper with Him in a way that goes beyond the whys.

When you snorkel, you stay on the surface with your little plastic tube. You can’t go deep. If you want to go deep, you have to get a tank.

Staying on the surface is continuing to feel like God owes you an explanation. It is continuing to ask “Why would God do this to me? To us?” This is like snorkeling. We cannot understand the depths of God while staying on the surface. Going deep means you choose to trust God in the horrible circumstance, choosing to believe no matter what your heart or mind tell you, that He IS love, He IS comfort, He IS peace. It is like strapping on that tank, so you can breathe under the water.

When you choose to go deep, you come out the other side knowing God in a way you never did before. You know how wonderful and faithful He really is, and that being both Lord and Shepherd are not a contradiction.

The Roundabout of Grief

Many of us are stuck in a roundabout. We are going round and round and round, fighting with God about things like:

  • how unfair the death of our child is
  • how God isn’t really good (or He would not have allowed my child to die)
  • how I will never be able to be happy again

We will stay stuck, going around in circles like this until we choose to take a turn, and that turn is toward God. This is a turn of surrender. Once we allow God to be the pilot (to be the one driving our lives) and we surrender to being the passenger, receiving His love and care as the Good Shepherd He truly is, we will find ourselves in a much better place, as hope, light, meaning and purpose return to our lives.

It is when we come to Him, humbled and fully surrendered, that we can even begin to hear Him speak to us in a way that we can receive as both our Lord and our Good Shepherd.

The Healing Begins with Surrender

We are all broken. Deeply broken. In fact, I remember feeling so very shattered that I didn’t even think it was possible to find all the pieces, much less have God put them all back together. But as I continued this journey, I began to see and understand that brokenness can be a gift. When we know and admit how broken we are to God, from a place of being vulnerable and no longer fighting Him, we can experience an incredible depth of His love in a way that we did not even know was possible here on this earth. And I am in awe of it.

If you aren’t there yet, that’s okay. It took me quite a while, too. Just know that it is possible, yes, even for you. He really is both Lord, and a Good Shepherd, ready and waiting to love and help bring healing to His deeply wounded sheep. If you have experienced going deep, discovering He is both Lord and a Good Shepherd, please leave a comment, so that others who have not gotten to this place yet can be even more encouraged.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 287. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope), a ministry founded by Dave and Laura Diehl, to walk with parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose. Laura is the author of multiple award-winning books, a national speaker and singer/songwriter.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on our private Facebook page or our public Facebook page. 
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: Bible verses for grieving parents, gift for grieving parents, gifts for grieving parents, grieving parents, grieving parents quotes, prayer for grieving parents, prayers for grieving parents, quotes for grieving parents, scripture for grieving parents

December 9, 2022 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

Giving Yourself a Gift While Grieving During the Christmas Season

For many of us who have lost a child, the Christmas season can be outright brutal. Finding the right gift to give others may not be on your radar right now, much less giving any gifts to yourself. However, those who have been on this journey for a while know how important it is find helpful ways to get through this painful time of year.

In this short blog, I am going to share a couple of ways you can do this.

First, be up front, and let close family and friends know this is still very painful. You can do this by giving them something to read, written by someone else on this journey, to explain why this is normal. (Click here to see the page for this purpose on the GPS Hope website that you can pass along to someone using the share buttons.)

While you are at it, ask everyone to come to the family event prepared with a special memory of your child to share. Just a note: funny is good, as laughter brings a measure of healing. Remind your family that the holiday gatherings are a precious time to spend time with each other and to talk about and share memories with those who couldn’t make it. Death puts your child in the category of someone who could not make it. You may find you hear stories you never knew, and this may even give you something to look forward to instead of dreading being with others.

The other suggestion I want to make is to buy a special notebook and write to your child over the holidays. Describe holiday scenes to them, share with him or her the events you attend, and yes, let them know how much you miss them. There will probably be lots of tears, but tears are cleansing. Even through the pain it will bring a measure of healing, even if it does not feel like it right now.

You can also find ways to join others and remember your children together. Many support groups and cemeteries have special candlelight services in the month of December for this purpose. It helps to know others are also carrying the heavy burden of missing their children or other loved ones.

You can also join me live on Sunday evenings as I light a candle on my advent wreath and share what this season means to us as bereaved parents. (To find out more click here.)

This was taken from my recent podcast episode Five Gifts to Give Yourself while Grieving During the Holidays, which you can find here on YouTube, here on the GPS Hope website or find the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

 

If you would like a PDF that you can give to others called “Eight Things to Avoid Saying to a Grieving Parent” click here. It will take you to our library where you can give yourself a password to access over twenty downloadable helpful items for pareavors.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on our private Facebook page or our public Facebook page. 
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: candlelight grief service, Christmas after child loss, Christmas grief resources, coping with child loss during holidays, gifts for grieving parents, GPS Hope blog, grief at Christmas time, grief support Christmas, grieving during the holidays, holiday grief support, holiday tips for bereaved parents, Laura Diehl grief ministry, memory sharing at holiday gatherings, writing to your child after death

October 27, 2017 by Laura Diehl 4 Comments

Five Gifts to Give Yourself While Grieving During the Holidays

All I really remember is a blur of deep suffocating pain the first holiday season after our daughter, Becca, died. But one thing I do specifically remember was knowing we were heading towards a new year, and I felt panicked about being in a different year than the one she died. I was not ready to “leave her behind” like that! Have you had similar thoughts?

As it happens every year, many stores already have fall items on clearance and are filling the shelves with Christmas while we are still in October. This can make for a very long three to four months, as we wrap up this year and head into a new one.

Believe it or not, there are things you can do to help ease the pain and bring in a glimmer of light here and there into your place of darkness.

I like to think of them as gifts you can give to yourself.

  1. Change one tradition. If there is one that is particularly painful, change it to something that makes you feel less torn. (Example – instead of the painful memory of shopping for the perfect fresh Christmas tree, buy an artificial one.)
  2. Be up front, and let close family and friends know this is still painful. (You can do this by giving them something to read, written by someone else on this journey, to explain why this is normal and what will help and what will hurt those of us in deep grief.)
  3. While you are at it, ask everyone to come to the family event prepared with a special memory of your child/loved one to share. Just a note: funny is good, as laughter brings a measure of healing. (Remind your family that the holiday gatherings are a precious time to spend time with each other and to talk about and share memories with those who couldn’t make it. Death just puts your child in the category of one who could not make it.) You may find you hear stories you never knew, and this may even give you something to look forward to instead of dreading being with others.
  4. Buy a special notebook and write to your child/loved one over the holidays. Describe holiday scenes to them, share with him or her events you attended, let them know how much you miss them. (There will probably be lots of tears, but tears are cleansing and will also bring a measure of healing.)
  5. Do that one thing you enjoyed doing with your child/loved one with a close friend or family member who will share the memories with you. (For instance, have someone over to help bake and decorate Christmas cookies who will allow you to go through all of the emotions from tears to laughter as you go through the motions of the activity.)

There is one last “gift” I want to share with you, which I personally believe is the most important.

Isolation is paralyzing. I understand our need to be alone, I truly do. We need lots and lots of time alone to work through the painful suffocating darkness, and start to figure out who we are now without our child (including deciding if we even want to know).

But we also need people.

We need people who will hold us up while allowing us to grieve deeply.

It took me over two years to connect with other grieving parents. I didn’t want to be around a group of people who were a mess like me. When I finally made myself go to a gathering of grieving moms, I discovered the opposite – how healing it was to be around a group of people who were a mess, just like me!

They understood. They got it. I didn’t have to explain myself, or excuse myself for any emotion I was feeling or reacting to. It was wonderful!

We also need people who will help us move forward in a way that is not pushy, but supportive.

This may be the same group, or a totally different group of people. I have found “my people,” and for me, it has been a different group.

Last week, I was surrounded by over 200 kindred spirits who have a personal message to share and are moving forward in taking that message to those in the world who need it. They are souls on fire, and Kary Oberbrunner is the Chief Igniter.

I cannot begin to tell you what these few days did to boost the desire to allow God’s fire of purpose burn brightly in me once again. Yes, it is a completely different purpose than it was a few years ago, of traveling to the nations for children’s ministry and trainings. But it is a flame that was fanned to new proportions. It now feels like a blazing fire of determination to not let Becca’s death be wasted; to reach as many bereaved parents as possible with the message of hope, helping each pareavor find their personal path to a fulfilled life of purpose beyond the pain.

Oftentimes, our deepest pain becomes our greatest purpose.

That has definitely been the case for me and, if you allow it, will be the same for you. How do I know? Because of those I rubbed shoulders with at the Igniting Souls conference. Each one there had a story to tell, and many have told it by becoming an author with a published book (which was celebrated and made available to the attendees) including several who have faced the death of their child/children.

Each one in the Igniting Souls “tribe” has connected, because they have chosen to surround themselves with others who will impart into them what is needed to make their purpose as effective as possible.

Each one has chosen not to become isolated in their pain, but to take the risk to reach out and help others behind them on the same journey.

How about you? Where are you on this grief journey of pain to purpose?

May I recommend you start with the list of five gifts that you can give to yourself. Pick only one, or do them all. Wherever you are in this journey is okay. Only you know what is right and will work for you.

Then make sure you are connected to those who are on this path ahead of you; someone who can walk with you, with support and encouragement. It will make such a huge difference, especially during the dreaded holiday season.

And if you are ready, ask God to connect you with a group who will help you find a purpose from the pain of the death of your child. If you aren’t quite ready for that step, I pray that I have convinced you that at some point, it will be important to find and grab hold of a group of people who will help you move forward by discovering and walking in your unique purpose, with your gifts and talents.

Don’t stay on a path that keeps you in total darkness, pain and fear.

Make a choice to take at least one step toward light, hope, and a fire in your soul once again. It can take a while to get to the point of wanting it, and it will be something you have to fight for. When those two things come together (a desire to have it and a willingness to stay in the battle to win the war), you will find yourself standing on a different path; the path of learning how to live a fulfilled life with meaning and purpose beyond the death of your child.

You can do it, because I did it, and I believe in you!

 

If you have not been able to find a group that will help you move forward, while allowing you to feel the pain of your loss, you might want to consider joining author Laura Diehl during the holidays in a semi-private coaching session for the next three months. There is a limit of twelve people who will be meeting together with Laura via the internet twice a month from November through January. The cost is only $75 for this valuable opportunity.

 

Click here to fill out a simple application form to submit.

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl to bring hope, light and life to those struggling in darkness after a tragedy, especially bereaved parents. If you would like more information about Laura as an author or a speaker for your next event, click here.

 

GPS Hope exists to bring hope to parents who have suffered the death of a child, acknowledging their unique grief with support, connection and education for them and those around them.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: choosing hope after child loss, coping with holidays after loss, creating new traditions after loss, finding light after the loss of a child, finding purpose after child loss, finding your purpose after loss, from pain to purpose, gifts for grieving parents, grief and healing during the holidays, grieving during Thanksgiving and Christmas, healing after child death, hope for grieving parents during the holidays, how to handle the holidays as a grieving parent, how to move from grief to purpose, overcoming grief during the holidays, support for bereaved parents, surviving the holidays after the death of a child

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