GPS Hope

by 2 Comments

I Don’t Want to Be Here Without My Child

 

If you are like I was when my daughter, Becca, died, I did not want to be here anymore. I even wrote in my journal, two months after she died:

So kill me, God! Do it now, please!

I didn’t think I could take the horrific pain and suffocating darkness anymore.

Day after day I wanted something to happen to me that would take me out of this world. I wasn’t suicidal, but I sure did not want to be here anymore! I could not imagine living the rest of my life in so much pain, without my daughter here by my side.

I hear and see quite often that other freshly grieving parents feel the same way I did. We aren’t usually suicidal; we just don’t want to live anymore. A part of our very being has been cut off from us and the pain is too great to continue living.

For most of my adult life, I wanted to live to be 100, like a few of my relatives. (There is longevity and good health on both sides of my family, so there is a fairly good chance of it.) But after Becca died, I took that off the table and decided the sooner I was out of here, the better!

But in God’s totally amazing love and grace, He did not answer that plea and allowed me to continue here on this earth. Yes, you read that right.

Let me say it again, just a bit differently. It is His deep love and eternal grace that keeps us here, when all we want to do is be done and go to our eternal home to be with our child.

It took several years, but I can honestly say how thankful I am that God did not answer my plea for death to take me. Why? Well, there are all kinds of reasons I have now, but truthfully, one of the main reasons is that I wouldn’t be here to encourage you!

Along with thousands of other pareavors before me, I made the transition of not wanting to be here, to being okay with it, and finally getting to where I actually want to stick around here for a few more years.

Most of us know in our heads that we have other people to live for. But it takes a while for our hearts to get past the horrendous pain, to be able to comprehend it in a way that becomes a lifeline for us.

To help get you there, pull out a piece of paper and write down at least five people who still want you and need you in their lives. (Don’t tell yourself no one needs you or would even miss you. That is the enemy feeding you lies!).  Is it a spouse? Someone at your place of fellowship or a special Bible Study? A parent? A coworker or neighbor? Other children or grandchildren?

What are some things you know that are in their future that it might be kind of nice to be there to see, or be part of? Write those things down next to their names.

Put that in a place where you will see it once in a while, and even continue to add to it as you think of people or events. Eventually, you will realize you no longer need the paper.

I understand you may have the thought, “My child should be part of these things, too! Why would I want to be there without him or her?”

Unfortunately, you cannot change that, and I know it hurts! But you can get to the place where the gladness of still being here with those you love will sometimes outweigh the pain of knowing your child is missing these earthly events, because you know that he or she is part of the glorious heavenly ones.

So, if you are like I was for many years, not wanting to be here anymore, just know that you are not the only one! And know that there is hope to get beyond it. If I can, you can, too.  You can have hope that it won’t always be like this. That is, unless you continue to choose to remain in the blackness of deep grief here on earth – which I hope you don’t because that is an even a more miserable place to be.

It will probably take longer than you think it should or want it to, and there can be many “setbacks,” but I can tell you, it is worth the fight. It is worth it to keep going; it is worth learning how to live a good life again here on earth until you are greeted by your child with a huge hug and the words, “You did great. I am so proud of you. Welcome home, Dad!”  or “Welcome home, Mom!”

For I am about to do something new.  See, I have already
begun!  Do you not see it?  I will make a pathway through
the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
Isaiah 43:19 (NLT)

 

There is much more to this topic, which Laura shares on the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast. Click here to listen, or find the podcast on your favorite app and look for episode 217: I Don’t Want to Be Here Anymore Without My Child.

This blog and the podcast mentioned above were taken from Laura’s book Reflections of Hope: Daily Readings for Bereaved Parents. To find out more, click here.

Would you like to receive a Weekly Word of Hope written and sent by Laura? Let her know below. Your email address is safe with GPS Hope.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

by 4 Comments

God Does Not Say He Will Give Us Joy for our Grief

Many of us are familiar with Isaiah 61:3 that tells us God will give us the oil of joy for our mourning.

Did you know there is a difference between mourning and grief? Mourning is the expression of deep sorrow for someone who has died. Grief is what we think and feel on the inside when our child (or someone we love) dies. It is the loneliness, the fear, depression, emptiness, etc. Mourning is the outward expression of our grief, the act of sorrowing.

This is huge because I always thought this verse meant that God would replace my grief with joy, but that is not what He is saying.

If you are like me, the death of my daughter, Becca, became my identity. When I met someone, I wanted to introduce myself as, “Hi, I’m Laura, and my daughter died.” I wanted people to know what I was going through and how much pain I was in.

I believe this is what God was talking about in this verse. He is saying that he will take away our need to express our grief. We will grieve for the rest of our lives, but we won’t always mourn. We will not always have a need to constantly express the pain of our loss.

I want to point out that joy and laughter are still important in our lives. The physical healing that takes place in our bodies with a good laugh is incredible. God is the one who created our bodies to respond to laughter, which means happiness is important to Him!

Psalm 2:4 says that God sits on His throne and laughs.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 tells us there is a time to laugh.

In Job 8:21 we read He will fill our mouths with laughter.

I am not saying this to imply that we are to live from a place of happiness and laughter with our child gone. What I am saying is that God wants to replace your mourning – your expression of the pain of missing your child – with His Spirit, to eventually be able to express joy and even happiness for the good things that are still in your life (and are yet to come).

The first step we need to take is to believe having joy in our lives again is even possible, and then to actually want it back in our lives. Joy comes from a place of hope. Proverbs 10:28 (ESV) says, The hope of the righteous brings joy.

The final enemy to be defeated is death itself, and that is something to look forward to and get excited about. This means that instead of the outward expression of missing our child, it is possible to carry the outward expression of our excitement of seeing them again!

Can you start to see how it is possible for God to give us the oil of joy for our mourning?

There is joy on the other side of our pain. But you don’t have to wait for the fullness of it until you are with your child again, because right now, God wants to give you the oil of joy for your mourning.

Now may God, the fountain of hope, fill you to overflowing with uncontainable joy and perfect peace as you trust in him. And may the power of the Holy Spirit continually surround your life with his super-abundance until you radiate with hope! Romans 15:13 (TPT)

This was only part of a recent episode of the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast. To listen to it in its entirety directly on the GPS Hope website, click here. If you would like to listen to it on the GPS Hope YouTube channel, click here. Or you can find it (Grieving Parents Sharing Hope: Episode 182) on your favorite listening app.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

by Leave a Comment

One Day (by Vickie Hickox)

One day I’ll wake up in the morning
And I will not miss your presence.
One day I’ll wake up in the morning
And I will not cry for you anymore.

One day I’ll wake up in the morning
And I will not miss your smile,
The sound of your voice
And your laughter.

One day I’ll wake up in the morning
And will not ask “Why?” anymore.
One day I’ll wake up in the morning
And will not have the longing to
Hug you and tell you I love you.

Because one day when I wake up
In the morning I will see your
Beautiful face again.
I will hear your voice,
I will hear your laughter
And see your smile again.

I will put my arms around you
And never let you go again.
I will tell you I love you
And how much I have missed you.

But until that day, I will live
This life without you.
I will find ways to honor your life and
Keep your memory alive.
I will cherish the memories of you
And hold them in my heart.

Until one day when I will wake up
To your beautiful face and we
Will spend eternity together
And my broken heart
Will once again be whole.

One day…

 

Vickie Hickox lost her son, Dominic, from this earth on June 22, 2019 from brain cancer, which sent her on a journey to rediscover who God is in the midst of such a horrible tragedy. She lives in Georgia, where she has been a correctional officer in a county jail for ten years. Whenever she can get away from her job, she enjoys spending time with her other children and grandchildren in Florida, and time on a beach somewhere.

 

We all need hope, or we cannot go on without our child here with us. If you would like to be sent a PDF of 36 scriptures of hope, to help in this area, just fill out the form below to let us know where to send it. (You will also be placed on our Weekly Word of Hope email list, which you can unsubscribe from at any time.)

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

 

 

by Leave a Comment

Child Loss, PTSD and God

My mom sent me a text Sunday that she was thinking of me and praying for me. We had been at their house the day before. She said, “Hope everything is all right. I see the sadness in your eyes.”

We were at a friend’s house and I had to go to the bathroom and sob for a moment.

I never really noticed what she was talking about until I looked back the day before at some pictures I took after doing my “fall look.” It was an eye opener for me, and I thought, “Wow! The eyes really are the gateway to the soul.”

PTSD is real. Trauma is real. Loss is real.

My daughter Zoey’s 1st birthday is coming up and I have NOT been okay.

Grief is such an important subject. For a lot of people, it is a lifelong journey. I think it may even be safe to say that it is a lifetime process.

For some reason, I noticed that when someone either loses a baby during pregnancy (like we lost Sheldon) or has a baby in the NICU (like when our little Zoey was born), not much is said. Maybe I noticed because they both happened to me, and I was more vocal.

I also noticed that when I was more vocal, others became more vocal. This opened a safe space for conversation and relatability to take place, which is a beautiful thing for anyone who has experienced loss or disappointment of any kind.

The Battle of Our Thoughts

During those times, I battled with a few of these thoughts:

“I don’t want the attention.”

“This is embarrassing that I’m upset; others have been through worse.”

“I don’t want to cause others pain.”

“I shouldn’t feel this way.”

The list goes on.

Zoey’s first birthday is Monday, and I have been feeling similar feelings like the day we found out Sheldon was no longer with us.

On that day, these feelings started even before the ultrasound appointment though, so we didn’t know that our baby was with Jesus at that point.

We had a gender reveal party planned the same day as the ultrasound. I know it’s horrible, but I didn’t buy ANY decorations. I didn’t buy ANY food for the party. I didn’t even clean my house. This is very unlike me. It was as if I knew he was already gone and there was nothing to celebrate.

Those feelings of not wanting to do anything for the gender reveal party are the same feelings I’m having for Zoey’s first birthday. Why? Why would I feel this way? She is alive and well! She is worth being celebrated! So why do I feel this way??

It wasn’t until I began to tell these things to my husband and best friend that I recognized the PTSD and trauma that I had faced almost a year ago. Let me be crystal clear. I am so thankful. I cry all the time because of how thankful I am. So, hear my heart.

We Need to Feel Our Pain and Grief

The redemption and miracles do not replace the feelings of loss, PTSD and trauma. These feelings are very real and when they come, we cannot give in to shame, call our feelings stupid, say we need to just be grateful for XYZ, or to just “get over it.” We need to feel them and process them with Jesus and with our safe people.

You see, Jesus knew I needed to read the story of Lazarus hours before we found out Sheldon was with Him, because He knew the impact that story would have in my life even now. That was a massive miracle in and of itself.

August 7th, 2018, the day of our ultrasound, where nothing was cleaned, decorated or prepped for a gender reveal party, the Lord nudged me to crawl into His lap in our chair and open the Word. He said, “Come be with Me.” And as I did, I flipped through the Word and read about His connection with His disciples. I ended on the story of Lazarus, and I fell asleep. And the Lord is reminding me today that Jesus knew His friend Lazarus was going to be raised from the dead, yet He still wept. He felt the grief and sadness of those around Him and He, too, was sad.

So, He felt, and He cried. He is always the perfect example.

God knows what we need before we know.

He prepares our hearts and reveals His perfect ways through whispers like, “I have a plan. Trust Me.” He reveals His goodness through onesies that say, “tiny miracle.” He redeemed SO MUCH from August 9th, 2018 when I had to give birth to a baby who would never take a breath on this earth.

On September 14, 2019, the nurse who had been with us through every step of Sheldon’s delivery was the same nurse who was in the room during Zoey’s emergency c-section.   My doctor was not on call. She was not even in the hospital, and I so desperately wanted to text her. I had her number from after losing Sheldon, but I knew that would be a breach of something, so I decided that the Lord knew. He knew which doctor was going to be here, and I trusted Him.

As they were about to do the surgery, I had tears of relief as I heard my doctor’s voice! She came in just for me. Was that a coincidence? I don’t believe in them. I believe Jesus cares about what we care about. He is delighted when we put our trust in Him. He also is delighted when we trust Him with our feelings…good or bad.

We Need to Process Our Pain and Grief

The redemption and miracles were not meant to cover the feelings of loss, disappointment, PTSD and trauma. They are meant to carry us through them. Process your feelings with Jesus. Process them with your spouse, and/or a safe friend. This is vital to your spiritual growth. No more feeling bad for feeling! Jesus felt it all for us. Your feelings matter.

When we process and feel these hard, sometimes scary things, there is beauty and new perspective that Jesus brings.

I wanted to exclusively breastfeed and I wanted to deliver our miracle girl naturally. These were 2 BIG DESIRES that I laid at His feet. I remember driving and speaking these things out loud to Him.  I remember saying, “Lord you know what is best for me. You know what is best for her. So, I lay these wants at your feet. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”

I didn’t get to deliver her naturally. It wasn’t peaceful. It was chaotic. It was traumatic. It was anything but what I had pictured for our redemption testimony. I think we can get so caught up in how we want things to look, that when things don’t look that way, we begin to doubt His promises. Even when there are miracles wrapped around it all, we can lose sight.

I didn’t get to exclusively breastfeed. I’d been pumping from day one. I surrendered those things to Him. Little did I know that those precious desires were my burnt offering to Him, and it hurts! It is so painful to not have things happen the way we want them to.

If we aren’t real with these feelings for the fear of not seeming grateful or being selfish, etc., it may hinder us from experiencing His true joy over us. So, feel my friends. I release you from any expectation you may have of yourself or that others may have of you.

Your Feelings and Your Pain Matter to God

Your feelings matter to the Creator of heaven and earth. And when your feelings haven’t caught up to the truth yet, trust Him. I believe one day they will. Because the truth is, God is good. And He is not only good, He is good to me.

Say that with me. “God you are good to me.” Say it. Sing it. Write it on your mirror. Your feelings will eventually line up with the truth!

I have a memory of breastfeeding Zoey when we first brought her home and she took in three ounces. That was the first and last time she took in that much from exclusively me, and I will treasure and be thankful for that memory forever.

This is my prayer, that I hope at some point you can pray for yourself as well.

Jesus, let the feelings of disappointment, pain and sadness be processed through, so I can experience your goodness, faithfulness and joy. Create in me a heart of thankfulness. And when my feelings don’t line up with what is true, I will trust you enough to process them through until all that’s left is thankfulness, because You are good!

It doesn’t mean I won’t grieve for Sheldon the rest of my time here on earth, but it does mean I don’t have to stay trapped in the trauma of his loss. I will see him again, and for that, I am especially grateful!

Erica Mitchell is a daughter of the King. She loves being a wife of 9 years to Justin and the mother to 3 sons: Shylo 8, Shay 6, Sheldon (growing up in heaven) and rainbow baby girl Zoey. She believes worship is a lifestyle and loves to create with lyrics, music, and makeup. She has a calling and anointing in her words and voice to encourage and bring freedom to others in their personal relationship with Jesus. Her faith and heavenly perspective are contagious and overflows into all areas of her life.

 

If you are struggling, we would like to send you a printable PDF of 30 Ways to Give Yourself Comfort and Take Care of Yourself. This will also allow you to join over 1,000 other bereaved parents who are receiving a Weekly Word of Hope (which you can unsubscribe from any time).

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

 

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

 

by Leave a Comment

Losing a Grandchild

Most of us have a special place in our hearts for our grandparents. With six grandchildren myself (and number seven on the way), I can assure you the feelings are mutual. Grandchildren have a very special place in our hearts as well.

When a grandparent loses a grandchild from this earth, they get hit with a double whammy.  These precious grandparents face the personal loss of a big piece of their heart. But not only is there the intense pain of the hole in their heart that will never be filled, they have the added agony of watching their own child be plunged into an abyss of darkness, and there is nothing they can do about it.

Up until last summer, my husband and I were blessed to have all four of our parents still here on this earth. (Dave’s dad passed last July, and my dad passed last month), so all four of them were still here on earth when Becca died.

I am thankful I asked them a couple of years ago to share their thoughts with me about losing their granddaughter, because I have heard from several grandparents lately (some of them are the ones who found GPS Hope and connected their grieving adult child to us), and now I can share their thoughts with other grandparents.

I hope and pray their words bring hope and encouragement to any grandparents who have lost a grandchild and are reading this.

I’ll start with my mom. The death of my daughter, Becca, has caused me to lean on her, more than I ever have in life. And thankfully, she has been more than willing to allow me to do so.  The bond between a mother and daughter is a special one, and I praise God for the mom He has given to me.

Through all the things our family went through over the years, it was so hard to see my dearly loved, first grandchild, struggle, time after time after time.  But in some ways, it was even more difficult to watch my own daughter deal with crisis after crisis with Rebecca.  The worst was to stand by and see my precious daughter’s deep grief at the loss of her precious daughter, as she has tried to learn how to cope and adjust to that reality.

 How did I deal with all of this?   I cried and I prayed a lot, clinging to the only One who can really bring any comfort at a time like this.  I am thankful for the One who can express my heart to the Father, when I don’t really even know how to pray (per Romans 8:26). 

As the years go by, I see more and more glimpses of beauty coming from the ashes, gladness instead of mourning, and praise instead of the spirit of despair (to paraphrase Isaiah 61:3).   Life will never be the same, and there will always be sad moments, but life for the most part can become joyful and happy again.  And that is the way that Becca would want it.

My dad was a pastor and a traveling evangelist in my growing up years, and his heart to see people come to know the love of Christ was deeply imbedded in him, even in his years of being home-bound with Parkinson’s. His thoughts have been on heaven for quite some time, even more so after his granddaughter went on ahead of him.

I am approaching this from a Christian’s point of view. Death is completely different when a Christian dies then when a non-Christian dies. I have experienced the emotion of both.

When we die in Christ, do we really die? The Scriptures tell us that we are alive in Jesus. We just leave this earth. We close the door to this earth and open the door to heaven to be with Jesus.

 Death can be bittersweet, because we always hate to lose the ones we love. It’s especially hard on the mother of a child. It’s hard on all of us. But for me, I try to look past the death, and see where she (Becca) is today. Death is one thing all of us are going to face. Each one of us is going to die, and we know there is nothing we can do about it. It is actually part of living.

 One of these days, and it might not be too long, I’m going to get to see her again. And I’m going to be able to walk around heaven with her, and with my other loved ones and friends I haven’t seen for many years who have gone there. I am going to get to see them again. And that will be a blessing.

And finally, some thoughts from my in-laws. Dave’s dad was a pastor for several years as well, and they were also missionaries in Poland and Australia after he retired. So they have seen a lot and have a strong faith in God through these tough times as well.

When you see your children struggle, you struggle, too, and you pray for them. It increases your prayer life. It’s hard watching them struggle with it. We just pray and help them through it.

When you get older, you look at it a little differently. I’m blessed to know that even though here, death separates us from our loved ones, up there, even death cannot separate us. I look forward to that, because I’ve got lots of ‘em up there. Knowing I am going to see them again softens the pain, but every time it leaves a mark.

 What’s that song we used to sing? When we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be! We’ll get to see all the loved ones we’ve lost and we’ll get to see all of those we read about in the Bible and I get to see my Jesus. To me, it will be the most exciting day of my life!

The thought of losing one of my grandchildren can almost terrify me if I allow it (thinking about both my own pain of that precious grandchild being gone and watching one of my kids going through the loss of one of their children). I am very thankful to have the views of mine and Dave’s parents, to remind me that this world is only temporary, and we will be with them again.

After the death of my dad last month, I wrote a song. It seems appropriate to share the chorus here with you:

A lifetime here is not enough for us to be together,

So God has made a way for it to be forever.

But until that day comes

I won’t make it through by letting go,

But holding on tight to the memories I treasure.

This is not good-by, I’ll see you later.

If you would like to listen to Laura sing Together Forever click here.
The quotes from Becca’s grandparents were taken from the book From Ring Bearer to Pallbearer: Giving a Voice to Bereaved Siblings and Grandparents. If you would like a free PDF copy of this book, just click this link.

Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

Laura is a national keynote speaker and has also been a workshop speaker for events such as The Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA national conferences, along with being a guest on radio shows, podcasts and other media channels such as webinars with Open to Hope.

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.

Recent Posts




LIKE US ON FACEBOOK

GPS Hope Page (for bereaved parents)

Events & Itinerary

BROWSEOUR STORE

guidestar