One of the questions I hear most often from grieving parents isn’t theological, and it isn’t meant for debate.
It comes from the deepest place of loss:
Where is God after child loss?
Where was He when my child died, and where is He now, because I can’t feel Him anywhere?
Over the years, I have received countless emails and messages from parents asking this very question. These are parents who loved God, served Him, trusted His promises, and built their lives around their faith.
And now… they feel nothing.
To begin, I want you to hear a few real words, not to shock you, but so you know you are not alone.
One grieving parent wrote, “I loved God. Our hope was in Him. We were worship leaders. We taught our kids the Word. We prayed and held onto Scripture, believing God would protect our family. We believed that if we raised our child in the way he should go, he would return to it. That if we planted seeds, we would reap the fruit.
None of that happened. Instead, my child is dead. God could have prevented that. And now I am devastated and tormented, because my hope is gone.”
Another father shared how at one point he was starting the act of ending his own life. “How do I live without my boy? My son was the all-American kid. A great athlete. Loved Jesus. I prayed and prayed, and I’ve received nothing. Zip. I feel despair every day. I’m dead inside.”
These are not the words of people who don’t believe in God. These are the words of people who believed deeply but feel shattered now.
When Faith Feels Broken After the Death of a Child
If this resonates with you, I want you to hear this clearly:
There is nothing wrong with you.
Feeling disconnected from God after the death of your child does not mean your faith has failed. It means your heart has been deeply wounded. And wounds change how we experience everything, including God.
We can know in our heads that God is with us.
We can believe that He lives in us.
We can hear that He has not abandoned us.
But knowing something intellectually is very different from experiencing it emotionally when grief has knocked the wind out of us and it takes all our strength just to breathe.
This is why the question of where is God after child loss feels so raw and personal.
God’s Silence and the Agreements We Make in Grief
In Revelation 3:20, Jesus says, “I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.”
That verse isn’t written to unbelievers. It is written to people who already know Him but are wounded, guarded, and disconnected.
Sometimes the issue isn’t that God has left. Sometimes grief has caused us to make agreements in our hearts; agreements that quietly block intimacy with Him.
Agreements like:
- He betrayed me.
- He abandoned me.
- I did everything right, and He didn’t keep His end of the deal.
- I trusted Him, and look what happened.
- I can’t trust Him again.
If any of these stir resistance or pain, that isn’t something to shame yourself for. It is an invitation. An invitation to ask the Holy Spirit to gently show you how grief may have shaped what you believe about God now.
Letting God Reveal Truth—Even When It’s Uncomfortable
You don’t have to fix anything. You don’t have to force yourself to feel faith. You can simply pray:
“Holy Spirit, show me where I may be holding agreements in my heart toward You that aren’t bringing life.”
And when one surfaces, name it. Then, as best you can, release it.
Throughout Scripture, people often failed to recognize Jesus even when He was right there with them. Mary mistook Him for a gardener. The disciples walked with Him on the road to Emmaus and didn’t know who He was. The disciples panicked on the water, thinking he was a ghost.
He was present. They just couldn’t see Him yet.
After child loss, the truth that God was with your child, and that He is still with you, can feel almost unbearable. Sometimes we are more comforted by the darkness we know than by the light that asks us to trust again.
Truth will move us. And if we don’t want to be moved, it becomes easier to push the light away.
Are You Listening to the Wrong Voices?
Here is a hard but important question. Are you listening to voices that reinforce your pain rather than lead you toward truth? The enemy is skilled at taking our raw emotions and turning them into lies that feel convincing:
God betrayed you.
God isn’t good.
God doesn’t love you.
When God reaches toward us through a sermon, a song, or even someone who has walked this same road, we may reject it because it challenges what we have come to believe in our pain.
Believing those lies damages our relationship with God and keeps us trapped in darkness.
I don’t believe that is what you truly want. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here, searching for where is God after child loss and longing to find Him, when He feels silent after the death of your child.
Turning Inward to the God Who Lives Within You
One practice I learned that can help is called benevolent detachment:
“God, I give everything and everyone back to You.”
If your heart reacts with, I did that before, and look what happened, that response itself points to an agreement that needs healing.
When grief is loud, the world and unanswered questions constantly demand our attention. But instead of trying to find God “out there,” we must remember something profound. There is a difference between visitation and habitation.
God does not simply visit us. He lives within us. So rather than trying to fix or understand everything, try turning to the One who lives inside you.
That is why I suggest you also say a prayer of benevolent detachment: Jesus, within me, I give everyone and everything to You.
You may feel nothing at first.
You may cry.
You may feel anger.
All of that is okay. Remembering and connecting to God who lives in you is what is important at this point. Just stay there with Him for a while.
Presence Heals What Answers Cannot
You may find yourself telling Him how angry you are. You may collapse into grief. You may feel comfort, or resistance.
Let whatever comes… come. God is not threatened by your honesty.
You may demand explanations He does not give, because eternity is bigger than our understanding. But you may begin to sense His love softening what grief has hardened.
If that happens, don’t pull away.
This kind of communion does not erase the pain of losing your child. But over time, through gentle, small beginnings, it can heal the place where grief fractured your relationship with God.
Scripture tells us that Christ strengthens us from the inside out. That strength does not come through answers.
It comes through His presence. And even when you cannot feel Him, He has not left.
A Final Encouragement
Jesus Himself knows what it is like to feel abandoned. On the cross, He cried out, “My God, why have You forsaken Me?” He understands the darkness that makes God feel absent. And He is the One living within you, bringing God’s love and light back into your life in a way that you can one day experience again.
If this stirred something tender in you, take your time. Journal what rises up. Write down anything you sense God sharing with you so you can return to it later.
Please share this with other pareavors who are quietly asking where God is after child loss and are longing to find Him when He feels silent after the death of a child.
You do not walk this road alone. You are always welcome at GPS Hope.
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 334. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
Click here to grab a copy of The Bible’s Grieving Parents eBook and find comfort in God’s Word for your grieving heart.
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AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.
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