One of the things that makes child loss so difficult is all the questions that come with it. We are suddenly faced with things we never thought much about before. Questions about heaven, eternity, and that what happens after death can become very important when our child is already there and we are still here. As grieving parents, we long for the day when we will see our children again, but we may also find ourselves wondering exactly what that reunion will be like.
Recently, I received an email from a grieving mom who asked a question that I suspect many pareavors have wondered about. She wanted to know if there were verses in the Bible that prove she will be reunited with her daughter and still have that mother-daughter relationship. Her concern came from Jesus’ statement that there will be no marriage in heaven. If marriage changes after this life, what happens to the relationship between parents and children? Will we still know each other? Will we still recognize one another? In other words, will we know our children in heaven?
While the Bible does not answer every question we have about eternity, I believe it gives us some very encouraging clues. When I look at the overall picture in Scripture, I see strong evidence that after death we retain our identity, our memories, and the unique person God created us to be.
What the Story of Lazarus Can Teach Us
One of the clearest examples is found in the story of Lazarus and the rich man in Luke 16. After both men die, Lazarus is still Lazarus. The rich man is still himself. Abraham is still Abraham. They recognize one another, remember things from their earthly lives, and engage in conversation. The rich man even remembers his brothers who are still living on earth and expresses concern for them.
What strikes me about this account is that nobody loses who they are. They do not become anonymous spirits without memory or personality. Instead, they remain recognizable individuals with thoughts, memories, and relationships. For a grieving parent, that can be incredibly comforting. When we ask whether we will know our children in heaven, one of the things we are really asking is whether our child will still be the unique person we know and love.
This passage suggests that personal identity continues beyond this life. While it does not specifically address parents and children, it certainly points toward the fact that who we are is not erased when we enter eternity.
Does “No Marriage in Heaven” Mean Relationships End?
Many parents immediately think about Jesus’ words in Matthew 22 where He says that people will neither marry nor be given in marriage after the resurrection. This verse can create concern because it sounds as if earthly relationships somehow disappear.
Yet when I look closely at what Jesus actually said, I don’t see Him teaching that relationships are erased. He simply says that marriage as an earthly institution will not continue in heaven. He never says we will stop knowing one another. He never says we will stop loving one another. In fact, the rest of Scripture seems to point in the opposite direction.
Relationships will be transformed and perfected, but transformed is not the same thing as removed. I have a hard time believing that the God who created love and family is going to erase those things in eternity.
Moses, Elijah, and the Continuity of Identity
Another example comes from the account of the Transfiguration. Hundreds of years after leaving this earth, Moses and Elijah appear with Jesus. They are still Moses and Elijah. Their identities remain intact, and they are recognizable as the same individuals who lived on earth centuries earlier.
God did not erase who they were. Their earthly lives were complete, but their identity remained. Once again, we see continuity rather than disappearance. As grieving parents, this gives us another glimpse that the people we love remain the people God created them to be.
David’s Hope of Seeing His Son Again
I also think about David after the death of his infant son. In one of the most often quoted passages for grieving parents, David says, “I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”
Those words have brought comfort to countless bereaved parents through the years. David clearly expected a future reunion. His statement only makes sense if his son would still be his son and David would still be David. There is an expectation that death has separated them for a time, but not forever.
For those of us living with the ache of child loss, that simple statement carries a great deal of hope.
The Bible’s Promise of Recognition and Reunion
The Apostle Paul also speaks in ways that suggest recognition and relationship continue in eternity. In one passage he refers to believers as his joy and crown in the presence of Christ. In another, he encourages believers with the promise that those who have died in Christ will be reunited with those who remain.
The comfort found in these passages seems rooted in the expectation of reunion. If nobody recognizes anyone, much of that comfort loses its meaning.
Even the book of Revelation gives us glimpses of individuals who remember their earthly lives and maintain their awareness and identity. The martyrs speak with God, remember what happened to them, and understand that God’s plan is still unfolding. Once again, we see continuity of personhood rather than the loss of it.
So, Will We Know Our Children in Heaven?
When I put all of these passages together, I personally see strong biblical evidence that we remain ourselves after death. We retain our identity. We remember. We recognize others. We continue loving. Relationships continue, though transformed and perfected.
That is why when someone asks me, will we know our children in heaven, my answer is that I believe we will. Not because I desperately want it to be true, although I certainly do. Not because it sounds comforting, although it is. I believe it because the overall picture of Scripture consistently points toward recognition, relationship, and reunion.
Looking Forward to That Day
As a pareavor, one of the most beautiful thoughts I hold onto is this: if David expected to go to his son, if the rich man remembered his brothers, and if Moses was still Moses and Elijah was still Elijah, then there is every reason to believe that Becca will still be Becca and I will still be Laura.
You will still be you, and your child will still be who he or she was. The relationship may not look exactly the same as it does now, but nothing in Scripture suggests that the love, recognition and knowledge of one another will disappear.
In fact, I believe the biblical picture points in the opposite direction. Because of Jesus, we can look forward to a day when everything broken will be made whole, everything incomplete will be perfected, and every relationship surrendered to Him will be experienced as He intended from the beginning.
As grieving parents, we may not have all the answers, but we do have reason to hope. And what a glorious day it will be when faith becomes sight and we are reunited with those we have missed for so very long.
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 353. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
Listen to Episode 18: I Am Afraid My Child Might Not Be in Heaven
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AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
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